When he lifted his head, she cupped his face with her hands and brought him back to her, stealing another kiss from his lips before she let him go. "You taste like chocolate and coffee, two of my favorite things."
"So do you," he said with a laugh. "But you're my favorite thing."
Warmth ran through her at his words. Luke could definitely be charming when he wanted to be. "You're high on my list, too."
"Good to know, especially since I'm wondering if you kissed me the second time just to taste the coffee on my lips, my little caffeine addict."
She laughed. "You do know me well, but that wasn't the reason. I just…"
"What? You just what?"
"Missed kissing you. Last night reminded me of how much I missed it."
His eyes darkened. "I know exactly what you mean." He paused. "Can I tell you a secret?"
"Of course," she said, as a nervous tingle ran down her spine.
He grabbed her hands, his fingers tightening around hers. "Today was the first time I've watched anyone I care about take a huge risk. I've never had to do that before. I've seen friends get into some dicey situations, but that was different. They were trained and prepared and knew what they were up against. But watching you go down that rope, I felt a worry beyond anything I've ever experienced. It is so much more difficult to watch someone face danger than to do it yourself. I don't think I ever knew that before."
Her heart swelled at the look in his eyes. "Last night when I was watching your movie, I wondered what it would have been like to be with you while you were taking all those tremendously dangerous risks. I don’t know if I could have lived through it."
"Well, I now understand that worry better. This afternoon, when you disappeared over the edge, all I could think about was that I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want the world to lose you. I didn't want Kaitlyn to lose you. You're just too important."
Her heart skipped at his words, the depth of emotion in his voice. "That's nice—"
He cut her off with a shake of his head. "It's not nice. It's love." He paused, letting the word sink in. "I love you, Lizzie. I don't think I've ever stopped loving you. Even through the anger, it was still there. I just buried it so I didn't have to keep hurting."
Her breath stalled in her chest. "I—I—" She wanted to say she loved him back, but those words had always been difficult for her. She'd been so destroyed by the father who had abandoned her that telling another man she loved him and then watching him walk away had been beyond her. That old fear was part of the reason why she'd walked away from Luke first, because deep down she'd known it was only a matter of time before he would go, and she hadn't thought she could take it.
"You can't say it, can you?" he said with disappointment.
"You know I care about you."
"You can say you love coffee, but you can't say you love me?" He shook his head in bewildered annoyance. "That's fine. I didn't say it just so you would say it back. I know it's not a word you seem able to use with me."
"And you know why," she reminded him, because unlike any other man in her life, Luke was the one who knew her backstory, who knew her fears, her scars.
"I'm not your father."
"I know that." What she didn't know was why she was stalling. It was three simple words. But what would come next? What would happen after she put her heart on the line? She'd been so brave earlier, but now she was back to being a coward.
"Aunt Liz?" Kaitlyn's voice came from the stairwell, then she appeared on the roof. "What are you guys doing up here?"
"Just getting some air," she replied, pulling her hands away from Luke's. "Are you going to bed?"
"In a few minutes." Kaitlyn paused, giving them both an uncertain look. "I kind of wanted to talk to Luke, if that's okay."
"It's fine with me," Luke said.
Realizing that Kaitlyn wanted to speak to Luke alone, Liz got to her feet. "I need to check on some things downstairs. Say good-night when you come back down," she told Kaitlyn. "Luke—we'll talk later."
"Sure," he said in a casual way that erased the intensity of the last few minutes.
Was that because Kaitlyn was there or because she hadn't had the guts to say she loved him?
She mentally kicked herself all the way downstairs. But it wasn't over, she told herself. She would talk to Luke again. She would tell him how she felt. Even if he left, even if he broke her heart…
Twelve
Luke smiled as Kaitlyn sat down on the bench next to him. She'd changed into leggings and a sweatshirt, and with her hair down and damp from a shower, no hint of her usual heavy makeup, she looked very much like a young, sweet girl.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
"Okay." She looked around. "I've never been up here before."
