by Candis Terry
“Take me on?” Her brows pulled together, and her eyes darkened. “What does that mean?”
“I already had more responsibility on my plate than I could handle. But then you came back, and you looked so damned lost. Like you needed someone to show you how to loosen up. To have some fun. And I—”
“You what?” Her jaw clenched. “Felt sorry for me?”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“But it’s what you meant.” She reached for her purse, which sat on the floor near the front door. Princess hopped inside the leather bag, as if she thought she would go along for the ride.
James’s stomach churned, and a streak of dread burned through his heart. This conversation had turned into a disaster, and he had to put a stop to it. To put a stop to her walking out that door.
As she gently lifted Princess from her purse, he took a step toward her. “Kelly, I—”
“I don’t want to hear it.” He expected her to come up with a look she’d use in the courtroom. Instead she had an expression of utter disappointment—a look that registered much worse in his book.
“For your information,” she said, hitching her purse strap over her shoulder, “I’m not a charity case. I know how to have fun. I am fun. I don’t need a teacher. And I don’t want or need to be yours or anyone else’s responsibility.”
Before he could tell her what an ass he’d been and beg her forgiveness, she had her hand on the door. She paused, and hope sparked deep in his heart. He had to find the words to make everything better. But when she turned, he saw that the glimmer in her eyes had died.
“By the way, Deputy, if anyone in this house is lost, it’s you. You can resent me all you want, but until you forgive yourself you will never move forward. No one can believe in you until you believe in yourself. And I sincerely hope you find yourself before its too late.” She pushed open the screen door and walked out.
The door closed with a bang. A clear signal that it was already too late. Panic moved in his chest while her footsteps took her out of his life. He wanted to go after her, but his feet wouldn’t move. Anger, defeat, and guilt froze him in place.
“Way to go.” Alex—obviously eavesdropping—stormed through the living room, pushed open the screen door, and followed her outside.
James dropped to the sofa and tried to catch his breath. How could it be that everything he’d meant to say had come out wrong? He didn’t know what the hell he was doing anymore. Everything he tried to do right he completely fucked up.
He loved that girl. He respected her. Yet his behavior just now had shown none of that. And like a total dumbass he’d just let her walk out the door. He rubbed his hand against the growing ache in his chest. He’d told himself he couldn’t get involved. That he had nothing to offer. That his life was just too screwed up to include her. But he’d gotten involved anyway. And then he’d committed the real crime. He’d pulled her into his mess of a life. The more he’d pulled, the more he’d realized how much he needed her. And that just plain scared the hell out of him. His gut and his brain swirled together in a tornado of confusion.
At that moment Alex came back into the house. He stood inside the door, arms folded, with a glare so dark James suddenly felt like their roles had been reversed.
“You screwed up, Bro.” Alex walked farther into the room, stopping in front of James with a lift of challenge to his chin. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to either of us.”
“What do you mean us?”
Alex pointed at the door. “She’s the only one who’s ever been straight up. Tells it like it is. And asks for nothing in return. I left the house today because Chelsea wanted me to meet her. That’s who I went to see last night, too. And when I explained it to Kelly, she seemed to understand that Chelsea is important to me and that I want to spend time with her. Just like you want to spend time with Kelly.”
Hard to fault that logic.
“When Kelly came to the station today, I thought she’d rip into me the way you always do. But she didn’t,” Alex said. “Do you know what she did instead? She hugged me. Told me I’d scared her and that she’d been worried about me. And that made me feel bad. It made me understand how scared you must get when I disappear or do stupid things. It made me understand how bad I’ve hurt Mom.”
Alex shook his head. “I had to wonder if I could make someone I barely knew feel that way, what have I been doing to the people who cared about me.”
“Alex, I—”
His little brother held up his hand. “Let me finish before you go stomping all over me.”
James pulled his words back, while guilt grabbed him by the throat. “Go ahead.”
“Kelly set me straight today,” Alex said. “She told me how much you love me and that you’ve just been trying to figure things out.”
“She did?”
“Yeah. She also told me that at the end of the day I had to be happy with who I am. I didn’t do anything wrong today except leave this house to go talk to a girl who I’m crazy about. Just like you’re crazy about Kelly. Is that so wrong?”
“Alex, I’m—”
“You should be happy. You should be hugging her instead of tearing her head off. You know why? Because she loves you.”
James’s heart jumped. “Did she say that?”
“God.” Alex jammed his fingers into his too-long hair. “You are so lame. No, she didn’t say it. She didn’t have to. But when I was dissing on you she protected you.”
A smile tickled James’s lips. How was it that the little brother had just taught the big brother a lesson in life? “When did you get so smart?”
Alex shrugged. “Always been smart. Just never had anyone explain things so clearly to me before like Kelly did.”
The ache in James’s chest intensified. “Alex, we need to talk. I don’t know what I’m doing with you,” he admitted. “And I apologize for that. I didn’t have any role models, and I thought I was doing my best. I know I’ve failed, but . . .” James stood and found himself almost eye-to-eye with the little boy his mother had once brought home bundled in a fuzzy blue blanket. “I want you here with me. You’re my little brother. And I love you.”
