by Jane Lark
I looked at her. “Dillon will want to come in, if they’ll let him. Why don’t you ask?”
When she went out I gripped Jake’s hand, holding it hard. His lips twitched, like some thought passed through his head which stirred his emotion.
He’d probably thought I’d shout at him.
It was too late for that.
“How did you get on with the cops?”
“Okay.” He breathed from a dry throat.
I looked over my shoulder and saw a beaker thing. “Can you have water? Do you want some?”
His eyes showed gratitude. “Yeah.”
After I’d got it, I supported his head while he drank some.
When I’d put it back, I dragged the other chair in the room up to his bed and sat down.
I gripped his hand again. I felt like he needed the contact–but I wanted contact too. To know he was really here–solid and breathing. “Did you know the guy who stabbed you?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you tell the cops?”
“Yeah.” He looked at me. He knew what that meant. There was no way we could go back to the flat. His eyes clouded with concern…
“You don’t have to tell me how you got caught up with them, Jake. It’s too late to make a difference.”
“Sorry.”
I gripped his hand harder. “You’re alive, and you’ve got out.”
“A guy in my class at school kept talking to me…” He wanted to tell, “I dodged out of school with them just once, but they smashed this guy’s car up, and… Justin…”
“It’s okay, Jake, it’s done.” I put my hand on his shoulder. The memories were killing him. He’d been trapped and terrified–caught in a web of lies. That was how the gangs worked–they didn’t give you a choice.
He nodded, the tears in his eyes earlier, running over. I gripped his hand again.
I couldn’t hold him, all his tubes were in the way, but I wanted to. Jake and I had never been close, but now he clung to me, his fingers closing around mine.
He was going to be okay. We just had to find somewhere else to live. But that was not going to be easy.
The door swung open. Jake and I let go of each other as Mom came in with Dillon.
Dillon rushed at Jake but I stopped him. “Be careful, he’s a little like patchwork under the bandages. Be gentle, yeah?”
“But you can take my hand.” Jake said, lifting his arm.
Dillon did, kneeling on the chair I’d pulled up, saying, “You were covered in blood.”
Jake just smiled, trying to ease Dillon’s fear.
“I thought you were gonna die. You weren’t breathing in the ambulance.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, bro…” Yeah. Jake was okay. This may be shit, but it had got Jake back on the right path, and hopefully Dillon would remember this and never make the same error. Good things out of bad.
We just had to find somewhere safe to live…
~
I slept when I got home, for an hour or so. But my idea was spinning through my head along with images of Justin’s family.
As soon as I got up, I opened my laptop and started hunting. I found ten properties in Queens. Flats. I picked up my cell and called the real estate agents. Half the places were wiped out straight away, the people in them weren’t ready to move, and I needed somewhere empty. Two more of the properties, the people were caught up in sales chains–they’d take too long. I wanted something quick and easy.
I ended up with three possibilities, all three bedroom flats. I didn’t want to buy something too big. One was on the ground floor in a converted house with a garden. Another was a new build. All three were empty. Perfect. I made appointments to go see them straight away, showered quickly and dressed.
My cell rang on the way to the second agent. Justin’s image flashed up on my screen as I pulled my cell out of my pocket, him naked to the waist sitting on my bed, giving me a devilish smile right before he pounced on me. I touched the answer icon, praying it was good news. “Hey.”
“Hey, baby.” He sounded breathless. “Jake’s okay, they’re keeping him in intensive care a bit longer, ‘cause he’s had such major surgery, but he’s talking and drinking, and he seems good. The police have already picked up the guy he said stabbed him–”
“But the others are still free…”
“Yeah.”
And that’s why I was doing what I was doing.
“We’re going to crash in the room here for a night, ‘til we can work things out.”
Shit, I didn’t want to tell him over the cell. “Well, you could bring Robin and Dillon to mine, but it would be floor space only. I’m willing to pay for a hotel for your mom.”