"Really? Never? It's a perfect place for stargazing." He turned his gaze upward. "I always feel good when I can see the stars. It makes me feel like the world is bigger and that my problems are very small. And away from the city, the stars shine so much brighter, don't you think?"
"Yeah. There are a lot out tonight. Not like LA where I used to live."
"They're there—you just can't see them."
She nodded but didn’t reply, and he didn't bother with another question. She had something on her mind, and she'd tell him when it felt right.
Finally, she said, "I miss my parents."
"I know." He paused. "I miss mine, too, and I'm a lot older than you. I don't need a mom and a dad anymore, but it still feels wrong that they're gone."
"Do you remember your mom?"
"Not as well as I wish I did. I was seven when she died. My memories are fleeting, but even when I can't really see her face, I can hear her voice, and I can remember the way I felt when she was with me. I was one of seven kids, but I always felt like she saw me. She saw each and every one of us." He took a breath, then added. "It was different with my father. To him, I think we were just a pack of boys. Sometimes when I'd get in trouble he couldn't even remember my name. He'd run through a couple of my brothers' names before he'd get to me. Although, he rarely started with James. James was my perfect older brother. I was nowhere close to perfect."
"What did you do that was bad?" she asked curiously.
"A lot of things I shouldn't have done. Luckily, I often had a brother looking out for me. That probably saved me a few times."
"I wish I had brothers or sisters. Then I wouldn't be so alone."
"You've got Lizzie," he reminded her.
"I know, but she—she should hate me. I've said some mean things to her. I hurt her feelings."
"But she doesn't hate you. She loves you like crazy. You need to let her in, Kaitlyn. She's not going to try to take your mom's place, but you can give her a place of her own, can't you? She'd die for you. She proved that today."
"I know. I couldn't believe it when she climbed down the mountain to get me. I never thought she was brave at all. I mean—she's afraid of spiders."
He smiled and tipped his head, remembering all the spiders he'd killed for Lizzie. "You're right. She hates spiders. But we all have fears. It's how we deal with them that matters. And if you'd landed in the middle of a nest of spiders, she still would have gone down that mountain for you, because she loves you. You're her blood. She will do anything for you. I hope you know that now."
"I do." She licked her lips. "I wasn't very nice to you, either, when you caught me with Rex and Will."
"I'll give you a pass on that one, but I hope you don't make that mistake again."
"I won't. I know it was stupid to go with them. I don't even like them that much."
"I'm glad you know it was stupid. You're in a fragile state right now. You need to let the people around you protect you. Your aunt wants the best for you and so does everyone else around here. In case you didn't notice, you have a lot of supporters here."
"I don't know why," she said in bemusement.
He smiled. "Because you're young and you've suffered a terrible loss, and ever
yone can see that your anger covers your pain. But I also see a lot of strength in you, Kaitlyn. You've got guts. And you've got passion. You just need to let your brain into the mix."
"I was scared when I went past Last Chance Rock, but I thought if I could get to the top, I would feel better. I would make my mother proud again. But I didn't make it."
"I think you got to exactly where you needed to be," he said.
"What does that mean?"
"One of the Sherpas on my Mt. Everest climb told me that he sees more people fail than succeed, but they never go home a loser, because they got where they needed to go. They learned what they needed to learn. For some, that's a mile up. For me, I had to climb the whole damn mountain."
Kaitlyn grinned. "What did you learn from doing that?"
He thought for a moment. "That life is amazing and sometimes short but always worth the effort. I never just wanted to survive; I always wanted to live in a big way. I wanted to experience everything I could. That's why I do what I do and why I make movies so I can take people with me on the journey. I want a big life for you, too, Kaitlyn. Lizzie wants that as well."
"I don't know about a big life," Kaitlyn said doubtfully.
