by Skyla Carter
No, he wouldn't. Ever. He was going to love Rae till the day he died. But she had just been yanking him, and he didn't have the strength to hear that from her this soon.
"All right. I'll talk to her," he lied.
He heard his friend sigh and knew he hadn't bought that. But there was nothing John could do. He planned on avoiding hearing those words, those stupid words 'I don't love you', for as long as he could.
"You haven't talked to him yet?"
She shook her head as she kicked the covers of her body.
She was sick of the hospital, of being forced to rest. The drugs made her feel like shit mostly and she was constantly tired, but she didn't think she had to be in bed all the time like everyone was forcing her to do. At least it was going to be over soon. Early the next day, she was going to have the surgery, and hopefully, if nothing went wrong, she'd be back on her feet in no time.
"Want me to go drag him in here?" Nate asked.
"No. I don't really want him to tell me he was just humoring me," she sighed. "I wouldn't know how to handle that."
"I'm starting to see what John meant when he said he feels like knocking your heads together," Nate stated as he helped her off her bed into a chair by the windows.
"Corey regrets what he did, but I still love him and I can only hope he'll still want to be my friend. If I say anything to him, maybe he'll decide it'll be better if he wasn't around me," she said as she tucked her feet underneath herself. "Just leave it now, Nate. You're here to make me feel better, not to talk about Corey."
"You know you're probably not helping things much by having me here as often as you are."
"Why?"
"He knows what we had. Maybe he's out there now thinking we're trying to work things out."
She looked out the window of her second floor room and saw Corey standing with John in the landscaped grounds of the hospital as the sun sank behind the hills and valleys.
"I told him already how I feel. I'm not going to push it," she said firmly as she turned away from the window. "Now, talk about something else."
With a sigh, Nate pulled a chair opposite her and sat down.
"Dave said hello."
"How's he doing," she asked with a genuine smile.
"He's all right," Nate answered.
"I wish I hadn't been so nasty to him before, though. He's been pretty good with listening to me talk about nothing for hours when he's probably trying to get to sleep."
"He called you?" Nate asked, surprised. "You're friends now?"
"Yeah, he heard what was happening and he just called to see how I was doing. I just happened to be pretty bored that day so I talked to him. He listened to me complain about everything and everyone," she shrugged, brushing it off. "He was being good to me."
"He's not still trying to get with you, is he?"
"Nah. Last night he was telling me how he bumped into Peyton the other night and things got a little bit freaky," she chuckled.
"Dave and Peyton?!"
"Shhh!" she laughed. "You didn't hear it from me."
"Even if I said something, I don't think people would believe me. They just so... not suited."
"Hey, she's got him out of my hair. You can't knock that."
They laughed together as Nate made himself more comfortable, sprawling his long legs in front of him as he played with Mr. Chuckles in his lap. She watched him, thinking how he'd been a Godsend to her the past few days. He'd only done minimal duties at work the past week to be by her side and she knew he was going to get into a lot of shit for that from Vince. But she was grateful. She'd needed him there so she wouldn't just break down. Corey was seriously breaking her heart.
This was supposed to be the best time of her life. She's been told she wasn't dying, she was supposed to be celebrating the fuck out of each and every day. Sometimes she felt really sick at the thought that she'd actually been prepared to fly to Zurich to die, that she'd actually slashed her wrists in a bid to die... She would have died for absolutely nothing. She would have caused so much pain for nothing. She would have broken Corey for nothing.
But given Corey's feelings, or lack of, she'd found she didn't really want to live anyway.
That was ungrateful, she knew that, but things were just different for her now without Corey right by her side like he'd always been. She was finding it so hard to look forward to anything, to find any glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel she was in. Corey didn't love her. Not the way she wanted him to. Now he was struggling to face her because he didn't want to hurt her with the truth.
"So what do you plan to do after the surgery? Going back to work?"
"I don't know. Maybe, but I won't be working as much as I used to. I might make Tammy partner or something, she fuckin' works harder than me!" she answered. "I've been given a second chance to do the things better so I don't want to live like I used to. The past few weeks I've had a chance to reflect on my life and I didn't like what I was. I can be a whole new me now."
"Will you be happy changing that much?"
"Yeah."
She could never go back to being the way she'd been. She'd been selfish and inconsiderate and it had earned her no friends. She wanted to do things that would make her mum and Greg proud of her. And she wanted to make her dad and her new family proud of her.
"No more sleeping around?"
She couldn't even if she tried. There could be no one else for her now, except Corey. If only he loved her back.
"Maybe a little bit," she teased. "You think Dave will be up for it?"
Nate threw Mr. Chuckles at her and laughed just as the door opened and allowed John in. Corey was right behind him.
As always when she saw him, her heart missed a beat before it started beating triple times, making the blood rush through her body at warp speed and weakening her limbs.
How the hell did he do that? How was it that she had been his friend for most of her life but she was only feeling this now? It hadn't felt anything like this when she'd been sixteen, this was a whole new ballgame for her, a whole new level of consciousness. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
"Hey, guys," John said as he walked in to drop a kiss on the top of her head.
