by Emma Browne
‘Go on, then.’
The game began. Jack gave Sophia a run for her money, and within an hour they were taking over the board, making alliances with the rest of us to force each other out of the game. Sophia got me on her team, but Jack managed to persuade both Michael and Julia to be on his side. When Jack started building houses on Mayfair and Park Lane, Sophia already had three houses each on the green streets. She landed on Go and smiled as she replaced the houses with hotels. ‘You’re all most welcome to visit my hotels,’ she said, and gave a smug smile.
‘Yeah, yeah.’ Michael took a sip of beer before rolling the dice. He landed on Fleet Street, which belonged to himself, and passed the dice along to Jack. ‘This game is such an awful picture of how the world works.’
‘What?’ Jack frowned and rolled the dice. ‘Yes! Free Parking.’
I sighed and helped him scoop the money up from the board. He would have to make some big mistakes in order to lose this game.
‘Yes, exactly like that,’ Michael said. ‘The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. And it’s all down to whatever luck one happens to have.’
‘Luck?’ Sophia snorted. ‘This isn’t about luck. It’s all about strategy.’
‘That’s what all the rich people would tell you.’ Michael shrugged.
Sophia tutted. ‘You’re just a sore loser.’
‘Uh-huh. And so the world keeps turning.’
‘Is it my turn yet?’ I asked.
‘Uh-huh. Go ahead.’ Jack leered at me as he gave me the dice. I was down to my last hundred pounds, and as far as real estate went, I had mortgaged everything except Bow Street and Piccadilly. If I rolled a five or a seven, I would land on his hotels on Park Lane or Mayfair. An eight would take me to Go, though, and I could do with the extra money.
‘Eight, eight. Please let me roll an eight.’ I rolled the dice.
Five.
‘Ouch.’ Jack grinned.
I sighed. ‘Yeah, yeah. Just tell me how much you want.’
‘That’ll be one thousand five hundred pounds. Please.’
‘What?’ There was no way I could pay – I was out now. I held out my hand, wrist up, to him. ‘Do you want my blood, too?’
He laughed. ‘Nope, but I’d be happy to relieve you of those streets you’ve got there.’
Michael gestured. ‘And this is where monopoly is actually kinder than the world is. At least when you lose monopoly you’re out of the game. When you lose all you’ve got in real life, you still have to keep going. Somehow.’
Julia nodded. ‘It’s really tragic.’
‘Yes. Tragic. Awful. Horrendous.’ I sighed. ‘It’s an evil game.’
Sophia sighed. ‘Oh, shut up. Michael, nobody will want to play if you keep going on like that.’
‘Oh? Really?’ He smirked. ‘Wouldn’t that be a shame.’
Jack laughed. ‘Maybe we should call it a draw, Sophia?’
‘A draw?’ Sophia glared at him. ‘There is no such thing as a draw in monopoly! If you don’t want to play anymore, we count up our money and see who won.’ She shook her head and muttered ‘Call it a draw? I’ve never heard such nonsen-’
Jack shrugged. ‘Fine.’
It turned out Sophia had won, and she shook her head as she put the board away. ‘Sore losers. Wouldn’t even let me win fair and square.’
I took up drink orders and went to put the kettle on. Midnight was only a few minutes away now, so I took the champagne and sparkling grape juice out of the fridge and got some glasses, leaving the tea for later.
‘Hey.’ Jack came into the kitchen and put a bunch of dirty glasses on the counter. ‘They’re suggesting we play poker, instead.’
‘Huh.’ I smirked. ‘I bet Michael suggested that.’
Jack frowned. ‘He did. Why?’
‘He loses every board game to Sophia, but she can’t beat him at poker.’ I pulled a tray of cut up fruit I had prepared earlier out of the fridge and passed it to Jack. ‘Drives her crazy.’
Jack laughed and took the tray into the living room. He came back with more dirty dishes, and started loading the dishwasher.
Watching him, I sighed. He would make some woman a wonderful husband one day. Maybe, just maybe, it could be us. Maybe it was the happiness of the evening, but I let myself imagine it was me – for way longer than I should have.