He laughed. "You're right. She probably wants a safer life than you might want, but that's just until you're grown up and ready to be on your own. Until then, she wants to love you and protect you and that might be smothering at times, but it will be worth it."
"I guess. I did kind of like hiking more than I thought I would, at least before I fell."
"You should go again, but not alone."
"Maybe with you?" she asked hopefully.
He hesitated. "Maybe. I don't know how long I'll be here."
"Are you going to sell the resort?" Kaitlyn asked, changing the subject. "I heard Shari talking about it."
"I don't know. I've never owned property before. I've never wanted roots. But I do like this land and this house and the mountains around us. What do you think I should do?"
"Keep it," she said immediately.
"So you do like it here?"
She shrugged. "It's not as bad as I thought."
He thought that was probably as much of a ringing endorsement as he was going to get.
"Aunt Liz wants to stay here," Kaitlyn added. "I think she wants you to stay here, too. She likes you."
"I like her, too."
"Then why don't you know what to do?"
"It's complicated. I spend a lot of my life traveling."
"You could still travel. And then when you come home, you could come here."
She made it sound so simple. On the other hand, was he making it too complicated? "I don't know how often that would be," he said slowly.
Kaitlyn suddenly cocked her head to the right. "Where's that music coming from?"
He heard the faint strains of a piano, and his pulse leapt.
He jumped to his feet and walked toward the stairwell. Kaitlyn followed him down to the living room. They paused in the doorway, as Lizzie played the piano she swore she'd never touch.
Seeing her fingers fly across the keys and the look of intense concentration on her face and her joy in her music, took him back in time to all those days he'd watched her practice. He'd known her talent was immense, that her big dreams could come true. Maybe that's why he'd been so insistent that she spend the summer with him. Subconsciously, he'd sensed her destiny lay somewhere else. He'd wanted to keep her as close as he could. He'd wanted her to live his life instead of her own. He just hadn't realized it until now. Thank God she'd had the sense to stand him up so many years ago. She'd been able to live her dream for at least ten years.
"Wow, she's really good," Kaitlyn murmured. "I had no idea."
"She's amazing," he agreed.
Within minutes, other guests and staff workers began to drift into the living room. Lizzie didn't seem aware of anything but the piano. She'd finally given herself permission to play it, and now there was no stopping her.
The impromptu concert ended about a half hour later. Applause broke out, and Lizzie looked up in surprise. She gave an awkward, self-conscious nod, then got to her feet, waving aside the compliments.
"Can you teach me to play?" Kaitlyn asked when she came over to them.
"Of course," Lizzie said, surprise in her eyes. "I'd love to teach you to play."
"I didn't know you were that good," Kaitlyn said. "Mom used to say you were, but I didn't know."
"Thanks, honey."
"I knew you were good," he put in, drawing her gaze to his. "You haven't lost a beat, Lizzie."
"It felt both strange and wonderful to play again."
"I thought you weren't going to touch the piano."
"After I left you both on the roof, I felt restless, and when I came downstairs, the piano called to me. I went to the one place where I knew there was peace. For me, that's always been the piano. It's where I feel safe, where I feel like I know who I am and what I'm supposed to do." She blushed. "That sounds silly."
"Not at all," he murmured.
Their eyes met and held for a long moment. Then Kaitlyn interrupted them once again.
"Can I talk to you, Aunt Liz?" she asked.
"Of course. Why don't we go upstairs?"
Kaitlyn nodded, then gave Luke a tentative smile. "Thanks again for saving me."
"You're more than welcome. Good-night."
Lizzie lingered behind. "We need to talk, too, Luke, but I don't know how long this will take."
"It's fine."
"Is it fine?" she asked doubtfully.
"You should go talk to Kaitlyn."
She frowned. "You're not leaving tomorrow, are you?"
He really didn't know. He probably should, because unless what she wanted to talk to him about was how much she loved him, he really didn't want to hear it. "I don't have any plans yet."
