by Skyla Carter
What did people talk about when they were just hanging out? She couldn't flirt with him because that would only lead to one thing and she was trying not to do that. She couldn't tease him like she did John because they weren't that close yet. She certainly couldn't treat him like she did Corey. That relationship was almost 25 years old, no one could ever be as close to her like Corey. So what the hell was she supposed to talk about?
"Yeah..." she started, biting her bottom lip. "So what do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know. Anything, I guess. You can tell me why you feel the need to change."
"That's easy. I can tell you the truth since you know already," she said. "I don't want to die alone."
"So you want to change everything you are to accommodate someone else? How will that make you happy?"
She hadn't looked at it like that.
"I'm not happy now anyway. I just want to feel what it's like, you know, to have someone treat you like you're the most precious thing in the world," she explained. "As it is, I'm only going to have three people at my funeral."
"Don't talk like that. You don't know if you're going to die."
Of course she was going to die. She had already decided on it. She looked away and watched some of the crew battling with their equipment at the end of the hall.
"Maybe if you tell Corey things will get better."
"How? I'll still be a selfish bitch and I'll still be dying," she said bitterly.
"You need someone, Rae. If you tell Corey, I'm sure he'll surprise you. He might be just what you need to get through the treatment."
"If I tell him then things will change. I don't want his pity, Nate. I don't want anyone's pity," she said. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about that anymore."
"Okay. What do you want to talk about, then?"
"I got nothing. Normally I do a lot of flirting, throw in a few dirty, inappropriate remarks and do a lot of touching. Since I'm trying to change, I can't do that with you."
"No, you can't" Nate laughed.
"You say that as if, if I did that, you'd turn me down."
"Well, I haven't exactly been throwing myself at you, have I?" Nate said. "No offence, Rae, but you're not my type."
Not his type?! What the fuck?! She was every man's wet dream, she knew that. Unless he was gay... Was he? That would change her plan quite a lot.
"Are you gay?" she asked.
Nate had the audacity to laugh.
"Definitely not," he answered.
She felt a bit insulted. He was more or less rejecting her before she'd made a move.
"So what are you doing with me, then?" she asked.
"I don't know. You needed me, I couldn't turn you away."
"So you're talking to me out of pity?" she asked incredulously.
"I have my own shit going on. It was just a coincidence that I was in that elevator when you passed out."
"But you said, when I was leaving, that if I needed to talk I could come to you."
"You'd just told me you have a tumor."
Rae looked away from him quickly before he could see her tears forming. She never cried. Even when the doctor had given her that news, she hadn't cried. It was pathetic that she'd cry now.
"Thanks, Nate. I'll see you around," she murmured as she jumped down from the case.
"Rae, wait."
"It's all right, Nate. I've got real friends, two of them. I don't need you."
***
Instead of staying to watch the show, Rae decided to head back to the hotel. She suddenly felt so tired... tired of all the shit life had thrown at her, tired of trying so hard to be something she obviously could not be. She'd never cared what people thought of her before but tonight it had got to her. How could Corey have said that to her? And how dare Nate pretend he wanted to be friends when all the while he was just feeling sorry for her?
On her way out she bumped into Alyssa. The way she was feeling, even the brunette's beauty failed to perk her up.
"Hi, Rae," Alyssa said with her usual smile.
How could anyone smile all the time? What the hell was she so happy about.
"Hi," she answered, then made to walk past her without another word.
"Are you all right?" Mandy asked.
Rae grunted sarcastically. Was she all right? Her best friend had just informed her that no one would ever consider her for a serious relationship. Then the man she had decided to try it out with had more or less confirmed it.
"Yeah. Sure," she said.
"Aren't you staying for the show?"
"I'm feeling a bit tired. I'm just going to pack my stuff ready for when we check out tomorrow then turn in," Rae answered.
"Wanna grab something to eat or a drink instead? I don't have a match tonight," Alyssa said.
Rae frowned a bit. Why would Alyssa want to hang out with her? She hadn't exactly made any moves to be friendly or anything when they'd been out the night before.
"Why?" she asked bluntly.
"Well, you're one of the most important people in Corey's life, and he's my good friend. I just thought it would be nice to get to know each other," Alyssa answered.
Nice? What planet was she from? Hadn't she heard that anything to do with her was anything but nice?
"I don't know," she started.
"Come on, it'll be fun," the brunette said before she could protest, then linked her arm in hers to walk out with her.
Once she was settled in a chair at a bar not far from the arena, Rae felt like she'd just been bulldozed. Obviously Alyssa was more than a pretty face. She probably had to be firm to put up with all the other fighters, especially the men.
"Here you are," Alyssa said as she set a drink in front of her and took her seat. "Drink up."
She did as she was told. Truth be told, she'd been dying to drown herself in alcohol so she could numb herself and not face what she was going through. She'd planned to do it at the hotel, in front of the TV.
"So, are you going to tell me why I'm really here?" Rae asked.
"I don't know. You just looked like you needed cheering up." Alyssa answered.
"Do you make it a habit to cheer up every sour-faced person you meet?"
