by Ines Vieira
“No, not like this.” His voice is edgy, raw and if I trusted my instincts, I would even say desperate. But I had learned my lesson. When it came to Quaid, I couldn’t trust my instincts for shit. They would lie to me, just like he wanted to now.
I keep my eyes to the ground frozen still, but then all of the sudden he’s pulling me to him. Holding me in tightly with one arm and leading me away from the wall and into one of the empty classrooms. He locks the door behind him without once letting go of me. My back’s to the wall facing the empty room full of desks. The window shutters are all closed, but the rays of sunlight make their way through the whole room, highlighting specks of dust in the air.
“Jessica, look at me,” he pleads placing his finger and thumb on my chin and lifting my head up so I have nowhere to look but at his glorious face. Stubbornly, I shut my eyes.
“I don’t want to,” I whisper back.
“Please, Jess. Look at me.” He softly strokes my chin and I hate how my body melts at his touch. So, it comes as no surprise that my treacherous body complies to his request and my eyes spread wide of their own accord. Gunmetal blue eyes pierce their way through me, pleading with every second that passes in silence. His Adam's apple working hard and trying to stay steady while his jaw stays fixed straight on edge. He’s close to losing his composure just like me and one wrong word will set us both off. Either in hysterics, anger or tears. It could go either way. Always has with us.
“I know what you saw must look like something that it’s not, and I swear to you that it is as far from what you think it is as it possibly could be. But I also know you. Nothing that I can say right now will make what you’re feeling go away. But I need you to trust me. Just trust me when I say, that she is no one and will never be anything to me. Just trust me.”
I swallow hard. How could she be nothing to him? Her words were still ringing in my ears.
I love you Quaid and even though you think you shouldn’t, I know you love me too.
Even if he was done with her now, they had been something. Had something together. How could he just be so dismissive about what that woman had said to him? Would this be how he would talk about me if what we have doesn’t work out? That I was no one to him? Nothing? The thought of that hurts me even more than her words on full blast in my head. Was this just a small insight of what my future held?
“The truth. You can tell me the truth. That’s what you should have said in the first place. That would have prevented me from feeling the way I do now. The truth, Quaid. You say you know me, but you don’t. If you did, you would know that with me, you should always lead with the truth.”
He blows out a long breath, closes his eyes shut and places his forehead on mine. “I did, Jess. I told you the truth. My truth. She is no one. She’ll never be anyone to me. I need you to believe me. Please... meu amor.”
My love.
Please... my love.
Those words whispered in my hair, make me shudder at their tenderness. My heart aches for him and even though I don’t trust him, my heart just doesn’t care. It yearns for him perilously. Too far gone to see the risk that it’s taking in evolving this a step further. He can sense my resolve weaken and goes for the kill. I feel his warm lips on mine so softly pressing on my lower lip that they feel like a feathered touch, begging me to let him in. Delicately caressing me, inviting me to kiss him back. He places his hand gently on the back of my neck and brings me closer to him. Chest to chest, lips to lips and before my brain catches up, my lips are opening up for him, and my tongue is met with its equal. Opening up for all of him and everything that he can give me, here and now. A low moan leaves my lips and is swallowed by a now fevered kiss. My hands are in his hair, and he pulls my legs up to settle at his waist, while my back is still supported by the wall. Quaid’s kiss has always been something that took me off guard. But this? This was the motherload of kisses. It told me everything that my aching soul needed to hear and it responded to him in equal measure.
Forgive me.
I do.
I need you.
Me too.
Don’t leave me.
I won’t.
Please... meu amor
Kissing like this isn’t even close to being enough to satisfy our craving for each other. We are connected, pressed together tightly and still, it doesn’t seem to be close enough. Never enough. Quaid holds me tightly and kisses, bites and nibbles on my neck. The feel of his tongue making its way to my ear is making me pant out short labored breaths, anticipating the moment his mouth is reconnected with mine. I pray it’s sooner rather than later.
