by Lin Stepp
He pulled back at last with the self-restraint that only a kind heart knows. It was agonizing to do so. They stared at each other intently with hearts beating wildly.
“Jenna, beautiful Jenna.” Boyce whispered her name in a voice rich with passion. “There is nothing missing in you. You are passionate, you are desirable, you are wonderful. I would almost sell my soul just now to be with you all night, to keep touching you, to know you in every way fully. But it is wrong for us right now. You are still a married woman. It is not right. If this is to be for you and me, I want it to be right in every way. I want no shame afterward, no regrets. I want us to both be free. Despite the world’s fashion today, I’m not much of a man for casual affairs. I’m the sort who is looking for happily ever after. For someone to share my life with. Not someone to love for just a night or for just a little while.”
Her face flushed with embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to seem like a loose or an immoral person.” She dropped her eyes. “I’m not sure what happened. But I don’t want you to think …”
He stopped her words with a kiss on her mouth.
“Don’t be sorry.” He whispered the words against her lips. “I’m not. And don’t apologize, either. I’ve wanted to touch you, to kiss you and hold you, Jenna, almost from the first day we met.”
He leaned back and took her face in his hands. “God’s timing isn’t always what we want in everything. I tried hard not to reach out to you as I wanted to. I feared I would fall desperately in love with you. And that may have happened despite all my efforts. I may be a terribly unhappy man once you go. But I still want to do what is right with you. I don’t want to take advantage of you at this time in your life.”
“Thank you.” Her voice was a whisper as she put her lips softly against his. “I don’t think anyone has ever put me first or thought about what was truly best for me. I just went along with what everyone else wanted.”
She paused to look at him. “I would have gone along with you tonight. I care so much, and my feelings are so strong and new to me. But I would have felt bad later. I’d have felt that I was no better than Elliott.” She hung her head.
“I know, and that’s why I stopped, but I’m not sorry. And I can’t promise I won’t kiss you again, Jenna.” He smiled roguishly at her. “You’re like a drug to my body, calling to me even when you’re not near me. I don’t know that I have ever been so pulled to any woman as I am to you. You are so beautiful. I can’t find words to tell you how you make me feel when you are near me.” He pulled her back to him then to hold her curled up against his body, to kiss her hair, her forehead, her face.
They held each other and touched each other in a sort of wonder. But then they drew back when things became too heated. They’d made a decision, and would keep that decision about full intimacy. It wasn’t the time.
“Does this mean you’re not mad at me any more about being J. C. Martin?” Jenna asked, against the side of his neck.
He laughed, his mouth against her hair. “No, I’m not mad.”
He pulled back from her then, and took both her arms in his hands so he could look directly into her eyes.
“I have something to say to you about that, Ms. J. C. Martin.” He caught her eyes. “And I want you to hear it well. You are not just some little card design artist, as you say you are, who only does a few little greeting cards. You are a fine artist and illustrator. Don’t you realize that if your card designs are here in Tennessee, that they are in racks and store displays all over the southeast and maybe all over the United States? That is not some little thing, Jenna. People buy your cards, love them, and cherish them. That is what art is – creating something from out of yourself that touches other people’s lives. I want you to be proud of that gift. And I never want to hear you putting yourself down again for possessing it and for using it. You should revel in it.”
“Do you really like my cards?” she asked, softly amazed.
He kissed her forehead. “Yes, I like them very much. I felt so proud they were yours, that you had created them, and that I knew you. But on top of that, I was mad. Mad that you hadn’t shared that part of yourself with me. That you’d shut me out. And I imagined all sorts of stupid reasons as to why you hadn’t told me about your art.”
Jenna looked puzzled then. “How did you find my card at your gallery? I put it down under the desk calendar.”
He shrugged. “Una found it, doing one of her gallery clean-ups she does when she gets nervous about an upcoming exam,” he answered. “In fact it was Una that knew how well-known J. C. Martin was. She said her art professor at college had raved on and on about your designs, about how wonderfully detailed they were and what hidden messages they had in them.”
“You mean a professor of hers thought my work was good?” Jenna asked in wonder. “I’ll have to get Una to tell me everything he said.”
Boyce laughed. “You’ll have to suck up to her first to get her to forgive you for not telling her you were J. C. Martin. She was pretty mad, too.”
Jenna crossed her arms in irritation. “Well, I still just can’t see why everyone thought I should have told them about a simple part-time job with Park Press,” she complained.
“That’s because you still haven’t figured out how talented you are. Or how well-known your work is in your industry.” He paused as a new thought came to him. “What does your boss at your card company say about your work?”
She lifted her shoulders self-consciously. “Oh, well, he likes it. He’s actually urging me to do more now that he knows I’ve left Elliott. They want me to branch out and try some new things.”
“Well, you do that.” Boyce stood up and held a hand out to her. “And you can start tomorrow getting new ideas when we go hiking. Be ready to go about 9:30, and bring your sketchbook and your camera, because you are going to see some fine Smokies wildflowers on our hike.”
She looked up in pleasure as she put her hand in his. “Are you really taking me hiking? I know you said you would, but I thought you might not now.”