The dishes banged, snapping me back to reality. My fanciful imagination was out of control tonight, and when I saw the growing smile on Jack’s face, I realised I had been staring. Annoyed at myself, I searched for a way out of being alone with Jack.
‘You can just leave the dishes. I’ll sort them out later,’ I said. ‘Take these glasses in instead. It’s almost midnight.’
‘I’m just about done here,’ he replied as he put the last plates in the washer, before taking the tray with champagne glasses off the counter.
I followed him into the living room with the champagne and sparkling grape juice. Julia was passing around party hats and streamers whilst Michael was shuffling playing cards. I passed Julia the champagne bottle to open and poured myself a glass of the juice.
‘You’ll have to remind me of the rules of Poker again,’ I said as the champagne was poured.
‘Oh, sure. Later. It’s 23.58 already.’ Sophia said. ‘Are you all ready?’
I smiled and nodded. There were some traditions I liked more than others. Counting down to midnight on New Year’s Eve was one of them. Maybe the irrational part of me hoped that with the new year came new beginnings. A chance to leave the past behind and to start over. It was a part of me I worked hard to keep in check, but on New Year’s Eve it tended to come out.
Glancing round the room as Sophia started counting down, I held up my glass. ‘Eight, seven, six…’
Julia blew her whistle and popped a party popper, her eyes glittering with laughter. My eyes circled round to Jack and found him watching me. A shiver ran up my spine as his eyes held mine.
‘Three, two…’
He clinked his glass to mine.
‘One. Happy New Year!’ Sophia cheered.
I raised my glass closer to Jack’s, clinking it again and stepping closer. Wrapped up in the moment, I took another step and wrapped my arm around his waist. ‘Happy New Year!’ My words were muffled into his shirt.
He bent his head down toward me to hear over the noise around us. ‘What did you say?’
Bringing my face up from his shirt to look at him, I said it again. ‘Happy New…’ He was so close, and warm, and the thoughts in my head jumbled as the awareness of being so close to him hit me in the gut. My New Year optimism wrapped around the wish that life could be different, and I found myself thinking that maybe with a new year could come new beginnings. Maybe things could be different if we tried again. Maybe…
I stretched onto my tippy toes and now he was only a breath away. He stood, entirely motionless, watching the indecision in my eyes as I decided what to do.
Kissing him would be so easy.
An accidental bump by Sophia pushed the arm I held my glass with, and without warning the glass tipped out of my hand, pouring its contents down Jack’s shirt.
The surprise on his face as he took a sharp breath in pushed any thoughts of kissing him out of my mind. Stepping away, I let out an embarrassed laugh. ‘I’m sorry! I’ll get a towel.’
I ran to the kitchen, finding a towel on the counter. I took a deep breath to steady myself, then shook my head. Burying my face in the towel, I squeezed my eyes shut as I reminded myself that New Year’s Eve was a construct people had made up. A new year did not mean a clean slate. It just meant another day. Nothing changed just because there was champagne and party poppers.
Jack continued to be Jack, and I continued to be me. And no matter how nice it would be if we could change our past – the truth was that we couldn’t.
Consequently, it would have been a disaster if I had kissed him.
A disaster.
And if my heart twinged a little at the missed opport
unity, I reassured myself that it was definitely best to have avoided that.
Chapter 31
Miranda
The following day we had a Project Cup fundraiser at the beach. Sophia had volunteered to raise money by doing the Loony Dook – a dip in the sea on New Year’s Day. We hadn’t raised loads of money, and Nick and Jack had ended up throwing Julia into the sea too. Afterwards, the three of us girls went home to my house, and I made them warm drinks. They sat on the couch, wrapped up in all my blankets, still shivering, and we talked for hours. Julia and Nick were leaving for Kenya in a few days, and I wondered how that would go, as Julia seemed rather murderous when she spoke of him.
‘So,’ Sophia looked at me and wiggled her eyebrows. ‘Have you made any decisions about Angus from the bank?’
‘Angus at the bank?’ Julia sounded intrigued. ‘How come I live with you, but this is the first I hear of Angus at the bank?’
