There were no reporters at Jared’s. Chloie’s car sat in his driveway. Jared came around to her side of the car to open the door for her. He offered her his hand to help her out. His long, warm fingers wrapped around hers and she explicitly remembered every stroke, every caress, every sensation in her bedroom.
Her cheeks must have taken on some color because he gave her a crooked half smile and said, “We’re good together.”
What was there to say to that?
She followed him up the step to the porch and suddenly he stopped before opening the door. “I want to ask you something before we go inside.”
“What?” Was he going to ask her again to share his bed? She was so tempted to say yes, but she knew she shouldn’t for a multitude of reasons.
“I want you to think about accepting a different job than the one you’ve been doing.”
She waited.
“Chloie’s work is backing up, but she doesn’t want to leave me stranded. My mother’s coming home soon. Obviously she won’t be able to help with the girls until she gets back on her feet. Will you stay with me to care for the twins and give my mother a helping hand? I’ll pay you a salary commensurate with what you were getting at the office.”
“Oh, Jared, you don’t have to do that.”
“I could call a nanny service. I could call a nursing aide service. But I know the girls like you, and I think my mother does, too. What do you say?”
She realized how much she wanted him to ask her to stay for personal reasons rather than practical ones. She’d already decided she wouldn’t share his bed with him…because of his daughters…because they both needed some breathing room. But they could really get to know each other if she stayed. On the other hand, living with Jared would be risking her heart.
No risk, no reward, she reminded herself. “I’ll have to speak to Francesca about it. I don’t want her to feel I’m deserting her. If she’s okay with the idea, yes, I’ll take care of the girls and your mom for as long as you need me.”
With a slow smile turning up the corners of his lips, he bent to her and kissed her.
No risk, no reward, she reminded herself again.
But as his kiss excited and aroused her, she knew if she risked and lost this time, she might never recover.
Chapter Ten
Amy tugged on Emily’s hand. “Isn’t Daddy coming?”
Would Jared manage to get away for the girls’ preschool open house? He’d e-mailed their teacher that Emily would be standing in for him if he was delayed.
They’d gone to separate rooms last night. But that’s what she’d told him she wanted, wasn’t it? Wouldn’t the girls be confused if they saw her with their dad in his bedroom? His daughters had to be the priority.
Other children in the preschool class showed their parents their projects hanging on the corkboard strips or sitting on the table in the back of the room.
“Your dad must have gotten tied up. I know he’d be here if he could be.”
Courtney nodded her head solemnly. “He’s helping a baby come out of a mommy’s tummy.”
That about summed it up, Emily thought, knowing Jared would regret missing this. But she was glad she could be here for the girls. As they grew older, they’d understand better about their dad’s erratic hours…and his dedication.
After a snack of carrots, grapes and apples, Emily said good-bye to their teacher and was walking Amy and Courtney to the car when Jared zoomed into the parking lot and parked his sedan next to her car. Many of the parents had already left. She was one of the last, lingering in case he would arrive.
“Daddy!” Courtney and Amy yelled as Jared climbed out of his car, and they scrambled toward him and hugged him.
“Come on!” Courtney tugged on his arm. “You can see our pictures.”
When Jared crossed to Emily, the girls hanging on either side of him, the look he gave her made all of her nerve endings stand up and take notice.
His hair blew in the wind as his gaze slid over her russet pantsuit. “Am I too late?”
“Not if you hurry. Why don’t you take them inside and I’ll go back to the house and get lunch ready? Can you stay for lunch?”
“I have a break before afternoon hours. Are you sure you don’t want to come in with us?”
She didn’t want the girls’ teacher to assume something that wasn’t a reality. She also didn’t want Jared to feel awkward with her by his side, and he might. So she said, “I’ve already seen it all.”
She gave the girls quick hugs. “I’ll meet you back at your house.”
They returned her embrace, and all over again she was filled with the desire to be their “real” mom.
A half hour later, Jared and the twins were back at home. The girls ran into their room to play. Jared’s expression was unreadable as he unbuttoned his jacket and hung it around a kitchen chair.
“How did it go?” she asked.
“Mrs. Lannigan couldn’t spend much time with me. She had a meeting.”
“I wrote down everything she told me. Would you like to see my notes?” Emily would have passed by Jared to fetch her purse on the counter, but he caught her arm.
“Just tell me.” His voice was husky and low, sending a tremble up her spine.
Emily fought to remember everything she’d written down, even though his presence was wrapping her thoughts in a gauzy haze. “I think Mrs. Lannigan connects with Amy and Courtney. She’s warm and sweet and tries to really listen to them. She says they’re playing with the other children but their main bond is with each other. Courtney seems to depend on that more than Amy.”
Jared was listening closely and she went on. “Amy loves the crafts projects and Courtney is fascinated by numbers. Mrs. Lannigan feels they take direction well and are fast learners. I think that’s a great report, really. What did she tell you?”
“That they’re a joy to have in the classroom. I didn’t have time to look at all their projects,” he said with a frown. He was still holding her arm. Now he moved his hand to her shoulder. “Were you upset when I wasn’t there on time?”
