Totem

  “You’ve been awfully quiet tonight.” Andrew nudges my shoulder with his.

  “I am quiet because I am content.”

  “Things with Ty going alright?” asks Andrew

  “Thing with Ty are going great.” I reply with a warm smile.

  It is the truth. Ty and I are happy. He makes me happy.

  I look down at the bag in my lap and pull out my chili covered hotdog. It is not my usual food of choice for dinner but the sight of the greasy mess makes my mouth water. I bite into my hotdog fully aware a napkin will be needed when I am finished. Secretly, I thank my youth and body’s ability to break down greasy, fatty food.

  “Ty probably would be here tonight if he didn’t have to work.” I comment between bites. “Plus we have been spending a lot of time together. It’s good to be apart a little bit.”

  “True,” replies Andrew as he bites into his hamburger.

  Just then, Michelle lets out a squeal as she leaps out of her spot and runs to her car. My attention turns to her. I watch the top half of her body dive into the passenger window and the volume on her radio begins to increase. The site of her dangling feet kicking the air causes me to let out a tiny laugh. Quickly she pops back out the window allowing her feet to touch ground once again as “Beast of Burden” by the Rolling Stones blasts in the background.

  “I love this song!” Exclaims Michelle as she dances around.

  “Do you love this song or do your parents love it?” asks Corey

  “Both,” replies Michelle ignoring Corey’s bitchy undertone.

  “Well, I guess it’s both for me too.” Corey hops up to dance and serenade Michelle. She lets out a giggle as Corey grabs her hand, his other hand lying strategically over his heart as he pretends to pour all his emotion into the song he sings directed toward Michelle. I laugh as I watch the two of them dance getting lost in the night, getting lost in the moment, and getting lost in the song. Both look so young and carefree. I cannot help but love life trapped in this single moment. I chance a glance at Andrew whose gaze lies upon Corey and I see a carefree man in love.

  “It seems we all have found relationships.” I comment loud enough for only Andrew and myself to hear.

  His eyes drift away from Corey and connect with mine.

  “You two seem happy,” I state. “I can tell that you really like him.”

  “I do,” replies Andrew in a low tone. “I like him a lot…the truth is, I’m just trying not to mess it up. I have a tendency of doing that and with him I am trying to learn from the past. You know, change my ways. I just don’t want to mess it up.”

  “You won’t if you believe you won’t.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Andrew replies with a glance longing my words to be true.

  Quickly he shakes it off. A smile crosses his face as he begins to wiggle on the bench to the beat. I laugh.

  “I am trying not to be a beast of burden.” smiles Andrew.

  He wiggles out of his seat dancing a few moves before extending a hand to me. Graciously I take his hand as he leads me behind the benches to our makeshift dance floor with Michelle and Corey already in full swing. We all get lost in the night, our youth and each other.

  We stumble up to the sliding door leading into the dorms laughing and acting silly. Perhaps it is a side effect of all the greasy food. Michelle hops like a bunny as Andrew and Corey playfully bump each other with their hips. I laugh rubbing my cold hands that have become frozen from the wind rolling off the lake. Perhaps we spent too much time out at the lake after eating but you rarely notice the loss of time when in good company. I trod slightly behind the group enjoying the view as we walk into the warmth of the dorm’s front lobby.

  As if my smile couldn’t get any bigger, I spot the silhouette of my hunky boyfriend and for the millionth time my heart takes flight, palpitating deep within my chest, longing to break through and get closer to him.

  “Hey Ty,” calls Michelle.

  He turns around and smiles but the smile does not reach his eyes. My small group walks up to him. I see the mask he places over his face for the others. I know him so well to not be fooled by the guise. Rather I am concerned, but taking a cue from him, I hold strong to my own smile allowing it to grow as I proudly introduce my boyfriend.

  “Corey,” I begin with exerted effort, “This is my boyfriend Ty. Ty this is Corey.”

