by Kendall Ryan
The air left me like a popped balloon, and I tried to think of something . . . anything to say.
Luckily, she saved me the effort.
“Who are you?” she asked, eyeing me warily up and down.
It took all I had not to run a hand through my mussed hair. That was, until I realized I was wearing a baggy AC/DC T-shirt and a pair of faded leggings I’d had since college.
“I’m the nanny. My name is Addison.” I opened the door wider and waved a hand to usher her in.
From what Max had told me, the woman wasn’t a psycho, and he hadn’t told me to keep her out. It hardly seemed my place as the new nanny to tell the woman who had given birth to Dylan that she wasn’t welcome, but at the same time, Max hadn’t said to allow her in either.
I cursed myself for not pressing the issue harder when I’d thought of it early on. He’d seemed so sure she was out of the picture . . .
“Hi, Addison, I’m Jenn. Dylan’s mom.” She stepped into the foyer and glanced around.
I followed her gaze and wanted to weep with relief as I saw the place through her eyes.
It was clean, but also looked lived in. The blanket fort near the couch and the makeshift pots-and-pan drum kit made it very clear that the baby and I had spent some fun time together, a fact that made me feel marginally better.
“I saw the resemblance right away,” I said, leading her into the kitchen, wondering if I was doing the right thing. “She looks just like you.” I shot a glance at the clock and realized Max would be home within the next half hour, and he could make that decision for himself.
Jenn squealed as she caught sight of the baby, who was playing with a cone and a set of colorful rubber donuts in graduated sizes.
“There’s my girl!”
I stood to the side, my stomach pitching wildly as I waited to see what would happen next, telling myself not to feel hurt no matter what. This was Dylan’s mother. Yeah, Jenn had left her here, but that didn’t change the fact that she’d carried Dylan for nine months and then raised her for the first year of her life.
But Dylan barely even looked up before going back to playing with her toys.
Jenn’s mouth went tight with what looked like irritation, but I was sure must be hurt, and I instantly felt awful for her.
“She’s probably just tired,” I announced with a dismissive wave. “She’s decided that two naps a day are for wimps, so we’ve been working through her cranky time in the afternoon. Dylan, your mommy is here. You want to come out and say hi?”
She perked up as I held my arms out to her and tugged her from her high chair.
Jenn held out her arms expectantly, but Dylan shook her head.
“No.”
This was getting more awkward by the second. I shot a glance at my phone, wondering if I should sneak away and call Max after all. I didn’t want to leave the baby alone with Jenn, but at the same time, I was starting to wonder if I’d made a mistake by even letting her in.
Jenn’s pretty face was flushed with what looked like irritation, and I held the baby more firmly to my hip. This was not the tearful reunion I’d have expected at all.
“Does Max know you were coming, or should I give him a call and let him know you stopped by?”
“I spoke to him last night, actually.”
That sent me reeling as a thousand thoughts attacked me at once. Why hadn’t he told me about her call? He’d had more than one opportunity, both last night and this morning when we chatted over breakfast and he’d given me a quick kiss good-bye. Even a text could have worked if he’d forgotten.
But he hadn’t forgotten. That would be a pretty big thing to not recall.
Which meant he’d intentionally hidden it from me.
There were only two reasons he would do that. One, if that call from her was something more than just a call and he didn’t want to hurt me, or if my feelings on the subject didn’t matter at all because I was just a quick fuck to him. And both options made me want to throw up.
The last remnants of joy drained away, and I cleared my too-tight throat.
“Yes, well, he mentioned he would be home early tonight, and should be pulling in within the next hour. I was about to start dinner. Maybe you’d like to play with Dylan and chat with me while I do that?”
She nodded and took the baby from my arms almost defiantly. For a second, Dylan struggled, and I wondered if I was going to have to fight this woman, but then she settled in.
“Aw, see? She just needed a second to remember who her mama was.”
I turned away so Jenn couldn’t see that her aim had been true and her pointed barb had pierced my heart.
She wasn’t lying. Facts were facts, but, God, did it hurt.
I tried to make small talk as I bustled around the kitchen, prepping chicken-and-veggie stir fry. It was a difficult task, though, as what I really wanted to say was never far from the tip of my tongue.
Who the fuck could leave this precious child?
How dare you come waltzing back in like nothing happened?
Can you please go back to wherever you came from and never return?
That was selfish and I knew it. If Dylan could have both her mother and her father in her life, that would be ideal. I had to put her needs before my own, no matter how much it hurt.
When the front door opened a few minutes later, I was a ball of seething emotion and an inch from tears.
“Hey, whose car is—” Max broke off as he stepped into the kitchen and his mouth dropped open in surprise. “Hi, Jenn. Uh, what’s going on?”
“I missed my little girl,” she said simply, patting Dylan’s bottom awkwardly as she squeezed her closer.
I watched the interaction more confused than ever. The way she was looking at Max, like he was what was for dinner, made me wonder if her visit here had been about Dylan at all. One thing seemed clear that made me feel marginally less horrible. He obviously hadn’t known she was coming tonight.
