by Unknown
“The same. Probably more than a few hangovers though. You look really good.” He gave a small laugh. “I already said that, didn’t I?”
“I have no objections to hearing it more than once,” she said, smiling. “You look really good too.”
The corners of his eyes creased and the right side of his mouth hitched up in a lopsided grin that was utterly familiar to Ella from their time together. She’d always thought of it as her own special smile as she rarely saw him use it with anyone else. It had the same effect as it used to, sending little butterflies flitting around her stomach.
“Are you married or is there someone special?” he said, looking at her with an intensity that took her by surprise.
“No. No, I, um, never found, I mean, I haven’t found the right man yet.” Or maybe I found him and lost him.
His smile returned. “Good. I mean, it’s good that you’re waiting for the right person. You deserve to be happy.”
Ella tried to remind herself that she had come here to get Calum out of her system once and for all.
It didn’t seem to help.
Calum Greene asked Ella out when she was almost sixteen and he was two months from his seventeenth birthday. He had a reputation as the school’s bad boy, which made him even more attractive as far as she was concerned, although he did make her a little nervous at first. But that all changed on their first date which was a meal in McDonalds and a walk in a local nature reserve on a Saturday afternoon. That was when she found out that Calum was in reality the sweetest boy she’d ever met, with his love of nature and his desire to be an actor one day. Talking and laughing on that warm afternoon, Ella and Calum had become friends. A week later, she knew she was in love for the first time in her life.
They’d been ten of the happiest months of Ella’s young life, the time she had with Calum. Going out, having fun, studying together, just hanging out, he pretended to like shopping and she pretended to like football and she knew that they would always be together, for the rest of their lives. Until the night her parents told her they were moving from their home in Oxford thousands of miles away to Chicago for her father’s job. And Ella’s world fell apart.
She’d cried, pleaded, screamed and threatened that evening, while knowing deep down that nothing would help. In the end she had run to Calum’s house and spent the entire night wrapped in his arms, lying together, fully clothed, on his bed. His parents had understood enough to allow her to stay. Hers had wisely not tried to force her to go home.
The day before Ella’s family was due to leave, she and Calum had rented a hotel room. It was the one final thing she’d wanted from him. She wanted him to be her first.
She’d worn her favourite dress and he had brought her flowers. Both of them were nervous. It was nothing like she’d imagined and so much more than she’d hoped for. And afterwards, as she lay in Calum’s arms, she knew that her heart would always belong to him.
They’d exchanged emails for a while, filled with how much they missed each other, but after a while those had got further and further apart and eventually stopped altogether.
Now, eleven years later, she could look back and think it was all just a teenage infatuation and that she would move on. Except, in all that time she’d had plenty of boyfriends and yet never truly fallen in love again. Not like with Calum.
Then her job in publishing had given her the opportunity to move back to England for two years and she’d jumped at the chance, not imagining it would mean she would see Calum again. She had thought about trying to find him many times, but hadn’t had the courage. But then she’d caught sight of him, the first time she’d seen him in over nine years, on a trailer on TV. Seeing his face had taken all the breath from her body and would have made her fall over if she hadn’t already been sitting down. She had burst into tears.
It had been a rollercoaster of emotion since then. She didn’t intentionally seek him out, but his name kept catching her eye. Calum Greene wins the BAFTA for best actor in a dramatic role. Calum Greene up for part of superhero in new Marvel film.
Rumours abound that Calum Greene to marry girlfriend, rising star Mia Love.
They hadn’t seen each other for so long and yet it felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest. Mia Love was the kind of gorgeous that made her feel slightly less attractive than a slug. Ella wanted to claw her eyes out every time she saw her.
When she found out that Calum was going to be staying in London just a couple of miles from her flat, she knew she had to see him again. Her theory was that he had somehow achieved a kind of mythical status in her mind, leading to her subconsciously comparing every other man to the impossible heights to which she’d raised him. Seeing him in person would disabuse her of these fantastical notions and allow her to confine her love for him to the past.
This was the start of a new chapter in her life. Now she would be able to find the one man for her, whoever and wherever he was. Her reasoning was flawless.
There was only one problem.
To Ella’s horror, as she and Calum talked and reminisced and laughed about old times and learned about each other all over again, instead of going away, all the old feelings began to resurface, with a vengeance.
It was a disaster.
“Name one bad date we had,” she said. “I bet you can’t.”
“Alton Towers,” he said.
“I loved going with you and your family to Alton Towers.”
“We only went on two rides and you threw up after both of them.”
Ella laughed. “But you were so gallant about it. You even held my hair. And I loved the rest.”
“You loved the endless queuing?”
“I loved being with you.”
“Apparently, you were easy to please,” he said, smiling. “My dating skills were kind of rough back then.”
She looked at her lap. “You did very well on our last date.”
To Ella’s delight, he actually blushed. “I was terrified. It was my first time.”