  “It is nice to meet you.” Ty extends out a hand to shake Corey’s.

  “Same,” replies Corey with his whimsical smile.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask as I walk over to his side wrapping my arms around his waist. His body warmth immediately warms my cold hands.

  “I was thinking of you and I figured I would drop by and surprise you.” He comments as he pulls me in closer and kisses the top of my head.

  Lies. It’s a cover. I can tell, but I know to play it cool.

  “I miss you too.” I state standing on my tip toes allowing my lips to reach up and meet his.

  “We were going to go upstairs and watch a movie,” interjects Michelle through our cuddle scene. “Want to come?”

  “I would love to. However, I am only on a short break and have to get back to work soon. I just made a short stop to see my girl.”

  I look down and notice his outfit for the first time. He is wearing shorts, a shirt and some flip flops. All are clothes which cost little and are expendable. He gives one more crooked smile at the group before turning his attention to me.

  “Want to go for a short walk?”

  “Sure,’ I reply. “I’ll see you in a few Michelle.”

  Michelle waves to me in acknowledgment as the group of three turn and walk towards the stairs.

  “Did you see how HOT he is?!” I hear Corey’s words drift back to me and I cannot help but really smile.

  “I know, I know,” acknowledges Andrew.

  “Too bad he’s straight,” is the last phrase I hear from Corey as the door closes behind them and they begin walking up the steps. Another smile crosses my face as I turn my attention back to Ty. He is smiling back down but I know it is not the emotion he really wants to show me.

  “Is it safe to walk outside?” I ask.

  “That didn’t seem to stop you earlier.” Ty replies curtly through tense lips as he chaperones me out the building. “I thought I told you that night time isn’t safe.”

  “You did,” I respond. “I try to listen for the most part, but you can’t expect me to hide every time the sun does.”

  “That’s exactly what I think you should do right now.” Ty’s arms are still protectively chaperoning me as we walk down the front steps and turn on to the sidewalk.

  The anger in his voice catches me by surprise. I know I have tried but a part of me knows I cannot live my life afraid of the dark or the creatures that go bump in the night. It is like asking a tiger to live its whole life in a cage and be content. Eventually the tiger will grow restless and begin relentlessly pacing. I chose not to get to that point. I chose to live and not pace.

  “Ty, I can’t cower away my whole life hiding at night and only live in the day. It is not natural for humans. Nor is it conducive for college life. You know I try to be careful, but there are limits. I make sure to stay with a group of people. I realize it isn’t in a huge crowd, but we were safe.”

  “Kimber, he was watching you,” interrupts Ty.

  I stop walking as my lungs fill with air, holding it close inside my chest waiting for my heart to calm down as it picks up, burning all the oxygen in my body. I feel the color draining from my face as Ty begins to talk again.

  “He was at the dorms. Then he followed you to the restaurant and then to the lake. It wasn’t until he got wind of me that he disappeared for good. He was watching you. He was calculating his moves figuring out when he could catch you.”

  “Why didn’t you just take him out?” I ask.

  “I couldn’t without exposing myself. He was that close to you and your friends… He is getting braver. He i
s growing impatient.”

  Fear sinks in even more speeding up the beating of my heart. I comprehend what Ty is telling me but do not know how to resolve the issue. As much as I want to grasp for control of the situation, it is bigger than small, little, untalented me can handle. That only makes me feel helpless like nothing I do will change the outcome. The only thing I can do is live life.

  “So what do you want me to do now?” I ask.

  “Don’t go out at night,” replies Ty.

  “For how long?” I ask. “Do I do this the rest of my life?”

  “Just for as long as it takes for me to catch him.”

  “Yea, so you catch him, but then what about the next vampire whose mate you kill and then they want to kill your mate for revenge. Do I hide then too? I mean, when does it end?”