Her answer came out spontaneously. “No, I wasn’t upset. I knew you had a delivery this morning and there’s never any way of knowing how long that will take.”
“It didn’t bother you that you had to have the meeting with Mrs. Lannigan?”
“No,” she said again. “That’s why I took notes. I was standing in for you and didn’t want to miss anything she told me.”
Jared’s expression was pensive as he assessed her answer, she supposed looking for the truth. She had nothing to hide. He knew all of her secrets now.
“Were the twins upset?” he asked.
“I’m sure they were disappointed. Amy asked if you were coming, but I think they understood. I told them you got tied up at the hospital.”
“Do you think they’ll ever really understand? I might miss more than a preschool open house. There might be sports events, recitals.”
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. You might be able to attend as many as you miss.”
“While you’re here, caring for them, I don’t want you to feel I’m taking advantage of you. Valerie never understood the demands of what I do.”
Ever since Jared had told her about his ex-wife, she’d suspected he’d bottled up many feelings that had caused him to pull back from other women and remove himself from the dating process. But did he want to talk about it now? Should she take the chance? “What did she expect?”
He dropped his hand from her shoulder. “She expected me to call another doctor to take over for me. I couldn’t just opt out any time I wanted. She didn’t understand the planning involved in a practice, the sense of responsibility to a patient.”
Emily didn’t know whether to say what she was thinking or not, but she did. “I understand about delivering babies, Jared. I understand it very well. There’s more to caring for a pregnant mom than just running into the delivery room, delivering the baby and runnin
g out again.”
“Valerie got upset when I’d miss a dinner with friends, a play she’d bought tickets for, a concert that happened to be on one of my on-call weekends.”
“Did she understand what a doctor’s life was like when she married you?”
“I think at the time all she was concerned about was the security of our life, that I was making an income that would provide a house and a cushion so that we could have kids and pay for their college education. She was looking at the big picture, not what the details of my schedule would do to her plans. Sometimes I think she didn’t tell me about her illness out of resentment for all the times I disappointed her.”
Emily’s voice grew very soft. “And maybe she didn’t tell you because she wanted to spare you.”
He cupped her cheek. “Somehow you always make me feel better. I can’t stay away from you, but I don’t want to coax you into an affair that might not be the relationship you want.”
“Oh, Jared. Don’t you think I’m old enough to make up my own mind?”
“Sometimes our minds give way to our needs. I’ve never met anyone like you, Emily.” He tipped her head up and his lips came down hard on hers.
Need was there—the need to possess, the need to have drives fulfilled, the need for pleasure. She wasn’t sure what other needs she could taste, but she did know her need was as great as his.
His hands passed down her back and cupped her buttocks. She pressed against him, feeling his arousal, wanting to satisfy hers.
The telephone rang.
Jared broke the kiss and swore, pressing his forehead against hers, kissing the side of her neck. “I’ll check caller ID,” he said, reluctantly breaking away.
When he picked up the cordless phone, he said to Emily, “It’s the rehab center. I have to take this.”
Emily listened as he said, “Mom, are you sure you’re all right?”
There must have been an explanation for her call because it took a few moments.
His brow furrowed. “They’re certain you’re ready to come home?”
A shorter pause.
“All right. I’ll clear my schedule from eleven until one the day after tomorrow and bring you home. As we discussed last night, Emily will be here to help you. You’d like to speak to her? She’s right here. Hold on.” He handed the phone over to Emily, then leaned against the counter, waiting.
Emily took the phone. “Hello, Mrs. Madison.”
“Emily, dear, it’s Gloria. I just want to make sure you want to do this. Taking care of Amy and Courtney might be enough for you to handle.”
“Do you feel comfortable being here with me, and depending on me for a while?” Emily asked, knowing that his mom’s confidence in her was important.
“This could be a few weeks,” Gloria reminded her. “Maybe longer.”
“I’m sure each day you’ll grow stronger. Jared said we can arrange your physical therapy appointments for the days the girls have preschool. And if we need another time in the week, Chloie will watch them. We’ve got all the bases covered. You just have to come home and get better.”
There was a short silence, then Gloria’s voice sounded full of emotion. “You know what? I think I’m going to like having you around. If you’re sure this isn’t too much to take on.”
“It’s not too much.”
“Jared explained about that article in the paper and what happened. You must be so disappointed to have lost your job. But this is only temporary, you know. You have to go back to doing what you do best.”
“I need a little time to make some decisions.”
“I have a favor to ask you. I’ve already spoken to Jared about it. My occupational therapist would like you to come in so she can speak with you about how I’ll manage when I’m home. Will you come?”
“Of course I’ll come. When?”
“Tomorrow morning while the twins are in preschool. Around ten?”
“Ten will be fine. Now you take care of yourself and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
After she handed the phone back to Jared, he conversed with his mother a few more minutes, then hung up. “I think my mother has already decided that she likes you. That’s a good thing. She’ll be more cooperative.”