“No way, Portia. I have some money saved. Leave it to me. I’ll sort out a room for us somewhere tomorrow.”
But they couldn’t live in a cheap hotel, or a single room like mine, for more than a stopover, and they wouldn’t be able to afford much else.
“Okay.” There was no point in arguing over it on the cell.
I liked the place on the ground floor with the garden but it didn’t seem so secure. Their place would need a security system and the new build had one. It had been empty for a few months, as the property market had slowed, so I hoped I’d get a deal on it.
I turned to the guy and made an offer, and he rang the company who were selling it. He eventually gave up acting go between and just handed the cell to me as I haggled to get a better price.
I headed back to the hospital at 4pm, having done the deal, signed a deposit agreement, and called Dad’s solicitor to get the purchase agreements moving.
Of course Dad’s solicitor rang Dad. I got a text when I got off the subway. ‘I hear you’re buying property. That’s good, Portia. Wise. Well done.’
Like I cared what he thought. Neither of them had texted to ask if Justin’s brother was okay, or even to say they were sad I’d had to go. I shoved them out of my mind.
“Justin.” Dillon was sitting on Justin’s thigh, playing a game on Justin’s cell.
Justin had such a big brother look. At work, he’d always just been the office joker, laid back. He acted like he didn’t have a care in the world. But work was probably where he escaped responsibilities because in reality he was a twenty-two-year-old-going-on-thirty. He had his head screwed on way more than I did. He probably lacked time to enjoy life though. That’s what he’d been doing New Year’s Eve.
When he looked at me, a smile cut his face, and he lifted Dillon off his knee as he stood up. “Portia!”
He sounded pleased to see me.
I wondered if the same feeling caught like the pain of a sharp stitch in his chest as it did in mine.
I smiled. Robin was opposite them. He looked better today, less shocked, but still worried. “Hey,” I said as he looked up.
“Hey,” he answered as Dillon moved over to him, still holding Justin’s cell. Robin looked at his little brother as Justin’s palms cupped my face, then his lips came down on mine.
I lifted my arms to his shoulders, and his came around me, holding me tight for a few minutes, before ending the pressure of his lips with a sweep of his tongue into my mouth. It said–I wish I could just be with you, and I didn’t have this worry.
He gripped my waste as I met his gaze. “Where’s your mom?”
“With Jake, the doctors are in there.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk?”
His eyebrows lifted. “Yeah, if you want…” His tone said, why?
I tilted my smile, wait.
He looked at Robin. “Hey, bro, keep an eye on Dillon.” Robin glanced up and nodded, then looked embarrassed when he caught my gaze.
Justin gripped my hand. “Come on.”
We went down to the restaurant to get a coffee, and took a table in the farthest corner. He put two sugars in his cup, not looking at me as he said, “Go on then, what?”
There was a pitch to his voice that implied he couldn’t possibly be int
erested in my chatter–he was teasing, not blatantly but subtly, just like he would at work. It touched my heart like fingers dipping in a pool.
I smiled, glad that his anxiety had lifted that much. Then I breathed, “Justin, I… I bought a flat.”
His eyes opened wider.
I turned to my purse and searched out the details, then slid them over the table. He looked down.
“I thought. Well… I can rent it out, and your mom could–”
His hand lifted. “No. No way. You bought the flat for us–”
“I have two million dollars that came from my trust fund.” I didn’t want him to argue. “I can afford it. Easily. I’d need to rent to someone, so I can let your mom have it for the same rent she paid where you were. It’s in Queens.”
“In that area of Queens it should be fucking triple. You can’t do this, and she won’t want it.” His brow furrowed. “You can’t fix people and things with money, Portia. We don’t fucking want you to.”
I gripped his hand holding him down when he would have stood and walked off. “Don’t you think I know that? Why do you think I haven’t touched the money for a year? I didn’t want it either. But it’s sat there, doing nothing, and your family needs somewhere–it’s an investment anyway. I’ll make better interest on it than I do in the bank. It’s not a loss on my part, not completely a gift, if you take it–”
He pulled his hand free standing. “We aren’t gonna take it.” Then he turned away.
