The F It List (Love You Forever Book 6)

by Alexis Winter

  Damn. I did it and I missed it. I stand there, looking after the ball as Grayson walks away. I need to cool the burn on my face before I can look at him again.

  Was our position a turn-on for him too? If not, then why did I feel him twitch against me? Should I mention it? No, no, I shouldn’t. I should pretend it didn’t happen at all. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

  Four

  Grayson

  Fuck. I hope she didn’t feel that, but based on her red face, my guess is that she did. After showing her how to swing the club, I pull away and turn my back until I have myself under control. I take a few deep breaths and the problem goes away.

  I finish walking over to the cart where I’m handed a club of my own. When I walk back, she has a smile on her face, but she walks right past me back to the cart as I set up my swing. After lining up my shot, I pull my arms back and send my club sailing forward with the perfect amount of force. I hear clapping from behind me.

  I turn to see Cora sitting on the cart sideways, facing me. “Good job. Perfect stance,” she says.

  I laugh and shake my head. “Do you even know what that means?”

  “No idea. Just heard it on TV,” she laughs out.

  We play for a couple hours but end up not finishing the game. She doesn’t have it in her to keep swinging only to chase down her uncooperative ball and try to get it headed in the right direction again. By the end, she’s convinced that golf is the dumbest sport known to man.

  We go inside to return our clubs and the golf cart. I tip the caddie, and by the time we’re walking out, the sun in the sky is hidden behind thick, dark clouds. There’s a roll of thunder off in the distance as the wind picks up.

  “Looks like we called it a day just in time,” I say, pulling her toward the car.

  We climb into the car and the rain comes pouring down. We both lean forward, looking out the rain-soaked windshield.

  “Now what am I going to do with my Saturday?” she asks, annoyed with the weather.

  “We can grab some lunch and some drinks,” I offer, trying to think of something we can do. I want more time with her. I’d planned on getting to be with her all day.

  “All right, let’s go,” she says, pulling on her seatbelt.

  Happy that she seems excited by the thought of hanging out with me longer, I waste no time in pulling on my own seatbelt and starting the car. We make it across town a little while later to a bar that has the best hot wings. It’s still pretty early in the day, so there are only a few customers. An older couple is sitting at a small table up front by the window, and a couple of single guys are sitting around the bar, though their seats are spaced out so you know they’re not together. The two of us head for a table, giving the older couple their space. We sit down and she picks up the menu.

  “Have you eaten here before?” she asks, glancing up from the menu to look at me.

  “No, but I’ve heard good things. I’ve been told by a few people at work that they have the best hot wings in the city.”

  The waitress comes over and asks if we know what we want to drink. “A pitcher?” I ask.

  The waitress nods and walks away.

  “So, have you added anything new to that list?” I ask, making conversation.

  “No, but there is one thing I’ve been thinking of adding.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Singing karaoke,” she says quietly.

  “You’ve never tried karaoke?” I ask, wondering how it’s possible. It seems like every time I go for drinks with my buddies, we always end up drunk and singing.

  “Nope, I wanted to try it once, but Jimmy wouldn’t do it with me. I wanted to sing a duet.”

  “We should do it.”

  “Yeah?” she asks, unsure.

  “Why not? We could get hammered and go up there and sing whatever you want. I only sing when I’m drunk,” I warn. “And I’m not very good.”

  She giggles. “I’m probably not either. I’ve never sung in front of anyone before.”

  “Never? Not even your friends?”

  “Nope. I’ve always been pretty shy.”

  The waitress is back a few seconds later, and as she’s putting the pitcher and two glasses on the table, she says, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but we have karaoke every Saturday night.”

  “You do?” I ask with a smile as my eyes move back and forth between the waitress and Cora.

  The waitress smiles and nods. “Let me know when you’re ready to order some food.” She walks away, leaving us alone.

  I lean into the table to whisper. “So what do you think?” I gaze down at her.

  She looks unsure, squirming in her seat.

  “We could hang out here today. Eat, have some drinks, then by the time karaoke starts, we’ll probably be drunk. Then we can sing our hearts out.”

  She laughs. “I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes.”

  Good enough for me. I go back to looking at the menu and decide on a burger and fries. Cora ends up picking some wings with cheese fries. Once our order is placed, we pay more attention to our beer and conversation.

  “So, what made you decide to create this list in the first place, and how did you pick what to put on it?” I ask, dying to know more about her. I know her from work, and at work, most people are pretty guarded.

  She bites down on her lower lip. “Well, for the first week after the wedding, I just wallowed. I didn’t want to feel better. I just wanted to mourn the loss of a marriage I never had. After that, I realized I did want to feel better—that I needed to move on. So I decided that the first step in doing that was learning to love myself. I decided to give myself all the stuff I couldn’t have when I was with someone—especially time and experiences. That’s when I realized that I never allow myself to just be me in a relationship. I always change who I am to fit into their life. So I thought about the stuff I like to do and the stuff I’ve always wanted to do, and I wrote it all down. Then I thought about all the stuff I decided I needed to experience to be a whole person on my own.”

