by Skyla Carter
"People still do that?" Shane laughed.
"If they're trying to do it by the book."
"Do what?"
John just smiled.
He broke off the kiss before it sent him completely over the edge, fighting the urge to just carry her upstairs. Rae's eyes were still closed; her face upturned to his and her breathing was heavy. Her hands were holding onto his shirt as if, if she let go she would fall, or float away.
She'd worn a little white wife beater and hipster jeans, and his hand had found its way under her top, up her naked back. He trailed his fingers over the smooth skin and turned her into a quivering mess in his arms.
He smirked a little, getting some of his confidence back because of her reaction to his simple touch.
Just wait till I get you alone, sweetheart, he thought, just as those big blue eyes slowly opened to look up into his.
She wanted him. Real bad. The way he wanted her. His grip tightened around her as he fought the urge again. He had a lot to put right before he touched her the way he wanted.
"Tell him to go," he whispered.
He had to make Rae choose. This ended today, one way or another. He couldn't do it anymore.
"What?" she whispered, still dazed by his kiss.
"Nate. I don't want him here," he explained.
That seemed to get through to her because she frowned a little before shaking her head.
"What? Why?"
"Because he shouldn't be here. He had his chance and he blew it," he growled.
"Corey, Nate is welcome here whenever he wants," Rae stated.
He let her go to slowly turn around to the man in question, who was watching the proceedings along with everyone else. Damn nosy bastards! And the man hadn't even said a word in objection to him kissing his woman. What a pussy. If... no, when Rae was his, if another man touched her like that, he'd go Bruce Lee on their ass.
"I don't want him here," he repeated firmly, his eyes still on Nate.
"No," Rae answered easily.
Too easy for his liking.
He saw Nate's lips lift in a smirk when he heard this and his anger got the best of him.
"What do you mean, no?" he snapped, twirling around to face her again.
"You can't just ask me to kick my friend out for no reason," Rae stated.
Friend? Was that what they were calling each other now?
"Why is he even here? He doesn't see you for a month and all of a sudden, now of all times, he just waltzes back in here?"
"You've done exactly the same thing! And he was just passing through... Corey, what the hell is this?" Rae asked. "I don't need your permission to have anyone here. Especially not now, since you practically threw your half of the house at me."
"Yeah, I get that," he said with a frustrated sigh. "But if he's here, I can't... "
He'd been about to admit he couldn't think straight with the anger clouding him, the hot rage caused by Nate. He couldn't think past that to say what he needed to say to her.
"Just tell him to go. Please," he pleaded in almost a whisper.
"No. Nate was there for me when you weren't. I'll never turn my back on him."
That simple statement brought his guilt flooding back, so much so he had to look away from her.
"Look, I'm sorry about that. I know I can't make it up to you, but I need you to understand what I was going through__"
"And of course, everything, even my finding out I didn't have cancer, my surgery, was all about you, wasn't it?" Rae cut in, shaking her head.
Where the hell was that coming from? His eyes narrowed on her face and he realised whatever ground he'd gained by that kiss he had completely lost by opening his mouth. How could she just turn around and call him selfish after the shit she'd pulled on him? Getting with him because she thought she was dying? Toying with his feelings? You couldn't become any more selfish than that!
"Listen... maybe you should leave. I have guests, I can't really do this now," Rae said, avoiding his eyes the entire time.
Was she feeling guilty? Was she looking at the monster she'd created and wondering why the fuck she'd bothered?
"No, I want to do this now."
She gave him a shallow meaningless smile, something she'd never ever done before.
"It still is all about you, isn't it?" she asked. "I'll call you later. Just leave before I lose my respect for you."
Respect? Was she really going to throw that at him and expect him to walk away?
"Says the girl who thinks she gets respect by opening her legs wide open," he sneered.
Of course, he knew even as the words were coming out of his mouth how he would never be able to take them back. Dammit!
Rae gasped, and he was sure he heard a few more gasps in the background, but the other people didn't matter to him at that moment. Then he felt a sharp sting on his face as her palm connected with his cheek. Hard.
