Last Christmas

by Talli Roland

  So why this vague sense of discomfort each time I thought of the party? Mimi was right: I deserved to get my own back after Robert had treated me so poorly. But as I’d told Mimi, this event was meant to keep my mind off the wedding, not compete with his shindig. And actually, with Mimi doing most of the logistical work and James’ sudden appearance, my desperation to party had dimmed.

  The sky was grey and heavy, and even though it was noon, the streetlights had come on. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see a few flakes falling from the clouds. Shivering, I tightened the scarf around my neck and hurried towards the Tube to meet James.

  A smile lifted my lips when I spotted him. Clad in a black wool coat and jeans, he was leaning against a building and staring at the steady stream of people exiting the Tube. Legs churning faster, my eyes traced the straight profile of his nose and the strong line of his chin.

  ‘Hi!’ I said, when I reached his side.

  James gave me a kiss. ‘Hi, yourself.’ Pulling back, he met my gaze and grinned. ‘It’s good to see you again. Come on, let’s check out this market.’ He tugged me into the crowd thronging the pavement. Even though I’d been to the market a zillion times, I couldn’t wait to show him my favourite produce: the yummy chorizo sandwiches; the brownies containing one day’s worth of calories; the smelly yet oh-so-delicious cheeses practically melting on the stand.

  The market was bustling and the space was thick with the sounds and smells of Christmas. Carols drifted through the air, along with the heady scent of pine from a nearby tree stand. After forcing James to experience the world’s best brownie (he claimed not to like chocolate, but seriously?), we grabbed a cup of steaming Glühwein then retreated to a quiet corner.

  ‘This is fantastic,’ James said, sipping his wine. ‘From now on, I’m going to be a regular here.’

  ‘I’m so lucky to have the market on my doorstep. I couldn’t live without those brownies!’

  James laughed. ‘I have to say, you may have converted me. Now that we’ve had dessert, want to grab lunch? Somewhere we can sit?’ He flexed his legs. ‘I’ve been on my feet all week at the shop and they’re killing me.’ He winced. ‘That didn’t sound very manly, did it?’

  ‘Well . . .’ I tilted my head, smiling up at him. Thank God he’d suggested sitting because these shoes were pinching my toes. ‘I know just the place. Come on.’

  I dragged him through the crowded passages and a few minutes later, we were standing in front of the black façade of Elliot’s Café. Inside, a waitress led us to the glass-covered dining area at the back. James loosened his scarf, rubbing his palms together as he sat.

  ‘Ah. Love the heat in here.’ He clasped my hands. ‘Hey, how come your hands are hot? Warm me up!’

  I was sure he meant nothing by the words, but my cheeks flushed at the thought.

  ‘What’s good here?’ he asked, opening the menu.

  ‘The crab on toast is delicious, and the burger is to die for.’ I’d love to inhale the juicy burger right now, but I wasn’t about to display my carnivorous side so soon in our relationship. Robert used to joke the way I pounced on meat, I must have been a wild animal in a previous lifetime.

  ‘Burger it is, then.’ James snapped closed the menu. ‘So tell me about this party. Not many people decide to throw a huge bash on Christmas Day.’

  I glanced down, wondering how much I should say. Explaining my motive behind the party made it sound I wasn’t quite over Robert. Well, I wasn’t . . . was I? I tapped my fingers on the table. Sure, I was angry at how he’d treated me, but did I want him back? I wanted him to want me back, and I’d do anything to forget the humiliation of last Christmas, but that was different than loving him. I tried to conjure up the warm feelings he’d always evoked, but I could only find the usual anger and hurt. Sometime over the past year, love had trickled out of me. No bad thing – just surprising. I’d been so busy being angry, I hadn’t noticed.

  ‘I figured it was time for something different,’ I responded finally.

  ‘I understand. Sometimes it’s good to mix things up.’ James made a face. ‘Especially when you’d rather forget a few Christmastime memories. Well, maybe not forget, exactly, but move on from.’

  Got it in one! God, we really were on the same page. I met James’ gaze, remembering his words from our first date about shifting away from the past. What exactly had happened, I wondered? Well, if he wasn’t going to discuss his failed relationship, I certainly wouldn’t bring up Robert. He was history, as far as my love life was concerned.

