Totem

  I feel something growing on Ty. In response, I push my hips quickly forward against his groin. I know Ty’s wishes are to go slow but his body betrays him. I only hope to quicken the process as I press against him squeezing my legs around him.

  Immediately the kisses stop and the animal within Ty growls. I open my eyes and look at him. His head is lowered, but his eyes stare at me with raw animal instinct. For a split second, I swear the color of his eyes are different. The light chocolate brown is replaced with golden yellow. If I had more time to scrutinize, I would have sworn they are glowing. I blink my eyes to get a better look. Just as quickly as they turned yellow, they are back to brown.

  “You’re trouble,” Ty states.

  He takes a step back to regain composure as his hands rub up and down my thighs. I feel myself getting a little insecure. I know he wants to go slow, but I am ready. For once in my nineteen years of living, I feel truly ready to take that next step with a guy. I let out a deep sigh and look down at his hands rubbing my thighs.

  “Hey,” says Ty as he lowers his head to my line of vision. “It will happen. There are just some things I want to prepare you for.”

  ‘Prepare you for’ sticks in my mind. Those are the words that no lady wants to hear. Usually they mean something bad. Usually they mean there is something wrong. I let out a very deep, long frustrated sigh. I want to say something, but know the words will come out wrong. So I drop it and gave him one more kiss.

  “Can you help me turn on the shower?” I ask.

  “Of course,” replies Ty as he lifts me off the counter. We walk towards the bathroom hand in hand.

  In my haze to make an entrance to my ‘I love you’ for Ty, I did not get a chance to take a good look at the bathroom. The sink and toilet contained the same stainless steel and granite theme of the kitchen. The shower, however, is completely different. The corner circle itself is made completely of glass opaque tiles that are designed to let in light from outside. They are all dark now matching the night reflecting only the light from inside. On the same wall of the opaque glass is a bench of black granite. On the back wall is something I have never seen anywhere in real life. It seems to be only a thing rich people would do. There on the back walls set in the black tile are three silver shower heads extending out and pointing down to the ground. They are waterfall showers. All of this can be seen through the clear glass wall framing the shower. It is the most luxurious shower I have ever seen. Inside I jump for glee at the anticipation of trying this out for myself.

  “That is an awesome shower.”

  “That was my only contribution to the setup of this place.”

  I give Ty a look. He shrugs his shoulders.

  “I like showers,” states Ty defensively as he opens the glass door to the monstrosity in front of us. “Here is hot and here is cold.”

  Ty turns them on and begins messing with the nobs. I watch him as he adjusts it to an appropriate temperature. I unzip my jacket revealing my bathing suit top and throw it on my bag. Jokingly, Ty pulls on my bikini strings as we he walks past me. He goes to a closet and retrieves a fresh towel.

  “The water should be fine now.” He states handing me the towel.

  I look over at the big shower. Steam rolls off billowing over the top of the glass.

  “Thank you,” I reply.

  Ty nods as he reaches for the door to leave the bathroom. Immediately, I grab his hand. I did not mean to. I didn’t do it on purpose, but something deep inside makes me. Ty looks up. I do not meet his eye contact directly.

  What are you doing?! I think to myself. I am acting on impulse. I started it now I just need to say what I am thinking. I look up into those beautiful brown eyes.

  “The shower is big enough for two,” I say with a coy smile.

  My new plan is to wear him down. Eventually he will have to give in. Ty looks at me doubtful. The word NO is written all over his face. He seems resolute to keep me chaste for as long as he can. My heart begins to sink as I let go of his hand. Slowly my thoughts turn inward as the problem being me comes to mind. I know he said he loves me, but for a brief moment, I feel rejected. Dejected, I turn my back away from him and face the shower.

  “I’ll be out there soon,” I state. I let out one deep sigh as I hear the door click open. I feel the cool air from the other room creep in and hear the door close. I stand there a few seconds. I tried.