"Then I'll see you in the morning."
He nodded and watched her go, not at all sure he would see her tomorrow morning or any other morning.
He felt like he was right back where he'd once been—faced with uncertainty that Lizzie had ever or would ever love him enough to follow him or even ask him to stay. Was it that she just couldn't say the words, or because she didn't feel the love? But he knew she did; she was just afraid. Or maybe he was the one who was afraid. He could say he loved her, but he'd never offered her the life she really wanted. Could he do that now? Even if he did, would she say yes?
* * *
Kaitlyn had already crawled under the covers when Liz walked into her bedroom. Judging by her niece's drooping eyelids, the stress and emotions of the day were catching up to her.
She sat down next to her on the bed and gave her a smile. "You look like you're about ready to fall asleep."
"I feel so tired all of a sudden."
"Me, too. We can talk tomorrow."
"I wanted to say something tonight. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry that I said Mom was mad at you for not coming home. She wasn't really. She was proud of how good you were at playing the piano; she just missed you."
"I missed her, too, and I do wish I'd gone to see you all more often."
"And I'm sorry I've been so mean to you. I thought…" She licked her lips. "I thought once you knew that I didn't climb up the hill after the accident, that I could have maybe saved my mom and dad's lives but didn't, that you'd hate me."
She immediately shook her head. "No, honey, I told you before that you couldn't have saved your parents even if you'd climbed two mountains. I really believe your mom told you to get out of the car because she was afraid it would slide farther down the ravine or burst into flames. She wanted you to be safe. That was her only thought at that moment. She wanted you to live. That's all that mattered to her. I know Kelly as well as I know myself. The proudest, happiest moment in her life was when she had you. I know that for a fact."
Kaitlyn's eyes watered, and she felt her own eyes tearing up, but she'd finally been given a chance to talk to Kaitlyn, and she ha
d a few more things to say. "I want the same thing for you," she continued. "I feel this incredibly strong protective instinct toward you, and I know I'm just your aunt, but I want to make sure that every dream your mom ever had for you comes true. And I know those dreams were for you to live a happy, loving life. So that's what we're going to do, okay?"
"I just miss her so much. And my dad, too. It didn't feel right that I was alive and they weren't."
"It isn't right, but it's life, and we have to keep going. We're not going to forget them. We're going to remember all the little details and celebrate their lives every chance we can. I think that will be good for both of us, don’t you?"
Kaitlyn nodded. "It was her birthday today."
"I know. And I think we gave her a good present."
"What's that?" Kaitlyn asked in surprise.
"We're talking—you and me. She'd want that more than anything."
"Yeah, she would," Kaitlyn admitted.
"You should sleep now. We'll keep talking tomorrow, right?"
"I have a feeling you won't shut up," Kaitlyn said with a hint of her old sarcasm, but there was love behind the words now.
She laughed. "That's probably true." She got up and walked to the door.
"Aunt Liz?"
"Yes?"
"Is Luke leaving?"
She drew in a quick breath. "I don't know when, but I think in the end he will leave."
"You should ask him to stay."
"I can't. He has to make that choice on his own."
"You're going to be sad."
She would be sad, but she wasn't going to show it. "I think we've both had enough sadness for a while. Whatever happens, I'm going to be happy for Luke, happy that he's doing what he wants to do."
"If you didn't have me, you could go with him," Kaitlyn suggested. "Or you could play the piano again."
"I can play the piano here."
"Not if Luke sells the place. The new owner might not let us stay."
"I don't want you to worry. We are going to be fine. You and I are survivors. We will bloom wherever we land." She smiled. "Your mom used to say that to me when our mom used to move us around a lot, when things were tough. And she was right. Life is meant to be lived. You take whatever is thrown at you, and you do your best and you make it good. We are going to have an amazing life together no matter what."
Luke (7 Brides for 7 Brothers Book 1) Page 15