  I pushed my ex as far from my mind as possible and squeezed James’ hands. ‘You know what? Let’s not talk about bad memories or the past. I just want to enjoy being here with you.’ My face went red again as the words left my mouth, and James nodded.

  ‘I couldn’t agree more.’

  Three hours later, we were still at the restaurant, an empty wine bottle in front of us. The meal had flashed by and we’d lingered over drinks as darkness fell outside and diners came and went. Finally, James pushed back his chair.

  ‘We’d better make a move before they kick us out.’ He removed his wallet and put a credit card on the table. ‘I got this.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said, buttoning up my coat. My whole body was warm and relaxed, as if I’d been soaking in a bath for hours. I almost felt like I’d melt into a puddle of wine right onto the floor.

  ‘Want to head to mine?’ The sentence slipped out of my mouth, and my eyebrows rose. Where had that come from? But as much as the words surprised me, I didn’t fancy taking them back. The afternoon had been magical, and I wasn’t ready for the day to end. Plus, I’d pruned my bits and I was now as sex-ready as I’d ever be.

  James paused, and I steeled myself for rejection. But then a slow smile crossed his face and he drew me close. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘Good morning.’

  A deep voice drifted into my sleep haze and I rubbed my eyes. Grey light seeped through the studio’s tiny window, falling on James’ bare chest as he snaked an arm around me.

  ‘Morning.’ I burrowed into him, happiness bursting inside as memories of last night raced through my head. We’d walked home in the frosty darkness, the lights from Christmas decorations casting a soft glow in the air. Back at my flat, James had sat on the bed – the only place available – while I poured two more glasses of red. The second I’d sunk down beside him, he’d pulled me in for a kiss . . . and, well, let’s just say things progressed from there. Several times, in fact. It sounds a cliché, I know, but I honestly hadn’t believed sex could be so good. It had been nice with Robert, like wrapping up in a cosy blanket. But sex with James was like jumping off a cliff with a parachute: senses battered from all directions, out of control, but loving the ride.

  It was more than physical attraction, though. Although we’d only just met, there was a connection between us; a mutual understanding. Whether that came from similar experiences with past relationships I didn’t know, but somehow we just got each other.

  I lifted my head, taking in his tousled hair and stubble. He looked delicious, but as much as I longed to devour him, the clock on the table read half-past nine. Two days remained until the party, and Mimi would be wondering where I’d disappeared to.

  ‘I’d better get going,’ I said, scooping my hair back into a ponytail. In the mornings, my head usually resembled a static ball.

  ‘Yeah, me too,’ James said, without moving. He ran a finger across my cheek. ‘I’m so glad you walked into the shop that day. You know what they say: when a door closes, a window opens.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ My brow furrowed.

  ‘A little early for deep thoughts, I know. I just meant if you hadn’t closed the door on the past by pawning that watch, we’d never have met.’

  ‘Ah. Yes, you’re right.’ I snuggled into his chest again, my eyes wide as I digested the words. Pawning the watch had been the first step towards moving on, but I hadn’t quite bee
n ready to let go. Was I now? My love for Robert had faded, yes, but could I abandon the anger, too?

  I breathed in James’ spicy scent, my heart swelling. After last night, I didn’t want to hang onto negativity any longer. I’d contact the shop after Christmas and give them the go-ahead to sell the watch. James’ chest rose and fell beneath me, and a sense of calm and contentment descended.

  ‘Listen,’ James said as he pulled on his clothes. ‘My family is having their traditional pre-pre-Christmas dinner tonight.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Mum is crazy about Christmas cooking and tries to fatten us up as much as possible. Would you like to come?’

  Wow – dinner with the parents! I might be out of touch with the dating scene, but even I knew this was a big deal. ‘I’d love to.’

  James grinned. ‘Brilliant. I’ll text you the details.’ He pulled me into his arms again and gave me a quick kiss goodbye. ‘Can’t wait to see you tonight.’