  “So everything on that list is stuff you think you need to do in order to be with someone and remain true to who you really are?”

  “More or less, yes.”

  “Can I ask you another question?” I ask, leaning in to whisper.

  She looks nervous but she nods.

  “Are you a virgin?” I ask, thinking about how she wrote have an orgasm on the list.

  Her face flashes red and she lets out a long breath. “I’m not a virgin.” She says the words so quickly that I’m not sure I caught them.

  “So what’s with that one thing on your list?”

  “I’m sure you can figure it out.” She picks up her beer and takes a big gulp.

  “So you’ve had sex, but you’ve never . . .”

  She nods. “Yep.” She makes a popping sound when she pronounces the p.

  “And you haven’t ever just thought to . . . do it yourself?”

  Her face burns even brighter. “Of course I’ve thought of it. I even bought all these toys that my friends swear by, but nothing’s worked. I just think that maybe I need a deeper connection in order to . . . you know.”

  “Oh,” I say, taking a drink of my own. The air between us feels thick—thick enough that you could cut it with a knife. So I decide to lighten the subject. “I’m more than willing to help you out with that,” I say with a smirk.

  She laughs and shakes her head. “Actually, I think I’ll save that one for someone a little more special.”

  I fake feeling hurt by sticking out my bottom lip. “I’m not special enough?”

  She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean. I want it to be with someone I have real feelings for and someone who has real feelings for me.”

  “I have real feelings for you,” I confess, even though I know she won’t take it the way I meant it.

  “Not friendly feelings. Feeling feelings. Real feelings. If not love, then something close to it. Lust maybe?”

 
; How can I tell her that I want her without freaking her out or running her off?

  The waitress sets the food on our table and the conversation ends abruptly as we both dig in. We talk while we eat, but the subject is never heavy. We keep it light and fun, laughing a lot and teasing each other about anything we can think of. Once our food is gone, our table gets cleared and we order another pitcher of beer. Then another. And then another. Before I know it, we’re both drunk and the sky outside the bar window is dark. Someone takes the stage and the bright light pops on. It’s only now that I realize how much the bar has filled up since we arrived. Every table is full, and every seat at the bar is taken.

  Cora comes back from the restroom and sits back in her seat. “I signed us up for karaoke,” she says. “We’re up first.”

  My heart starts to race as my nerves climb higher and higher.

  “Who’s ready to get this party started?” the woman on stage asks into the microphone and everyone cheers. “Up first, we have Cora and Grayson who will be performing ‘Picture’ by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock!”

  The crowd starts to clap and cheer as Cora stands from her seat and grabs ahold of my arm, tugging me to the stage.

  I climb up the two steps and the heat from the spotlight finds me and makes me sweat. I’m handed a microphone and the music starts up. Of course the first verse is mine. I bring the microphone closer to my lips and start singing. At first, my voice sounds unsteady and unsure, but then Cora looks up at me and our eyes lock. She almost looks to be in shock, and that makes me want to try a little harder. I get control over the shakiness in my voice and sing the best I can.

  Then her part comes in and her lips part. The most beautiful sound comes pouring out of the speakers. As she sings, she keeps her eyes on mine, not needing the words on the screen. There’s a long instrumental break and neither of us pulls away from the daze we’re in. When the words pick back up, I’m too lost to know my part and she takes over, stealing the show until I can force words out of my mouth once again. We finish the song strongly together and the bar erupts into loud cheers. I smile down at her and she laughs with a wide, open mouth as she hands off her microphone and pulls me back down to our table.

  She picks up her beer and takes a drink as I take my seat. “Can you believe that? We sounded good!”

  I laugh and take a sip. “We didn’t do too bad. We make a good team.”

  “This could be our thing!”

  I laugh. “What thing?”

  “You know, we could travel the country getting drunk and putting on awesome karaoke shows!”

  I shake my head. “So you want us to start a cover band?”

  She shrugs. “I didn’t realize that’s what we’d be, but yes!”

  “And how are we going to get from one town to the next?”

  “We’ll just have to get paid to perform. We could be famous!”

  “I think you’ve had enough to drink for tonight. What do you say we get out of here?”

  She finishes off her beer and nods. “All right. I’ve probably have had too much to drink for one night. Let me just use the little girls’ room first.”

  She runs off toward the back of the bar and I take my time finishing the beer in my glass. There’s still karaoke going on and the bar is getting hot and loud. I look around to see if I can spot any friendly faces, but I don’t recognize anyone. Then a familiar voice fills the bar through the speakers once again. My head jerks up to the stage to find Cora on stage alone, singing the words of “Strawberry Wine.”

  I laugh and shake my head, but can’t tear my eyes away from her. Her blonde hair is shining with the lights, as are her blue eyes. Her plump pink lips part as the words flow from them. Her voice is sweet, teasing, but a little raspy—probably from yelling in the bar all night—but it adds depth to the song that makes it sound better than the original, at least to me. She belts out the lyrics like a seasoned pro and I find it hard to believe she’s never sung in front of anyone before. Given the way she moves around the stage while singing perfectly without needing to see the words, if I didn’t know her, I’d assume she was a professional entertainer. She has perfect pitch, and when she’s on stage singing and all lit up like that, I can’t take my eyes off her. In fact, I want nothing more than to pull Cora against me right now and kiss the air out of her.

