When she was with Jared, she had to remember her failed marriage. Otherwise he could break her heart and she wouldn’t be able to patch it up again.
Jared could have kicked himself for inviting Emily along home with him. Yet she had been good for his girls. And she’d looked so sad after her phone call.
Still, what about what was good for him?
For the past two years, he really hadn’t thought about himself. Amy and Courtney had needed him day and night. His career demanded his time day and night.
He’d been lonely after his divorce. And after Valerie died…
He’d been confused and in turmoil because she hadn’t confided in him. What kind of man was he that she couldn’t tell him the truth about her illness?
Since then he’d denied physical needs and fallen into bed exhausted every night. Work and spending time with the twins was like a numbing drug. He worked more and tried to meet their every need so he didn’t have to think about a life he didn’t have.
Yet why would he want a woman in his life again? Why would he want to complicate it? Why take the chance on a relationship that might not work out? He’d be putting Amy and Courtney at risk, too.
Still, as he stood in the kitchen supposedly pouring milk for Courtney and Amy while surreptitiously watching them with Emily, he knew life demanded more of him than work and child care.
Would sex be a start? Would an affair lead him to a life again?
The wind whistled against the house as he listened in on Emily’s conversation. She was on the floor with the twins in the great room.
Courtney asked her, “Are there people in every room?”
“Yes, there are.”
Jared watched Emily settle one of the dolls into the tiny bed.
She asked Amy, “Would you like to turn on the TV for this patient?”
Amy solemnly nodded.
Courtney pushed the miniature wheelchair into the patient’s room. “The lady in the other bed needs this.”
“Would you like to give her a name?”
Courtney thought about that. “Mrs….” She looked around the room and her eyes fell on a vase with silk flowers. “Mrs. Flower.”
“I like that name,” Emily encouraged her. Then she picked up another doll dressed in a white uniform. “The nurse is coming in to give her medicine.”
“Here’s the doctor,” Amy said proudly, picking up the next play figure. “Just like Daddy.”
Jared had to smile. Hopefully Amy and Courtney could visit his mom without too many fears, without being scared by what they saw. Emily was so good with his daughters. And when he kissed her, he felt arousal that he hadn’t experienced since his days at Texas Tech.
He took the glasses to the table along with cups of pudding, but he didn’t call them yet. Rather he went over to the sofa where they were playing by the coffee table with Emily.
“What do you think of the hospital?” he asked them.
He could feel Emily’s gaze on him and to his surprise, he liked the idea of her looking at him. There was respect in her eyes, maybe even admiration. Something else, too. That something else that made him want to kiss her whenever their eyes met.
“The hospital is big,” Courtney decided.
In reality, it wasn’t that big, only four floors, but to his daughters, the building would seem immense.
“You don’t have to worry about getting lost or anything like that. When we go see Grandma, you can hold on to me,” he assured her.
“And Emily.”
He hadn’t thought about Emily visiting his mother.
“Oh, I don’t think I’ll be going,” Emily said, glancing at him, making sure she didn’t overstep their working relationship or their friendship.
Friendship. Had he ever been friends with a woman?
Courtney ran to him, wrapped her little arms around him and looked up at him with big green eyes. “Daddy? Can Emily come, too?”
How could anyone say no to this beautiful child who had formed a bond with this woman who was caring enough to be a mother? Courtney liked Chloie, but she never responded to his cousin the way she responded to Emily. Neither did Amy.
Emily’s cheeks were flushed as if she were embarrassed and didn’t know what to say or do.
Stooping down, he lifted Courtney into his arms. “Can you tell me why you want Emily to come along? I’m sure she has a very busy schedule, so it has to be an important reason.”
Courtney bit her lower lip as she thought about what he’d asked. “I won’t be scared.”
Jared had the feeling that sometimes when his daughters were with him, they thought he’d be called away and they’d be left alone. He didn’t know how to counteract that. Apparently they felt more solid with Emily. That was a shocker.
“Why don’t you two have your milk and play and I’ll talk to Emily about it? Okay?”
Courtney nodded again, leaned toward him to give him a kiss on his cheek. Every one of those kisses was precious.
He carried her over to the table and settled her in one of the chairs, lifting the lid from her pudding. Amy ran over and he did the same for her. He left them jabbering about the hospital and patients.
Emily had risen from the floor. Tendrils of curls had come loose from her ponytail and wisped around her face. Her color was still a little high. He couldn’t seem to get enough of looking at her face, her sweetly curved lips, her long eyelashes that fringed her dark brown eyes and emphasized them.
“I don’t have to go along. I certainly don’t want to intrude on your time with your mother.”
His time with his mother was always strained. With the girls around, less so. Truth be told, he wondered what his mother would think of Emily, and vice versa.
“The girls seem to find a certain level of comfort and safety when you’re with them. I wouldn’t want to take that away from them in a strange setting. Are you busy tomorrow evening?”