Torture. It's sweet, delicious torture and I can’t seem to want it to stop. My legs tighten their hold on him as soon as I feel his hand on my bare back. Soft leisured strokes, a total contradiction to our devouring kiss. I bite his lip and he groans, pushing himself further into me. A metallic taste touches my lips and I know that I’ve bitten hard enough that blood could be the only outcome of it. I sweep my tongue over the sensitive spot on his lip and I feel his whole body go hard against my soft embrace.
We needed to stop. Before someone comes into the room and sees us like this or worse. Before we didn’t care if someone saw us like this or in a much more compromising position.
“Quaid...”
“Uhmmm,” he mumbles while continuing to kiss my throat. Licking his way lower. God that feels good. Yeah, we needed to get out of here before I lose my mind.
“Quaid, we need to stop.”
“Uhmmm.” He nods even though I’m pretty sure he didn’t hear a word I said as he kisses the place where my neck meets my shoulder and lingers there until I feel my whole body feel that one pressure point on fire. So good.
“Quaid, we need to go. Classes are still taking place and someone might catch us here,” I whisper in his ear but still can’t resist sucking on his earlobe.
Another growl. “Well stop doing that then, cause those desks are looking really appealing to me right now.”
Sweet-tempered, sophisticated Quaid going all cave man on me is always a great sight to behold. I never could get enough of this side of him.
“You’re going to have to put me down,” I giggle.
“I don’t want to,” he replies with his forehead to mine again and the hand that had been stroking my back is now caressing my cheek with the same delicate touch.
“Not until you promise that we’re good. That we’re okay. Then I’ll put you down.”
I want to tell him that we were okay, that of course, we were good. Especially after one of the hottest make-out sessions of my life. But I'd be lying. And I may have many faults but being a liar isn’t one of them.
“We’ll get there.” That's as honest as I can be with him. “I promise.”
He nods knowing that this is as much as he can get from me and that would have to be enough. But I've always been a sucker for punishment and never keep my mouth shut, so before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth, they already have.
“If this, whatever, this is between us goes south, will that be me out there? Just ‘no one,’ just some ‘nothing’?”
Quaid’s eyes open wide in disbelief and for a second I swear I see pain in them. But then they soften to midnight blue and look straight at me, without a trace of uncertainty or a whiff of deceit.
“You could never be no one to me, Jess. Never be nothing.”
Then he leans in and gives me a chaste kiss and whispers, “Because to me, you are everything.”
Chapter 22
Quaid
“You nervous?” I ask the fidgeting girl next to me in the elevator, carrying us too quickly to my grandparents’ penthouse. I hold both of her arms to her side to stop her constant shifting from one foot to the other, which makes her hold still for a couple of seconds only to start all over again once I let go.
“Duh! I mean, it is the first time I’m going to be in this house with your whole family. I think that gives me the right to be a little jittery, don
’t you?” Jess spats, biting her lower lip hard enough that I’m sure she broke the skin. I bend down to reach those plump red lips and give them the care they deserve with a chaste kiss, and this seems to do the trick in calming Jess.
“It’s not my whole family. Only my parents and grandparents. You’ll only meet my cousins and Uncle Donovan later on tonight.”
“Don’t remind me. I can’t believe you sucked me into attending your grandfather’s soiree tonight, too. I mean we’re here for brunch already, isn’t that enough of an appearance?” Jess asks with pleading eyes.
I wish I could tell her we didn’t have to go, but unfortunately, my grandfather’s birthday party was non-negotiable. Every year my parents and I attended, as it was some sort of unspoken rule that we could decline all other invitations as long as we made it to this one. Anyone that was someone in my grandparents' mind attended this shindig, and it was imperative that the whole family be present as a united front, even if it was only for show. Brunch beforehand was just a way for my grandparents to inspect each and every one of us to make sure we knew how to behave tonight.
