Luke's stare was unreadable and went on far too long.
Finally, she turned away, looking out at the view. Unfortunately, the view reminded her of the last hike they'd taken, the one where Luke had told her that he was leaving school and wanted her to join him for the summer…
She didn't want to think about that day.
"We should go back," she said, turning to face Luke.
"It's like the last time, isn't it?" he asked, either reading her mind or letting the same old memory run through his head. "We climbed to the top of Mount Baldy on the first day of summer between our junior and senior year."
"You talked me into it, and I let you, because I had a feeling you had something big on your mind, and I had to hear it. I think I knew even before you said the words that you were leaving. You were dropping out of college; you were going to travel the world and have adventures."
"And you said you'd go with me, at least for the summer. But you didn't show up at the plane. I waited so long I missed the flight. I called, texted—no answer from you."
She swallowed hard at the reminder. "I couldn't go with you, Luke. I couldn't give up my dream."
"I didn't ask you to give up your dream; I asked you to give me three months. You could have gone back to school in September."
"It wouldn't have been any easier to say good-bye in September, not after a summer together."
"Why didn't you just say that, Lizzie? Why leave me hanging?"
"Because I was young and scared of making the wrong choice. I was afraid if I told you I wasn't going, you'd find a way to talk me into it. It was cowardly not to tell you to your face. I'm not proud of what I did."
"You shouldn't be," he agreed. "You owed me more than that."
"I felt awful after you left, Luke. It hurt so bad. I missed you so much. I almost jumped on a plane to follow you a dozen times."
"But you didn't, and it took you almost three months to answer a text."
"You were so angry with me."
"Hell, yes, I was angry," he said, waving his hand in the air. "You broke us up."
She shook her head. "No, that's not all on me. You broke us up when you decided to leave school. We could have had that summer and another year together. You didn't have to go then. But you wanted to have everything your way. You wanted to travel the world. You wanted to start making films. Did you ever once ask yourself what I might want or need—beyond you? Not playing piano for three months wasn't going to be good for my career."
He gave her a look of disbelief. "You were brilliant. You could have taken off a year and still been better than anyone else. But I wasn't asking for a year, only three months."
"But why did I have to take any time off? Why couldn't you wait?"
"Because I couldn't. School was just a roadblock for me. I wasn't learning anything there."
"Well, I was."
He frowned and let out a heavy sigh.
"Wasn't it easier in the long run that I didn't go with you?" she challenged. "I would have slowed you down. You've been all over the world, jumping out of planes, climbing the highest mountain peaks, challenging the most difficult rapids…" She shook her head. "You would have gotten so frustrated with me. You're afraid of nothing, and I'm afraid of almost everything. We were very different people, Luke. The only thing we did really well together was—" She stopped herself just in time.
A glitter entered his eyes. "At least you can admit that, Lizzie. You could never say you loved me, but you could say you wanted me."
It had always been a bone of contention between them, but admitting love had always been difficult for her. "We need to let the past be the past, Luke. What we had was a decade ago, and we both made mistakes. I can admit that. Can you?"
His lips tightened. "Maybe."
She was actually a little surprised by his answer. "Okay, then. So let's move on."
"I moved on a long time ago."
"I mean—let's move on with this conversation. I'm sure there have been lots of other women in your life."
"Lots," he agreed with a nod.
"Great. Then we don't need to talk about our past anymore." She refused to admit to herself that she felt even the faintest hint of jealousy at the thought of Luke and other women. "Let's focus on the present, on why you're here. I have to admit it still seems surreal."
"To me, too. The last few days have been a bad dream. One minute I'm jumping off a mountain in Norway, and the next my aunt is telling me that my father is dead. And then the lodge and you…it's been a crazy time."
She heard the raw pain in his voice and understood. "I know what it feels like to lose someone you love in a sudden and abrupt manner. When Kelly died, I was confused, angry, and in denial for a while. But I couldn't wallow in emotions. Kaitlyn needed someone to step in and take care of her. She wasn't just emotionally wounded; she also had some minor injuries that needed care."
"Wait. She was in the car with her parents?"
"Yes. She won't talk about it, though. I sent her to a therapist, but she wouldn't open up to her, either. Kaitlyn says she doesn't remember anything. I don't know if it's true, but I know that she's still suffering. I wish she would talk to me. I keep hoping, but there's a wall between us, and I can't seem to tear it down. Every time I ask her anything about her parents or the accident, she clams up. I just hope time will do some healing. Because right now she is one angry kid." She took a deep breath. "I need to keep my job, Luke."
"Look, I get it, Lizzie, but maybe there's a way I can sell the place and stipulate that you have to keep your job here for at least a year."
She supposed that might be better than nothing, but would the new owners be people she could work with? The last thing she needed was more drama.
Thinking for a moment, she realized what she needed to do was show Luke why the resort was important to his dad and why Colin Brannigan had bought it in the first place. Luke might have negative and complicated feelings about his dad, but not when it came to his mother…
"Let's go," she said abruptly. "I need to show you something."