  I cannot let this get to me. He is just being a gentleman. I reach up and begin untying the strings around my neck. Suddenly I feel a tug on the lower strings of my top. I jump straight up in the air and quickly turn my head around to see Ty smiling. He is concentrating on untying my top. I feel the whole thing loosen and then fall to the ground exposing me to the air in the bathroom. Ty rubs his hand on my bare back caressing my skin sending shivers down my spine. I melt in place. This is a very pleasant surprise. He leans in and kisses my shoulder.

  “Just a shower,” states Ty, “No funny business. You got it?”

  His voice is soft but stern. I nod my head to agree. Slowly, I turn around. Like all guys would, Ty’s eyes immediately look at my bare chest.

  “Damn,” replies Ty.

  I let out a giggle then lean in and give him a peck on the lips. My hands find the bottom of his shirt. Slowly, I lift up peeling it off of his body allowing my hands to run up the contours of his etched torso. He lifts up his arms helping me to pull his shirt off exposing his broad bare chest. I stand staring at Ty. I am familiar with the upper part of his body, but it is like looking at an amazing painting. No matter how many times you see the painting, you can’t help but stare and speculate finding something new to look at that your eyes previously missed. Today’s speculation is how it would feel pressed up against my bare chest. A small smile comes across my lips at the thought. I stare in admiration letting his chest and abs become something increasingly familiar to me. It is the region below the waist that still holds mystery.

  Ty places his hand on my hips. I look into his eyes. They are staring back into mine. He leans in and kisses me with soft tender kisses. My nipples brush his bare chest sending a whole new sensation through my body. Slowly I reach in and untie the string on his swim trunks. They fall to the ground effortlessly resting lightly on top of my toes.

  Now a new feeling comes over me. I have never seen a fully naked man before. Excitement mixed with pleasure shoots through my body. Shyness begins to build up inside as the magnitude of this momentous event comes to be realized. Hesitant, my eyes stay closed as my lips remain locked on Ty’s. His hands on my waste move down ward finding the strings on my bikini bottoms as we continue to kiss. He tugs at the knot with the one hand struggling with the strings. I laugh and begin helping him. Not claiming defeat over a bikini, Ty immediately pulls my hands away. He presses his palms on my hips between skin and material to slowly move them downward. My breath hitches as my bottoms shift and stretch making room for its two new occupants.

  This makes Ty smile. His hands work down my body removing with them the last article of clothing between the two of us. He shifts downward with the bottoms continuing his kisses leaving a trail across my body through my two breasts stopping at my navel. I tilt my head up to the heavens and close my eyes letting my other senses take over.

  My bikini is now on the ground. I open my eyes and look down at Ty on one knee. He smiles up at me as he lifts my leg to step me out of the bikini. He kisses my inner thigh as he places it back down. Then he does the same with my other leg. My body begins to melt under his touch. Slowly he moves his kisses up my body following the trail he forged earlier back to my wanting lips. The kisses begin to get more urgent as Ty presses against me. We are completely naked and I can feel every inch of him on me, even his growing member. The kisses begin to get more urgent. My hands wonder across his body.

  “Just a shower,” says Ty through his kisses. He pulls away displaying the restraint that I am currently lacking. Flustered and frustrated I let out a halfhearted smile. Ty smiles back as he
steps away to test out the water in the shower. I take a second to have my first look at Ty in his entirety.

  His body is gorgeous. His muscles remind me of the statues of Greek gods. His upper chest and chiseled abs make a perfect downward triangle. Ignoring my shyness, my eyes venture further down to where his body’s natural triangle points. I am not disappointed at all. His male part, already erect with arousal, is everything I expected from a warrior. It makes me crave him more. My heart begins to race as my mind wonders into erotic places.

  Ty hears the change of my heart beat and looks over at me immediately. I quickly look up at him, but it is not quick enough. He knows what I was looking at. A smile crosses his face as my own cheeks turn red. Ty reaches for me signaling the shower is ready.

