She inwardly sighed. Her food rule was no secret but for some reason she didn’t want Mike and his very cute friend to know about it. She didn’t want any excuse for him to study her less-than-skinny body or her eating habits. She knew his type. He went for girls like her sister. Girls with less than 5 percent body fat. It made her wonder why he was sitting with them tonight.
“Ask her about it,” Belinda continued, causing Ellis to wonder if she could kick her friend under the table without anyone else noticing. “If it’s not Saturday or Sunday she won’t eat anything with any fat or sugar.”
Mike narrowed his eyes as he studied Ellis once again. She hated it when he looked at her like she was a specimen in a petri dish. “When I met you it was a Tuesday and you were getting a Black and White.”
Damn it. He remembered. He witnessed that entire mortifying scene between her and Agatha Toomey. “I was having a shitty day.” She shrugged. “I made an exception.”
“Why don’t you just eat what you want, Ellis?”
“Because Mikey, us fat girls can’t eat what we want when we want it. It’s so much easier for you men. You can eat whatever you want and the most half of you get is beer bellies. It’s really very sickening. I eat a bag of chips and I can’t button my pants. You never have to worry about your ass jiggling or squeezing yourself into a pair of Spanx. Do you know how hard it is to put on a pair of Spanx? Have you ever had to wear a girdle? Or worry about cellulite on the back of your legs? And back fat! Oh, don’t get me started on back fat. Nobody ever tells you that you need to lose weight. People don’t come up to you in coffee shops and offer to put you on a diet. You don’t cringe every time you have to put on a bathing suit.” Ellis took a breath. “And why the hell are you letting me rant about this?” She turned to her two silent but grinning friends. “Remember when I said don’t let me ramble on like a crazy person? That was your cue to stop me.”
“We like it when you rant,” Cherri told her. She turned to Mike. “Have you read Ellis’s blog? She is hysterical. She says all the stuff all the girls like us think but don’t have the guts to say out loud. Her blog is the reason why I went to work for her. Her store is a dream come true for girls like me. It’s finally a place we can be ourselves.”
Ellis felt a rush of affection for Cherri in that moment.
Guess who’s getting Employee of the Month?
“Blog?” Mike looked at Ellis. “Girls like you?” He blinked. He looked at her confused. She wasn’t surprised. Men never got it. “Ellis, what kind of store do you run?”
“It’s a store for what I like to call the hard-to-fit yet extremely fashionable population,” she explained. “You know, the long and lanky girls. Our large-footed sisters. The petite yet full-figured and your run-of-the-mill plus-sized divas. It’s hard for us to find clothes that are cute so I decided to open the store and fill that gap in the market. And if it doesn’t fit I tailor clothes upon request.”
“What kind of girl are you?” Colin asked with a slight smile. Both men actually seemed to be interested in what she was saying—either that or they were really good fakers.
“Me?”Ellis pointed to herself, surprised he had to ask. “I’m what the politically correct call plus-sized but what most people call fat. But I also have big feet and tend to be on the taller side.”
“You’re not fat.” Mike shook his head. “I think your rule is dumb.” He picked up the menus and handed them out, neglecting to give Ellis one. He seemed serious, like he really believed himself when he said she wasn’t fat. It made her not trust him. “Everybody order what you want.” Mike looked at her and shook his head again.
“I never said they couldn’t,” she said hotly. He had no right to pass judgment on her eating habits. He was just like Jack, except in the opposite direction. “Just because I want to maintain some kind of control of my weight doesn’t mean my rule is stupid. People do what I do all the time. I’m trying to watch my figure.”
“I like your figure.” He looked at the menu and briefly at her, his eyes lingering on her lips. “I’ll watch it for you.”
Is he hitting on me?
“What?” She felt a warm flush creep up her neck.
He ignored her outburst. “What do you want? I’m buying.”
“You’re not buying anything for me.” She firmly shook her head. “I had soup before I came. I’m not hungry.”