I followed, leaving my untouched coffee. “Justin!”
He looked back. “I don’t want your pity. I’m not your charity case. Back off, Portia.”
That hit. It hurt. Maybe I’d damaged his pride, but there was no need to turn around and punch me verbally.
I stopped walking and let him go. He was angry, and I’d learned after the coffee shop thing, Justin could stay angry for an age. I was going to buy the flat anyway and maybe, given time, he’d cool down and realize it was the best idea.
Then he’d have to convince his mom though…
I guessed that was going to be harder.
I decided to leave. If he didn’t want me here… He had enough going on.
My mood descended to basement level as I left the hospital, and even lower as I sat on the subway. I was angry with him too. He could be a jackass. Stubborn idiot.
When I got off the subway car, I got a text. ‘I’m sorry I got angry. The answer’s still no. But you didn’t have to leave.’
‘Well you didn’t seem like you wanted me there. How’s Jake?’
There was a pause before the reply came back. ‘:-) Jake’s good, but they’re keeping him in intensive care still, just to be safe.’
‘You’re okay?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Look out for yourself as well as the others.’
‘Okay.’
When I got to my place, I slipped my cell into my pocket and used my key. My cell vibrated when I walked upstairs, ringing out, Counting Stars. I pulled my hat off, clutching it as I climbed. I felt miserable. I missed Justin.
My laptop was left open on the bed where I’d been looking at flats.
I’d thought it a brilliant idea. He didn’t.
I stripped my coat off and then dropped on the bed and looked at my cell .
‘Missing the fuck out of you.’
‘So romantic.’
‘:-)’
‘Take care, Justin.’
‘Are you gonna come back tomorrow?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Come back in the morning.’ Sunday was the last day I’d be able to spend all day with him. I wondered if Justin would go into work on Monday…
‘You want me there then?’
‘Course I do.’
‘Okay.’
‘:-)’
The guy was back peddling fast, trying to be nice. I wasn’t really in the mood for it right now. The shock of Jake had hit me. I’d been busy doing exactly what Justin had accused me of doing, trying to fix everything, and now he’d stopped me, there was nothing to fill the hole but emotion. Tears streaked down my cheeks. I wiped them away.
Justin texted. I shut my cell off.
It wasn’t just the stuff going on with Jake, it was stuff with my parents too. I mean I’d spent a whole year avoiding feeling any of this. But now it hit me like a tidal wave. I curled up on my bed and cried.
Chapter Thirteen
The buzzer for the downstairs door woke me. Heavy limbed and half asleep, I got up. It buzzed again. God, who was that? No one came here. Maybe someone had ordered pizza and they were just pressing random numbers. I looked at the alarm clock. The red numbers glowed out nine o’clock in the shadow of the moonlight.
Rubbing my eyes, which were puffy and sore from crying, I went over and pressed the buzzer. “Hello.”
“Hey, Portia, sorry, babe. I’ve come to grovel.”
“Justin!” I pressed the button to let him in. Then I ran out of the room and hurtled down the stairs. I hit him on the second landing, literally flying into him and wrapping my arms around his neck. He caught me hard, toppling back against the wall.
“Sorry, babe,” he said to my ear as I started sobbing on his shoulder like an idiot.
“It’s not you.” I pulled away wiping my eyes, “It’s Jake and Mom and Dad. And… life… I’ve just hit a shit day.”
His fingers brushed over my cheek. “And I didn’t help. It was stupid getting angry at you. It didn’t matter. You were being nice.”
I gripped his hand and pulled him upstairs. “I was being awesome! You just don’t see it.” I looked back at him. “But anyway, I don’t want to talk about that. Come on.” I pulled him on. “Is your Mom okay? Will they be okay with you gone?”
“Robin’s there, Jake’s doing fine. They’ll be fine. I needed to see you.”