"Only the ones I like," the brunette smiled.
"You can't like me. You don't even know me."
"No, but Corey knows you and he loves you so that's all I need to know."
"Really?"
Where the fuck was this girl from?!
"Yes. Now, come on. Have another one." Alyssa said as she signalled the waiter. "I'm not going to ask you what's wrong, I'm not going to push you to talk. If you're anything like Corey you'll do that when you're good and ready. Just relax and enjoy your drink."
"You know a lot about Corey. Do you guys hang out a lot?" she asked.
She knew they had been friends for a few years now, but she had never been interested to know anything else. That was how self absorbed she'd been. When she visited Corey while he was on the road, it was always just the two of them and sometimes John just holed up in his hotel room.
"Yes," Alyssa answered.
"You guys slept together?" she asked bluntly.
"No!" Mandy exclaimed. "Well, he tried in the beginning, but I wasn't ready for a relationship. So we decided we were better off as friends."
"If he was to come to you now, would you consider him for a serious relationship?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. He and I see life differently, it would never work."
"Because he's a man-whore?"
"Well, that, too."
"So if he came to you and said he had changed, you wouldn't believe him? You don't think people can't change?"
Alyssa frowned as she observed her.
"I know people can change," Alyssa said. "Fundamentally, we're all good people. It's the choices we make that change how people see us. If we intentionally make the wrong choices all the time, society says we are bad. If we try our best to make the right choices, they say we're good. So, no matter
how many bad choices you've made in the past, the moment you start making the right choices people see you as a better person."
"And who the hell decides what's wrong and right?"
"Your conscious, I guess. The same thing that's telling you that you're bad right now, that you need to change. There is no clear line that says this is right or wrong, so many people fall at the sidelines. It's what you do to right the wrongs that counts."
"So you sitting there telling me you think I'm a bad person?" Rae frowned as she downed another shot of whiskey.
"No! You've told me you think you're a bad person. I'm not judging you, Rae. I'm no angel," Alyssa said.
"You could have fooled me," she muttered bitterly.
"Maybe I should ask you what's eating you," Alyssa frowned.
Rae let out as sigh and ran a hand through her wild hair.
"It's nothing. I'm just frontin'," she said. "Corey just told me no one would ever take me seriously, that I'm only good for a good time."
"He said that? Why?"
"It's a long story."
That meant she didn't want to talk about it. The brunette got it and backed off.
"For the record, and at the risk of sounding cheesy, I think you can do anything you want to do. You're a strong woman, you don't take shit from anyone. If you want someone to take you seriously I'm sure you can make them," Mandy smiled.
Rae looked at her for a minute and thought what a good head Alyssa had on her. She wasn't ditzy at all, the way Vince and his writers portrayed her.
"You're right. Just because I'm trying to change it doesn't mean I shouldn't grab what I want and run with it. Life is too short," she murmured. "Thanks Alyssa. I needed that."
"That's what friends are for," Mandy smiled.
"So we're friends?"
"I've already told you. Any friend of Corey's and John's is a friend of mine. Plus I like you."
She smiled and lifted her drink in a toast to her new friend before taking a sip.
"Okay, so you promised me this would be fun. What do you have in mind?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Alyssa laughed.
When Corey and John returned to the hotel late that night, Rae was not in their room. She hadn't been picking up her phone either.
"Why the hell did you have to be so nasty, anyway? It's like you don't want her to change, like you'd rather have her floating from one meaningless tryst to another. That shit never ends well, there are so many diseases out there," John ranted as he tried her phone again.
"I didn't mean to," Corey sighed as he threw his bag on the floor. "It's just that she's trying so hard to be something she's not. I know that girl, know everything she's about. She's the other half of me. She lost her mum and thinks somehow she's being punished. Even if she does manage to find a relationship, how long do you think it will be until she's restless again?"
"Maybe she will fail, I don't know. But as her friend I'm going to stand by her while she tries," John said, finally giving up and throwing his phone onto his bed. "I'm not going to laugh at her if she gives in to temptation either. Maybe she'll end up in many beds before she finally finds what she's looking for. Maybe she'll realise she's better off as she is, I don't know. But I'm not going to make it any harder for her to find out."
Corey found a pack of cigarettes in his pocket, ignoring John's black look when he lit one. His friend was right, there was no harm in letting her try. She'd been searching for something for a while now and as her best friend he was supposed to help her. Maybe one day he'd also come to feel restless with his life and want to find something different. Rae was the only person who'd ever backed him up two hundred percent on everything he'd ever wanted to do. He had no doubt if he ever wanted something different, she'd back him up on that, too. Just because they'd made a deal when they where fucked out of their minds years ago, it didn't mean he had to hold her on it. If she wanted to settle down with someone other than him, it was her choice. It wasn't as if he was ready for it now, anyway.
"Where do you think she is? Still with Nate?"
"I talked to him after the show. He hasn't seen her since earlier on, before the show. He seemed a bit worried about her?"
"Why? What happened?"
"You mean besides her best friend calling her a cheap whore? I don't know."
