Elizabeth smiled, “Oh William, that is wonderful. I so wanted everything to go well this evening for Georgiana, and for you.”
Darcy furrowed his brow just a little, “For me?” he remarked. “Were you concerned that I would not approve of your handling Georgiana’s coming out?”
She sighed, “No, not that you would not approve,” she told him. “I was, however, uneasy that I might cause others to think less of you by making some mistake. I did not want to embarrass you.”
Darcy took her hand in his and lifted it gently to his lips, “You could never embarrass me, Elizabeth,” he assured her. “In fact, I thought you handled yourself remarkably well with Lady Belmont.”
Elizabeth leaned over and whispered, “Lady Abigail mentioned to me that Lady Belmont loves the color violet and often wears it. She said if I wanted to make a good first impression, all I had to do was pay her some compliment concerning her love for the color violet. Lady Abigail assured me by doing so; I would have no trouble winning her over.”
Darcy laughed, “Yes, I do recall hearing my uncle say something about Lady Belmont having an inclination for the color violet. I believe she has one room entirely devoted to the color and is very proud of it.”
Elizabeth laughed. “I am not sure that is a room I would wish to spend very much time in. While I believe violet to be a very lovely color, I do not think I would like an entire room devoted to it.”
Darcy laughed, “I am very glad to hear it,” he teased her.
Elizabeth sighed, “I think I should very much like a dance,” she said.
Darcy looked at her, “Elizabeth, are you asking me to dance?” he asked her.
“Would it be so very scandalous if I did, sir?” she asked playfully.
“It would not be,” he told her just as Charles came up to him.
“Darcy, you must come and play cards with Mr. Gardiner, Admiral Godwin, and Colonel Fitzwilliam,” he told him.
Darcy turned to Elizabeth and kissed her gently on the top of her hand, “I suspect our dance shall have to wait,” he told her.
She nodded her head, “Yes, I suppose it shall,” she told him before he walked away. Elizabeth walked over and joined Charlotte, Jane, and her Aunt Gardiner.
“Charlotte, you are looking very pretty this evening,” Elizabeth told her. “This color suits you very well.”
“Thank you, Lizzy, “Charlotte told her. She pointed over to Kitty and asked. “Who is that young man dancing with Kitty?”
Elizabeth looked, “I believe that is Mr. Belmont,” she told them.
Mrs. Gardiner looked at him, “Mr. Edmond Belmont is very rich,” she remarked. “I overheard several of the ladies saying he is worth twelve thousand a year.”
“It is no wonder then so many of the young ladies wish to spend time with him,” Charlotte commented. “I know Mother was hoping that he would ask Maria to dance.”
“Well, I am very glad Mama is not here to see Kitty dancing with Mr. Belmont,” Jane told them. “I can only imagine how she would react upon hearing he is worth twelve thousand a year.”
“Yes, Jane, I think you are right,” Elizabeth commented. “I believe we should advise Kitty not to mention Mr. Belmont to Mama in her letters.”
Charlotte arched her brow, “I am sorry to say that my dear mother will surely write to her before she even goes to sleep,” she told them.
“Oh, poor Papa; when Mama hears from Lady Lucas, she will not stop crying,” Jane remarked.
Elizabeth thought about her father, “Perhaps it will not be so very bad,” she said, hoping for the best. After all, Mama is busy helping Lydia with the baby, I am sure.”
Jane shook her head, “I do not think so, Lizzy. I received a letter from Mama only this morning,” she told her. “She said that Lydia is very upset that Kitty is here, while she must remain at Longbourn. She said that Lydia longs to dance and be in London.”
Mrs. Gardiner sighed, “I received a very similar letter,” she told Jane and Elizabeth. “I do feel very sorry for poor Lydia that she has been all but abandoned by her husband, and yet, I cannot think that it would be good for her child or for you girls to have her here. I know your mother writes in hope to secure an invitation from me for Lydia to come and stay, but I think it a very imprudent idea.”
Elizabeth nodded her head, “I believe you are right, Aunt,” she told her.
Charlotte sighed, “Lizzy, I know it may not be my place to say, but I can promise you if Lydia does return, Lady Catherine will take every opportunity she can to use her situation with Wickham against you and Mr. Darcy. She grows more and more angry with every new bit of gossip that comes her way. I believe she had hoped to bring about an end to Mary’s engagement to Mr. Godwin. I know that she spoke on two occasions after Lydia had her baby with Mr. Godwin’s uncle.”
“Lady Catherine spoke to Bishop Winthrop about Lydia and little Ben?” Elizabeth asked her.
Charlotte breathed heavily, “I cannot say for certain that is what she talked to him about,” she confided in them. “I was not privy to the conversation. However, Mr. Collins said that Lady Catherine told him as much after she met with Bishop Winthrop. As I said before, she is determined to speak ill of you and to seek her revenge on Darcy wherever she can.”
“Well, whatever she said surely must have had little or no effect, because Mary and Mr. Godwin are married,” Jane said.
“Yes, and Admiral Godwin and Mrs. Godwin are here this evening,” Mrs. Gardiner said. “I believe even their younger son, Lieutenant Godwin, has come. He has danced with both Miss Darcy and Kitty.”