Since my grandparents learned that I was taking advantage of their empty penthouse with a guest, they insisted that Jess attend. I’m sure Jess coming with me this morning is just a way for my grandmother to size Jess up without all the other commotion from this evening to distract her. Of course, I’m not going to tell Jess this. If she’s nervous now just with the idea of meeting my family, then she would bite her nails to the bone if she knew this was more of an interview to see if she makes the cut in my dear old Gran’s eyes. I couldn’t care less either way. Even all flushed and skittish, Jess is still a wonder to behold. I’m just excited that I’ll finally be able to have my girl meet the other most important woman in my life. Mom has been calling me non-stop since I told her I was dating Carlos’s daughter. She’s probably more excited than I am to meet her face to face. Jess has nothing to worry about in impressing my parents, and those are the ones that mean something to me. My grandparents’ approval has no weight whatsoever.
“Relax, meu amor. This will all be over in an hour or so. My folks don’t want to be here any more than you do, so trust me when I say this is going to be quick. And tonight, the house will be so full of people, that I’m sure we can just make a quick appearance and leave without anyone being any wiser.”
“You having a getaway plan doesn’t comfort me in the least, Quaid. It only adds to my imagination that I’m about to meet Miranda Priestly straight out of the Devil Wears Prada movie.”
“Huh... Come to think of it, Gran does have a striking resemblance to Meryl Streep,” I tease.
“You’re killing me!” Jess exhales as she punches me lightly, grinning ear to ear. “You’re perfect. Don’t stress on whatever my grandmother says today because you’ll continue to be perfect, regardless,” I tell her and this time I kiss her conveying how perfect I think she is. I don’t even hear the elevator door open too engrossed in the way Jess is returning my kiss.
“You kids better cool it with the PDA if you don’t want Debora to have a fit. As much as I like to push that woman’s buttons, I’d rather get this show on the road and not prolong it too much,” mom quips smiling. Jess pulls away from me still blushing as if she was just caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She straightens her blue cardigan and grey skirt and takes a step forward, holding her hand out to my mom.
“Hi, Mrs. Stevens. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” her unusual sheepish voice shows just how much this little get together is daunting for her.
I place my hand on her lower back in an attempt to show moral support, but in reality, I’m just hoping Jess won’t get spooked by all this. My family is a lot to take in. Not my parents mind you. If it were only my parents, then this would go down drama- free. My grandparents though are a whole other scenario. My own anxiousness starts to breed inside me. What if this is too much for her and Jess decides I’m not worth the trouble? I mean it can get intense in this house and while I’ve had years of practice to know how to navigate every grenade thrown around during family events, Jess isn’t used to it. Her experience of family is so different than mine that I can’t fault her reluctance in being here.
When mom called saying that Gran wanted to meet my girlfriend and that she should come over this morning, I tried my best to prepare Jess for what she’d find. I think somehow, I was too efficient at drawing the picture of a dysfunctional cold family. Something Jess has little understanding of if last year’s Christmas party at her house is any indication. Her family supports and is bound together while mine plots and plots. The exception to this twisted Stevens’ tradition are my folks.
“The pleasure is mine. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m so happy you came,” my mom says forgoing Jess’s hand and hugging her instead. Jess’s eyes sparkle at the sincere embrace and I see her relax a little, finding at least one person she can relate to. Mom is like that though. She’s always been the caring kind and I’m sure she picked up on my girl’s restlessness.
“You are absolutely gorgeous. I see so much of your mother in you and Anne was a stunner at your age, too,” mom says keeping both of Jess’s hands clasped in hers.
“Thank you, Mrs. Stevens. Mom would get a kick at hearing that. Most people tend to say I favor my father.”
“Well, I’m sure you do. Carlos was a gentle soul growing up and from Quaid’s interaction with him over the years, I believe he’s still the same honorable gentle man. Any child of Carlos’ must have those same traits, I gather.”