“You don’t have to be hungry to eat dessert.”
He turned the menu over to the back side, wrapped his long arm around her middle, and grabbed ahold of the menu with his other hand, encasing her in his arms. Her immediate reaction was to snuggle close, but her brain was screaming to get away. Her body betrayed her and instead of fleeing, tingles ran over all the parts of her that had come in contact with him. For a moment she wondered how all this would feel if neither of them wore clothes.
Bad girl. Dirty thoughts. He slept with your sister!
The menu was in front of her face and she had no choice but to look at it. The other options were to look at her traitorous friends, who were doing nothing to stop this man from wrapping himself around her, or at Mike. And he was just as bad for her as junk food.
“What looks good, Ellis?”
She glanced at his profile for a moment. You, she thought. He had just a hint of five-o’clock shadow making his already rugged face even better. “Mike, I don’t want—”
“I saw your eyes linger on the chocolate nachos.” His gaze remained on her face for a moment. “You’ll share them with me.” He waved his hand, and immediately a cute waitress appeared to take their orders.
Mike had busted her yet again. Her eyes had lingered on the chocolate nachos. Cinnamon tortillas, topped with powdered sugar and drizzled with a decadent hot chocolate sauce. The creator of this masterpiece, the wicked man, placed fresh strawberries, homemade whipped cream, and a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. That combination shouldn’t be good together but it was one of the best things Ellis had tasted. When she was feeling really naughty, she would indulge.
Tonight she was feeling quite naughty.
“You shouldn’t have ordered those,” she told him as the waitress took the rest of their party’s order. Chocolate was her downfall, the only thing that could cause her to break down and binge. “Chocolate is like good sex with a hot man. It’s great for a while but eventually it will make you sick.”
“What?” Mike’s eyes fell on her lips. “Say that again?”
Had she spoken out loud? And why the hell did his eyes always focus on her lips? This day couldn’t possibly get any worse—first Jack and now Mike. She had reached her quota of men for the year. The thought of entering a convent entered her head. Her Jewish mother wouldn’t appreciate that, but Ellis couldn’t please everybody all the time.
She made the mistake of looking into his eyes. Shit. He was looking at her with male interest. Well, of course he was. She’d said sex. “I didn’t say anything. Now get the hell off of me.”
Ellis wised up and finally shook herself out of his hold but his skin left its impression on hers, and she felt the warmth from his touch linger long after he let her go. She took a short deep breath, composing herself, and looked toward her friends who were happily ensconced in conversation with Colin. Traitors. They were no help at all. She was going to do something stupid shortly.
Mike turned his body toward hers. “What did I do to you that caused you not to like me?”
“Do you remember who I am yet?”
His eyes searched her face once again. “No.” He shook his head. “But I know we were never together. I stopped doing the one-night-stand thing a long time ago, and I know that four years ago I would have never gone for you.”
“I know,” she said, slightly miffed. “Guys like you never look at girls like me.”
“I’m looking now, Ellis. Hell, I probably looked then, too, but you look like a breeder.”
“Excuse me?” Her defenses went up. If he was referring to her as livestock she’d
pop him in the mouth. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Relax.” One corner of his mouth curled. “We call women like you breeders because you look like baby makers. The type of women who want to get married last week and start popping out a bunch of kids. You appear serious when a guy like me is just looking for a little fun.”
“Ha! See how much you know. I don’t want kids, Detective Know-It-All. I don’t want to get married, either. That’s so typically male of you to assume that all fat girls are dying to get married and have babies. Some of us are capable of more than domestication.”
“This has nothing to do with weight. What is with you?” Annoyance passed over his face. “Why are you so obsessed with fat? Ellis, you’re soft and beautiful. You’re the kind of woman a man can picture holding his children. You’re the kind of woman who seems like she can manage it all.”
