This isn’t real. I wander down the streets, seeing nothing. Not the historic buildings or the people rushing to and from work. Not the bare trees that have lost their leaves, or the sprinkling of snow that starts to fall from the sky.
I’m in a daze.
I end up near a big park, the green space crisscrossed with black asphalt paths. I stare as snow flutters onto the asphalt, the flakes melting into the black.
She doesn’t want to be with me. The words came out of Serena’s mouth, clear as day—but they still don’t quite make sense. How can she call me every single day and tell me she misses me? How can she laugh at my jokes and melt into my kiss, then turn around and tell me it’s not what she wants?
It makes no sense.
My shoes scuff on the ground as I make my way to a park bench. I sit down, staring at a tall monument in the middle of the park, seeing nothing. Vaguely, I register that my ass is wet from sitting on this snow-covered bench, but I don’t care. A couple walks past, arm in arm, and I feel sick. The girl has a fluffy hat on, laughing at something as she leans her cheek against the man’s shoulder.
That could have been us.
I just don’t believe that Serena doesn’t want to be with me. Everything she did and said pointed to her feeling the same way as me. Am I really that stupid? That blind? Was it all an act?
When my ass goes numb from the cold, I force myself to stand up and wander back to Robbie’s house. He gave me a spare key when I arrived yesterday, so I let myself in and strip off my damp clothes. After warming up in the shower, I pack my suitcase and bring it downstairs and leave it by the door. Then, I walk to the living room and look around.
The house creaks gently as a gust of wind blows outside, and the tattered remains of my heart ache.
Surprise, surprise. I’m on my own.
Maybe Serena’s right. There’s nothing for me in this town. I just about tolerate my job on a good day. I have no friends here, and it’s a hell of a lot colder than it is in Woodvale.
She’s doing me a favor.
But even as I try to convince myself that those words are true, an ache radiates from my chest outward. It feels like the exact opposite of a favor. I can see a future with Serena. Kids, even. I could see myself marrying her.
A knock sounds on the door and hope flames in my heart. Maybe it’s Serena coming here to tell me she wants to take it all back. I’d forget that conversation in an instant. Pretend it never happened.
But when I open it up, my face falls.
“Angelo,” I growl.
“Why are you here?” He arches an eyebrow, his question throwing another dagger at my tattered chest. You don’t belong here, his eyes scream. “You need to leave here and not come back.”
Emotions flare inside me, and rage wins. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
The big man scoffs, running a ring-clad hand over his hair. His black eyes drill into mine, and he shakes his head. “You know Serena will never leave here, right? This is where she belongs.”
“Let me guess, she belongs with you, too?”
“You know it’s true.”
“The only thing I know is you’re an asshole.”
The way Angelo bristles makes me think he’s about to punch me in the face. Maybe it would snap me out of this spell I’m in. I square my shoulders, clenching my jaw. Do it.
“You know you’re nothing more than a rebound, right?” Angelo arches an eyebrow. “Serena lost our baby and it nearly broke her. She had to take some time for herself, but she’ll always come back to me.”
“She…what?” Horror sinks down to my marrow, and the triumph on Angelo’s face makes me want to scream.
He shrugs. “We’ve been together since we were kids, Kit. She’ll always come back to me. You’re just a fling.”
My heart constricts, and I know there’s truth to his words. Serena and I spent, what, a couple of weeks together? Had a few phone calls? It can’t possibly compete with a decade-long relationship—no matter how messed up that relationship looks from the outside.
Angelo looks over my shoulder, seeing my suitcase near the wall. “You’re leaving.”
I grunt in response.
He nods. “Good.” And with that, he turns around and stalks away. I watch him get into his ridiculous muscle car and rev it before driving off, the shock of his words still working its way through my system.
When I close the door, I scramble for my phone. Serena answers on the first ring.
“Kit.” She sighs. She sounds tired.
“You were pregnant with Angelo’s kid?” It sounds like an accusation, and I guess it is one. Why would she tell me she never wants kids, never wants a family if she’d already been pregnant?
A memory floats back to me. Her mother mentioning something about a baby—so it’s true?
There’s a beat of silence between us, then Serena releases a breath. “It was a really difficult time.” Her voice breaks, but my anger is too strong to care.
“You told me you didn’t want kids.”
“I…I don’t.”
The hidden meaning isn’t lost on me. I scoff, lifting my eyes up to the ceiling. “What you really mean is, you don’t want kids with me.”
More silence greets me, and I know I’ve hit the truth.
Serena’s voice is strangled when she speaks. “We barely know each other, Kit.”
Embarrassment washes over me, because I know she’s right. I’ve known her for what, two months? Why would she want to have kids with me? Am I really that pathetic? I’m the Ted Mosby of Woodvale.
Clearing my throat, I gather myself. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I won’t call you again.”
“Kit—”
I hang up, squeezing my eyes shut.
The front door opens and Robbie steps through, shaking the snow off his hat and blowing out a breath. An icy blast of air rushes into the house before he manages to close the door. I barely even feel it.
Robbie lifts his eyes to mine, arching his brows. “Hey.”
“You saw Serena.”
“She was devastated.”