  When the song ends, the bar erupts in loud applause and she makes her way off the stage after taking a bow. She comes jogging up to me, wearing a wide smile.

  “Bathroom break, huh?”

  She shrugs. “I just had to. I’m ready now.” She takes her purse off the back of the chair and heads for the door.

  The door swings open, and to my surprise, it’s still pouring down rain. She looks at me and I look at her. Silently, we decide to run out. What choice do we have? We dash out at the same time and run to the parking lot. I’m soaked after only being in the rain for a few seconds, so the damage has already been done. Then I remember something. Something from her list.

  Kiss in the rain.

  I catch her wrist, spin her around, and pull her against my chest, where our lips meet. Her soft lips press against mine and I feel the rush of air she inhales out of surprise. But I don’t pull away. I can’t. My hands move up to cup her cheeks and keep her close. My tongue comes out, urging her lips open. They part and she allows me to slip inside. I can taste the beer on her hot tongue as it dances with mine. I kiss her long and hard until my head begins to swim. I feel her hands move up between us and she closes her fists into my shirt. She weakly pulls me closer to her, and that alone has my body ready to come undone. A tingle takes over inside my stomach and it swirls like a tornado until my entire body is buzzing.

  I know if I don’t break off this kiss soon, I won’t be able to stop. I slow the kiss and softly pull back. Her big blue eyes open and lock on mine. Her lips are parted with her heavy breathing. I can see all the confusion and questions in her eyes, and suddenly, I feel on the spot. I was supposed to take things slow. This isn’t exactly slow. She doesn’t even know I have real feelings for her yet.

  So instead of owning it and telling her how I really feel—how I’ve felt for years now—I say, “Now you can check that off your list too.” I offer her a smile.

  I expect her to smile, but she doesn’t. Instead, she seems taken aback. Her posture straightens and her shoulders pull back. She closes her mouth, opens it, and then shuts it again, like she was going to say something but decided against it. Then she presses her lips together tightly and nods once. “Let’s get out of the rain before we get sick.”

  She turns and finishes her walk to the car. I stand there a moment, wondering what I did wrong. But she’s locked out of the car, so I grab the keys from my pocket and unlock the doors as I walk over and climb inside.

  I start the car and turn on the heat. I put it on full blast as I slowly start driving toward her side of town. The ride is quiet and I’m not sure what to say. She doesn’t talk either. She just sits there, silently shaking from the cold. When we’re only a couple of blocks away from her place, I speak up.

  “Did I do something wrong?”

  “What? No, why would you think that?”

  I shrug even though she’s not looking at me and hasn’t looked at me since our kiss. “You didn’t really respond very well, if you didn’t notice.”

  “How did you want me to respond?”

  “I don’t know, but not like that. Not like I just slapped you across the face.” That sounds harsh, but I don’t know how else to put it.

  “I was just surprised is all.”

  “Fair enough,” I say. “If there are things on your list that you don’t want me to help with, just say so.”

  “Grayson, I just told you that there are some things I want to be real—not fake or pretend or done out of pity. That’s what all this is, isn’t it? You feel bad because I got left at the altar, so you decided to help me out? It’s not like you’re doing it because you like me or something. So thank you for e
verything you’ve done, but please, keep some distance. I didn’t want a fake kiss in the rain. I wanted a real kiss in the rain. A kiss from someone who wanted to kiss me.”

  “And what makes you think I didn’t want to kiss you?” I ask, pulling to the side of the road in front of her building.

  “You never have before,” she says, unbuckling and climbing out, leaving me alone in the car.

  I watch her from my seat as she rushes across the sidewalk and into her building, no longer in sight. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Argh. How did I fuck this up? I thought that moment was the perfect time for our first kiss. I mean, we’d been having fun and laughing. She blew me away with her singing. And then we were running through the rain. She got her real kiss in the rain. Why doesn’t she see it?

  I guess maybe it’s because I haven’t told her how I feel. But I’m worried that if I do, she’ll freak out and run. I mean, she just got out of a rather shitty relationship. She’s not looking to get into another one right now with anyone, let alone someone she works with.

  I shake my head at myself and pull out into traffic, heading home to try to figure out a way to fix this.

  Five

  Cora

  As I’m lying in bed in my dark bedroom with rain pouring down the window, all I can think about is that kiss. How warm it was. How good it felt. How I had tingles rushing my entire body from one kiss. And from Grayson, no less! He’s sexy, funny, sweet, and honestly just the best guy I’ve ever met. He’s always kind, and always thinking of others first. He’s not a player even though he looks good enough to be one. And I kissed Grayson! Well, actually, Grayson kissed me. And it was amazing. If only it’d been real.

  During that kiss, I was on cloud nine. I was ready to pull him into his car and crawl on top of him, kissing the life out of him. But he said those words: Now you can check that off your list too.