  Ty is getting frustrated. I see it in his face as his body jerks with agitation. I watch as he brings his hand up, running it haphazardly through his beautiful messy hair. He knows where I am going with my thoughts and I know that he is not ok with it.

  “How do you expect me to protect you if you don’t take the precautions to protect yourself?” He pauses as he stares off into the darkness and takes a deep breath. “I would not be able to live with myself if something happens to you because I chose to love you.”

  “You say that, but I can. I would be happy with whatever happens to me because I chose to love you and that has made the difference to me.” I reply. “Ty, I love you, but I am not going to live my life in fear. I promise I will be as safe as I can but it is safety with a limit. I have to be able to experience life. You have given me so much. Please give me that as well.”

  He wraps his arms around me. I feel his breath upon my hair as he breathes me in. Even with just a shirt and shorts standing in the cold air, he is warm. I cannot see his face but I know he is contemplating what I said. He is trying to calculate where to draw the line. In the end, the decision is entirely up to me despite what he has to say.

  “I can’t be ok with this.” His words flow out of his mouth and the breath lands upon my hair.

  “But you have to,” I respond. “You have to be because it is my choice.”

  I close my eyes leaning my head back to meet his lips with a kiss. I keep my eyes shut tight. I cannot meet his gaze. If I do, I will give in. I will give in to his demands. Despite how much more work it will be for the both of us and how much more at risk I am putting myself, I know I have to do what is right for me.

  Chapter 19: Endymion

  “Woo!!!” shouts Michelle as she sticks her hands out the window.

  “Michelle, we aren’t even moving.” I smirk as I look at the line of cars in front of us.

  “I don’t care. It’s Mardi Gras! Woooo!”

  I laugh and roll my eyes at my tiny little roommate wearing green glasses and a purple top. The spots around us in City Park have been filling up fast as early parade goers park and begin pulling out various chairs, food and parade supplies. To get the best spots on the parade route, you have to come early and camp out. Luckily we have the wonderful fraternity boys who have sent their pledges to camp out days ago holding down a spot for us as well as the other invariable crowd of sorority and independent women they know. I commend them for this tricky way of getting to the ladies. I would have done the same if I were a guy; but I am merely a girl looking to take advantage of prime parade real estate.

  Today is Saturday and my first real full parade experience. I feel Michelle’s energy flowing off of her in waves mixing with my energy and causing the air around us to buzz as I pull into a free spot next to the tennis courts. I hop out of my car grabbing a drawstring bag from the back seat. It did not take me long to realize I needed a Mardi Gras survival kit. Hand sanitizer, toilet paper, a thin jacket, gloves, sunscreen, rain poncho and extra bags for beads round out the main items in my list of necessities that comfortably fit in my drawstring bag. I sling it over my shoulders then lock the door as Michelle and I begin walking towards the parade route.

  The walk is not far. I managed to get a good parking spot in City Park. We head towards Delgado. The old buildings look very different in the day light. The stone structure of the front remains beautiful. However, the sides of the building look awkward as if pieced together from different material during different phases of building. It looks cheap.

  My eyes flutter over to the bayou near the corner of City Park. I look through the beautiful fountain of shooting water and see the island where Ty and I had our first real date. I smile as the memories come flooding back to me. I can feel the warmth of the blanket mixed with the sun. I remember the touch of Ty’s hand. Then the rain came and our first kiss. It was all so unfamiliar and new back then. Now I hold him every time we meet. Our lips have become accustomed to the counters of the others. My body craves for him and his skin has become as familiar as my own. Michelle notices my gaze. She reaches out and touches my arm snapping me back into the present.

  “You’re thinking about Ty aren’t you?”

  “Yea,” I sigh. “I wish he could be here, but he had other commitments.”

  Michelle smiles at me and rubs my shoulder.

  “I’m sure his work is very important,” replies Michelle. “He will make it up to you.”