“You never told me it was your first time too.”
He smiled and shrugged. “I was a seventeen year old boy. I didn’t want to admit I had no idea what I was doing.”
She remembered the way he’d touched her, the way he had made her feel. “It didn’t feel like you didn’t know what you were doing.”
For a few seconds it didn’t look like he was breathing and when he spoke, it was barely more than a whisper. “You looked so beautiful. You were wearing that red dress. That was my favourite thing on you. I always loved you in red.”
His gaze flicked down to the red dress she was wearing now and then back up to her face, eyes darkening as he stared at her. Ella couldn’t breathe, couldn’t look away.
“Ella,” he whispered.
He leaned forward and touched her cheek with his fingertips. Electricity zinged through her skin.
She didn’t speak, knowing he would hear the longing in her voice if she did.
Whether it was him or her who closed the gap between them, Ella didn’t know, but suddenly they were kissing, arms reaching and pulling each other close. Heat flowed all the way down to her toes. His lips moved to part hers and she opened to him eagerly, whimpering as his tongue swept inside. He tasted exactly how she remembered, like no other man she’d ever known. Like heaven.
She felt his fingers push into her hair, cradling the back of her head as he pressed her back into the sofa. His body covered hers, pinning her down, claiming her. A hard length pressed against her thigh. She wrapped her arms around him and moaned into his mouth. She had never wanted anything as much as she wanted him now, buried deep inside her, taking away the need and the ache and the longing and the pain.
Abruptly, he pulled away, standing up and stumbling backwards a few steps.
Cold replaced the heat of his body against hers.
“I... I’m sorry,” he stammered. He ran a hand over his hair and looked away. “I shouldn’t have done that. I have a girlfriend.”
“No, wait,” he called. “Please, don’t go.”
Lifting her hand, she shook her head, not wanting to turn around, not wanting him to see the tears running down her face. She pulled the door open and ran out.
When Ella reached her room, she opened the door and threw herself through, closing it behind her and leaning back against the wood. A sob welled up in her chest. She wanted to let go and cry herself into oblivion.
It was all her fault. She should never have gone to see him. Now things were even worse. Now Calum knew how she felt about him and she’d made a fool of herself. How could she have been so stupid?
A bang on the door startled her. She turned around and peered through the spy hole, closing her eyes when she saw who it was. A tear escaped down her cheek and she wiped at it. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she opened the door.
Without a word, Calum grasped her head with both hands and crushed his lips onto hers. Walking her backwards a couple of steps, he kicked the door shut behind him and pulled her against him, plunging his tongue into her mouth. One hand cradled the back of her head while the other pinned the small of her back, keeping her from pulling away. Not that she would. She pushed herself up onto her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck and whimpering into his mouth. They were so close, the throb of desire low in her body stoked by the feel of his arousal pressing against her belly.
His lips pulled away from hers and he gazed down at her, eyes blazing. “Tell me no,” he said, his voice low and rough. “Tell me no and I’ll leave.”
It was the last thing she should do, but she wasn’t strong enough to resist. “I can’t tell you no,” she whispered, “because every part of me is saying yes.”
His eyes darkened, dropping to her lips. “Ella,” he whispered before his mouth again took hers.
She needed to touch skin. As he feverishly plundered her mouth, she tugged at his t-shirt, pulling it up and separating from him to pull it off over his head. Her eyes swept over his torso and the shirt dropped to the floor.
“Whoa,” she said.
She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen so many muscles up close before. Her tongue swept unconsciously over her lips.
“Like what you see?” Calum said with a slight smirk.
She swallowed and nodded. “Mm hmm.”
He laughed. “Well, I think it should go both ways.”
He took hold of the sides of her dress and pulled it off over her head in one swift movement, her body now only covered by her bra and panties. In other circumstances, she might have felt self-conscious, but she was too turned on to care.
“Damn,” he muttered.
Her heart stuttered and raced as his eyes feasted on her, darkening with desire. When his gaze rose to her face again, for a moment they stared at each other. And then they flew into each other’s arms.
Ella fumbled blindly with the fastening of his jeans as he kissed her, finally freeing him from their confines and pushing them down his thighs. She thrust his boxers out the way and took him in her hand, thrilling at the feel of his size and heat. His lips left hers and moved to her shoulder, groaning against her neck.
“Calum,” she breathed, arching her neck towards his lips. “Please.”
Grasping her arse, he lifted her against him and carried her to the bed, his erection rubbing between her legs, driving her insane. Within seconds she was on her back on the bed and Calum had removed her bra and thrown it across the room. He grasped the edges of her panties and pulled them roughly down her legs. The arousal between her thighs spiked and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out.
He struggled the rest of the way out of his jeans, grabbing onto the bed just in time to stop from falling over in his haste. She couldn’t prevent a giggle from escaping as he dropped unceremoniously onto the bed next to her, making the mattress bounce beneath them.