Jared always sounded a little removed when he talked about his mother. She wished he could forgive his mom for the secret she’d kept.
“I like your mom, and we’ll get along.”
“Once my mother’s here, we’ll have few opportunities for privacy. After the twins are asleep tonight, maybe we should take advantage of it.” He brought Emily back into his arms and kissed her again. Jared indeed wanted privacy for them. Would intimacy lead him to love? Or would it lead him to satisfy his physical needs and deny his emotional ones?
She’d only know with time. She’d only know by risking her heart.
Jared drove home from the hospital the following night, feeling as if his whole life was changing. Yet nothing had changed…not really.
You had sex again, a voice inside his head reminded him.
Yes, he had. Very good sex. And he wanted to have it again and again. He rationalized that he could compartmentalize. He could enjoy going to bed with Emily yet not get tangled up in a committed relationship. At least that’s what he was telling himself whenever he was near her…whenever he kissed her.
Being around Emily dredged up unwelcome memories. Memories of a time before his mother and Wyatt divorced…when they’d seemed to be a happy family. Years had passed since he’d willingly examined what had happened in his childhood. His mother had destroyed their family and his sense of identity. He’d thought Wyatt was his father, like any other kid’s dad. He’d thought his mother had loved Wyatt and that’s why they’d gotten married and had him. Had she loved Wyatt? Or had she really loved the man she’d had an affair with? His mother had known the truth from his birth, but she had deceived him, as well as Wyatt, to hold on to a life that was a lie.
Jared knew his mother had been trying to make up for the rift between them by taking care of his daughters, by being the best grandmother she knew how to be. Courtney and Amy loved her. Yet he couldn’t get past the pain of losing a father and, in a sense, of losing a mother, too.
And then there was Emily. What about her omission on her résumé?
Had she lied? Or had she merely not revealed all? Was that the same as a lie?
He didn’t know anymore. Emily seemed to understand him. She didn’t judge him. Because she accepted him the way he was?
He didn’t know why he felt such turmoil. Again he told himself nothing had changed.
Yet Emily was taking care of his daughters. The same tempting person he wanted to keep at arm’s length was living in his house.
He opened the garage with the remote, pulled in and sat in the car, thinking about his marriage and divorce. Whereas Valerie had hated his erratic hours, Emily seemed to take them in stride. He knew without a doubt that if he and Valerie had planned to go to the preschool open house and he’d had to deliver a baby instead, she would have been disappointed and hurt and accusing. She would have insisted his career always came before his family.
Emily seemed to understand his dedication. And she understood the miracle of birth.
Still, once his mother was back on her feet, he wouldn’t need Emily, at least not to take care of his daughters. He didn’t want to need her any other way, either. Relationships of any kind ultimately caused heartache. He was invested in his daughters’ lives, and that was enough. As they grew up, they’d have both rough and smooth roads to travel. He was ready for that. He was committed to them. He didn’t need any more commitments or want them.
He felt calmed by the thought that his direction was mapped out with certainty once more. He opened the sedan’s door, climbed out and headed for the two steps leading into the house.
When he opened the kitchen door, he listened and all seemed to be quiet. It was almost 11:00 p.m. Had Emily waited up for him or gone to bed?
Ho
wever, as he crossed the kitchen, he heard a sound and stopped. It was a sound that always seemed to tear his heart apart. Courtney was crying.
Hurrying through the dining area and the great room, he went down the hall to the girls’ room. He stopped in the doorway.
Emily sat beside Courtney in her bed, her arms around the little girl. She was stroking Courtney’s hair and murmuring to her.
When Amy saw him, she sidled down to the bottom of her bed. “Hi, Daddy.” She held her arms up to him.
He didn’t hesitate to scoop her up and hold her tight, just as Emily was holding Courtney. Both of his girls needed him, but Emily was taking care of one of them, and he was grateful for that.
Only a Snow White night-light in the wall socket cast a glow into the room. He and Emily sat there, holding the girls, glancing at each other now and then, until Courtney’s cries subsided. Emily wiped away his daughter’s tears and settled her in the bed, tucking the covers around her.
Afterward, she kissed his little girl’s forehead and crossed to Amy to give her a squeeze, too. “See you in the morning. Blueberry pancakes?”
Amy nodded and Emily left the room.
Jared tucked in Amy, brushed her hair over her forehead and then kissed her cheek. “Good night, honey.”
“Are you going to have blueberry pancakes, too?” she asked sleepily.
“I just might do that.”
Moments later, after he’d made sure Courtney was sleeping once more, he found Emily in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Thank you.”
As she looked up at him, her brown eyes still filled with compassion for Courtney, she replied, “No thanks are necessary.”
The hood light over the stove illuminated the kitchen with a soft yellow glow. With his being this close to Emily, witnessing her empathy for his daughter, the desire to hold her seemed overwhelming. Yet too many questions plagued him. What would an affair accomplish? His girls were quickly becoming attached to Emily in a way they were never attached to anyone else. Did he really want that? Did he want her to mother his children?
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