“Of course, I’m still taking you. In fact, I’d say that you and I are going to spend a lot of time with each other until you leave.” He smiled at her. “If I’m lucky, maybe you’ll miss me and maybe you’ll come back.”
She dropped her eyes then, uncomfortable with this thought. “Maybe you’ll come to New York to see me,” she suggested.
“I don’t like the city, Jenna,” he said, knowing he needed to be honest. “I don’t like any city, but especially not big ones like New York. I can’t work there; I tried once for a short time but it wasn’t for me.”
Seeing her disappointment, he added, “But I might come for a visit to see you in New York. We’ll see. For now, let’s get you home so you can get some rest.”
After he walked her back over to Sam’s cabin and turned to start back, he heard her call out to him.
“Boyce,” she called out softly through the night. “I didn’t tell you mainly because I thought you might not think I was any good.”
“Oh, Jenna, you were wrong about that,” he called huskily back to her. “I think you were very good indeed tonight.”
A little giggle floated out over the darkness. “That’s not what I meant, Boyce.”
“I know, but it’s what I meant.” He looked back to see her highlighted in the warm light of the doorway and shook his head. “Don’t tempt me with more words called out in the darkness, Jenna. Go to bed now, and get some sleep.”
Boyce hoped he could get some sleep himself. But he doubted it. She had stirred him up too much. Perhaps he’d sit in front of the fire for an hour and finish out the last of the wine from dinner. It might help. And then again, it might not.
Chapter 9
Saturday dawned clear and fair. By 9:00 am the sun shone brightly and the sky appeared a lovely blue when Jenna glanced out the kitchen window a second time. She was going hiking with Boyce, and she wanted it to be a good day.
Boyce told her what to pack a few
days ago and what to wear.
“You don’t dress for fashion for a hike in the mountains.” He stated this emphatically. “Wear sturdy, comfortable clothes, some thick, cotton lined socks, and well-worn hiking boots, if you have them.”
He dug in Sam’s storage closet until he found a lightweight backpack Sam once used. He tried it on Jenna’s back for size. After adjusting the straps, it was a good fit.
“Put the few things you think you’ll need in here, along with a light lunch,” he said. “And remember that everything weighs. Don’t put a bunch of silly woman’s stuff in your pack like it’s a pocketbook. Just put in a few practical things like chapstick, band aids, and tissues. Think light so you’ll enjoy your hike. For lunch, pack something simple, like a sandwich in foil, some prepackaged peanut butter crackers or a snack bar, and a zip bag of raisins or granola mix. And don’t forget to buy a 12 ounce bottle of water to carry with you. Don’t get a bigger one thinking that will be better, because water is the heaviest thing you’ll be carrying on a day hike.”
“Are you always this bossy when you take someone hiking with you?” she asked him teasingly.
He glanced up in annoyance. “Yes, and you’ll thank me for it when you’ve hiked three miles up the trail and your shoulders aren’t aching from too heavy a pack and your feet aren’t hurting because you have on bad socks or shoes and are starting a blister. You wouldn’t believe some of the idiot things novice hikers do on the trails in the Smokies.”
Jenna checked her pack again, remembering his instructions. Everything she needed seemed to be there. It would be just like Boyce to look through it before they left. She glanced in the mirror, noting she looked ready for a hike – wearing old jeans, a t-shirt, and a favorite zip-front sweatshirt with a hood.
Glancing at her watch, she realized she had time to spare before Boyce arrived. Time for one more cup of coffee.
She poured it from the pot in the kitchen, and sat down at the kitchen table where she could watch the birds feeding in the back. Chickadees and finches were flitting in and out of the feeders this morning, with a mockingbird fussing in the tree.
Jenna hoped the coffee would give her a little confidence for facing Boyce this morning. She was a little embarrassed about last night and what happened between them. But she felt excited about it, too. He obviously liked her. The mystery over that was gone. However, things had sort of exploded between them and gotten complicated afterwards. She’d snuggled under her comforter for a long time last night remembering the wonderful things Boyce said to her. His kisses had been so sweet, and his hands just as exciting as she’d imagined.
She sighed. Everything had been sweeter than her daydreams. Jenna felt a rush of feelings even now remembering it. She knew she let him touch her in places she shouldn’t have. And he’d been the one to pull away. It should have been her that pulled away. She tapped her finger thoughtfully on her coffee cup. It troubled her to remember that. She hadn’t shown much restraint.
Still, overall the memories played back positive. “The sweetest memory of all is that Boyce admitted he might be falling in love with me.” Jenna said to herself. “I know men just say things like that when they’re all stirred up and feeling passionate. But I hope it might really be so.”
She considered that idea with a sudden anxiety. “What if it is so? As much as I’m attracted to Boyce, I don’t really want another man in my life right now. And I certainly don’t want to even think about getting married again.” Jenna frowned. “Once you marry a man, everything changes. That’s what happened with Elliott. He said romantic things and made me feel special when we were dating too. But he seemed disappointed with me once he got me in bed on our honeymoon.”