Max shot his gaze from me to Jenn and then to Dylan, who cooed with delight and kicked her feet. His puzzled face morphed into a smile as he set his briefcase down and took his daughter into his arms.
“Hi there, little bear. Daddy missed you.” He kissed her cheek and shot a warning look at Jenn. “We’ll talk after dinner.”
I should have taken that as my cue to go. Instead, glutton for punishment and not sure how to handle any of this, I stayed. The next forty-five minutes was a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy as I watched Jenn fawn over Max, taking every opportunity to bring up their past together.
She was refilling his wineglass as she let out a peal of laughter so shrill, it sent a chill up my spine. “Remember that time we went to Cabo and you drank so much tequila, you climbed onstage to play the maracas with that mariachi band?”
He smiled and nodded, forking in some chicken and then pausing to give Dylan a bite of rice.
“I don’t, actually, but I have the pictures to prove it.”
“We had some good times . . .” Jenn trailed off and covered Max’s hand with hers.
“Okay!” I blurted, and then pushed myself away from the table, pasting on a fake grin. “So, I’m going to go make some phone calls and let you guys . . . do whatever it is you guys plan to do with your night. Jenn,” I turned and offered her a little wave, “it was nice meeting you. Max, give me a yell if you want me to do bath time with the baby.”
I ran out of the room like the hounds of hell were chasing me, but even at that, I still didn’t make it to my door before the tears started.
Shit, shit, shit.
How had I let myself fall so hard so fast? For Max, and for Dylan. And now it might all be over before it had even started. He didn’t seem receptive to Jenn’s come-ons, but be wasn’t exactly putting her off either. And none of it explained why he hadn’t mentioned the call, or more importantly, why he hadn’t pulled her aside and demanded to know what she was doing here the second he walked in.
I swiped a hand over my face an
d chewed on my bottom lip.
This was crazy. I needed to get a grip.
I had just managed to talk myself out of tears and into anger when there was a knock at my door.
“Come in.”
Max stepped into the room, and I sucked in a steadying breath as I took a seat on the edge of my mattress.
“Is everything okay?” he asked gently, his eyes filled with concern.
“Um, not so great, actually.” I tried not to stare at his muscular tattooed arms because all that did was make me wish they were around me, comforting me right now. “I’m just a little thrown off, and felt like I was interrupting family time down there.” I managed to bite back an acidic comment about strolling down memory lane, but it was a close call.
Not my place to say. None of it was.
“I’m thrown off too. Addison, I had no idea she would show up.”
“She called you yesterday. She didn’t mention it then?” I asked.
He had the grace to look ashamed as he shrugged. “I should’ve told you that, but it was a nothing conversation. Certainly not one that indicated she would be coming back into the picture anytime soon.”
I was a child who’d never had the luxury of having parents who lived under one roof. So, as much as it killed me, I had to do what was right for the baby. If that meant stepping back, that was what I would do.
“Maybe it’s for the best.” My throat ached, but I pushed through. “If Dylan can have you both in her life, she should. I don’t want to get in the way of that. Go back downstairs and enjoy the time with your family, Max. I have some things to do, anyway.”
He hesitated, raking a hand through his hair with a groan of frustration. “This is new territory for me, and I have no idea how to handle it. None of this came with instructions, Addison. Please, give me a chance to think it all through before you write me off, okay?”
“Last night was probably a mistake anyway, Max. It was a hot fantasy, and now real life is back, you know?”
He drew back and his face went tense, but he didn’t reply.
“Go ahead, go back down and be with your daughter and her mother. We can talk another time.”
I turned away and closed my eyes, not opening them again until the door closed a minute later. Then I dropped my face to the bed and screamed hoarsely into the pillow.
So what if Max had given me a couple of orgasms? None of that mattered now. It wasn’t like I was his girlfriend or we’d made promises. I was just the nanny.
And it was time I started remembering that.
Chapter Eighteen
Max
I stared at the file in front of me and realized I’d read the same line a dozen times and was still no closer to comprehending it than I was when I’d started.
Fuck.
This whole thing with Addison had me in knots, not to mention the drama that had ensued afterward with Jenn.
Restless, I tapped my fingers on my desk and wondered where to go from here.
I knew where I wanted to go. My thoughts instantly drifted back to the other night with Addison. She’d been amazing. Responsive, sexy, and every curve of her body made my cock throb just thinking about it. More than that? I liked her. Really liked her. She got my sense of humor, and we got along so well.
Which was why I was still feeling stunned that she’d basically given me the brush-off.
I picked up a pencil and started absently drawing cubes on the manila file folder.
Addison been almost chilly when she’d basically told me last night that it had been a mistake. It sure as shit hadn’t felt like a mistake to me, though. Then this morning, I’d thought about talking to her. Telling her what had transpired between Jenn and me after she’d gone to bed, but she had refused to even look at me aside from wishing me a quick and not very convincing good morning.
A knock on the door scattered my thoughts. I looked up to see Tiffany standing in the doorway, a smile pinned to her lips.
“Hey there, boss man. How are things?”
I shrugged and smiled back. “Fine, how about you?”
Her grin dimmed and she stepped into the office, closing the door behind her.