  I listened to him thump down the stairs then watched from the window as he rounded the corner and disappeared from view. A warm glow lit me from the inside out, and I pirouetted in the tiny space. For once, the close confines of my flat didn’t bother me – instead, they held the scent and memory of James, as if he was still here. I hugged my arms to me, savouring the sensation of happiness.

  The phone bleeped and I grabbed it from the floor where it had fallen when I’d discarded my jeans. Ooh, a text from Robert’s sister. I clicked on it.

  So sorry – can’t make party after all. Greta freaking out 24/7 about losing guests. Threatening to cancel wedding. I’d better stay. Drama central, sigh. Have a good one and maybe we can meet in the New Year?

  Oh, God. I bit my lip. Greta wouldn’t really cancel the wedding, would she? Not with so much already planned. I shook my head as guilt ballooned inside. Intentional or not, luring guests from Robert had been satisfying, but I’d never meant it to go this far.

  I flopped on the bed. What to do? I didn’t want to cancel my party – Mimi had worked so hard and I couldn’t disappoint her – but maybe I could tone it down; make the do a low-key affair that wouldn’t come close to infringing on Robert’s nuptials. The Dirty Mondays were a huge draw and if they pulled out, lots of party-goers would, too. When I got to the office, I’d ask Mimi to cancel the band. She’d be upset, but we could get by with a DJ. I tapped a finger against my mouth, mind spinning as I wondered what else I could do. Perhaps end our event earlier to reduce overlap with the reception? I’d set last call at the bar for eight p.m.

  Okay, so it wouldn’t make bash of the year. But that was all right. Truthfully, I didn’t even need the party anymore. This Christmas, I’d take a page from James’ book and look forward, not back.

  I had a very good feeling the future included him.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I smoothed my hair for the millionth time, hoping the journey to James’ parents in Battersea hadn’t mussed it up. At least the rest of me looked presentable: fitted black trousers, soft pink cashmere jumper, and my lace-ups. Mimi and I had debated what I should wear for hours before finally conceding nothing in my closet would do. I’d left her with firm instructions to cancel the band (to say she was displeased was an understatement – her screech resembled an electrocuted cat), then taken off to shop in Covent Garden again.

  Eyeing the brick terraced house in front of me now, I wondered what James’ parents were like. Hopefully they were as nice as Robert’s Mum and Dad. We’d always got on well – until I’d competed with their son’s wedding, of course. A whoosh of relief went through me at my decision to scale down the party. It was the right thing to do, I knew it.

  ‘Hello!’ James’ twinkling eyes appeared around the side of the door. He gave me a kiss, then beckoned me inside. ‘Come in, come in. Mum and Dad can’t wait to meet you.’

  ‘Okay.’ I gulped down my nervousness and followed him into the house. The homely smell of roast turkey and rosemary hung in the air, and my tummy rumbled in anticipation. It’d been ages since I’d eaten a home-cooked meal. Mum’s dinners were usually assembled in M&S.

  James led me into the cosy lounge. A Christmas tree sparkled in the corner, and holly adorned the mantel. ‘Mum, Dad, this is Lucy.’

  ‘Lovely to meet you, Lucy. Call me Jean, and this is Allan.’ An older woman with white hair but a youthful face smiled, holding out a hand. ‘We’re pleased to have you here tonight.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I took her soft palm, instantly relaxing. ‘Oh, I brought you this.’ I lifted the bottle of wine I’d splurged on.

  ‘So thoughtful. I’ll pour us all a glass right now. You take a seat.’

  ‘How did you meet our James, then?’ Allan asked, his green eyes fixing me with interest.

  ‘We met at the shop where he works,’ I said, settling back on the comfy sofa. James slung an arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him.

  ‘And then she invited me to her Christmas party, and we went from there,’ James finished for me.

  Jean returned with three brimming glasses of wine. I knew I liked this woman – I always felt cheated whenever anyone gave me a glass only halfway-filled. ‘Here you are,’ she said, handing one over. ‘James, the turkey is ready. Would you do us the honour of carving? The last time your father did it, the poor bird looked like it had been attacked by foxes.’

  ‘Sure.’ James sprang to his feet and trotted off down the corridor.