“She broke up with me.”
Robbie pinches his lips together, sighing. “I know.”
“You think she did the right thing?”
“It’s not my place to say,” Robbie replies. “We’re twins, but I don’t have any right to dictate her actions.”
I grunt in response, walking back to the living room and collapsing onto the sofa. Looking out the window at the cold outside, goosebumps start to sprout over my arms. I should have put a sweater on, but I find it hard to care.
“Did she get pregnant with Angelo?” I don’t know why I’m asking. Serena already confirmed it.
Robbie stares at me, chewing his lip. “Yeah.”
“And she lost the baby?”
“I’ve never seen her as low as she was when it happened.” There’s tension in his voice, and all the animosity leaves my body.
I guess that’s it, then. I just need to take Serena at her word. She doesn’t want me here. She doesn’t love me. I was a rebound, just like Angelo said. Two months can’t compete with ten years.
Sighing, I rub my temples. “I was so convinced she felt the same way as me. I wouldn’t have come here if I’d known. I thought…” My voice drifts off.
“I know. Me too.” Robbie drops his hand on my shoulder, squeezing. “Drink?”
“Sure.”
I hear my friend rummaging around the kitchen as my phone buzzes. Pulling it out of my pocket, I swipe it open to see a video message from Finn. He’s got Esme strapped to him, and they both scream as they jump out of a plane, giving me a thumbs-up.
My heart squeezes so hard it feels like it’s collapsing in my chest. Maybe Serena’s right. Maybe Woodvale is where I should be, and my family and friends are who I belong with. She sees how much that place means to me, and she’s just being kind.
That doesn’t make it any easier.
Or, maybe, she really doesn’t want to be wi
th me. She just got out of a ten-year relationship with an abusive asshole, and she’s not ready to jump into anything with me. I’m just the persistent dick who doesn’t get it. I thought we had something special, but all she needed was someone to lean on.
She lost a baby, needing time away from Angelo, but she’ll go back to him. A future was never in the cards for me and Serena.
I feel like an idiot. Nothing quite like unrequited feelings to make you feel dumb.
Robbie hands me a tumbler full of amber liquid, and I arch my eyebrows.
“Thought you needed something stronger than beer.” He grins, sitting down across from me and propping his feet up on the coffee table.
“I look that bad, huh?”
Robbie just grins as he sips his drink. I know it’s his sister who just crushed my heart, but I’m still glad he’s here. We sit in silence for a few moments until Robbie grabs the television remote and flicks it on. There’s nothing else to say.
A few hours later, I leave New Haven with my tail between my legs. Or at least, that’s what it feels like. Flying back to Woodvale, I manage to have a night in my own house before I start another four-day shift flying the planes I’ve grown to hate. When I get home, I glance at the corner of the living room where Serena set up her yoga and meditation spot.
My heart drops. I should pack that up and get rid of all her incense and candles, but I can’t quite bring myself to do it. Instead, I sit down on the yoga mat and close my eyes, almost feeling the whispers of her presence.
The next month passes in a haze of routine. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. On my days off, when I’m alone in my own house in Woodvale, everything aches. Most of all my heart. I can’t stop thinking about Serena, so I throw myself into work and take on as many extra shifts as possible. I bury myself in busywork just to forget how good it felt to have her in my arms.
I can’t forget, though. I can’t ignore the hole she left in my life when she pushed me away. Everything feels colder. Duller.
She never loved me the way I loved her. I was just a way to get over her loss.
I look at my friends, seeing new and old relationships flourishing into strong futures together. We’re getting older now, settling down. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a few babies coming soon. None of them mine, of course.
But the thought of everyone else moving on while I’m stuck in the same place makes me want to scream. It doesn’t feel like Serena did me a favor by pushing me away. It feels like a life sentence. Like I’ll be stuck in this town forever, watching people grow up and build their families, and I’ll keep carting people across the country on boring-ass flights for the rest of my life.
Finn doesn’t have many jumps in winter, so I keep flying commercial flights with Robbie by my side. I don’t ask him about Serena, and he doesn’t tell me anything. I’m half grateful, half annoyed. Maybe I should ask for a transfer, just so I don’t have to see him every week.
That sounds even worse, though. Robbie understands me, and he’s the only good thing about commercial flying. This job is sucking the soul out of me, but Robbie makes me laugh.
Or, maybe, I just like thinking that I still have a connection to Serena through him. Pathetic, right?
By the time February rolls around, the weather is bitterly cold in Woodvale and I haven’t seen the sun in at least three weeks. I head over to Finn and Esme’s house on a day off, rapping my knuckles on the door and letting myself in.
Esme’s in the kitchen with a bright pink apron on, her buzzed head bare as she sautés some onions in a pan. “Kit!” My sister flashes a smile at me, jerking her head for me to come in.
They have a new dining room table in the middle of the living room, with a mismatched set of dining chairs and folding metal chairs from the office downstairs. A tablecloth is spread over the top with a few candles spread out across the table.
All our friends are invited over for dinner tonight to celebrate Esme’s acceptance to Woodvale University.
I wander over to the kitchen, helping myself to a glass of water as Esme tells me all about the skydiving business and her plans to start college in the fall. I smile, ruffling her head before she can duck away.