“Who do you think you’re fooling, Max? You never doodle like that unless something is bugging you. Did I do something wrong?” Her brows knitted together in puzzlement, but I shook my head.
“No, not at all, it’s just. . . .” I wasn’t sure of the protocol here, but I could definitely use a woman’s perspective, and the brief little thing between Tiffany and me hardly classified as a relationship. Surely, since she was my friend and assistant, it would be okay for me to get her take on this whole mess. “Jenn came over last night.”
Tiffany’s eyebrows shot high as she sank into the chair across from me with a gasp. “Jenn Jenn? Your ex?”
I nodded grimly. “Yeah. It was super awkward. She didn’t tell me she was coming, and I think her showing up like that out of the blue upset Addison.”
Tiffany’s eyes narrowed and she stared at me speculatively. “Why would that upset Addison?”
The question caught me off guard. Why, indeed? If Addison didn’t care about me, and the other night had been a mistake, then it should have been a relief if she thought Jenn was coming back around. Unless she was really just that upset about the potential of losing her job. Not that I could blame her. Dylan had only been in my life a short time, but already, the thought of losing her felt like losing a limb.
“It’s complicated,” I said finally. “And I’ve got a meeting to go to that takes precedence over my personal life. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. What’s up? What did you need from me?” I asked, eyeing her expectantly.
Tiffany seemed to hesitate, like she wanted to say more about the subject, but then finally nodded. “I just wanted to remind you about the meeting, and let you know that I ordered lunch from Benito’s for you guys to have in the conference room.”
“Thanks,” I said, genuinely grateful that at least one thing in my life hadn’t turned to shit overnight. Tiffany was a good employee and was always looking out for me.
She waved off my thanks and stood. “If you ever need to talk or blow off some steam, Max, I’m here for you. We can grab a drink . . . and talk. Just remember that.”
She backed out of the office and closed the door behind her, leaving me staring after her.
That was strange. The phrase blow off some steam had been one she’d used once to refer to what had happened between us a couple of years back. I was sure it was unintentional, but the way things were going, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had one more complication on the horizon.
I set down my pencil and picked up the folder, intent on getting through the rest of the day focused on work. If I didn’t get my head together, I wouldn’t have to worry about Addison at all because I wouldn’t be able to afford a nanny or that house.
The next few hours flew by as I dived headlong into work. When I finally came up for air just before quitting time, one thing had become abundantly clear to me.
Not even a full day had passed since Addison and I had talked, and I missed her already. I couldn’t let this stand without at least trying to get to the bottom of how she was really feeling.
• • •
On the ride home, I thought of all the things I could say to Addison, but when I walked in the door a few minutes later, those thoughts flitted away like leaves on the wind.
The place was trashed, toys and sippy cups everywhere. Smears of what looked like chocolate—please, God, let it be chocolate—were on the living room wall, and a puddle of milk was spilled on the tile in the foyer.
“Hello?” I called, the very beginnings of fear starting to pulse through my veins.
What if Addison had fallen and gotten hurt? What if the baby had been by herself all day and I didn’t even know it? Here I was all caught up in my own drama, and I hadn’t even checked in on them. But my fears were laid to rest a few seconds later as Addison rounded the corner with Dy
lan in her arms.
“Hi,” Addison said dully. Dark smudges were under her eyes, and her hair was caked with tiny ring-shaped noodles. “Someone is having a hard day today,” she whispered.
Almost on cue, Dylan let out a bloodcurdling scream that rent the air.
“Teething, I think.” Addison shouted to be heard as she tried to rock the screaming, stiff-with-rage baby in her arms. “Nothing has been helping.”
I set down my briefcase and reached for Dylan. She quieted and came to me easily, snuggling close. The second I started to relax, she sank her three teeth into my neck. “Son of a—” I bit back a string of curses and tugged her away, holding her aloft in shock.
She stared back at me in full demon-baby mode, completely unapologetic as she stuffed her fist into her drooly mouth.
“Yeah, sorry. I guess I should’ve led with that,” Addison said, pointing ruefully to twin teeth marks marring her collarbone. “It’s not pretty. I was about to put her into the bath with some lavender oil to calm her.”
Dylan’s bottom lip started to quiver, and my gut gave a squeeze of sympathy. Even demon babies needed love. I held her close again, but not quite as close as last time, and kept my guard up. “Why don’t you go relax for a while, and I’ll do the bath, okay?”
Addison looked like she was about to argue, but then her eyes went suspiciously glassy and she nodded. “Yeah. I think I’ll feel better once I have some tea, and maybe do some yoga or something.”
She turned and I watched her go, feeling helpless and heartsick all at once.
How had my perfect little life gone to shit so fast?
I carried the baby upstairs, hoping against hope this was just a bump in the road and not the catastrophic end to something that had started so promisingly. Dylan and I would be okay. I’d make sure of it, but what of dealing with all of this? My lie of omission, Jenn coming by, Dylan pulling the exorcist routine—what if it was all too much, and Addison decided to get out while the getting was good?
The water was still running when I reached the bathroom, and I turned it off. Dylan whimpered softly as I made short work of her clothes and tested the water temperature before I slipped her into the tub.