It occurred to her that she had slept with all these men within a week. She had put that right at the back of her mind the past week since everything had just seemed so unreal, like she was floating in a cloud and her feet quite hadn't touched the ground yet. But now she was feeling a bit awkward.
"Corey's mum's cooked for everyone, so we're heading back now," John said.
"Oh, I'm so jealous now. I'm stuck with this horrible hospital food," she chuckled.
"Corey's coming back, he could bring something if you want."
They both looked at the man in question, only to notice that his eyes were locked on Nate's. John rolled his eyes and nudged him, bringing Corey's attention back to her.
The look in his eyes killed her. He'd never looked at her like that before, like he hated her
"Corey?" John said. "You'll bring some of your mum's cooking for her, won't you?"
"Sure," Corey said, with a little smile she could totally see through.
"Nate, you coming with us? You'll have to take the couch, though."
"Thanks, but I'll make my way there later," Nate answered.
Her eyes were still on Corey's but when Nate said that, Corey looked away from her and clenched his jaw.
"All right. We'll get going, then," John said as he kissed her again. "I'll be back bright and early tomorrow."
He moved back to allow Corey to kiss her too, but he just stood awkwardly in the same spot.
"Are you all right?" he asked her softly.
Was he asking if she was all right with the fact that he didn't love her?
How had things gone so wrong? When the doctor had told her the news, then Dr. Harvey had come in to explain in detail what she had, after telling her off for ignoring his calls about it in the first place, and how th
e treatment was going to go, all she had thought about was how she and Corey would finally be able to be together properly.
"Yeah," she smiled.
"I'll be back in a little while; I'm just going to eat, shower and change," Corey said.
Oh, God. Was this it? Would he want to talk tonight? He wouldn't hurt her so bad just before her surgery, would he? He wasn't that cruel. But if they didn't talk about that, what else could they talk about? Him being so close to her was just messing her up, and if she actually got to be alone with him, she was afraid she would beg him not to leave her.
She couldn't do that to him. His happiness had always come first with her, she couldn't ask him to give her a chance when he didn't really want to.
But they'd had so much chemistry. His touch had brought her to life like nothing else in her entire life had. How could all that have just flown out of the window? Had his responses, his reactions to her only been fuelled and heightened by the death that had hung over her head?
"Um... I'll be all right. I'm not really hungry and Nate can stay with me tonight," she said quickly.
One thing at a time. She'd deal with one thing at a time. After the surgery, once they knew if she was really going to be all right, maybe she would be strong enough to talk to him.
"Rae...," Nate said, his voice trailing off as his eyes asked her what the hell she was doing.
"You don't mind, do you?" she asked Nate. "Corey's tired, he needs a good night's sleep so he's ready for tomorrow."
She couldn't look at him after she said this. Maybe it was a bad idea having Nate there, but she needed him. Nate had been her haven before, he still was.
She was being selfish, given it had only been a couple of weeks since Nate had told her he loved her. And she wasn't stupid, she knew it took time to get over something like that, but she wanted to believe he would get over it and they'd become even better friends. Nate was an amazing person, a good guy, and she was honoured he was still in her life after what she had done to him.
"Sure," Nate answered with a little sigh.
She knew he was worried what Corey would think, but there was no need. Corey would probably find it easier to tell her the truth if he thought she had Nate.
"Um... okay," Corey said, biting down on his lip. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."
He always did that when he was dying to say something but was holding himself back.
Then he did something he hadn't done since forever. He bent down and kissed her... on the cheek. The fuck...? He'd always kissed her on the lips before. Was she going to lose that as well?
"Night, baby," she smiled. "Make sure you eat something, okay?"
Corey nodded with a little smile as he briefly held her eyes. They hadn't really looked at each other since the day her life had changed.
Then he was out of there before she could say anything else, like something was chasing him. Was he really that eager to leave her?
"You have no idea what you've just done, have you?" John asked sadly before turning to follow his friend.
"I've given myself a reprieve," she whispered to herself, answering his question even though the door was now firmly shut behind John.
"I think more like dug your own grave," Nate put in. "You more or else told him you didn't need him anymore because you have me."
***
"Excuse me, Miss Taylor. It's almost midnight and the other patients are trying to sleep," a nurse as said she walked into her hospital room, effectively quieting them down.
She stopped, taken aback when she saw her lying across Nate on the floor by the wide open windows, giggling like an idiot. Nate's legs were up on the window sill and he was shirtless, so Rae could understand the nurse's momentary reaction, but she went back to her professional demeanour in seconds.
"I suggest you get some rest as well, your surgery is in the morning," the nurse continued, as if she needed reminding.
The whole purpose of Nate goofing around with her while they tried their best to gaze at the night sky by the windows had been to make her forget.
