by Claire Raye
She doesn’t move, instead, her own hand reaches out and lands on Tommy’s chest as they both continue to laugh at whatever it is that both of them finds funny.
I feel my chest tighten as I watch them, a weird surge of possessive jealousy coursing through me. It’s not that I don’t trust Ellen, I do. I guess I’ve just never had to see her with another guy. Especially not one she’s so…so familiar with.
“He’s just a friend,” Lauren says and when I turn, I see her standing beside me, watching her sister and Tommy.
“Uh huh,” I reply, as I walk back toward the front of the shed.
Neither of them notices my approach and it’s not until I slide my arm around Ellen’s shoulders that she even realizes I’m there.
“Hey,” I say, pressing a kiss to her temple. “We were gonna go into Napa and grab some lunch,” I remind her. “We should get going?”
Ellen turns and smiles at me. “Yes,” she replies, before turning back to Tommy. “Do you want to come?”
Tommy immediately answers, “Yes,” with Lauren chiming in that she wants to come and before I know it, my day spent hanging out with my girlfriend has quickly turned into something else.
Tommy drives us into Napa, and we spend an hour or so wandering around, checking out the shops before grabbing some lunch. Despite my earlier reservations, we have a good day and as much as I wish I was spending it alone with Ellen, it’s actually kinda fun having both Tommy and Lauren around.
I learn that Tommy didn’t exactly flunk out of school, but is currently taking an extended leave of absence courtesy of the weed-induced high failure rate of some of his classes.
“Truth be told, I’m not even sure I want to go back,” he admits as the waiter drops off the three huge pizzas we’ve all decided to share.
“You don’t like it?” I ask, confused because I’d always known what I wanted to do, ever since I was a kid and my dad took me to the robotics lab he worked at. It might sound totally nerdy, but to me it was cool as fuck.
Tommy shrugs. “Nah, not really. I actually prefer being outside, working with my hands. Kinda only went to make my mom and dad happy, but that backfired big time.”
“In what way?” I ask.
Tommy chuckles. “In the way where I got paired up on my first day with the biggest stoner gamer there is this side of Colorado. I don’t think he ever went to class and as a result neither did I.”
I nod. “Yeah I remember that feeling of being away from home, no parents watching over you and no one caring whether you went to class or not. I nearly failed a couple of classes in my first year too.”
“You did?” Ellen asks, surprised.
I nod, smiling at her. “Yeah, although not for smoking weed or anything, although we did do a bit of that. It was more the pranks we used to play on the TA, all the hours spent planning that shit instead of studying or paying attention in class.”
Tommy grins now, elbows on the table as he leans forward. “Oh yeah, do tell?”
I shake my head, laughing a little. “Is this a good idea, given the company,” I ask, gesturing toward Lauren. “Young impressionable minds and all?”
Lauren scoffs as she flips me off and says, “Please, I’m a grown ass adult.”
Ellen bursts out laughing as she all but collapses against me. “Right,” she gets out between chuckles. “Which is why you’re pining over some guy you pretended to hate but actually are secretly in love with and now totally miss the shit out of?”
Lauren blushes and we all laugh as she grabs a slice of pizza and angrily begins to eat it.
“Alright, I’ll spill,” I say, in an attempt to make peace with her. “We did a lot of shit to torment the poor guy,” I start. “It was probably a bit harsh, but to be fair, he did make our lives a living hell a lot of the time. Running the class like he was on some mega power trip or whatever.”
“Wait, was Greg involved in all of this too?” Ellen asks, knowing exactly what my roommate is like.
I laugh. “God, of course, he was the ringleader of it all,” I say, knowing he hated our TA more than anyone. “Anyway, apart from the usual shit like barricading him in the restrooms or slipping laxatives into his coffee, the final straw came when we sort of stole his car.”
Tommy chuckles. “Sort of?”
I glance at him, an eyebrow cocked as I say, “Well, we moved it…without his knowledge.”
Tommy nods slowly as though he’s trying to put the pieces together. “Okay, elaborate,” he adds, moving his hand as though to hurry me up.
My grin widens. “He used to drive one of those tiny cars, some sort of Fiat or whatever, I don’t know,” I start. “All I know is that it was little and we’d been jokingly saying how it was so tiny we could practically lift it up. Then one day a bunch of us decided to see if we could move it.”
Tommy lets out a loud laugh. “What?”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding as I continue to explain. “We picked it up and actually moved it.”
“To where?” Ellen asks, her eyes wide.
I slip my arm around her shoulders as I grin at each of them. “Well, the first time…”
“The first?” Tommy asks, shocked.
My grin widens. “Yeah, the first time, we managed to wedge his car between two others,” I explain. “It was jammed in so tight, you could not open any of the doors and the only way he’d be able to get in was if one of the other cars drove away.”
“What happened?” Ellen asks, reaching for another slice of pizza.
“Well, we chose wisely,” I say. “Because we knew both those cars belonged to the members of the track team…who were at a meet and not due back for hours,” I continue, chuckling a little at the memory of our asshole TA desperately trying to work out how to get into his car, which was jammed between two SUVs, a wall at the back, preventing him from opening the trunk and just climbing through.