“I’m usually more graceful than this,” he said, laughing and rolling over to look down into her eyes, “but you’re kind of driving me wild here.”
Ella touched his face and smiled. “Me too.”
His eyes lowered to her lips. “Oh, baby,” he groaned before crushing his mouth to hers again.
She slid her arms around his waist, pulling him down, desperate to feel him inside her.
Suddenly, his head jerked up and his eyes widened.
“Oh crap,” he said. He looked around the room. “I don’t know if I have any... oh crap.”
Ella frowned for a moment, then suddenly realised what he was talking about.
He stumbled off the bed. “Do they provide them here?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
He walked as fast as he could, his gait slightly awkward, into the bathroom and Ella heard cupboard doors banging open and closed. She rolled over, rummaging through the drawers in the bedside tables either side of the bed. They were empty.
“Ha!” Calum reappeared from the bathroom with a line of small square packets in one hand.
Ella smiled in relief. “This place is worth every penny,” she said, watching as he sat down next to her and tore open a packet, unrolling the condom over himself. She smiled. “Now get inside me before I go crazy.”
He laughed as he positioned himself on top of her. “You are so hot.” His expression became serious as he stared down at her. “And so beautiful.”
A sudden ache burned in her chest. He wasn’t hers, not any more. She knew what they were about to do was wrong, for her, for Calum, and for his girlfriend. But all she wanted was to be close to him once more. Feel his love one last time. And she wasn’t strong enough to say no.
Holding his face in her hands, she whispered, “Make love to me.”
His eyes held her gaze for a few moments before he bent his head and kissed her tenderly. Moments later, she felt his hard length slide into her.
It was strange how, even though they had only made love once before, and that was eleven years ago, the feeling of Calum buried inside her felt so familiar. And so right. They touched and explored, moved against each other, found the places that made them gasp in pleasure, pressed close, skin against skin. After a while, they developed a rhythm together, creating a pulse between them that grew and intensified.
He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him, and she sat up and arched her body backwards, moaning when pleasure flooded through her as she found the perfect angle. His hands moved over her skin, creating trails of heat over her breasts, her sides, her hips.
Opening her eyes, she found him watching her intently. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her neck. “Ella,” he whispered, “don’t leave.”
She didn’t understand, but before she could reply, he rolled over, flipping her onto her back and plunging himself deep inside her. Her head slammed back into the pillows.
He grabbed the headboard with one hand, his bicep bulging as he held on and drove himself into her over and over until she was wound so tight she was panting for breath. And then she broke, screaming his name, arching off the bed against him. Through the blood rushing in her ears, she heard him roar, felt him shudder against her.
And as her mind swirled and her body burned, she finally understood. Only Calum held the key to the chains around her heart.
His head dropped to her shoulder as he gasped for breath. “Ella,” he groaned. “My Ella.”
She squeezed her eyes shut against her tears. Wrapping her arms around him she held on as tight as she could, wanting this moment to last forever. A single perfect moment frozen in time, his body against hers, his warmth inside her, his breath on her skin.
Before she had to let go and lose the man she loved, the man she would always love.
He lifted his head to look down at her. She saw her own pain echoed in his eyes and suddenly s
he couldn’t take it anymore. Pushing him away, she sat up and swivelled her legs off the bed.
“I need to clean up,” she muttered before running for the bathroom.
“Ella?” He called out her name, but she ignored him.
Once inside, she collapsed against the wall and stifled a whimper, clamping her hand over her mouth. Catching sight of herself in the mirror, her skin sheened with sweat, hair messy and cheeks still flushed, was too much. She burst into tears, silent sobs wracking her body.
A knock sounded on the door. “Ella?”
She wanted to answer him, but she couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but cry.
After a few seconds he said, “Ella, I’m sorry.”
She heard his footsteps move away from the door. A minute later, the door to the room opened and closed. When she opened the bathroom door, he was gone.
She packed her things as quickly as she could, throwing on her clothes and barely even stopping to brush her hair. All she wanted was to get away and go home. She wanted to hide and never come out. She wanted to forget she’d ever met Calum again. She wanted to stop being in love.
It was only when she was taking one last look around that she saw the note on the bed, scribbled in Calum’s handwriting on a piece of the hotel writing paper.
Ella
I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You are one of the most important people in the world to me and the last thing I want to do is cause you pain. Please forgive me.
And please don’t leave before we can talk. I’ll call your room tomorrow morning.
Cal
She read the note twice before stuffing it into her pocket. She thought of staying, of waiting for his call. But then she thought of what he would say. He was sorry, he’d said. Sorry they’d done what they did. She didn’t want to hear how it had all been a mistake, that she would always be special to him, but he was marrying someone else and they would never be able to see each other again.
With a shake of her head, she left.
****