  ‘Well.’ Jean sat beside me. ‘I can’t tell you how happy we are that James has met someone. It’s been quite a tough year for him, what with everything that happened with Victoria.’

  My ears perked up. So James’ ex was named Victoria? ‘I know. He did mention it’s been difficult.’

  ‘Oh good, so he’s talked to you about it?’ Jean angled towards me. ‘Allan and I were a little worried at first – he barely said a word. Just packed up his flat, moved back with us for a few months, and refused to even discuss it.’

  My heart twanged with sympathy. Poor James – I knew how hard it was to leave the home you’d built together.

  ‘What a mess.’ Jean sighed. ‘Months and months of wedding planning, and then the whole thing was called off at the very last minute. They were almost at the altar, for goodness’ sake.’

  Wow, James and I had endured even more similar experiences than I’d realized! Granted, I hadn’t been nearing the altar – at least outside my daydreams – but I had been led to believe marriage was in the works before the plug was pulled.

  ‘Lucy doesn’t want to hear all this, love.’ Allan shot his wife a warning look over the top of his glass.

  ‘Sorry, sorry.’ Jean waved a hand in the air. ‘I’m just so pleased to see him back out there again. The way he was behaving, you’d almost have thought Victoria called off the wedding, not him.’

  My eyebrows rose, wine nearly spurting from my mouth. What? James had called off the wedding, not Victoria? As if I’d flicked a switch, my empathy turned into disbelief, then anger. How could he do that to someone? How could he lead her on, right to their wedding day? I’d thought Robert was bad, but he was nothing compared to James. All his talk of moving forward and letting go of the past now seemed callous and cruel.

  My legs shook as I got to my feet. ‘Excuse me for a second. I need to speak to James about something.’ I stumbled down the hallway towards what I hoped was the kitchen, my head swirling with a storm of thoughts. I’d believed James and I had experienced the same trauma. Actually, we had, I snorted to myself – we’d just been on different sides of it.

  After what I’d been through with Robert, I couldn’t date someone who’d done the exact same thing. My heart squeezed painfully at the thought of never seeing James again, but my hope for a future together was dashed the second his mum revealed what had happened. How could he have behaved like that?

  ‘Oh, hey.’ James grinned at me over the turkey. ‘You hanging in there all right? I know my parents can be a bit full on sometimes.’

  I drew in a shuddery breath. ‘I ha
ve to go. Please don’t contact me again. Goodbye.’ The words left my mouth like bullets, and I spun away from his stunned face and rushed towards the front entrance. After grabbing my coat from the peg, I shoved my feet into the lace-ups, then reached for the door handle.

  ‘Lucy! Wait.’ James’ voice came from behind, but I didn’t turn. Instead, I pushed open the door and shot into the cold dark night, hurrying down the street. Despite my shoelaces flapping on the pavement (remind me never to wear bloody lace-ups for a quick getaway), I only slowed once I’d rounded a corner and James’ house was out of sight.

  Tears stung my eyes, making the streetlights blur. My insides ached, like an open wound exposed to the elements. I’d fallen for James – I’d slept with him, for God’s sake – but I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice. Hearing what he’d done had brought the agony of last Christmas back full force, when I was that hapless female whose dreams had been trampled.

  The fury inside intensified, and a shot of determination ran through me. Forget scaling down the party. This was my chance to reclaim Christmas. If my event happened to interfere with Robert’s plans, so be it.

  In fact, the more it interfered, the better.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ‘Merry Christmas! It’s finally here.’ Mimi’s voice rang out across the empty pub as she hurried inside. ‘You ready for the best Christmas party ever?’

  ‘Bring it on!’ I smiled, trying to muster up enthusiasm. Despite my attempts to force the festive spirit, a corpse draped with streamers would look more excited than me.

  Ever since dinner at James’, my guts felt like someone had attacked them with a cheese grater. I’d forced myself to focus on the party, ignoring James’ countless voice mails and texts, and sloughing off Mimi’s million questions about what had happened. Fortunately, she hadn’t cancelled the band or contacted the pub to reduce our hours (she claimed she couldn’t reach either, but she’d obviously never tried).