I cleared my throat as I felt my cheeks go warm. ‘I think I’ve decided to go out with him.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ Sophia grinned widely.
‘Yeah, I think so. I mean, I can give it a go.’ I shrugged. ‘It’s not like I’m agreeing to marry him by going out for dinner once, right?’
‘Right.’ Sophia nodded. ‘Absolutely.’
‘Wow, it’s been a while since you dated anyone.’ Julia stroked my arm, and I gave her a tentative smile. ‘How do you feel about it?’
Awkward. I felt mainly awkward about this whole situation. I took a sip of my tea and said, ‘I guess I’m nervous? He’s a good guy, you know.’
‘Yes.’ Sophia nodded. ‘And also, hot.’
I blushed again. Sophia was right. There was nothing about Angus that was unattractive. ‘Yes, well, there’s that.’
‘If this is the Angus I think it is, yes, he is hot.’ Julia smiled. ‘It’s nice that you’re dating again.’
After having been engaged to Julia’s brother, speaking with her about dating other people felt a little strange. I ran my hands through my hair and peered at her through squinty eyes as I grimaced. ‘I decided it’s a new year, and it’s time to move into a new phase.’
‘Not a minute too soon,’ Sophia said. ‘I can’t remember the last time you had a date.’
Julia seemed thoughtful, but not hurt. ‘Uh-huh. It’s been a while.’
‘Probably at least a year,’ Sophia said.
‘Something like that.’ I wasn’t about to tell them about my fling with Jack in China. They would never drop it. ‘I think I decided to take a break after that guy, Edward, stuck me with the bill in the restaurant after he left with a girl he used to date. I never heard from him again.’ It still annoyed me, more than a year later.
Sophia sighed. ‘Honestly, men can be such…’
‘But now, here you are,’ Julia cut in, saving us from a rant from Sophia. ‘About to date Angus. And he’s a good guy.’
‘I think we need alcohol,’ Sophia said. ‘To toast the New Year and your date, and also to warm me up. I’m still cold from the sea.’
The next morning, we went into town to set up our stall for the last few days of the market. We sold cups and gave out flyers until it felt like there couldn’t be a person in Edinburgh that hadn’t heard about Project Cup. And when Angus texted, I replied, and we arranged to go for our date after work the following Thursday night.
That Thursday, I struggled to concentrate at work. I almost cancelled the date with Angus ten times but kept reminding myself that it was time to move on. Besides, if I didn’t want to end up alone, I had better get back in the dating pool.
I freshened up my make up in the ladies’ room before gathering my things and walking to the lobby, where Angus had asked me to meet him. He wore a grey coat, and his scarf matched his blue eyes, which lit up when he saw me.
‘Miranda!’ He kissed my cheek. ‘It’s good to see you.’
I gave a nervous laugh and nodded too enthusiastically. ‘Yes. I’m sorry I’m late.’
‘Oh, no worries.’ He waved my apology away. ‘We have plenty of time.’
We walked down the steps of the Mound, and through the Christmas Market. My heart sank as I realised his idea of a date was probably a bratwurst at one of the Christmas Market stands and a ride on the Ferris wheel. At this point, I had spent about as much time at the Christmas Market as I ever could want to spend there. Still, I had decided to date him, so I would give him a chance. Maybe he could find a way to make it interesting again.
‘I bet you spend enough time here, if you’ve got a stall here, eh?’ He said as he scanned the busy market.
‘I don’t mind.’ I gave him a weak smile. ‘Although I must confess, selling isn’t my forte.’
He scrunched his nose. ‘I don’t know how you do it. All the people…’
I laughed. ‘That’s what I said, but my friends insist all these people are a good thing. I think they call them customers?’
‘I know.’ Angus cringed. ‘But you would have to speak to them? And make small talk?’
I nodded, still smiling. ‘I know. It’s awful.’
We walked past the National Gallery, but instead of turning into the Gardens, Angus led me up Hanover Street to a little Mediterranean and Middle Eastern restaurant I hadn’t been to before. A lady ushered us to a table in the corner and took our drinks order.
‘I hope this is okay,’ Angus said, once she left. He seemed a little nervous, but smiled, flashing his dimples at me.
