by Jp Barnaby
I would have given him anything.
A groan bubbled out of me as his soft sweet lips wrapped around one of my nipples. I traced the contours of his shoulders with my fingertips as his tongue flicked over my sensitive skin, gasping as he nibbled and grazed me with his teeth. The feeling shot straight through me, and without even realizing it, I let my legs fall open and pushed myself closer to him. He moaned quietly and moved over to repeat the technique on the other side. By the time he finished, my body was on fire, and it was all I could do to fist his t-shirt and get it over his head.
He was back on top of me in an instant, his hard chest pressed against mine. I loved the feel of his soft skin under my fingers, it was intimate and it made me feel closer to him than I had ever been. The warmth in my chest grew exponentially as he touched me, affectionately, lovingly. It was a turning point in our relationship; no longer were we merely Master and sub, roommates, or even friends. We were lovers, and I held out the faintest hope that it would continue for the rest of our lives. Thought if it didn’t, I would hold onto this moment for as long as I could manage.
His arms tightened around me as his breathing accelerated. I felt him push his hips and move them slightly upwards, grinding his hard cock against mine. Even through the denim of our jeans, the friction made me push up into him seeking more. My head fell back as he once again pressed his lips to my throat, my breathless moan did not go unheard, and he pressed hard into me again. Pulling my legs up, I gingerly wrapped them around him, and his fingers tightened on my shoulders as he pulled me hard against him. His head fell to my shoulder as he moved his hips harder and faster against mine. I heard his labored, uneven breathing just a few inches from my ear, muffled by my shoulder. Feeling a wet spot starting to form in my boxers from my over eager erection, I rolled us so that he was on his back and I was above him.
My lips reconnected with his, and I quickly pulled a pillow under his head, holding his head in place, giving me better leverage to kiss him harder. At the sudden urgency, he moaned into my mouth, pushing up and grinding against me. As I kissed him, I reached down to unbutton and unzip his jeans, my mouth never leaving his. He gasped and moaned as I slid my hand down into his jeans, as he pushed up into my hand and I stroked him gently. He was so responsive; it felt like he wanted it just as fucking badly as I did. I slowly crawled down his body, placing soft strategically beneficial kisses all down his chest and abdomen even as I undid his fly. By the time I reached the top of his jeans, his hips were rolling up into my touch. I grabbed the tops of his jeans and boxers and tugged them both down in one motion before pulling them down his legs and completely off. I tossed them to the side and spread his legs across my blue plaid comforter.
He looked so fucking beautiful nude and relaxed on my bed, the head of his hard cock hovering just inches from his navel. I couldn’t help but want to taste. Placing my palms on either side of his waist, I ran my tongue firmly from the base of his cock up over the head; he grunted and bucked his hips. It was obvious from his reactions that he was eager, so I took the head into my mouth, sucking lightly. When I ran my tongue over it and stroked his shaft lightly with my fingers, he groaned. It was a long, deep, open-mouthed sound that made me shiver in its unabashed need. As I took more of his cock into my mouth, I reached down and undid my own jeans, sliding them down to my knees. I stroked my cock as I sucked him, the deep resounding, moans causing my lips to vibrate against his skin. Almost immediately, he began to caress my hair.
I pulled away from him long enough to grab condoms and lube from the bedside table. Jayden and I had never used a condom before, but after I had been with someone else, I wasn’t going to take that risk, not with him, not ever. I took him back into my mouth and poured a small amount of lube onto my fingers. Sucking him deep into my throat, I rubbed the lube inside of him, moving my fingers gently in and out. He moved his hips in time with my hand and soon he was driving up into my mouth. Quickly, I got to my knees and rolled on the condom. I had every intention of making love to him on his back, but it seemed that he had other ideas.
Jayden held up a pillow and pushed me back so that I was sitting with my back supported by the pillow against the headboard. Then he straddled me, and the look of sheer desire that stole his face nearly made me orgasm before I was even inside of him. I held my cock steady as he sank onto it, groaning as it was buried inside of him. He stopped moving to adjust his legs, and I took that opportunity to wrap my arms around his waist. He took his hands off the headboard and put his arms around my shoulders. We were as close as two people could possibly be.
And then he kissed me as he started to move.
The intimacy, the sheer emotion, the feeling of his warm naked skin against mine, was like nothing I had ever experienced. He moved slowly, gracefully, on top of me and I held him, kissed him as we made love. There was no way to downplay the impact that it had on me, it was one of the most heartfelt moments of my life. Jayden had once told me that becoming my submissive had irrevocably altered his life. I never understood what he meant until then. That night would irrevocably alter my life; I just hoped that it would not destroy it as well. He held my heart in his hands.
Much too soon, I felt my body start to tighten, my gasps and whimpers becoming louder and more pronounced. I reached down and started stroking him, his head falling back as his hands went to my thighs to keep himself balanced. I don’t know if our orgasms were simultaneous, or if I just wasn’t fully aware of when his started, but in that instant, we were one person. I was his.