She rolled her eyes. “Your perception of me is all wrong. I’m a mess. I quit my high-paying job, I cashed in my 401(k) to open my shop, and I’m holding on by a string. Kids and a husband are the last thing I could possibly want.” She laughed bitterly. “Even if you don’t remember how we met four years ago, I do. You ignored me and went on with your hot girlfriend. I’ve spent my whole life being overlooked by men like you. And you think I want to get married? Ha. I never wanted to be chained to one man for the rest of my life. Maybe I’m just looking for a little fun myself.”
He looked at her with interest. “You don’t believe in marriage, either?”
“I do, but for other people. I’ve worked too hard to get my life the way I want it for some man to come around and screw things up for me.”
“I don’t believe in marriage for anybody. Go out with me.”
“What?” She laughed. A date was the last thing she expected from him. “No!”
“Why not?” He frowned.
“Oh!” She laughed harder. “You’re not used to being turned down. Are you?”
“No, so don’t turn me down.”
“Why are you asking me out?” Ellis stopped seeing the humor in the situation.
She couldn’t date him or anybody. It was too soon after her last failure, and there was something about Mike. There was something between them. She didn’t like him now, but she could, and if somebody like Jack could knock her on her ass then a man like Mike could destroy her altogether.
“I don’t know why.” He looked as perplexed as she felt. “We don’t even like each other.” His eyes returned to her face. “Go out with me anyway.”
“No.”
They looked at each other for a long time, their eyes locked in some kind of unspoken battle. Four years ago he had kissed her and forgotten her. Would he be any different now? She wasn’t stupid enough to find out.
“Sorry for the wait. The kitchen’s backed up,” the waitress said, breaking the spell between them.
Ellis blinked, trying to clear her head, and focused on the huge platter of cheese fries in front of Colin and Cherri. Belinda had ordered a basket of chicken fingers—but when the waitress placed the nachos in front of Ellis and Mike, Ellis forgot about everything else. They looked better than she remembered. The red of the strawberries beautifully contrasted with all the white of the cream and the darkness of the chocolate. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth. She wouldn’t indulge. She had two more whole days until she could.
Thou mustn’t eat chocolate nachos on Thursdays.
“Eat one,” Mike whispered in her ear, playing the role of naughty devil.
She shook her head. “I can’t.” But God, she wanted to.
“A few won’t hurt.” They would. They would hurt her very much, making her feel guilty and punish herself tomorrow by eating nothing but wilted celery. He didn’t seem to care about her inner turmoil. She watched as he picked up a chocolate-drenched chip, dipped it in cream, and dropped it in his mouth. “Damn, Ellis,” he moaned, and her stomach clenched. “These are amazing.”
“I know,” she said mournfully. “I hate you, Mike Edwards, and everything you stand for.”
He grinned at her, placed another nacho in his mouth, and moaned again. “You’ve got to eat one.”
“No.” She folded her arms over her chest and shook her head.
“How about just a strawberry then?” He lifted a whole strawberry, dipped it in chocolate and cream, and held it up to her mouth. “Strawberries are good for you.”
“Not the way you dress them.” She grabbed hold of his wrist as his hand hovered in front of her mouth. “Mike, no.”
He rubbed the strawberry against her lower lip, back and forth, leaving creamy chocolate behind. “Come on Ellis. Just try it.”
Her tongue darted out to lick off the mess he made. And as if a choir of angels took up residence in her head, she heard AH!
No willpower. She had absolutely no willpower.
“Fine.” She relented and took a bite of the ripe strawberry. It was plump and good and sweet, all the things a good piece of fruit should be … plus it was covered in chocolate. AH!
“Is this a fetish of yours, Mikey?” she asked as she finished chewing. “Does hand-feeding fat girls satisfy some kind of yearning you have? Or does it bring you some kind of wholesome joy like feeding animals at the zoo? Am I like feeding a broodmare?”