"What's that?"
"A tree."
He raised an eyebrow. "You're going to show me a tree? I'm looking at about a hundred of them right now."
"It's a special tree. Come on."
Four
Liz's special tree on first glance appeared like every other ponderosa pine dotting the slopes of Yosemite Valley. Luke didn't notice anything unique about it until she pointed out the carving of a heart on the trunk with three words scratched out: Colin loves Kathleen.
His chest tightened, a knot growing in his throat, as he compulsively traced the line of the heart with his fingers. "How did you know this was here?" he asked, wondering how she'd found this carving among hundreds of trees on the property.
"Your dad told me about it when he hired me. He remembered the exact location even though he hadn't been here in over twenty years."
He shook his head in bemusement, her words just confusing him more. "What exactly did he say?" Even as he asked the question, he wondered why he was dragging it all out. He didn't care, did he?
When it came to any mention of his mother…yes.
He lifted his head to meet Lizzie's gaze. "Tell me."
"He first met your mother at the creek down there." She pointed to the rocky stream of water about thirty yards away. "Your mother was barefoot, and she was making her way down the creek by jumping from rock to rock. She was wearing cut-off jean shorts and a red tank top, and her blonde hair was up in a ponytail. He said she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen."
The knot in his throat grew a little bigger. "I can't believe he described her clothes."
Lizzie gave him a sad smile. "He was very specific in his memories of your mother. He said Kathleen was seventeen and he was eighteen when they first met. She was at the lodge with her family, and he was there with friends for a hiking trip after high school graduation. Once he saw her, he forgot all about climbing Half Dome. He sent h
is friends off without him."
"I can't believe he even contemplated climbing Half Dome. He was not interested in that kind of thing."
"Maybe he was…a long time ago."
He frowned at the idea that his dad had anything in common with him. "Go on."
"They spent every minute of the next four days together. Then she went back to Kentucky, and he went off to college. They tried to do long-distance for a while, but it didn't work, and it was ten years before they ran into each other again in LA. She was twenty-seven and he was twenty-eight then. He said fate put her back in his life and he wasn't going to let her go. They got married the next year, and, well, you know the rest."
He swallowed hard. He'd heard some of the story before—kind of—his aunt had probably told him a version of it, maybe his dad; he couldn't really remember.
"Your dad said that he and your mom used to come back here for vacation," Lizzie added. "It was a special place for them. When he heard that the resort was going under two years ago, he decided to buy it. But after he got the deed, he couldn't bring himself to actually come here without her. He said it would be too hard to visit the places where his beautiful Kathleen had danced from rock to rock, knowing that she would never dance again."
Luke blew out a breath. "Stop," he said, putting up a hand. He felt like his chest might explode if he heard another word. He walked away from Lizzie and stared down at the creek. He could picture his mother there now, the beautiful young woman with the laugh he could never forget. And he could see her dancing across the rocks just the way Lizzie and his father had described.
A moment later, Liz came up next to him. "I'm sorry, Luke. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You didn't," he said quickly. "I was seven years old when she died; I barely remember her."
"But you remember some things."
"Not as many as I would like."
"I thought your dad might have already told you the story."
"If he did, I don't remember."
"Your father said that your mom brought the light and the heat back into his life, that after his parents died he was very much alone and his world was pretty dark at times. He was very goal-oriented. He chased career and money and power because it gave him something to think about, something he felt he could control."
Her words reminded him that he hadn't thought much about the fact that his dad had lost his parents when he was a teenager. He'd never talked about them, either. Apparently, when the people in his life died, Colin stopped speaking about them. But obviously the fact that his dad had bought this resort meant that he hadn't stopped thinking about his mom.
"He really loved her," Lizzie said.
"There were other women in his life after she died."
She met his gaze. "But he didn't marry any of them."
"Probably didn't want to have to worry about alimony or pre-nups," he said. "Or in the beginning, he couldn't find anyone who wanted a man with seven boys."
"You don't believe that. You're a lot of things, Luke—but cynical isn't one of them. You couldn't do what you do—challenge the world, look for the magnificence—without a core of optimism."
It disturbed him that she still knew things about him no one else knew.
"I've changed," he told her. "I'm not the twenty-year-old kid you used to know."
"I'm not that twenty-year-old girl, either, and maybe that's a good thing. We can handle this situation like adults. Then we can both get what we want."
"What we both want," he mused, as her blue eyes flickered under his gaze. Suddenly what he wanted was extremely clear. He moved forward, putting his hands on her hips, drawing her close.
"Not that," she protested.
"Definitely that," he whispered, putting his mouth on hers.
* * *
She could not believe Luke was kissing her. Was she dreaming? It certainly felt like it.
Tingles ran down her spine as her mouth opened under his and smoldering desires came rushing back. His kiss was the same and yet it was different. It felt familiar and also new. But, as always, his mouth on hers was a head-spinning and heartbreaking experience.