Charlotte nodded her head, “Yes, I believe he has danced with Maria as well,” she commented. “I suspect that after this evening, Lady Catherine will be very displeased. She had hoped your ball would not be a success, Lizzy. I am sure the only reason she encouraged Mr. Collins and me to come was so that she hears firsthand how things have gone.”
Elizabeth sighed heavily, “Well then, I believe she will be sadly disappointed. I could not be more pleased with how things have gone,” she told her. “Oh but Charlotte, I do worry about you being there in your condition. I know it cannot be easy.”
Charlotte did her best to put up a brave face, “I will not lie to you; Lydia having a son has caused Mr. Collins some concern, and he has shared that with me on several occasions. I was so sick of hearing him say that I must have a boy that I finally told him I hope the babe is a girl,” she laughed a little. “That sent him into a fright, but at least he has not mentioned it to me again.”
Elizabeth took her friend's hand in hers, “Oh Charlotte, it is good to hear you not so very forlorn,” she commented. “I believe your spirits are improving then, are they not?”
She smiled, “They are,” she told her. “In fact, if we should have a girl, I have decided to name her Elizabeth, just to spite her Ladyship.”
“Oh no, do not do that,” Elizabeth told her. “I am sure you would not wish the wrath that would come; better to name her something more sensible, like Prudence.”
They all laughed, “Yes, Prudence is a name I can well see Mr. Collins approving of,” Charlotte said.
Chapter Thirty
“I must say, Caroline, I believe Mr. Fitzwilliam has been very attentive to you this evening. He has already favored you with two dances and is to have another by the end of the evening. I am sure he is going to ask you to marry him,” Louisa told her. “
Caroline looked around the room, but could not find Owen. “Louisa, you should know that I have decided if Mr. Fitzwilliam does ask me to marry him, I plan to decline his offer,” she informed her.
Louisa narrowed her eyes, “Why ever would you do that!” she demanded to know.
“Because I think I must. I do not love him, and it would be unkind to continue to let him believe otherwise,” she lied.
Louisa laughed and rolled her eyes, “Love!” she said snidely. “Who is talking about love? What a silly and ridiculous notion. So what if you do not love him?
You must think of how easy your life will be once you are married to him! You will be Lady Fitzwilliam; you will be related to the Darcy’s. Good grief, Caroline; it is exactly what you have always wanted, and now you are going to throw it all away because you are not in love!” she scoffed at her.
“Owen Fitzwilliam is a good and kind man, Louisa. He deserves better than to be treated and used so abominably by the likes of me,” she snapped at her before turning and walking away. Caroline felt so exhausted and drained that all she wanted to do was go upstairs and lock herself away in her room, but she knew she could not. Instead, she slipped out the side door and into the gardens. She moved away from the house just a little and stood near one of the lanterns. She kept thinking about Owen and the way he looked at her when they danced. He was in love with her, she could see it in his eyes. The chill of the evening air caused her to shiver just a little, and she rubbed her gloved hands along her arms to warm herself. She chewed her bottom lip as her thoughts returned to Owen.
“Caroline, whatever are you doing out here?” Louisa called out to her from just inside the doorway. “They have called for dinner; you must come back inside!”
Caroline jumped, startled by her sister calling out to her and interrupting her thoughts. “I do not wish to eat dinner now. I am feeling overheated from being inside and am just getting some air,” she called back. “I will come inside directly.”
Louisa rolled her eyes in annoyance as she turned to go back inside, “Well, do not remain too long; you do not want to catch a cold,” she warned her.
Caroline sighed heavily but did not respond to her any further. She knew she would have to go back inside eventually. The evening air was too cold to remain out of doors for long. She began rubbing her hands along her arms once again. She did not know what to do. If she remained out here, she would freeze and catch a cold, but if she returned inside, it was very possible that Owen would seek her out again and she did not trust herself to be alone with him. She thought about going back inside and slipping upstairs before anyone had the chance of noticing her. She was just about to go back in when she heard a noise come from just near the entrance to the maze.
“She is right, you know,” Owen said as he walked out from the shadows and over towards her. “You will catch a cold if you remain too long.”
Caroline jumped a little and turned around to see Owen coming from out of the shadows. “Mr. Fitzwilliam, you gave me such a fright!” she scolded him.
He walked over towards her. “I did not mean to do so,” he said softly. “Please forgive me.”
Caroline tried to calm her racing heart, “What are you doing out here?” she asked him.
He laughed, “I suppose I stepped out here for the same reason you did, to be alone with my thoughts and to get a bit of fresh air. It is a bit warm inside with so many people.”
“Yes, it is,” she said as she began to shiver just a little.
Owen took her hand in his, “You are cold already. Come, we must get you back inside,” he said as he led her back into the house. “Come along with me; I think we should warm you by the fire,” he suggested.
Caroline shook her head, “No, truly Mr. Fitzwilliam, I am well,” she said, but it was of no use.
Owen guided her down the hall and into the parlor. “You will be warm here, near the fire,” he said as he helped her over to sit down on the sofa.
