by Ronica Black
The woman she still couldn’t seem to get from her mind.
Mary.
Chapter Fourteen
Mary couldn’t concentrate and sat doodling at her desk, wishing her phone would ring to give her something to do. The office was somewhat quiet with those around her having a slow day too. She wanted to call Jude, had even looked up the phone number to her office at the college, but she decided against it. She had to leave her alone. At least for a while.
She’d seen her the evening before as she’d arrived early for class. Jude had been leaving, walking quickly to her vehicle. Mary had hid nearby, watching her curiously. Jude had seemed stiff, her piercing eyes hidden by sunglasses. Her gait was purposeful and her mouth set. She’d crawled into her BMW and driven away hurriedly.
Mary had wondered with a sinking stomach, whom she was going to see. A date? Someone at Conquest? How many would she have that night?
She rose and crossed the office to the break room. She needed a drink to help settle her once again churning stomach. She needed to release Jude from the dungeon of her tortured mind. Mary knew it and had been busy trying, but it hadn’t happened.
Carla Meeker nearly bumped into her as she opened the break room door.
“Mary, hi.” She looked her up and down quickly and Mary fought her old instinct to look away and slump into herself and instead pulled her shoulders back to stand taller.
“You look great.”
Mary held her gaze. “Thank you.” She thought about returning the compliment but didn’t. Carla, in her opinion, looked like a high-priced hooker. Which probably was exactly the look she was going for.
“Seriously, I love the colors you’ve added to your wardrobe.”
Really? Great. Maybe she should go back to her grays and browns.
Mary smiled and then when Carla didn’t speak, she shouldered past her.
“I still want to get together, Mary,” she said after her.
“Okay,” Mary responded, not bothering to turn back. She heard the door close and she fished for coins in her slacks pockets, anxious for a diet soda.
“It’s Mary, right?”
Mary turned and found another co-worker in the corner, flipping through a magazine. It was one of the women she’d heard talking about her that day in the bathroom.
“Does it matter?” Her heart began to twitch quicker as she thought about it. The machine kicked out her drink and she cracked the top and sipped hurriedly so as not to say anything she might regret.
“I’m Bethany.”
Mary nodded.
“I heard what Carla said and she’s right. You look really nice.” Her smile was sincere and her words soft. Mary looked at her for a long moment and decided to be honest.
“Really? You mean I no longer look like a Bible salesman?”
Bethany’s face went blank and then reddened as she remembered. “You heard—”
“I’ve heard a lot of the things that have been said about me around here.”
“I’m so sorry. People are—can be—”
“Terrible?”
She nodded.
“It seems to be in the water around here.”
“Yes, it does.”
Mary studied her and recalled that Bethany had been the more mellow of the two, having said little in the way of harm in regard to her. Maybe she wasn’t so bad. She came off as kind of nice.
“I’m afraid I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in it a few times.”
“Yes, you have,” Mary surprised herself in saying.
“I have?”
She took another long sip of her soda and joined Bethany at the small table. “I heard you one day. In the ladies’ room.”
“Oh.” Her blush deepened. “I was afraid that might’ve been the case.” She raised a nervous hand to twirl her chin length chestnut brown hair. Her eyes were a pale blue, the kind that seemed to glisten with bits of white. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. She stood and Mary saw her hands tremble as she gathered her food wrapper for the garbage.
Mary rose along with her. “You stuck up for me,” she said quickly. “Sort of. That day.”
Bethany had her back to her and she stopped and stood near the garbage. “I didn’t do a very good job.”
“You did something.”
She turned. “No, not really. I just…I hate it here, and some days I don’t know whether to swim in the back of the pack of piranhas or go off on my own and hope they don’t turn on me.”
“Why would they turn on you?”
Bethany held her gaze for a long moment but gave away nothing. “They just would.”
Mary felt her anxiety, could sense it resonating from her body. Feeling it from another was unusual, and it fell on her as if it was her own, weighing her down with sadness and helplessness. She couldn’t stand there and watch someone else feel like shit for ridiculous reasons just like she had for years.
“Come here.” She tugged gently on her hand and when they were face-to-face, Mary embraced her for a long, soft hug. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. You just have to say fuck them and do your thing.”
“I don’t think I can. I don’t think I can do that like you can.”
“Yes, you can.”
“You’re brave.”
Mary pulled away and laughed. “I am so not brave.”
Bethany wiped a stray tear from her eye. “Yes, you are.”
“No. I just got fed up with being afraid. Fuck these people, you know? I’m not going to continue to give them the power to ruin my day. If they want to make fun of me, that’s fine. I hold my head high and breeze past them. If I hear them, I confront them. It’s funny how many of them back down when I do that. A little spine goes a long way with jerks like that.” Mary smiled softly at her. “Okay?”
“Yes.”
“And if you ever need to talk—”
But Bethany interrupted her by leaning in and pressing her lips to Mary’s. Mary stood still in shock and surprise. Once she realized what was happening, she backed away and searched Bethany’s face for answers.
“You’re—”
“Yes.” She looked frantic suddenly. “I thought you were too.”