He hadn’t noticed us all laughing our asses off from the lab, two floors up, which was why we’d been able to get away with it.
“Pretty sure his car was stuck there until like midnight or something.”
Ellen swats at me, but she’s laughing as she says, “You guys are assholes.”
“Yeah,” I admit, shrugging.
“And you never got caught?” Lauren asks, her eyes wide in amazement.
I shake my head. “Nope, not that time. Were pretty close the next time though, which is why we called it quits before we got ourselves thrown out.”
Tommy smiles as he shakes his head. “What’d you do the second time?”
My brows raise as though to say, this one was good, even as I stall a little by reaching for another slice of pizza.
“Will…” Lauren whines. “What did you do?”
I chuckle. “Next time, we dumped his car in the middle of the football field,” I say.
Nobody says anything, the shock seemingly rendering them all speechless. Eventually Tommy speaks. “How the hell did you manage that?”
“That was some ninja stealth moves, I’m telling you,” I say, remembering how close we came to getting caught. And even though we were all dressed in black, dark ski masks pulled over our faces, we knew that if anyone had seen us, we’d be toast.
“It was winter,” I continue, by way of explanation. “So it got dark early. I don’t know where he thought his car had gone, but I did hear the football coach went totally apeshit when the team met for practice and this TA’s car is sitting in the middle of the field.”
Everyone collapses with laughter now as we finish off our lunch, Tommy and I continuing our stories of shit we did that almost got us kicked out of school.
By the time we’re heading back to the vineyard, my earlier jealousy has disappeared and been replaced with a genuine like for the guy that I can now see is more like a brother to Ellen and Lauren.
Later that night, I’m lying in bed when I hear the sound of the front door to the cottage I’m staying in open and then close. I smile as the sound of footsteps get
s closer and by the time Ellen appears in my doorway, there’s a huge grin my face.
“Thought you weren’t supposed to be over here,” I ask, hands behind my head as I lean back against the headboard.
Ellen bites her bottom lip as she stares over at me. “I’m not,” she says.
A soft laugh escapes me. “So, what, you’re gonna sneak back in before you caught, are you?”
She smiles now, twisting a strand of hair around her finger as she stares across at me. “Maybe,” she says, walking toward me. “Maybe you could teach me some of those ninja moves you were talking about.”
I chuckle as I pull back the covers and Ellen climbs into bed, straddling my hips. My hands move to her thighs instinctively, because even after only one night, it already feels like too long since I’ve had her.
“I might be able to do that,” I say, slipping my hands higher.
She stops them, all playfulness gone as she looks down at me. “Thank you,” she whispers.
“For what?” I ask, confused.
“For coming here like this, for today,” she says. “For…for being understanding about Tommy and not being weird about him.”
“Well,” I start, as a tiny stab of guilt lurches through me. “To be fair, this morning, I wasn’t exactly thrilled about him, but actually, he’s not that bad.”
Ellen nods, her hands lifting off mine now as she cups my face in her fingers. “He’s like a brother to me,” she whispers, leaning in to kiss my lips. “Nothing more.”
I nod, pulling her closer as I deepen the kiss. “Good,” I breathe out.
Chapter Nine
Ellen
As much as it was great to be home with my family, it’s nice to be back at school enjoying my independence once again. Taking Will home has giving me a totally different perspective on our relationship, and while it’s only been a few months, I know now that I’m falling in love with him. And judging by his response to Tommy, I’m going to go out on limb and say he’s feeling the same way.
I’ve been dancing around saying it to him for a week now, it lingering on the tip of my tongue, but never finding the courage to just spit it out. But tonight is going to be different.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my sister and her moping around the vineyard without Jack. It was a missed opportunity, and something I think she’s going to think about the rest of her life. She may only be fifteen years old, but that doesn’t mean what she feels for Jack is any less real. I’m using her experience as a reminder to myself to not let things remain unsaid.
My heart also breaks for her and a part of me is tempted to contact him and confess her deepest, darkest secret to him. She’d kill me though, like murder me in my sleep. I guess all I can do is encourage her to reach out to him. Even Will suggested it, and maybe she’d be more likely to take his advice.
I’m pulling on my boots when my phone rings letting me know that Will is downstairs waiting for me so we can hit up some bars.
I tuck my hair behind my ears and give myself a quick once-over in the mirror before turning to Alice and asking, “How do I look?”
“You look like you’re going to freeze your ass off.” She looks me up and down and rolls her eyes.
Alice and I get along far better than most roommates who were thrust together by the random lottery system, but we’re still quite different. She’s not interested in crowds or bars or impressing boys with tube tops in the frigid Michigan winters.
“Shut up. Do I look good enough to tell Will I love him?” I ask, but this time it’s me rolling my eyes.
“You look hot, so yeah,” she replies nodding her head and shrugging her shoulders. “But hold on.”
Alice hops off her bed and begins to rummage through her closet, sliding a clump of hangers to the side as she pulls out a black jacket from the back.