“Really, Mr. Fitzwilliam, I am much better now,” she told him. “I think I should return to the others. Louisa was just looking for me. I believe she wanted me to join her and Mr. Hurst for dinner…” she began to say when he interrupted her.
“Warm yourself first, then I will escort you in,” he told her.
Caroline sat near the fire and did her best not to look in his direction. She could feel her resolve weaken but remained determined not to lower her guard. “Mr. Fitzwilliam, I am afraid I must tell you I will be unable to see you tomorrow after all. Louisa has decided that we are to go to visit Mr. Hurst’s family for a fortnight and then travel to Netherfield to spend Christmas with Charles and Jane. I am afraid I must tell you it will very likely be some time before we will meet each other again,” she lied to him. “In fact, I was thinking of returning to my room very soon, as I am feeling rather tired…”
Owen took her hand in his and turned her towards him. “Caroline,” he began to say, calling her by her given name for the second time. “I had hoped to speak with you tomorrow, but now I feel I must do so tonight. When I lost Emily, I thought my whole world had come to an end,” he said as he gazed into her eyes, “And for a time, I suppose it did. I was filled with such despair. I thought I would never find love again, and then I met you. Truly, you have given me a reason to hope again. I know we are only beginning to know each other and that there are still hurts you hold on to, but if you let me, I would like to help you mend. I love you, Caroline, and I believe you love me. I hope you will consent to be my wife?”
Caroline looked into his eyes and saw the hope he had for the two of them there. She realized at that moment she did love him more than she ever imagined possible. She wanted to say yes and to tell him of her love for him, but she knew she could not. She swallowed hard as she considered what Louisa had said to her. Her eyes began to glisten with tears as she pulled her hand from his. She looked into his beautiful, stormy gray eyes, and all at once, she knew what she had to do. With every ounce of strength, she had, she forced herself to turn away from him and to speak. “I am sorry, Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she said, doing her best not to choke on each word. “I do not mean to hurt you, but I cannot possibly marry you. You are mistaken; I do not love you.”
Owen’s expression changed at once as he moved over and took hold of her arm. He turned her towards him and searched her eyes, “Caroline, how can you say that?” he demanded to know. “We have shared so much with one another,” he told her. “I know you have feelings for me. I know you love me!”
“You are wrong,” she insisted. “I am sorry if you mistook my regard and feelings of friendship, but I do not love you,” she said as her throat constricted just a little.
He pulled her into his arms and searched her eyes, “Look at me and tell me you do not have feelings for me. Tell me you truly do not love me, and I will believe you.”
Caroline would not look into his eyes. Instead, she looked down to the floor and coldly said, “Mr. Fitzwilliam, I am sorry for any disappointment you are feeling, but I do not love you. Truly, I am astonished that you believed I would. Surely your brother or Mr. Darcy has told you of my true nature. You are a dear, sweet man who deserves someone who will love you, truly love you; not for your money or your title, but for yourself. I do not wish to hurt you, Mr. Fitzwilliam, but I must decline your offer to me. I am not that person you have imagined me to be,” she said coldly.
Owen gently lifted her chin and searched her eyes. “Caroline, why are you saying these things to me!” he demanded to know. “We both know they are not true! You do love me!” he said raising his voice. “You love me, and it is not because I will be Lord Fitzwilliam, or because of my wealth and connections,” he said, his voice filled with frustration. “You love me because we have shared something, Caroline; we have shared a bond with one another, and that frightens you! That is why you are saying these ridiculous things to me now!”
She laughed. “You mistake me, Mr. Fitzwilliam! You believe me to be someone I am not,” she snapped at him, doing her best to keep her true feelings in check. “You cannot see that I do not love you because of your vanity! I was attempting to be kind in my refusal to you because of your connection to Mr. Darcy and his friendship with my brother. I am aware of the fact that we may at some point in the future find ourselves in one another’s company, but if you do not accept my refusal, you leave me no choice but to tell you the truth. I do not wish to marry you because I am going to marry another.”
Owen shook his head in disbelief, “That is a lie!” he accused her. “I can always tell when you lie, and you are doin
g so now!”
She shrugged her shoulders and sighed, “Believe what you like, but it is true. What you have failed to realize is that I have decided to set my sights higher. My sister Louisa has arranged for me to spend time with Lord Cedrick; he is far superior to you!”
Owen narrowed his eyes, “You are not in love with Lord Cedrick!”
Caroline pulled her arm free from him. “Love has very little to do with marriage, Mr. Fitzwilliam!” she said, keeping her voice even and devoid of any emotion. “Marriage is simply a means to an end. You see, I want wealth, rank, and connections. Lord Cedrick can give me those things. I do not want to marry a man who thinks it is noble to give away half of his inheritance…” she informed him.
Owen stepped back from her, stunned by her words. “You can be very cruel when you choose to be, Caroline,” he said, his voice filled with the disappointment and hurt he was struggling with. “But I know that is not how you truly feel. I can see it now, even while you say these things to me; your eyes give you away. You do love me, as I love you, but for some reason, you will not trust me. You are afraid to let me in.”
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