We rode out the almost devastating pleasure with my head on his chest and his lips against my hair. Even after we were both spent, I held him tightly against me. It felt like neither of us wanted to lose that connection we felt with each other. But all too soon, we did. I tossed the condom into the bedside trash and lay down. To my surprise, Jayden lay down next to me and pulled the covers over us. Without hesitation, I opened my arms to him and he lay with his head against my shoulder.
I stroked his hair gently and, for the first time ever, fell asleep with the boy I loved in my arms.
I woke slowly, my mind trying to process the events from the previous night, hoping it hadn’t been a dream. The fact that I was naked on the opposite side of the bed from where I usually slept was a good indication that it wasn’t. Still, I kept my eyes closed and reveled in the memory of our lovemaking. I just … I couldn’t face the dawn, not yet. If I opened my eyes, and he was gone – even if he was just making coffee, that one insignificant rejection would break my heart. In my wildest dreams, I had not conceived of what took place the night before – and in the harsh light of day, I found that I did not want to face his regret.
Just as I had decided that maybe I could open my eyes after all, I felt a warm hand drift over my bare stomach under the blanket. Jayden wrapped his arm awkwardly around my waist and lightly kissed me on the shoulder. My eyes popped open and I looked over at him to find he was watching me shyly. Neither of us speaking, I held his gaze for a long time. Then he smiled, sweet, soft and a little reticent. Smiling back, it occurred to me that I really enjoyed waking up with him. His hair was too short to be wild, but his unshaven face had a rugged quality. For some reason, he looked older to me as we lay here in the sunshine streaming through the windows.
“Hi,” he said quietly, pressing his lips to my shoulder again.
“Hi,” I replied, still watching him, almost afraid of what was coming.
“I need to tell you something,” he whispered. Not knowing what to say, I nodded. Moving up onto his elbow, his other arm still around my waist, his face close to mine, I could see the emotion in his eyes. “I don’t know where to start,” he admitted after a few minutes. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” I suggested, somewhat confused.
“I am grateful that you took me on as a submissive, Ethan. I am thankful that you brought me into the lifestyle. I loved being your submissive. I loved serving you
and meeting your sexual needs. But, it’s just not enough for me anymore,” he said quietly, and my body locked. Oh God, he was leaving.
No.
No, God damn it, not now.
I started to speak, but he stopped me. “Please, let me just get this out.” My breathing accelerated wildly, but I nodded.
“Over the time that you were my Master, we grew close. I also grew close with Lexi. That night,” he sighed, “that night before I left for Chicago, I thought I had so many things figured out. I was wrong. I knew then, but I just didn’t think you were capable. Then you met Gabriel and I got so scared.”
“Jayden, I don’t think I’m following,” I admitted, still more than a little confused. Looking up into my face, he said the one thing I never expected to hear.
“I’m in love with you, Ethan.”
My face must have registered my surprise, because he immediately started to hedge. “I know that you don’t, or can’t, feel the same way about me, but I just needed you to know. It’s been killing me for months not being able to tell you, but after last night, I thought maybe—” He was cut off by the force of my lips crashing into his as I rolled to my side, gripping him hard as he moaned when our lips met over and over again. When we finally broke apart, he looked up at me, hope welling in his eyes.
“You’re wrong,” I said softly, stroking his cheek with my fingertips. “I do love you. I have for a long time, I think; I just didn’t realize what it was until recently. I didn’t think that now was the time to—” I stopped, and pulled back just a little. The one thing that I needed to know nagged at the very forefront of my mind. “What about Lexi, Jayden?”
He sighed, and again I got the impression that he had aged in just the moments we’d been lying there. The overwhelming feeling of weariness that came from him brought back my sadness. Jayden’s eyes became clouded with pain as he thought about Lexi. My heart hurt, for him and for me. I wondered with that level of ache if our love would be enough to sustain anything between us. Our love – that sounded so foreign, even in my own head. He looked down, clutching at the blanket. Taking a deep breath, he started to speak.
“Lexi knew. Almost from the time that she came to live with me in Chicago, she knew how I felt about you. After you started seeing Gabriel, my jealousy was out of control. I tried to hide it from her, because I didn’t want to hurt her. She was so important to both of us; I couldn’t hurt her like that. Once it was apparent that you and Gabriel were going somewhere, I just locked it away. Of course, she still saw it. I had no idea until we were in the ambulance just how transparent I was. She told me to let you love me. She said that we deserved to be happy, and she was sorry that she wasn’t going to be able to stay around and see it.”
A tear slid down his face and I wiped it away gently. “She was such an amazing, intelligent, caring woman. She didn’t deserve to be lied to. I lied to her when I told her that I loved her like that. I just… the thought of being in love with you scared me. I didn’t know what that meant for me as a man then, what it meant for you. I am so fucking awful, Ethan. I should have just told her the truth.” I pulled him hard against me and held him for a long time, grieving. Of course Lexi knew; she had been the most intuitive person I knew. She knew I was in love with Jayden, and she knew Jayden was in love with me. She must not have said anything for the same reason I never said anything about her feelings for him, it wasn’t my place. If I hadn’t been so emotionally stunted, we could all have talked about it months ago and saved so much pain. I just… I hadn’t been ready then.