  “Just a shower,” I say out loud as a reminder to myself. Although there are other things ranked higher on my list of things I want to do to Ty’s body. I smile at him as I hop in the shower. I step under the center shower head holding out my hands allowing all three to drench my body. The feeling is sensational. Ty steps in and closes the door behind him. I close my eyes moving my hands across my body as I take in the full effect of the three headed waterfall shower. Ignoring my sexy naked boyfriend, I temporarily slip into my own little world like I usually do in the shower.

  “You don’t know how badly I want you.”

  Ty’s husky voice cuts through my mind. I open my eyes and look at him. His gaze is locked on me. His jaw is clenched and for a brief moment I see the animal within him. I smile at him.

  “I am yours for as long as you will have me,” I repeat from conversations past. “Must I remind you, though; I’m not the one holding back.”

  The animal that overtook Ty dissipates at the jest in my words. He smiles then reaches over and grabs the shampoo. Without a word, he pulls me out from under the water and in to his arms. He squeezes shampoo on to his hand and places the bottle back on the bench. He turns me around. His member presses into my back. Gently his hands begin rubbing through my hair causing a soapy lather to build up. I can tell he has done this before, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment by bringing it up. He massages my head sending shivers running through my back again and all I can do to restrain myself from jumping him is talk.

  “So what do you need to prepare me for?” I ask. “If it is something obvious, I think I can handle it.” I reach around, grab his butt and push his member into my back hoping he gets the point. His breath catches in his throat as my blatant motion turns him on.

  “That’s nice,” he muses, “but that’s not it.”

  He nudges me and guides me to go under the shower. I acquiesce and turn around to face him as the water cascades down my body. His hands smooth out my hair as the soap rinses out.

  “Then what is it? Do you change into an animal or something?”

  I line furrows his brow. He continues concentrating on my hair, but his facial expression makes me think I am close to the mark.

  “Well…” replies Ty.

  I begin to worry. My eyes get really big.

  “Do you?” I ask shock filling my body.

  “No,” laughs Ty, “but… I do... it’s hard to explain. In the beginning, we had to learn how to control when we shifted. Our animal totems and the way we are wired are connected closely to our emotions. One strong feeling would trigger us to unintentionally morph into an animal. It’s very hard to explain. You would have to experience it first hand to fully comprehend. That’s why in the beginning, we need others like us to guide us. Only they could understand and sympathize with what we are going through. I was so used to feeling my emotions without consequences. In the beginning, I felt like I was always turning into a raven every time something happened.”

  Ty chuckles at some distant memory. Then the smile fades replaced by a straight stern line.

  “With you, I lose all control. I feel my emotions and I begin to slip into the animals. I can control it… for the most part.”

  “Is that why you growl sometimes?”

  “Well, the first growl surprised me just as much as it did you. I was taken off guard by your forcefulness. I am slowly learning how to control it though. Some of them I do just for fun and to see you smile, but you definitely make me lose control… in a good way.”

  Ty tilts my head back and plants a gentle kiss on my lips.

  “Well, have you ever changed before when you were having sex?” I ask nonchalantly but feel jealousy inside me.

  Ty looks at me confused. I can tell he is trying to formulate the best answer in his mind before speaking. I place my hands on Ty’s chest.

  “Ty you have fifty-three years on me. I don’t expect you to be a virgin like me,” I state.

  Ty’s hands on my hair drop to his sides. His eyes immediately grow large as he looks down at me riddled with surprise. Slightly embarrassed I cock a half smile up at him. This is definitely a conversation we haven’t had yet. Eventually I was going to have to come clean and now is as good a time as ever.

  “Nooo,” states Ty in disbelief. “You’re a virgin?”

  “Yes,” I shake my head as I look up at him feeling slightly embarrassed yet slightly proud.

  Ty turns around to grab a washcloth and body soap. Suddenly I come to the full realization that I am exposed in more ways than one. Ty turns back around and begins lathering down my body. I stand under the water, resolute not to leave the shelter of the enveloping liquid in this great time of exposure. Ty says nothing so I make the first move.

  “What?”

  “You just don’t… well, you don’t seem like you’re a virgin,” replies Ty still focusing his attention on getting me clean.