“I—yes. I am.” They stared at each other for a few long seconds, and before Mary could say anything else, the door opened and Wade waltzed in. He stopped and smiled, surprised at seeing them.
“Mary, Mary—”
“Fuck off, Wade,” she said quickly, her feelings of empathy and understanding for Bethany gone in an instant, replaced by anger and contempt for Wade and the others.
“Whoa. What gives?”
Bethany moved away. “I need to go.”
“Bethany, don’t.” She wanted to finish talking to her. She had dozens of questions, both for Bethany and herself.
“Did I interrupt something?” Wade asked with a smirk, not even trying to act polite.
Mary gave him a hard look. “You interrupted our conversation.”
“Apparently.” He laughed as he walked to the snack machine. “If you want privacy to make out or whatever, you need to go in the janitor’s closet. Everybody knows that.”
Bethany’s face showed her fear and Wade just stood there popping peanut M&Ms in his mouth.
“Thanks for the tip,” Mary said. “I’m surprised you know about the closet considering no one in this office has ever gone in there with you.”
He studied her quietly for a moment like a great fighter considering if someone new was a worthy opponent or not.
“You’re incorrect, Mary. I don’t know who your sources are—”
“If you’re talking about Carla, save it.”
He lowered his snack and his eyes took on a serious look.
“We’ve all heard about that and it doesn’t count.”
“Well, what you heard—”
“I really don’t want to repeat what I heard. Because it would only embarrass you and it would make me a gossip. So I won’t go there.”
“What did you
hear?”
Mary turned to Bethany and opened the door. She held it for her and followed her out, leaving Wade alone and speechless in the break room.
“What did you hear?” Bethany asked as she exhaled long and slow.
“Nothing good. Just more office bullshit. Something about him not being able to get it up.”
They headed toward Mary’s desk and a few of their colleagues gave them curious glances.
“Thanks for that,” Bethany said. “I think he’s probably still standing there wondering what happened.”
“I’m sure I’ll pay for it later.” They rounded her cubicle and Mary sank into her chair. “That’s the thing about changing and standing up for yourself. At first, they’re shocked and a little quiet. After the shock wears off, they come full force. Some quiet and sneaky, others loud and in your face.”
“Then how do you stand to keep doing it?”
“I don’t have a choice. This is who I am. I won’t go back to hiding from everyone. I can’t.”
Bethany seemed uncomfortable and twirled her hair with a nervous hand. “I don’t want to hide either, but I’m also very private.”
“So don’t say anything. No one needs to know your business. But don’t let them walk all over you either.” She caught sight of her voice message light. It was blinking. “I gotta get back to work.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I’ll see you later.”
She still looked uncomfortable and she looked around carefully before she left as if making sure no one was watching her. As soon as she left the cubicle, Mary slipped on her headset and listened to her voice mail. Disappointment spread through her like a dark disease. Jude hadn’t called.
She tore off her headset and sat with her head in her hands. She was angry at herself for still getting so upset. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. Wade stormed by, bumping into someone. He cussed at them and continued on, looking to be headed toward Carla’s office. Mary thought back to what he almost walked in on. Bethany had kissed her.
It was almost surreal, but it had happened.
She’d been so surprised by it she’d failed to really feel anything. She remembered the sudden press of Bethany’s lips, the scent of her spicy perfume, and then the terrified look on her face when they’d pulled apart. Mary did remember feeling a jolt of excitement for a second as the realization had set in.
It didn’t even come close to how it felt with Jude. But maybe the lack of instant lust she’d felt with Bethany was because she hadn’t been able to give her a real chance.
Mary thought she was attractive and she seemed sincere. Why hadn’t she noticed her before? She knew the answer. It was because she’d been one of them. Or at least seemed to be one of them. Was she?
Mary panicked, wondering if the whole thing could’ve been a setup? Her insides hardened. Was Bethany off telling the others right now?
Oh, God.
Stop it. Just stop.
She logged back into her computer, needing to return to work. Her paranoia obviously wasn’t taking a backseat to her new attitude. She slipped her headset on again and was just about to dial into her phone to accept a new call when Bethany reappeared.
“Uh, hi.” She still looked nervous, but her voice had a secret excitement to it. A small folded square of paper fell from her hand and onto Mary’s desk. “See you later.” And she rushed away, leaving only the scent of perfume behind.
Curious and more than a little relieved at seeing her there rather than off gossiping, Mary opened the paper. The message was written in pencil.
Meet me in the janitor’s closet.
Mary stared at it, convinced she’d read it wrong. Then she stood and looked around. Everyone was hard at work, taking calls. Those that weren’t were walking with purpose, unconcerned with her.
She stared at the block writing. There were no names, no other clues on the paper.
It was a joke. A setup.
Was it?
Her legs began to move, ignoring her paranoia. She crossed the room, wadding up the note as she went. It was a joke. It had to be. No one just up and kissed someone at work and then slipped them a note telling them to meet in the closet for a make out session. This wasn’t junior high.
She walked quicker, determined to give whoever was behind it a piece of her mind. She was so sick of this. Just so, so sick of it.