I closed my eyes and stroked his hair, and he ran his fingers over my chest, absent movements filling the time in which we could think of nothing to say. Our relationship had just transitioned into something completely different than what it had been. For the first time since I’d known him, I felt shy and awkward with him. It felt like we were going to have to get to know each other again, to discover each other in a whole new way and it scared me.
“Don’t you have class today?” I asked him, looking down at his sheepish expression.
“I am not interested in anything that requires me to move from this bed,” he said, and then, realizing what he’d said, his eyes widened, and I chuckled at the look on his face.
“Fine by me,” I said, rolling on top of him. He moaned and then picked his head up off of the pillows to kiss me hard. “If I’m right in my scorekeeping, I’m pretty sure it’s your turn to make love to me.” His shocked expression caused me to grin widely as I leaned down once again to press my lips to his. My whole life I had solved my problems with sex.
However that wasn’t sex.
It was something much more, and it would allow us to start that process of getting to know each other on a different level. I knew all of the physical aspects of his body, but now I wanted to know how those physical actions translated to making love. I looked forward to spending a lot of time learning everything there was to know about him. We made love for most of the afternoon, stopping only to lay in each other’s arms and talk. For the very first time, I felt like I was ready to have a real relationship with someone, and it was only fitting that someone should be Jayden. Things were still a little uncomfortable, a little awkward between us, but I was confident that after a while he and I would be the perfect fit.
“Come on, angel,” I said as the sun started to fade through the bedroom curtain. “I’m starving. All of this sex has worked up my appetite.” He laughed and I joined in. The talk from earlier had taken so much weight off of our shoulders. We were free – free of the fear, free of the guilt, and free of the aching loneliness.
“Ethan, is there a reason why you call me that?” Jayden asked curiously, his lips moving gently over my chest. Incredibly, I started to get hard again. I stopped his movements, trying to concentrate on his question.
“I call you that because you are my angel, Jayden. You walked into my life when I was a broken, empty shell and you saved me. You and Lexi saved me from being that terrified little boy for the rest of my life. You have no idea how thankful I am to you, both of you.” He moved up slightly in the bed and took my face in his hands. Leaning in slowly, he kissed me very softly.
“I’m glad,” he said with a hint of a smile. “I love the man you’ve become.”
“I… I think I like him too.”
THE END
Trademark Acknowledgement
Atlanta Braves: Atlanta National League Baseball Club, Inc.
Audi: Audi A.G. Corporation
Barbie/Ken: Mattel, Inc.
Beatles: Apple Corps Limited
BlackBerry: Research in Motion Limited
BMW: BMW of North America LLC
Boston Red Sox: Boston Red Sox Baseball Club
Chicago Cubs: Chicago National League Ball Club, Inc.
Chicago White Sox: Chicago White Sox, Ltd.
Clue: Hasbro, Inc.
Coke: The Coca-Cola Company
Google: Google, Inc.
Honda: The Honda Motor Company
Jack (Daniels): Jack Daniel's Properties, Inc.
Kleenex: Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc.
Monkey Rocker (Tango): Monkey Rocker
Mont Blanc: Montblanc-Simplo GmbH
New York Mets: Sterling Doubleday Enterprises, L.P.
New York Yankees: New York Yankees Partnership
NYU: New York University
Omnimax: IMAX Systems Corporation
Polo: PRL USA Holdings, Inc.
San Diego Padres: Padres L.P. Padres Inc.
San Francisco Giants: San Francisco Giants Partnership
Scrabble: Hasbro, Inc.
Seattle Mariners: The Baseball Club of Seattle, L.P. Baseball of Seattle, Inc., JWR Inc., Mudville Nine, Inc. and Glaser Baseball Corp., Inc.
Snoopy: Peanuts Worldwide LLC
Suzuki: American Suzuki Motor Corporation
Tavern on the Green: Tavern on the Green International, LLC
University of Illinois at Chicago: The Board of Trustees o
f the University of Illinois
JP BARNABY
J. P. Barnaby, an award-winning gay romance novelist, is the author of over a dozen books including the Little Boy Lost series, the Working Boys series, In the Absence of Monsters, and Aaron. As a bisexual woman, J.P. is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted, and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica, which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.
Also by JP Barnaby
The Perfect Tree
Charlie, Rentboy
The Survivor Books
Aaron
Painting Fire on the Air
The Little Boy Lost Series
Enlightened
Abandoned
Vanished
Discovered
Escaped
Sacrificed
The Forbidden Room Series
The Forbidden Room
A House of Cards
The Perfect Tree
Novellas
Mastering the Ride
Bane of Boston
Short Stories
Papi
His Heart’s Desire, ‘Twas a Dark and Delicious Christmas: Manlove Edition