“Stop it.” He grabbed her chin between his thick fingers and forced her to look him in the eye. She saw anger there. He was angry with her. “I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again. Do you understand me? It’s not funny,” he said in a low voice. “It’s not some kind of goddamn joke. You’re beautiful. You’re sexy and any man in his right mind can see that. Why can’t you?”
Ellis froze. For a second she felt like crying. After hearing nothing but put-downs from Jack for the last six months of their relationship, Mike’s words were like balm to her bruised soul. She had a hard time seeing herself that way, a hard time believing his words because somewhere along the line a tiny part of her had started believing what Jack had said.
His cobalt eyes bored into hers. “I don’t want you calling yourself that word around me anymore. Okay?”
She nodded. It was all she could do. He lifted the strawberry to her mouth and this time without protest she opened her lips and let him feed her.
Suddenly the emcee’s voice sounded across the bar. Sheet of papers and pens were handed out. Trivia night was beginning.
*
Mike noticed that Ellis had gone quiet during the first few rounds of trivia. She gave answers when she knew them, showing off her intelligence. He had no idea who wrote The Glass Menagerie or the year the first Peanuts comic premiered. Colin seemed very pleased with her performance. He nodded at Mike three times, their private signal that he approved of a woman. How could he not approve of her? By the end of round three they were tied for first place and Colin was enjoying himself with Ellis’s friends. Or at least he was pretending to.
Colin had always been a good wingman and tonight was no different. He managed to keep Ellis’s friends well occupied while Mike was doing things to her he shouldn’t have. Rubbing the strawberry across her lips, for example, but Ellis had such pretty pink lips and watching her lick them was like watching one of his fantasies come to life. He was attracted to her and damn it, he didn’t want to be.
Sitting next to her, with her soft body pressed into his side, talking for those few minutes, Mike got the chance to learn about her in a way he never got to learn about most women he came in contact with. Some man, somewhere along the way, had convinced her that she wasn’t beautiful, which was a shame, because her brown eyes contained little flecks of gold and her skin looked as smooth as the cream they were eating. That man also had probably broken her heart. Mike didn’t do needy, insecure women. They were too messy. But Ellis didn’t strike him that way. She had steel running through her, and he liked that. She also wasn’t looking for the package. The husband-and-family thing. He could be around her without worrying that she had ulterior motive
s. Tonight he realized he did want to be around her: Even though they bickered and things weren’t as easy as he liked, there was something about her that kept him wanting to get closer.
“I like you much better when you’re quiet,” Mike said into Ellis’s ear between the third and fourth rounds.
“Bite me,” she griped.
He grinned at her. “Only if I get to pick where.” He deliberately took his time studying her body. She wore tight black jeans tonight, with black leather boots and a red wrap top. It was sexy without being slutty and had him wishing she would stand up just so he could see how well her jeans fit her backside.
“God, you’re such a smarmy pervert.”
He shrugged, unrepentant.
“And why are you sitting so close to me?” She wiggled slightly to get away from him but all she managed to do was rub against him in the process. “You’ve been with so many women I’ll probably get a STD just sitting next to you.”
He took slight offense to that. It hadn’t been that many. “How do you know how many women I’ve been with? You don’t know me that well.” He frowned. “I think.”
“I’ve seen you out in the city at Machado’s a few times. Each time with a different girl.”
He looked at her. The Cuban restaurant was one of his favorite haunts while he lived in Manhattan and a place he often took women on first dates. “We lived in the same neighborhood?” he asked. She nodded once. “And I never noticed you?”
“You did notice me, but I guess I’m just forgettable.”
He racked his brain, searching for her face in his memory, but came up blank. “Don’t you think it’s time you let me in on this little secret? Tell me how I know you.”
“Nope.” She shook her head. “Can I have the last strawberry?”
“Yeah.” He picked up the last chocolate-and-cream-covered strawberry with his fingers and presented it to her mouth. “I don’t see why you just can’t tell me. We live in the same town again. We’re bound to see more of each other. This game is stupid.”
She shrugged, taking a bite of the berry. “I think it’s fun.”
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