“Then just be my big brother and trust me. Talk to me. Guide me.” A smile eased across Alex’s mouth. “If you can do that, I promise I’ll be the person you want me to be.”
“I’ll try.”
“There is no try. Only—”
“All right, I get it.” James laughed. “No need to quote Yoda.”
“Good. Then stop yelling so much. You give me a headache.” Alex chucked him on the shoulder. “I apologize for being such a pain-in-the-ass. And . . . I love you, too.”
“I’m sorry,” they both said simultaneously and wrapped each other in a hug.
James fought back tears. He’d once walked away from Alex when he’d cried out for help. James now realized his own rebellious behavior had been a cry for help, as well. And Alex had followed in his footsteps. The revolving door on this behavior needed to close. Kelly was right. Love, understanding, and communication would open a new one.
Poppy and Princess danced and yapped at their feet as if they knew reconciliation was in the air. And maybe a Scooby snack, too.
“So what are you still doing here?” Alex asked with a final pat to James’s back. “Go after her. Because if you don’t, I might go after her myself. I kind of think I’m a little in love with her.”
“Yeah.” James’s heart tightened and swelled all at once. “Me too.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
What did a clown do to overcome heartache? Put on more face paint? Add an extra flower to their costume? Sprinkles allowed herself to have a really good cry, then she added sparkly tassels to her pink boots. Though in her heart she didn’t believe a truckload of sparkles would lift the ache that weighed heavy in her chest.
As an awful afternoon edged toward dinnertime, Kelly stood in her room while the phone on the dresser vibrated. She glanced a
t the incoming text from Daniel. Two words.
Time’s up.
Great. As if she didn’t have enough on her plate.
She shot a glance to the mirror.
Showtime.
Time to make some decisions.
She sipped a cup of orange spice tea, careful not to mess her make-up, and came to the only conclusion that made any sense. It was risky but she had no other real choice.
In less than an hour’s time, she’d completed the phone call that threw her new life into motion. It had gone easier than she thought and had lifted the burden from her shoulders if not from her heart.
With a flip of her petticoats, she grabbed her new supply of balloons from the dresser and stuffed them into her bag of tricks. Then she grabbed her keys and went out into the living room.
“Well now.” Her father grinned up at her from his recliner, where he’d been watching a particularly buttery episode of Paula Deen. “I see Sprinkles has added some new bling to her outfit.”
“Dad,” Kelly laughed. “It’s a little weird to hear you use the word bling.”
“Hey, I can be hip and cool.”
“Well, don’t try too hard.” Kelly crossed the room and kissed him on his balding head. “I love you just the way you are.”
“Are you heading off to the hospital?”
“Yeah. I thought I’d check in with Charity to see how she’s doing. Maybe read a story or two to anyone I can lasso into listening to me.”
He reached up and took her hand. “No more tears?”
“I’m not sure. But at least a bright pink nose hides the evidence.”
“You know,” he smoothed his thumb over the top of her hand, “I’m always here if you need me, but I won’t interfere if you don’t ask. You’re a grown woman, and you’re smart, and I always trust you to know what you’re doing.”
She only wished James would trust her, too. Kelly leaned down and hugged her dad. “Oh, Daddy, never trust that I know what I’m doing when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m new at this love stuff.”
He chuckled. “Sometimes things aren’t always so clear. And sometimes even when you love someone, your thoughts go in separate directions. You just have to know what to fight for and what to let go. Your mother and I used to have some knock-down-drag-out arguments over things that now seem so silly. I can guarantee you that arguments like which freeway off-ramp to take or which color to use for the icing on someone’s birthday cake are definitely worth letting go.”
“So how did you and Mom work things out?”
“Sometimes I slept on the couch till she’d forgive me. But most of the time we just realized our love was bigger than misspoken words.”
“How do you know when your love is bigger?”
He poked her in the chest. “That right there will tell you. And don’t ever ignore it. It’s an old saying but worth repeating: Life’s too short.”
Kelly thought of her mom and how lost her dad had been since she died. She wished he was able to see her and talk to her like the rest of them, but maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe her mom and dad didn’t have any unspoken words between them. Nothing left undone.
“Dad? Can I ask you a really personal question?”
“Sure.”
“What was the last thing you and Mom said to each other that morning?”
Her father’s chest lifted in a stuttered sigh, and for a moment he looked as if he couldn’t bear to remember that day. Then a slow smile curved his mouth as the memory came back.
“I told her I was thinking of taking her on a bakery tour of Europe for our anniversary. She laughed. Patted me on the cheek, looked up at me, and said, ‘You’re a good man, Bobby, and I love you.’ And then she died in my arms.” He looked up with tears in his eyes. “That’s really something special, isn’t it? To hear those words? To know that you’re the last thing the one you love saw before they passed on?”
Tears pooled in Kelly’s eyes too. “It really is.” She hugged him, placed her hand on his chest, and felt his heart skip. In that moment Kelly realized that love wasn’t always easy, and sometimes it broke your heart. But in the end, love was truly all that mattered.