The closet was off near a corner, on the same wall the restrooms were in. She opened it with strong force, not bothering to make sure no one was looking. Bethany was inside, standing in the dim light. Mary closed the door and confronted her.
“What the hell is this? I don’t need this shit, Bethany. Who put you up to this? Wade? Meeker? Or did you come up with this one on your own?”
Mary couldn’t see her face very well, just her outline. “What?”
“You think I’m stupid enough to fall for all that crap you dished in the break room?”
“Crap?”
“You’re all in on this aren’t you? Thought getting me to admit I’m gay would be funny?”
“No. Mary, I—there’s—this is just me.”
The light seeping under the door began to rest on Bethany’s face.
“I wanted to be alone with you.”
Mary swallowed as her pulse sped up. “You did?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m attracted to you.”
Mary had never considered such a thing, especially at work. She wasn’t sure what to say, even though the kiss in the break room had been a big clue. Her fucking paranoia had made her misread a situation and led her down the wrong path. Again.
“I always have been. I’ve just been too big of a coward to do anything about it.” She touched Mary’s face, and her palm was so warm and soft it threatened to melt Mary. Then she leaned in and kissed her again, this time with more passion, with lips that were as hot as her hand and more agile than her long fingers.
Mary found herself getting caught up in it, the kiss, the woman, the fact that she wanted her. It was nice. And forbidden. She kissed her back and they deepened their embrace and sought with awakening tongues. In an instant, Mary was alive and burning and pushing the limits of control.
She turned Bethany and pinned her to the door, and Bethany fumbled to lock it. Mary reattached to her lips, drawing in the lower one as she unbuttoned her pants and sank her hand inside.
“What are you—”
“Shh. Let me touch you.” Mary had to make her come. She had to hear her fall to pieces in her ear.
A hiss came from her as Mary stroked her slick knot of flesh.
“Oh God,” she whispered. “Mary.”
“Does it feel good?” She nibbled on her neck as she pressed into her over and over.
“Yes.”
She tried for Mary’s slacks, but Mary wasn’t ready for that.
“No. Just you.”
“Why?”
“I—” Mary had no answer. She just knew she couldn’t allow Bethany to touch her like that. Was this what Jude felt like? The thought clouded her mind and toyed with her, reminding her that this wasn’t Jude. Bethany didn’t feel like Jude or smell like her or sound like her.
Groaning, Mary increased the speed of her hand and buried her face in Bethany’s hair. Bethany muted her own sounds by kissing and sucking on Mary’s neck.
“Mary,” she said. “Oh, Mary.”
Short, throaty “ahs” pushed into Mary’s ear as Bethany moved beneath her hand. She came quickly and clung to Mary tightly.
With her eyes closed, Mary gave to her until she went limp and stilled. After a few silent moments, she laughed softly and kissed her way up Mary’s neck to her face. “That was intense. I don’t think I’ve ever come that fast.”
She tried to kiss her lips, but Mary turned her face and backed away.
“What is it?” Bethany’s tone had changed. She was worried and Mary sensed it and felt horrible, knowing that this was what she felt when Jude
pulled away from her.
“Nothing.”
“Can I touch you?”
Suddenly, she could understand Jude’s perspective and see her own in Bethany. Instead of comforting her, it left her feeling hollow inside. Jude felt like this? Jude didn’t really want her? Didn’t want her to touch her because of control and trust and lack of true desire? It all made sense.
She had been fooling herself in chasing after Jude.
“Mary?” Bethany was touching her face again. Her eyes were searching, looking desperately for the connection she’d thought they had. Mary couldn’t stand to hurt her.
“I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
“I will be.” She silenced any further comment by kissing her. Bethany laughed in obvious delight and Mary welcomed her tongue with her own. The kiss grew deeper and hotter and Mary allowed her to unbutton and unzip her pants. She welcomed the gentle slide of Bethany’s fingertips just like she had her tongue, by relaxing and just feeling.
Bethany knew exactly what she was doing, and soon Mary was leaning into her, supporting herself by placing her hands on the door.
“Yeah,” Bethany said to her. “You feel spectacular.”
Mary’s eyes rolled back with pure pleasure, and again she buried her face in Bethany’s hair.
“Spread your legs a little further for me,” Bethany said. “Yes, like that. Ride my hand.” And she plunged her fingers inside and stimulated her g-spot.
“Oh fuck,” Mary said, closing her eyes.
“Feels good doesn’t it?” She kissed her, swirling her tongue around hungrily. “I know it does.”
And then her fingers came out, hot and coated with her slickness, and stroked her clit. Mary forced everything from her mind, insisting that the pleasure wash through her.
“Ah, oh God. Oh fuck.” She rocked into her and Bethany sucked hard on her neck and Mary came, briefly losing control, bucking wildly, kissing Bethany forcefully, overtaking her with her tongue and groans. It took all her strength to remain upright, and when her hands squeaked as they started to slide down the door, it brought back memories of that first night with Jude when she had been the one up against the wall getting taken. It seized her—mind, soul, and body—and she leaned on Bethany as she shook with raw emotion and orgasmic aftershocks.