“She does,” I confirm placing both my hands, on Jess’s shoulders facing my joyful mom. Her eyes take us both in and there is no hiding how happy she is with this new development in my life. My past has made it difficult for me to trust people, to let them in and to know me. I mean to let someone truly know me has never been an easy task. I never brought a girl home to meet my folks, nor did I ever entertain the idea that I even wanted to. Jess being here is a decision that my mom knows I did not make lightly. If she’s here, it’s because she is meant to be here next to me today and for the foreseeable future. I’m not sure if Jess has grasped that yet, but mom sure has.
“Come. Everyone is already in the dining hall, waiting,” mom says, entwining Jess’s hand in her arm.
“Great,” Jess hushes giving me a sideways look.
“Just stick with me Jessica, and follow my lead. Debora has a keen nose and can smell fear a mile away. Don’t let her and stand your ground. Trust me. If she sees you’re not intimidated in the slightest, she’ll lose interest and move to her next target,” mom explains trying to show Jess she’s got an ally in her.
“Oh my god, I really am going to meet Miranda Priestly, aren’t I?” Jess exhales nervously.
“Now that you mention it, Debora does favor Meryl Streep in that movie. Go figure. I always pegged her as ‘Cruella de Ville’ myself,” mom shrugs. Jess’s eyes grow wider and look at me begging to escape. She’s so cute all rattled up. I make a note to do something sweet for her the minute we leave. She loves it when we go aimlessly walking through Central Park, or just lying on the grass and staring at the sky for hours on end. It’s still early and the dinner is later tonight, so I’m sure I can steal her away for a couple of hours.
“So, are both of you already packed up?” mom asks, interrupting my daydream of having Jess nap on my lap, while I stroke her hair to my heart’s content.
“Yes, Mrs. Stevens. We’re all set to leave tomorrow morning,” Jess replies for me.
“Wonderful. I can’t wait to have my boy home for spring break. And please call me Taylor. Every time I hear Mrs. Stevens called out, I can’t help think we’re talking about Debora,” mom jokes.
“Mom, you’re not helping. Jess is already climbing the walls and you painting Gran as the Anti- Christ isn’t doing her any favors.”
“You’re right. My apologies, Jess. I don’t mean to scare you. Don’t think of her as the Anti-Christ,” mom says leading us into the din
ing room where I see my father already in his chair and my grandparents sitting in their usual seats. One on each head of the table to showcase their governance in this household. Both my grandfather and father stand to great us, but my grandmother continues to stay seated where she is scrutinizing Jess’s features.
“Anti–Christ no, but his bride, maybe,” mom silently hushes to us, moving away to take her seat next to my father.
“Merda,” I hear Jess murmur under her breath. I press on Jess’s lower back to move her to her seat and make the necessary introductions. The next hour is full of small talk from my father and grandfather while mom and Jess stare at their plates, obviously counting down the minutes for this brunch to end. Grandmother is also uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole meal. Dad knowingly doesn’t ask Jess too many personal questions, but just enough to get the sense of the girl next to me. With her every reply I beam prouder. Since grandmother continues to be mum, Jess seems to forget her presence and her witty and funny personality is able to shine through. Even my grandfather doesn’t seem to be immune and laughs at a couple of her witty remarks. Once brunch is over, we all gather in the library for some coffee and tea, but before I’m able to retreat to a corner with Jess, I’m pulled aside.
“A word Quaid,” my grandmother beckons and I silently follow her. My eyes are still on Jess as she sees my company and gives me one of her cheeky smiles.
“I have a favor to ask,” Gran continues. I just nod and wait for her to say her peace. She’s been off all morning. I’ve been waiting for any snide remark or intrusive questioning from her but none have occurred. This favor of hers might be the reason why.
“Tonight, I’m going to need you to be at your best as usual, but most importantly I’ll need the rest of the people in this room to act just as properly,” she explains.
“I see. Are you talking about anyone in particular, grandmother? As far as I can see every person here is an adult and knows their place. I’m sure you won’t have any reason to worry,” I coolly remark.