A warm wind blew across the stretch of pines that led to the Clear River Lodge as James drove toward the house and parked near the veranda. His boots thudded up the steps of the wraparound porch, and he lifted his fist to knock on the door. When it swung open, Dean stood there instead of Kelly. For a man who’d just spent time in the tropics, he looked tanned, but he did not look happy and relaxed.
“How nice of you to come all the way over here so I could kick your ass.”
Nope. Not happy.
“I came to see Kelly.”
Dean folded his arms. “She’s not here.”
“Where is she?”
“I told you not to make my sister cry.” Dean stepped through the door and out onto the porch. “You did. So do you honestly think I’m going to tell you where she is?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because I love her. And because I fucked up. And because I need to apologize.”
Emma, holding their kitten, Lucky, snuck beneath Dean’s arm. “Pull in your claws, honey,” Emma said to Dean, not the cat.
Dean looked down into his wife’s face. “He made my sister cry.”
She looked up at her new husband and laughed. “You made me cry. But you still got your opportunity to apologize. And look where we are now. Don’t you think James and Kelly deserve that same happiness?”
Dean’s wide shoulders lifted with a sigh, and for the moment James knew he wouldn’t get his face smashed in by the ex–football pro.
“Fine. But if you make her cry again—”
“I won’t,” James promised. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt her. Do you know where she went?”
Dean shook his head. “She gave us a hug, grabbed her stuff, and left.”
“Thanks.”
“Good luck,” Emma called as he ran down the steps. “You’ll need it.”
Like he didn’t know? Kelly pissed-off he could deal with. Disillusioned would be tougher to handle.
On the way to the hospital, Kelly stopped to see Kate and reveal her alter ego. She’d been prepared for her sister to laugh. She’d not been prepared for Kate to cry and tell her how proud she was. They’d had a talk, and Kelly revealed her plans, which made Kate cry even harder. You could say what you wanted about Kate—that she was over-the-top or unpredictable. Kelly only knew she was glad Kate was her baby sister.
Since the Buick had consumed every last drop of gas, Kelly barely made it into the Gas and Grub before it gave its last cough. Of course, she couldn’t actually blame the car for running out of gas, but for the moment it was a quick deterrent from all the other thoughts boggling her mind.
With the sun shifting toward the horizon, the heat of the summer day finally abated. She hoped she wouldn’t need to do any further makeup repairs. The tears she’d shed with her father had done enough damage. Then there was the whole sob fiasco with Kate. Kelly was lucky her pink nose had stayed in place.
While she waited for the tank to fill, she leaned back in the seat and on the radio listened to “Happy Together.” Halfway through the chorus, a cool breeze floated over her shoulder.
“I always loved that song.”
“Mom! Are you crazy to show up here?” Kelly turned to look at her mother. With the sun still shining, she could only see a faint blue glow. “People are going to drive by and think I’m nuts talking to myself. Can they see your glow too? Or are they going to think I’m cooking meth in the backseat?”
“Whoa.” Her mother’s voice sounded amused. “Back up the truck, sister. No, they can’t see me. And no, they aren’t going to think you’re a crack dealer. However, the part about them thinking you’re a little squirrelly is a good possibility.”
“Well, won’t that just be a great addition to my not-so-perfect day.”
“Abou
t that. I must admit I was quite surprised by young Alex. Once you get past all that bluster and gruff, he is a very nice boy.”
“Yes, he is. His big brother, however—”
“Needs you.”
“I don’t think so. He just needs someone to yell at.”
“Yelling is good for the soul. It clears out all the clogs and makes way for something really incredible.”
“It makes me cry,” Kelly said, thinking back to just a few hours ago when she’d left James’s house and felt like her heart had snapped in two.
“Yeah.” Her mother’s pale lips slid into a smile. “Good stuff.”
“Crying is good stuff?”
“Crying lets you know you have a sensitive heart beating in your chest. It lets you know you’re alive.” Her smile turned wistful. “I miss that.”
Kelly’s stomach twisted. How could she sit there and be so selfish when her mother had lost everything? “I’m sorry, Mom. I guess when you get so wrapped up in your own misery it’s easy to forget how it affects others.”
“Exactly.”
The gas nozzle clicked off, and Kelly got out to complete the transaction. When she grabbed the gas receipt and climbed back inside the car, her mother’s glow had brightened a little and changed to purple. Kelly turned on the ignition and pulled away from the gas pump.
“I do like that outfit, dear.” Her mother chuckled. “It reminds me of when you were about four years old. Kate had hit the terrible twos—which seemed to last well into her teens—and she’d taken to pitching a hissy fit whenever she didn’t get what she wanted. One day you decided to try to shut her up by playing dress-up and putting on a show. But before you got your costume all together, Kate had cried herself to sleep. So you performed a very cheeky rendition of ‘Goldilocks and the Three Bears,’ in which the bears were interpretations of Kate at various temperaments.”
Kelly gasped. “I did not.”
“You sure did.” Her mother laughed. “I always thought you made a fabulously innocent point about your baby sister and her numerous dispositions.”