"Sorry, ma'am. It was my fault," Nate said in his sexy Southern drawl, smiling at the woman as he got to his feet and walked to stand in front of her and in the process knocking her composure back a little bit more. "I won't keep her up much longer. Maybe, after she's gone to bed, you can keep me company?"
The nurse scowled, unable to tell if he was just pulling her leg or not. But her eyes didn't leave Nate's impressive chest for a second.
"It just got a little hot in here," he explained with a smile, causing the woman to blush at being caught out. "So what do you say? You, me and a cup of coffee as soon as you can get away?"
"Just keep the noise down," the nurse muttered before turning to leave.
"Oh, you're good," Rae laughed. "The poor woman didn't know whether to jump you or hit you."
"You know I'm smooth. That's what you fell for in the first place," Nate stated.
At his words, an uncomfortable silence fell between them. It always did whenever one of them referred to their short lived relationship.
With a tired sigh, she sat herself on her bed, wondering when they'd be able to look back at what they'd had without remembering all the pain she'd caused him.
"I can't do this, Rae."
It was almost a whisper but she heard it, and she didn't insult him by pretending she didn't know what he was talking about.
"I can't keep pretending my heart isn't broken," he continued. "I can't keep pretending I don't hurt every time you look at Corey the way I want you to look at me. I can't keep pretending my whole world hasn't come crashing down around me. I need time to put myself together again."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
She had said those words to him a lot lately, when her guilt ate her up over what she had done.
"Don't be," he said with a sad smile, sitting on her bed and facing her. "Everything is as it should be. I knew the end before we'd even begun."
She looked away from his eyes and sighed again. Was she going to lose him, too?
"I'm always going to be here for you, baby. But just give me time," Nate said, as if he'd read her mind. "I'll never regret meeting you, and when you and Corey have kids, I'm going to enjoy telling them how 'Uncle Nate' almost got their mum."
She gave a little smile at this, but she couldn't help feeling as if a good part of her otherwise shitty life was coming to an end.
"So you don't want to see me for a while?" she asked sadly.
"I do. I want to see you all the time. But I can't. I'll be here for you after your surgery because I'll worry too much about you if I'm not," he said. "But when you're all better, I'm going to have to take a bit of time to myself. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years you and I will be laughing our heads off about this."
"Maybe you'd have found someone better for yourself by then," she offered.
"Someone better? Impossible," he stated. "But maybe I'll find someone."
"I just wish you'd been the one," she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek.
Nate's hand found its way to her face, gently brushing the tear away before his palm rested on her cheek.
"So do I. But you'll never be happy without Corey," he smiled sadly.
He pulled her forward until their foreheads touched.
"Hey," he said. "You're not losing me, I've already said that. I'll be back by your side before you know it. I'll be all right."
"Promise?" she asked in a small voice.
She'd known him a short while, but it had been long enough to know she absolutely needed him in her life. Corey or no Corey. She had been wrong to use him, and it was only now she was seeing she had used him. For the sex, for the eye opening experience, for the unmovable support when she absolutely needed him the most.
"I promise," Nate answered, looking her straight in the eye.
It was right then that she knew he would be all right, that he would do everything he said he'd do, that he'd never leave her. He was a good m
an; she should never have doubted that.
"I'll always be in your life, darlin'," he said with a small smile.
"I'll be here waiting for you," she whispered.
Then she leaned in and kissed his lips gently. It was a friendly kiss that didn't bring any of the old sparks back for her. And all the guilt she'd felt before over him disappeared when she pulled her lips back from his and he smiled warmly into her eyes.
It was truly finished.
"Sir, can I help you?"
Corey stared unseeingly ahead of him as he tried to find his way out of the hospital.
"Sir?"
The fuck was wrong with that woman? Couldn't she see he was literally falling apart in front of her eyes? His heart had stopped working and the air just wouldn't get into his lungs, no matter how hard they worked.
"I need to get out of here," he muttered. "I can't be here. I need to go home."
He eventually made it out of the hospital to the taxi bay nearby. He didn't think he could have driven his car back to the house with the way he was feeling.
"Where to, sir?" the taxi driver asked.
"I only came to tell her I love her," he mumbled. "I came to beg."
"Sir?" the driver questioned.
"She lied to me. It's Nate. It's always been Nate."
"I meant; where can I take you?" the driver repeated.
He mumbled the address before leaning against the window and closing his eyes, hoping to God he wouldn't just snap right there.
He didn't. Instead he waited until he was safely in the bar at his house. He waited until he'd polished more than half a big bottle of Jack Daniels, straight. He waited until he felt he was numb enough to do minimal damage.
Then he walked slowly to the middle of the room, the bottle still in his hand.
He had no idea where it landed when he angrily threw it but the loud crashing of a window was a damn good indication. One of the bar stools followed it, but he was pretty sure it crashed against the large plasma in front of the games consoles. There was no method to his madness anymore as he suddenly started attacking everything; the bottles of alcohol behind the bar, the pool tables and cue sticks, the sound system, the Wiis, PlayStations, X-boxes and Nintendo’s, all the games that went with it, the gaming chairs.