  It is hard not telling Michelle that his “work” is him having magical powers protecting the city from vampires or that it keeps him up all night during the Mardi Gras holidays. I wouldn’t even know how to begin a sentence like that without her thinking I am crazy. Not knowing keeps her safe as well as protects Ty’s secret. There is just no way she would believe me anyway. I would not have believed it except that I saw it with my own eyes.

  “Shrug it off,” encourages Michelle, “we are here to have fun. Plus Daniel promised me beer.”

  I smile at Michelle as she begins ranting about all the guys in the fraternity. She has been hanging out with them a lot since her and Daniel began dating. It seems as if it is some kind of dating right you get when you date a brother of the fraternity. We follow the sidewalk to Marconi Drive, the beginning of Endymion’s parade route, and continue along Orleans Avenue looking for our friends.

  “Mardi Gras, Woo!!!” Michelle yells again.

  I let out a laugh. Excitement is all around us. The center median has been taken over by pop up canopy tents. The green grass is covered by blue, silver, black and white tarps marking off territories. Homeowners set boundaries they strictly enforce with strangers as police barricades separate the concrete roads from the grassy lawns and medians. With no parade going on, people create holes and openings in the barricades to move about freely in the streets. Boys throw footballs leisurely to each other while teenagers walk up and down the carless streets in groups. Music drifts from speakers set up at houses and campsites competing for the attention of the parade goers. Vendors push their carts displaying various costumes and fantastical items, enticing the waiting crowds to buy them while pizza vendors shout out their deals for small pizzas.

  Many people wear costumes outwardly setting free their inward creative beings. I watch as various characters interact with each other. For one day, they become the character they want to be. It is amazing to think that only a week ago the street was empty of people, filled only by the passing cars purposefully driving to their scheduled destination. Now the streets float lazily with all kinds of humanity all with one common goal of celebrating Fat Tuesday.

  We find some familiar faces of the Thetas including Daniel a few blocks down in the median. Upon seeing us, Daniel pops out of the group and over the barricade. He leans in and gives me a polite kiss on the cheek before picking up Michelle and spinning her in a hug. She laughs planting a kiss on her boyfriend’s lips as he lowers her to the ground.

  “Hi ladies,” greets Daniel. “Where’s Ty?”

  “He couldn’t make it.” I reply. “He had to work today.”

  “Bummer,” states Daniel. “You guys hungry? Jake is grilling burgers. We also tapped the keg.”

&nb
sp; I look over at the set up. Two blue tarps mark off the Theta territory. As if there are not enough guys wearing Greek jerseys making sure people know the territory is taken, they spray painted their letters in bright yellow on the tarps. To the right is a grill set up with smoke billowing out. Jake waves his spatula at me. A huge grin pops out from under a baseball cap and floppy hair. To the left of a camp is a porta-potty with a big sign saying ‘Theta’s only’ taped to the side. Then to frame the back side is a long, white plastic table with solo cups placed in two triangles ready for a game of beer pong. I smile. It is just what I thought college boys would do with a parade route.

  “So… base camp Theta,” I remark. “It is quit impressive.”

  “Thanks,” states Daniel.

  We walk over to the barricade where there is a separation and squeeze our way into their area. I walk past the chairs with sorority girls and over to Jake.

  “Hey, Jake!”

  Jake smiles and gives me a kiss on the cheek. It is a New Orleans custom I have grown to love. Closer up, I notice Jake’s familiar look. His messy hair flops out in all directions as if trying to escape the oppression caused by the hat. To blend in with others and claim his territory on this parade spot, he is wearing his Theta jersey complete with nickname on the back. To most on lookers, he is a typical frat boy, but to me, he has become an endearing friend.

  “Burger?” asks Jake holding up a freshly cooked meat patty.

  “I would love one.” I smile.

  “Make yourself a plate and you can have a fresh one off the grill.” Jake nods his head to the table beside the grill. I fix a plate grabbing a bun and putting mayo on it. I turn the plate towards him and he slaps on a juicy, steaming burger.