“No, I’m not busy,” she admitted, realizing she didn’t have a social life outside of her friendships with Francesca and Tessa. “But are you sure you want me involved? Would your mom want a stranger around?”
“I don’t know what my mother will or won’t want. I do know I’ll keep the visit short. I don’t want to overtire her, and the girls can be a handful when they get excited and start asking questions. That’s where I think you’d be a big help. You have a calming effect on them.”
“If I can help, I’d be glad to come along. But if for some reason your mother doesn’t want any other visitors, I can wait out in the hall, or visit the nursery again.”
He remembered too well the day he’d transferred Leanne Martin’s baby to Emily’s arms. She would make a wonderful mother. He could imagine her pregnant, getting larger with child each month.
Oh, no, he wasn’t going there. He might be considering a night of hot sex, but a minister and wedding bells weren’t on his agenda. He’d done that once. He’d been a lousy husband and back then, not a very good father. He’d been building his practice, and he’d left the needs of his infants to Valerie.
If he had it all to do over again, what would he change?
He didn’t know. Valerie’s distaste of his being called away had always caused problems between them. But those problems had turned into resentment on both their sides, and that colored everything they had done and said.
He could have done it differently. He should have been more understanding.
Valerie had received her diagnosis and decided she knew best—that he and the twins shouldn’t be with her in her last days. If he’d been a better husband…if he’d been more understanding…then maybe she would have trusted him to be with her through it all. Even at the end.
“Jared.” Emily looked concerned as if she’d asked him a question and he hadn’t heard her.
“Do you want to go to the hospital as soon as we’re finished for the day?”
“That would probably be best.”
She studied him more closely. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I was just considering what type of father I would be if I were in a different profession.”
“Do you really think changing your career would make you a different kind of dad?”
She had a point there. “I’d have more time to give them.”
She looked as if she wanted to say something, but was hesitating to say it.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” The one truth he’d learned in his life was that honesty avoided much heartbreak.
“I’m thinking that even if we had all the time in the world, we wouldn’t have enough time. It’s more important that you don’t waste a minute of the time you have with them. If you’re really present to them, if you care about what they’re doing, that’s what matters.”
Jared suddenly realized that that was the reason his daughters liked being with Emily. When she was with them, she was with them. Nothing interfered with her concentration on them, and they felt special because of it.
He moved closer to her, thinking about the call she’d received from her ex-husband. The few things she’d told him had led him to believe her ex hadn’t appreciated her at all. He glanced over at his twins and saw they were still occupied with the pudding and each other.
Letting his hand rest lightly on Emily’s shoulder, he asked her, “Why didn’t you have babies when you were married?”
She looked away and then back at him. “I wanted them. Richard wanted to wait until we were financially secure.”
“And that day never came,” he guessed.
“No, it didn’t.” She didn’t elaborate, though he wished she would. Maybe in time.
Had he decided to spend more time with her for reasons other than his daughters?
Since Emily didn’t elaborate about her marriage, he asked anyway, “What finally broke the two of you up? Usually there’s that straw that breaks the camel’s back.”
For a moment, Emily looked absolutely trapped. Her face drained of some of its color. What could have been so horrible that she’d have this reaction?
“Emily?” He slid his hand under her hair and stroked her neck.
“There wasn’t just one thing,” she finally said. “He asked for a divorce and I knew…I knew we didn’t have anything left.”
What she was telling him could be true. But he suspected there was more. He could see it in the turmoil in her big brown eyes. Was Emily keeping secrets from him, too? And if she was, what was he going to do about it?
He heard the scrape of a chair on the wooden floor and the pitter-patter of Amy’s sneakers as she ran over to him. She never seemed to walk anywhere.
“Can Emily read us a story before we go to bed?”
He stepped away from Emily, closer to his daughter. What did he really know about Emily Diaz? He knew what she’d given him in her résumé. He knew what her references had told him. Yes, she was a kind, compassionate woman who could relate to kids. And from his reaction to her, she turned him on in a way a woman hadn’t in a very long time.
But did he know the essence of her? Did he know what made her tick? He suddenly wondered why she’d had to travel across the state to start a new life here…so far away from her husband.
The prize-winning question was—did he want the answers to all of his questions, or did he want to just concentrate on his daughters and his profession without muddying up his life with an affair?
“I think we’ve taken up enough of Emily’s time. She has a roommate who hasn’t seen much of her lately, and I’m sure she has things to do at home, too. Did you finish your milk?”
Amy nodded.
“Great. As soon as Courtney’s finished, you can try to put your pajamas on all by yourselves.”
Then he turned back to Emily and gestured to the play set on the floor. “Thank you for taking the time to find that with me and to play with them.” His voice was more formal than he wanted it, but he had to draw a line in the sand.
He saw a flicker of hurt in Emily’s eyes. He hated that. But he had to consider what he was doing very carefully. He had to make sure he made the right decisions this time for both his daughters…and himself.