It had never taken much to go from zero to a hundred miles an hour when it came to Luke. The barest touch had always ignited a firestorm within her and today was no different. In fact, it was worse, because it had been so long, and she'd missed him so much.
She loved the way his mouth took command, the way his tongue danced with hers, the heat that rose between them, the feel of his hands on her body as he pulled her closer, as he refused to let her catch her breath, think, pull away. One impatient, needy, searching kiss followed the next.
She knew she should stop the madness and push him away. No good could come of this. She wasn't crazy about him anymore, was she? She wasn't reckless or impulsive. She couldn't afford to be.
But it felt too good to stop.
Luke reminded her of…the way she used to be. Young, hopeful, passionate, filled with dreams, sure that happiness was just around the corner, and that love would be shared with Luke. They'd met young. It had seemed amazing to have met someone who touched her body and her heart and her soul in such a special way at such a young age.
She'd been so in love with him. He'd promised her the moon and the stars, and she'd promised to be his sun.
And then it had all come crashing down.
That's what she needed to remember—not the happiness but the pain.
She finally pulled away, her heart beating too fast, her blood rushing through her veins, her nerves still clamoring for more.
Luke looked back at her with desire in his intense brown eyes. He wanted her.
Her stomach twisted. It wasn't fair that she could still want him, too, after so many years.
She let out a breath and tried to calm herself down. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she was acutely aware of how she could still taste Luke on her lips.
She wanted to look away from him, but she didn't want him to think that she was as bothered as she was. She just wished his gaze would move somewhere else. But that was Luke. He'd always looked right at her. He'd always seen the real her. At least, that's what she'd thought, but in the end, he'd only seen what he needed, not what she needed.
Another breath moved her chest. She had to break the silence. "So…that happened," she said somewhat helplessly.
"Yeah."
"Why did you kiss me, Luke?" It was a foolish question, but she couldn't stop it from crossing her lips.
"Why did you kiss me back?" he countered.
"You caught me off guard."
"That's not the reason." He paused. "I kissed you, because I've been thinking about it since I saw you come out of the lodge this morning. I wanted to know if it would be the same."
She supposed she'd wanted to know that, too. She waited for him to say it was or it wasn't, but he remained oddly silent. He dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels as his gaze finally moved away from her.
"We should go back," she said. "I have work to do. And you're probably tired from the drive up here."
"In a minute," he replied.
"It always has to be on your terms," she said, irritated that he once again wanted her to jump to his tune, but mostly angry because she still wanted him when she knew she shouldn't.
His gaze swung back to her. "What's wrong?"
"Now you know when something is wrong?" she asked with a touch of sarcasm.
"Yes. I also know when a woman wants me."
"I don't want you," she lied.
"Yes, you do. It didn't go away, Lizzie—what was between us—it's all still there."
She wanted to tell him he was wrong, but she'd never been a good liar. "Maybe for a second," she conceded. "For old times' sake. But we both know where this story ends, so we don't need to keep turning the pages."
His gaze hardened. "I loved you."
"You loved other things more," she said, even though her heart had skipped a beat at hi
s words. "That's why you left."
"And that's why you stayed."
"See, we're right back where we were."
"Why did it have to be all or nothing, Lizzie? Why couldn't we have done the summer, see where it led?" he asked.
"Because I knew where it would lead. I wanted to get my broken heart out of the way so I could concentrate on school and my career."
"A career you've now thrown away."
"Not thrown away—put away—for a good reason. Plus, I had ten years of music. I played on the biggest stages in the world. I got to do what I dreamed about doing. If it's over now, then it's over. Kaitlyn's life is just beginning. She needs a chance to be all she can be."
"That's very generous."
She shrugged, a little surprised at the compliment; there was so much anger and bitterness between them. "I didn't really have a choice."
"There's always a choice."
"Your life has worked out the way you wanted it to, hasn't it?" she asked. "You don't have any regrets, do you?"
"Mostly not."
"That's good," she said, wondering why it hadn't been an unconditional no. She couldn't help wondering if her absence in his life was the basis of that mostly, but that was probably a very egotistical thought. "Are you ready to go yet?"
"I'm ready," he said, falling into step with her as they walked back to the golf cart. Just as they reached the vehicle, he put a hand on her arm. "Lizzie."
"What?" she asked, worried he might kiss her again, and this time she wouldn't have surprise as an excuse.
Conflict moved through his eyes. "Nothing," he said, dropping his hand. "Let's go."
She wanted to feel good about his sudden silence, but she couldn't help wondering what he'd stopped himself from saying.
When they returned to the lodge, she forced a smile on her face and got back to business. As much as she wanted him to go far away, removing any temptation to see what else they still did well together, she still needed to get him to keep the resort. That had to be her focus and nothing else.
Luke (7 Brides for 7 Brothers Book 1) Page 5