"I'm going to talk to him," Corey decided as he put his cigarette out and got up.
At the same time the door opened and Alyssa and Rae all but fell in. They were giggling like idiots and trying their best to hold each other up while they whispered something that he couldn't make out.
"Rae, where've you been? You weren't answering your phone," John said as he came forward and put his arms around both the girls to hold them up. "You smell like a brewery!"
"We had an accident with the man..." Alyssa giggled.
"What man?"
"He had this pipe...," Rae slurred.
"Huh?" John frowned as he put the girls down on his bed.
"Yeah, but it was too big," Alyssa added.
"What are you two going on about?" John asked.
"The man, the one with the pipe," Alyssa offered. "But it didn't fit in the hole."
"But the other one had a big barrel, though," Mandy slurred.
"I ain't even going to ask what that means," John said.
The girls only giggled some more and continued whispering to each other while Rae tried to pull her boots off. She rolled of the bed with her effort and landed with a thud on the floor.
"I'll get her," Corey said when John made to help her.
He picked her up easily and placed her on his bed. She was still laughing, as was Alyssa. How the hell had they ended up together? And where had they been? He knew Rae's brand of fun wasn't to Mandy's liking so he couldn't imagine what they'd been doing all night. Except getting pissed out of their minds.
"You!" Rae said when she finally noticed him.
She poked him in the chest with a finger.
"You are a very bad friend," she slurred.
"I know. We'll talk about it in the morning," Corey said as he took her boots off.
"We'll talk about it now. You are supposed to stand by me no matter what."
"I know. I'm sorry, Rae."
"So when I tell you I've found someone," she continued, as if she hadn't heard him, "you shouldn't laugh at him.. at me... what?"
"What?"
"Exactly! Alyssa says we are all people... we should do what people do..."
"What?"
"Boy, you better take your ass out of your ears when I'm talking to you... your ears out of your ass."
Corey chuckled as he started to unbutton the little dress she was wearing. Obviously his apology would have to wait until the morning.
"So Alyssa says I'm a strong woman."
"I've never doubted that for a minute."
"Don't argue with me!"
"Babes, I'm not arguing," Corey chuckled as he found one of his t-shirts and helped her into it.
"You are useless, you're not listening to a word I'm saying," Rae said as she slapped his hand away and sat up on the bed. "Alyssa. Tell him what you said, he doesn't believe you... me."
"She's a good person... everyone who doesn't think so can just suck..."
"Alyssa!" John cut in.
"A lemon," Alyssa finished.
"Suck a lemon?" Corey chuckled. "I think it's time for bed."
"I ain't sleeping with you!" Alyssa exclaimed.
"As much as I love taking advantage of drunk women, I think John would freak out," Corey said.
"Corey!"
"What? She won't remember a thing in the morning. You might as well practice and tell her how you feel."
"I'm not doing that."
"Well, do something. Take her shoes off and make her comfortable. I don't think she'd appreciate it if we took her clothes off, though."
"Who's taking their clothes off? Let me see," Rae called out from behind him.
"You get back on the bed. Get som
e sleep, we have a flight to catch in the morning."
"Where are you going?" Alyssa asked.
Both Corey and John laughed. They were only going to the same place she was going!
There was a knock at the door and Corey got up to answer it. It was Nate.
"Hi," he said. "Is Rae here? I wanted to speak to her."
"You and I both! You'll have to wait for the morning, Nate. She's a bit drunk right now."
"Who is it?" Rae called out. "Have you ordered a pizza? I'm starving."
Rae slid off the bed and walked to the door, dressed in only Corey's t-shirt.
"You!" she said for the second time that night. "You are a bad, bad person."
"I know. I came to apologise," Nate said.
His eyes lingered a bit on her long, slender legs.
"You're just a big... pretender!"
Corey raised his eyebrows and chuckled.
"I'm sorry Rae, I shouldn't have..."
"You just walk around here and... pretend!" she slurred. "So you can just take your pizza and go."
"I didn't bring any pizza..."
"Oh, my God. Everyone just wants to argue with me," she snapped as she staggered back into the room and dropped herself onto the bed.
"What?" Nate asked, a confused frown on his face.
"Like I said, it'll have to be the morning," Corey chuckled.
Nate nodded and turned to leave.
"If you don't mind my asking, what happened between you two?"
Nate turned back and gave him a little shrug.
"She reached out to me and I threw it back in her face. I shouldn't have."
"What do you mean? She came on to you?"
"No. She was looking for a friend."
"So she didn't flirt with you at all?"
"No. Tell her I'll see her tomorrow morning," Nate said, then turned to leave.
Corey, still frowning, watched his retreating back. So Rae was really serious. From tomorrow, he'd make sure she understood that he'd stand by her. If she wanted to be with Nate, she'd have his blessing.
"If this pizza doesn't get here soon I'll... buy another one," Rae called out.
"We haven't ordered any pizza," Corey said as he closed the door.
***
Rae woke up with a splitting headache. She was thankful it wasn't from another attack because she didn't think she could have stood it.
"You awake baby?"