Emily’s shoulders squared a little as she told Amy, “Your dad’s right. I have to be going. But I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”
Her purse was lying on the end table beside the sofa. She picked it up quickly and threw the strap over her shoulder. Then she stepped around the play set, crouched down before Amy and gave her a hug. Afterward, she headed for Courtney and did the same.
Jared walked Emily to the door. But he didn’t touch her, and he definitely didn’t kiss her good-night.
Emily had questions in her eyes as she said good-night and left.
But he didn’t have any answers.
Chapter Six
Emily felt like an outsider the following evening as she walked beside Jared to his mother’s hospital room. Courtney clutched Stardust under one arm as she held her father’s hand. Amy had a grip on Emily’s. She was sure his daughters wanted her here, but she wasn’t sure at all that he did. She took a firmer grasp on the two bouquets of flowers she carried for the twins.
Outside the door, Jared leaned close, his breath warm on her ear as he assured her, “We don’t have to stay long. In fact it would probably be better for my mother if we don’t. I don’t want the girls to tire her out.”
The solemn expression on Jared’s face, as well as his rigid bearing, told Emily the girls might not be the only reason he didn’t want to stay long.
Emily handed a bouquet to Courtney and one to Amy.
Courtney held Emily’s hand a little tighter as they neared the bed.
Gloria Madison pressed the control that raised her head so she was in a sitting position. She was a beautiful older woman with thick steel-gray hair that lay in soft curls around her face. Her eyes were green like Jared’s and she was smiling at her granddaughters. “Come here, darlings. I’ve missed you.”
“We brought these for you,” Courtney said, giving her grandmother the flowers in her hand. Amy did the same.
Gloria bent and smelled them—carnations, daisies and roses. “How pretty! Thank you so much for bringing them. They’ll brighten up my room.” Her gaze went to her son. “I see you brought a reinforcement. Are you going to introduce us?”
“This is Emily Diaz. She works at the practice with me and has been helping with the twins. They wanted her to come along. Emily, my mother, Gloria Madison.”
Emily went over to the bed and extended her hand. “It’s so nice to meet you. The twins have been worried about you. They needed to see you were recovering.”
“Did you convince my son to let them come?”
“It was his decision.” Emily spotted an empty vase sitting on the windowsill. “Why don’t I put some water in this and arrange the flowers for you?”
Jared removed folded pieces of paper from his shirt pocket. He gave them to Courtney and Amy. “They drew pictures for you, too.”
Both Amy and Courtney opened up the folded pieces of paper, explaining to their grandmother what they had drawn. Their childish chatter filling the room brought a huge smile to Gloria’s face.
While she chatted with her granddaughters, Emily slipped into the bathroom and filled the vase with water. She was arranging the flowers when Jared stepped inside.
Instead of turning around, she sought his gaze in the mirror. He was standing behind her, tall and broad-shouldered, in a striped oxford shirt and casual slacks. She remembered his last kiss and being held in his arms. She wanted him to touch her and he looked as if he’d like to. But he kept a foot between them.
When she turned around to face him, that foot of separation disappeared. She just waited, their attraction for each other thrumming between them.
“Will you be all right here for a few minutes?” he asked. “I’d like to check on a patient.”
“Sure. I’ll be fine.”
Cocking his head, he asked, “Are you always fine?”
&nbs
p; “I try to be. I believe if I act as if I’ve got a handle on everything, then maybe I will.”
“You’re an optimist.”
“You’re just learning that?” she joked.
“Yes, I am.” His silence said he was learning other things, too.
There was a glint in his eye, a spark of desire, the recognition that their attraction wasn’t going to go away because they wanted it to. She found herself responding to it. Her heart was pounding and a butterfly did a flip in her stomach.
Finally Jared said huskily, “I won’t be long.” Then he left the bathroom, explained to his mother where he was going and strode down the hall.
Although she didn’t know why, Emily felt shaken by their exchange. They were coming closer and closer to something inevitable. What? Confronting their attraction? Doing more with it? Yet Jared didn’t want involvement.
She shouldn’t get involved with a man who had walls around his heart. She was asking for heartache if she did.
Running the cold water, she took a paper towel and held it to her cheeks. Then she picked up the vase with the flowers and returned to Gloria. The older woman eyed her thoughtfully as Emily set the flowers on the windowsill.
Amy and Courtney had settled into a chair together with a magazine on their laps. It was one of those country magazines with pictures of farms and children and animals. They chatted to each other about them and then showed them to their grandmother. Once they were intrigued again by a picture of a huge dog in the magazine, Gloria laid her head against the pillow. “Jared doesn’t trust many people with his daughters. He must think highly of you.”
“I work with Jared as an obstetrical nurse practitioner. I hope he respects the work I do and knows what kind of person I am.”
“Oh, I think he knows.”
Emily’s attention went from the girls, who were studying a wagon filled with pumpkins, to Jared’s mother.
Emily didn’t say anything, though. If Jared’s mom had something she wanted to tell her, Emily would give her the opportunity.
“I think he’s interested in you, and you like him,” Gloria suggested.
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