“Here,” she says, thrusting the jacket at me. “Take this so when you’re standing in the freezing cold and you tell Will you love him, he isn’t focusing on your glass-cutting nips and you’re not about to piss yourself from hypothermia.”
I’m laughing so hard at Alice’s honest interpretation of what could happen that tears are streaming down my face. I hate to break it to her that I don’t plan to be standing out in the cold, but I let it go. I guess anything could happen.
“Thanks, Mom,” I reply, sweetly as I take the black trench coat from her and slip it on, pecking her on the cheek as I head for the door.
“Have fun and good luck,” she calls, as the door closes behind me.
I take one last deep breath and push the button for the elevator. It’s now or never.
When the doors slide open, Will is waiting for me and clearly he didn’t get the non-existent memo about this being a big night, because he’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie.
“Wow, you look amazing,” he says, stumbling over his words slightly. It’s been a while since I dressed up to go out with Will and now I’m sorta starting to regret it. I’ve made it way to obvious that I’m planning or expecting something out of tonight, and if it all goes to shit it’s going to be embarrassing as fuck.
Will leans in and slips his arms around my waist, pulling me close, he presses his lips to mine softly.
“Maybe we should just go back to my apartment,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against my ear and his fingers sliding under my top. A jolt of electricity shoots through when his fingers connect with my skin and I suddenly want to agree with him. Fuck going out drinking; let’s just take a few shots in his kitchen and hop in bed. No matter how this plays out, I’m going to need a little liquid courage to get the whole thing rolling.
“Why don’t we at least get something to eat and have a few drinks,” I suggest, my nervousness taking over. I’m not sure why I’m trying to schedule an I love you. It should be spontaneous, organic and well, not this shit.
My hands are shaking when Will threads his fingers into mine and begins to lead the way out of the building. Before we can reach the street, he turns to me and says, “You’re being kinda weird. You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I mutter back, feeling a knot tightening in my stomach at the idea that I’ve made this night into something it shouldn’t be.
“You’re not going to break up with me, are you?” Will asks, pulling me so we are now standing face to face.
“God, no,” I reply, an exasperated sigh falling from my lips when I realize I’ve made him think the worst. I throw my arms around his neck and pull him in close, kissing his lips and telling myself when it happens, it happens.
The night continues uneventfully with us meeting up with a few friends and doing a little bar hopping before we head back to Will’s apartment. We step out of the bar and a light dusting of snow has fallen and the sky is dark and blanketed in a heavy gray clouds. The snow is still falling lightly and Will takes my hand in his as we walk. We’re both drunk and I giggle at everything he says as he talks incessantly about absolutely nothing. We stop off at a burrito joint, and grab some to go and continue our walk home.
I shudder in the cold air, wrapping my arms around myself and silently thanking Alice for her jacket.
“Are you cold?” Will asks as he stops to throw away the wrapper from his burrito. We’re standing outside the stadium with only a few blocks left to go before we reach his apartment.
“Of course I’m cold,” I respond, my teeth practically chattering. It might be March, but in Michigan that can mean any number of things: snow, rain, extreme cold, oddly warm temperatures. My California-raised ass is just not cut out for this kind of weather. “I just want you to know that I’m moving back to California when I graduate,” I blurt out with no warning.
“Can’t handle the cold, huh?” Will says, running his hands up and down my arms trying to warm me up.
“No,” I whine, but I feel the moment fall serious. “I love California and my parents’ vineyard and the winery.”
“I know you do,” Will says, nodding his head, but I don’t think he u
nderstands what I’m saying. Maybe I don’t even understand it. I’m drunk and suddenly feeling emotional about the possibility of losing Will over something as simple as wanting to move back home after graduation; a graduation that is so far into the future that it doesn’t even matter right now. It’s a decision that doesn’t need to be made right now, and I can’t predict the future, but the prospect of it scares the shit out of me.
“No,” I say again, but this time Will pulls back a little, his hands now on my face, cupping it. “I’m going back to California when I graduate and…” I trail off not knowing how to finish my drunken ramblings or how to make myself not sound desperate and needy.
“And I’m going with you,” Will says, firmly.
“What?” I cry out, a feeling of tears forming in my eyes. “You can’t go with me. You have a family in Rhode Island and a life there and…”
“Ellen, I know it’s only been a few months, but you are my life now. I want to be wherever you are and if that means moving to California then that’s what I’m going to do.” He pauses and his lips press against my forehead, remaining there for a few seconds. “I don’t have a plan. I have no idea how it will work, but I hope you trust me when I say, I want to be with you.”
I nod my head in response, unable to form a coherent thought, because I’m so overcome by his willingness to support me, and his understanding of knowing exactly what I need.
“I love you, Ellen,” Will says, his breath coming out in small white puffs of air as the words fall from his lips.
He took a moment that I stressed about, a moment that I felt needed to be perfect and he made it exactly what I hoped it would be. It was simple and organic and everything about it has me reeling. My heart is hammering in my chest, thumping hard and fast, and right now, in this moment I know I love him too.
“Oh Will,” I murmur, my words quiet, but audible in the silence of this normally noisy college town, this normally overwhelming loud stadium venue. “I love you too.”