  What is that supposed to mean?! This definitely just turned into just a shower with no bonus type of shower.

  “How is a virgin SUPPOSED to act?” I ask a bit irritated.

  Ty laughs as he puts down the washcloth.

  “I don’t know,” he replies. “You just are so sure of yourself. The way you kiss me, how you present yourself, how beautiful you are… Well, I just assumed that you weren’t.”

  “Well, I didn’t feel ready in high school,” I state defensively. “Plus I didn’t like my options.”

  At the last remark, Ty lets out a hearty laugh.

  “Well, were you waiting for marriage?”

  I give Ty a look. Is he stupid? I have been throwing myself at him for the past half an hour.

  “Really? Do people waiting for marriage ask guys to take showers with them? I mean, I think it is awesome when people do wait until marriage, but I kind of knew that it was not what I want for me. I am just waiting for the right time. I want to be emotionally ready to take that next step as well as physically ready. I also kind of want it to be with the right guy.”

  I wrap my arms around Ty and pull up tight against him. My bottom lip jokingly pouts as I look up at this tall, beautiful man.

  “Do you know who the right guy could be?” I ask as I seductively kiss his neck.

  Ty did not react. He stayed still. I look away. I should not have told him. Now he is just going to get weird. I look up at him. His face is unreadable. This conversation is frustrating.

  “I shouldn’t have told you.”

  “No, I am glad you did.” Ty replies quickly. He skirts past the virgin issue answering a previous question. “No I have not changed into animals during sex. At worse, I would make low growls and sometimes my eyes would change. But like I said, my totems are tied strongly with my emotions and I have never felt so strongly about a person before. I have no idea what will happen and that’s what I wanted to prepare you for.”

  We are silent for a while. Ty grabs the conditioner and puts some in my hair. The magic of him bathing me seems lost by the small conversation we had. I should not have told him I was a virgin. The air between us has shifted, leaving a dense feeling of unrest in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I should have led into it better. Either way, there is no taking back what I said. The words are finally out there released
from me. He finishes conditioning my hair and washes it. I let the water wash over me wishing it could wash this conversation away. Ty once again wraps his arms around me and presses his body against mine. I feel him behind me and it is not the same deep passion pressing into my back I felt before. My heart sinks as my body emotionally begins to slump. Ty kisses my shoulders as his hand begins to slowly rub up and down my belly. He lightly brushes my breasts with his fingertips.

  “I’m glad you told me,” says Ty. He continues kissing my shoulders. “That’s all the more reason to make it sweeter, take our time, and make it count.”

  “But what if I don’t want it sweet,” I state defiantly. “What if nineteen years has been too much and I want it now?”

  At those words, he pushes up against me in the shower my chest brushing the black slate in front of me. I turn my head to look at him. He has a mischievous grin. My hope renews. Perhaps my words were the right ones.

  “Are you going to toy with me now?” I ask.

  “Yep,” responds Ty devilishly.

  “You know I’ll win,” I retort. Quickly I turn around and grab his firm butt. The low growl I so longingly seek to bring out of him vibrates in his chest. I see the wanting in his eyes.

  “I doubt it,”’ he breathes as he presses against me pinning my back to the wall. I feel his body against mine. It is solid and firm. My own body begins to melt and mold willingly around his as the water rushes down. I feel something deep down inside of me rising up. I part my lips releasing a moan. I want Ty now more than ever.

  I begin kissing him all over. First, I kiss his chest working my way up his neck. Ty lifts his head up to the heavens as the low growl resonating in his chest comes out of his mouth. With new urgency he begins kissing me, lightly biting me. The kisses become quicker and deeper as he lifts me off the ground and presses me into the wall. The cold slate on my back side contrasts pleasantly with the warmth radiating from Ty and I feel my insides clinch in longing. My blood boils in my veins as my heart begins to race. The kisses aren’t enough to appease the cravings in my body. My hips begin to rock back and forth across Ty’s pelvic region. The sensations to my private parts are incredible as the pressure builds. To my pleasant surprise, Ty allows his body to answer back.