He was cute, and there were no sparks. None at all. In fact, though it was a bit awkward at the start, it had started to feel… nice.
Perfect.
Nice was just what I wanted. Nice meant comfortable, and convenient. Reliable. My heart was in no way in danger from getting broken.
‘It’s great.’ I smiled back. We got out the menu and ordered a few dishes each to share from the meze section. It turned out Angus was vegetarian too, which again was nice, and would be convenient in the long term.
He asked me about Project Cup again and I told him that Julia had just left for Kenya with the cups we were giving the high school in Mombasa. He seemed interested and asked a whole bunch of questions about how we had started up, so I told him the story as the food was brought to the table a few dishes at a time.
‘It sounds as though you guys have some choices to make as far as the future goes. But whether you go on and grow the whole thing, or end it after this shipment has been paid for, it’s a great idea. So, are you planning to continue, or is this it now?’
I cleared my throat. ‘I’ve actually been running the numbers, and we would have to change how we run things if we were going to take this much further. We would need to take some significant financial risks to keep going. This first time we’re basically making ends meet – the cups we are giving away are being paid for by the ones we’re selling here – but none of us are taking a salary. And in the long term we would have to make the business side of things here work better.’
He nodded. ‘Is that something you want to do?’
‘Well, yes.’ I bit my lip as I thought about it. ‘I would like to make it work. It’s just that the risk feels quite big. It would require us working without pay for a few months. And I’m not sure if I can afford that. You know?’
He looked at me as though he was desperate to say something but held back. Instead he shrugged and said, ‘Well, we could try raising some money.’
I wished it was as easy as that. ‘I’m just not sure how much money we can raise. We did the Looney Dook at Hogmanay just now, and raised about three hundred and fifty pounds, which isn’t exactly enough.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘It sounds as though you need a few proper investments, as well as a team of people that would be willing to do a whole bunch of smaller fundraisers.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘I think we should do that run up Arthur’s Seat in April I was telling you about. We should get the office to sponsor us. They’re all in banking, so I figure we should be able to rais
e some money off that. And I’ll do the Edinburgh marathon in May too. You can join me if you want?’
‘I’ve never run a whole marathon before,’ I spluttered. I wasn’t sure what to think about how he was this eager to help.
He shrugged. ‘You could do the 10K or the half instead. In any case, I’m sure we could raise some money that way. And by then, you guys will have figured out whether you can make the business feasible in the long term.’
‘Huh.’
He let me stew on that for a while. ‘What are you thinking?’
‘I don’t know what to think.’ I frowned. ‘Why do you want to help like this?’
He bit the inside of his cheek as he looked at me. ‘I think there are some ideas that shouldn’t be given up on too quickly, don’t you agree?’
‘Sure.’ I nodded. ‘In any case, I would like to do the run in April with you. I run round Arthur’s Seat all the time when it’s not this cold, so I don’t think the distance should be a problem.’
‘Ah, but do you run up and down the hill?’
I laughed. ‘No, not exactly.’
‘It’s not that intense – people run up Ben Nevis after all – but it’s a good little starter race for the season.’
‘I bet.’ I was mopping up the last of the hummus with a piece of pita bread. ‘This food is amazing.’
‘Yeah, I like this place.’
I smiled. There were loads of things that were nice about Angus. He was kind and interesting and nice to look at. I could see lots of reasons why a relationship with him would fit me perfectly.
Or so I thought, until we walked to the bus stop. He told me he would wait with me for my bus to take me home.
‘I had a nice time tonight,’ I said as we came to the empty bus shelter.
‘Me, too.’ He turned toward me. Stepping closer, into my space, he looked down at me, his eyes roaming my face and focusing on my lips. My heart sped up and I felt a wave of nausea as he dipped his head, bringing his lips towards mine. Panicked, I turned my head, letting his lips touch my cheek instead of my lips, and quickly pulled away. Shivering, I wondered why on earth I had put myself in this situation.
He gave an embarrassed laugh, and, even as I was mortified, I knew it would be a long, long time before I would ever want to kiss anyone other than Jack.