I turned and wrapped my arms ‘round his neck again. “I needed to see you too.”
He was smiling when I let him go, and we started back up the stairs again.
In my room, once he’d taken off his coat, I gripped both his hands. “Do you want to talk?” He was still wearing the shirt and pants he’d worn to the restaurant.
“Not if we’re sorted and you forgive me, I’d rather do… other stuff.” His eyes caught the moonlight and shone. “Unless you wanna talk…”
My answer was a kiss. We both just needed sex.
His tongue pressed into my mouth and his hands gripped my thighs, then he lifted me and dropped me back on the bed, coming over the top of me instantly.
I gripped his shirt as he flicked the buttons on my jeans free. Then he leaned back, kneeling, so I could pull his shirt off.
He grinned at me as I sat up and started sliding off my jeans and panties, and he undid his pants.
Our clothes ended up in a growing pile on the floor but I still had my bra and top on when one of his knees landed between my parted thighs, and he leaned over to sort that out.
My heart pounding; my temperature soared. I got wetter just at the thought of him.
My top and bra thrown to the floor, he reached to the bedside drawer for a condom.
Within seconds the guy was on top of me and in me.
This was not just sex. It was escape, letting go, running from the emotion we’d been lacerated by for the past twenty-four hours. He pressed into me driving hard, and I gripped his head, bracing him with my fingers as his clawed in the bedcovers, holding his body weight while his hips worked; dropping with a sudden thrust that had my body jolting. Sparks of sensation flew through my nerves. The guy drove me nuts, while I fought to keep hold of reality–and a hold of him.
He was slipping into madness, he looked so determined, and his eyes were focused but glazed, he wasn’t really seeing.
My vision got hazy and my body arched, pushing hard back in the two minutes before I came. My fingers fell to his shoulders. I couldn’t grip anymore, he was driving me mad too.
“Justin…”
“Don’t talk.”
“Uhhh.”
I was panting, and he kept pounding like a piston thrust and… “Justin.” I closed my eyes tighter and rode the wave of ecstasy that swept in, washing my body clean of bad feelings. He didn’t stop and I came again instantly. And again. I knew this wasn’t for me but for him. He was gaining control of life–by gaining control of me. I didn’t give a fuck. Let him take control if his taking was like this. Daniel could never have done this.
I clung to Justin’s biceps, not knowing what else to do except hang on, and I held my body steady against his thrusts as orgasm crashed in over orgasm. Shit. Oh my God.
He was growling by the end of it, sweating hard and powering into me even harder. Then he came, and he yelled. As I felt his orgasm, another hit me. His forehead dropped to mine–he had it hard, and his chest filled with air, pressing against my breasts.
Guilt washed in, in the aftermath, I’d just had the best sex I’d ever had–because his brother was in an intensive care room.
When he got his breath back, he pulled away, withdrawing, and sitting back on his haunches.
I lifted to my elbows.
“Sorry.” His voice was deep.
I sat up and put my arms about his middle, holding tight, my legs still either side of him. “You don’t have to be sorry. Do you feel better?”
His hand ran over my hair. “I feel like shit. I feel like I should have been able to stop it happening, I feel… fucked up…”
I didn’t answer. There wasn’t an answer. He knew he wasn’t really fucked up, or at fault. He just needed holding.
A tear dropped on my hair. I still didn’t move, and then his body started jerking as his lungs pulled in air and he sobbed and held me.
We stayed like that for ages, even after he’d stopped crying and was silent.
When he let me go he didn’t say anything, but moved off the bed and discarded the condom, then came back as I lay down, and lay down next to me, his arms opening so I could snuggle against him. I fell asleep.
~
I woke at four a.m. Portia was still asleep. I wanted to get back to the hospital. I needed to be back there. Jake was probably fine. And Mom, Robin and Dillon but… Just, but… I needed to be back there. I’d escaped. I’d got the shit that was eating me up out, and I’d conquered the burning need I’d had for Portia. Now I just needed to go back and be big brother again.