“Congrats, Es.”
“Thanks.” She glances at me, giving the onions one last stir before turning to face me. “And I don’t know if I ever said this, but thanks for convincing me to come here last summer. Best thing I ever did.”
“You’ve grown up pretty quick.” I grin.
“About time,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Stupid cancer held me back for so long. That and my own fear.”
My heart squeezes. I was afraid of leaving Woodvale, too, but I faced that fear and came to terms with it. I put my ego on the line and told Serena I’d give it all up for her.
And what did she do? She threw it in my face.
Clearing my throat, I turn to see Finn walk in the front door with two big bags full of clinking bottles. He flashes me a big smile, kicking the door closed behind him. “We’re celebrating tonight.”
The tension in my body eases and I allow myself to smile. My sister is happy, and who am I to be grumpy and selfish while we’re trying to congratulate her on her success? She deserves it.
But as our friends stream in through the door, my chest constricts.
Serena would love this. She slipped right into our friend group when she was here, with bright eyes and a brilliant smile.
Reading my mind, Willow glances at me. “Have you heard from Serena lately? How’s her grandmother?”
“Willow,” Jackson says, widening his eyes at her. “Don’t ask the man that. You know he’s been pining over her for months.”
“Shut up, Jackson,” I say, forcing a grin. “No one’s pining.”
He purses his lips. “Mm.”
I turn to Finn and help him put drinks in the fridge, ignoring questions I don’t want to answer. The truth is, I don’t know how Serena’s doing. We haven’t spoken since she told me she didn’t want to be with me. I left New Haven, and she stayed.
Who knows? Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s better this way.
Sure doesn’t feel like it, though.
30
Serena
Every night for a month, I stare at my phone and hope Kit calls. I don’t have the courage to dial his number myself, because I know I pretty much threw a grenade at the relationship and then pointed a flamethrower at the remains.
I ruined it—but for a good reason.
So why does it feel so bad?
Nonna’s new care home is nice. The nurses are friendly and she’s relatively comfortable, but I know she misses her old home. She can’t speak, but I see it in her eyes. The house is still on the market, and I know my mother’s savings are dwindling dangerously low. Stress is a constant in our lives, now, and I know I made the right decision to stay. This is where I’m meant to be. I care about my family, and I need to be here for them.
Whenever Robbie comes home, I want to ask him about Kit. The words dance on the tip of my tongue, but I reel them back in.
I have no right to ask after his friend. I pushed him away. Plus, life on my own isn’t so bad! It’s not as good as it was in Woodvale, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t laughed in a month, but it’s not as bad as it was with Angelo. Things could be worse.
Then, at the beginning of February, our real estate agent tells us there’s an offer on Nonna’s house. My mother gets off the phone and spreads her arms toward me, relief evident on her features.
“Five thousand over the asking price,” she says, tears glimmering in her eyes. “It’s a miracle, Serena.”
I smile, hugging my mother tight as she cries on my shoulder. I stand there, strong, holding her up. It’s a regular occurrence now. I prop my mother up as she gathers herself, wiping her tears and letting out a long breath.
“I told her to accept the offer. We’ll go through the paperwork this evening.”
“Nonna will be comfortable,” I say,
squeezing my mother’s shoulder. “And we won’t have to take on more debt.”
“No.” My mother smiles. “Everything will be okay.”
Not everything, I want to say. Not me.
I’ve lost a part of myself over the last two months. I’ve carried my mother on my shoulders through the most difficult part of our lives, and I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. Just when I thought I was free of Angelo and ready to start a new chapter, life lobbed another bomb at me.
It never ends—but at least Kit got out before it dragged him down, too.
I watch my mother sing to herself as she bounces around the house, taking out food for a feast and cleaning everything she gets her hands on. When the real estate agent arrives at the house with a bundle of paperwork, my mother lets out a long sigh. It takes a couple of hours to go through the documents, and when it comes time to sign on the dotted line, my mother hesitates.
“It’s Nonna’s house,” she says softly as she looks at me. “I know I have to do it, but it just feels wrong.”
Our real estate agent looks at my mother with a serious look in her eye. “This is a very good offer, Mrs. Russo,” the woman says. “The buyer is paying cash, so there’s no need to wait for the bank to approve the mortgage. He’s waiving the need for an inspection and has the fewest conditions on a sale I’ve ever seen. This buyer wants your mother’s house.”
My mom stares at the agent with wide eyes, nodding. “I know. I know.” Mom flicks her eyes to me, smiling sadly. “Tell me this is the right thing to do, Serena.”
“It’s the right thing to do.” I reach across the table and squeeze my mother’s hand, then nod to the stack of papers. “Go ahead. You’re doing it for Nonna, so she can get the best possible care.”
My mother still hesitates, but then her phone rings. She frowns at the screen and steps into the next room. The pen lies against the sale papers, and I let out a sigh.
“She’ll do it,” I tell the real estate agent. “I know she will.”
“I hope so,” the woman says, giving me a sad smile. “This kind of offer doesn’t come around very often. Or ever, really.”
Don't Need You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 3) Page 18