Jenna hated remembering their first night together. Elliott seemed to think all her efforts of response to him were amusing. He hadn’t gone slow with her, even though it was her first time, and he hurt her. Jenna had read enough books now to know he could have been nicer and more gentle that first time - and at other times later.
A part of Jenna wondered what it might have been like with Boyce if things had gone further. But another part of her drew back. She hoped Boyce meant it when he said he didn’t want to take advantage of her right now. It was a truly messed up time in her life and no time to be starting a new relationship.
Jenna chewed her lip thinking about this. Boyce said he wanted to see a lot of her before she left to go back to New York. That probably meant he would want to be intimate every time they got together now. He might start pushing to go further. A sliver of alarm slid over her. If that started to happen, she might have to go back to New York early. She didn’t want that.
Boyce’s knock on the door startled her back to the present. Soon they were loading their packs into the jeep and setting off for the day. Boyce checked her pack, just as she thought he would. He also brought her a small packaged rain poncho to tuck into her backpack, plus a rolled ground seat that could be inflated later to sit on. On the back seat of his jeep were a pile of sketchbooks, pencils, and a camera.
He turned to her conversationally as they started down Orchard Hollow Road. “How many trails have you hiked in the mountains?”
“None, really.” She shook her head regretfully. “I’ve just done some short walks close to the cabin and ventured down a few roadside trails when I took a drive in the mountains. But that’s all.”
“Well, if you have a good time today, we’ll have to do some more hikes before you go back to New York.” He stretched his arms out on the steering wheel. “I hike in the mountains year round, but I especially like to hike in the spring when the wildflowers bloom out. They’re starting to peak now. I’m going to do a lot of trails in the next weeks to gather photos and sketches for some paintings the Atlanta Haldeman Gallery wants me to do for a late summer show. I just finished the painting I was working on, so the timing is perfect for me to get out and find some new ideas. Besides, I like a change after I’ve been holed up in the studio for a long time.” He turned to smile at her.
Jenna smiled back, and began to relax slightly. Boyce hadn’t made a pass at her since he knocked on the door. He hadn’t tried to kiss her or given her any smoldering looks or anything. He hadn’t even mentioned last night at all. She worried that it would be a factor in the whole day today. Instead, Boyce was acting like it never happened at all. This was just fine with Jenna. In fact, she felt relieved. Boyce was acting just like his old self, and that was going to make the day fun.
They drove from Townsend over the Little River Road to Gatlinburg. The road wound through the lowlands of the Smoky Mountains National Park alongside the tumbling Little River and, later, along Fighting Creek. This meant the road twisted, twined, and snaked in and out along the stream sides with constant views of the tumbling waters and cascades. Boyce pointed out the sights all along the way.
He stopped at the Sinks to let her watch a group of daredevil teenagers, mostly young boys, jump off the high rock bluffs into a wide, deep pool below. They made another stop at the Sugarlands Visitor Center to see the exhibits and to let Jenna browse through the publications for sale. She bought a map Boyce suggested that showed all the hiking trails in the Smokies.
Jenna found the little city of Gatlinburg delightful as they drove through on Highway 441. It was a quaint tourist town filled with shops and attractions. Boyce promised he would bring her back one day just to explore.
Partway through Gatlinburg, they veered to the right to follow Highway 73 as it rose up a hill away from the main part of town. Soon they drove into a more rural community skirting along the edge of the mountains and the park. Boyce said the highway led eventually to another historic town called Cosby, but their destination today was Greenbrier and a trail at the end of the Greenbrier Road called Porters Creek Trail.
“I would have gotten lost if I’d tried to come over here by myself,” remarked Jenna.
“Oh, you’d learn your way around the mountains quickly if you stayed here long enough.” Boyce fl
ashed a smile at her. “You know, the Greenbrier area was once an old mountain community. Many early settlers lived in theses hills and valleys. They built a school, a mill, churches, and cemeteries. You’ll see an old homestead that the park has kept restored off the trail we’re hiking on today.”
She thought about Boyce’s reason for driving all this distance. “Aren’t there wildflowers on trails closer to you than this?” It seemed surprising that he would drive so far in search of flowers.
“Don’t you like adventures?” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “I travel all over the mountains to hike, depending on my mood. I believe in always being open for a new adventure, even if it means a little drive to have it. Besides, even though there are trails with wildflowers nearer to Townsend, this trail at Greenbrier is known for its wide diversity of wildflowers this time of year. There are some unusual flowers that grow here along this trail that you can’t readily see in many other places. Also, it’s just a favorite hiking trail of mine in April. You’ll find it worth the drive once you see it, Jenna.”
She shrugged. “Aren’t all the trails about the same?”
Boyce looked shocked at her question. “No, not at all. Every trail possesses its own character and flavor. Each one is unique. What is even better is that the trails are always changing – with the seasons and over time. Even after you’ve hiked on a trail two or three times, you always see something new the next time.”
Jenna sent a smile his way. “You make it sound like fun.”
“It is fun.” His blue eyes flashed. “The best of fun. And it’s free for the taking.”