"Baby... I'm sorry. I didn't mean__"
He took a step towards her but she stepped back, obviously not even wanting him near her.
"I don't know where that came from. I didn't mean it. I think we just need to sit down and ___"
He tried to hold her again, but this time she flinched. It speared him right through his heart. He didn't want her disgusted with him; he didn't want her to throw him out. He loved her, dammit! He was supposed to be making her love him back, instead these ugly words were coming from his mouth of their own violation, making her hate him.
"Please..." he tried again. "I'm so sorry baby."
"Just go, Corey. I get it. You've just made everything perfectly clear to me," she whispered.
He saw her eyes glisten with unshed tears as she avoided his eyes again. It was all going so wrong. He'd been walking on air only a short time before, now his desperation had probably cost him the one thing he wanted the most in the world.
He ran his hands through his hair, getting frustrated. He'd just blown his only chance. He could tell. Even her demeanour had changed, like she thought putting distance permanently between them was probably the only thing she could do.
"I didn't mean it. I respect you a whole lot, more than I respect anyone else. You know that."
Rae shook her head, putting her hand up to indicate she didn't want to talk about it anymore.
"Leave."
She looked him straight in the eye this time and he saw that she really meant that. She was kicking him out. And he didn't see a chance in hell of getting back together with her again.
His anger reared its ugly head again, completely ignoring the fact that he had brought this on himself as he narrowed his eyes on her. Who did she think she was to push him away like that, to willingly condemn him to a fate worse than death? He couldn't survive without her. He'd tried. It wasn't possible. Fuck her if she thought he'd go down without a fight!
"You're choosing Nate?" he asked, his voice deceptively calm.
"Yes," Rae snapped.
He could tell she was also getting angry. Her eyes darkened, turning a very cold blue and he was certain she was dying to punch him in the face. He deserved that, but did she really need to throw Nate in his face like that, knowing how he felt? Choosing Nate? Well, they'd see about that.
He stepped closer to her again, the muscles in his neck twitching as his vein popped out; and smirked when he realised she'd backed herself up against the wall. He placed his hands on the wall behind her, on either side so she had nowhere left to run.
"Well, guess what... sweetheart," he whispered with his trademark evil smirk. "It really doesn't matter what you want. I've given you what you want for a whole fucking month and I'm sick of it. So from now on, it's what I want that counts."
Did ice burn? Rae's eyes narrowed angrily on him and the icy daggers they threw at him seemed to burn. His psycho persona had never really worked on her. She always got her way whether he got angry about it or not. Well, not this time.
"Get the fuck out before I throw you the fuck out," she hissed at him.
> He chuckled at that. God, she was so hot when she was angry... If only he could just push her against that wall, rip her clothes off and show her who was driving this ride now. They were going where he wanted them to go. Fuck Nate and fuck anyone else who tried to stand in his way... even Rae. Couldn't she see it? Couldn't she see he was the only man for her?
"I mean it, Corey. I can't... you need to go," Rae said as her eyes looked away from his.
He lifted a hand up to trail the side of her face; her gorgeous, perfect face even as he slowly pushed himself against her body. He was still very aroused, and that probably wasn't a good idea, but he was damned if he wasn't going to do what he wanted from now on. The little gasp she let out at the contact told him everything he needed to know. She still wanted him.
"You don't get it, do you?" he whispered, bringing his face only an inch from hers. "I'm done sacrificing myself. I'm done living in hell."
He saw the confusion flash across her face as she turned her head to look at him again. He almost chuckled. Had she thought the situation wasn't that bad? Had she thought that, in time he would get over her and come back 'home' so they could play happy families again, with her rubbing her torturous body all over his as they shared their 'platonic' bed?
Maybe it was time to educate her a little. It was only fair, wasn't it, to let her know why exactly he was taking her from Nate?
"That's right, sweetheart. I'm done. Do you have any idea the hell you put me through? What thinking of Nate and you together did to me? His hands on your body, yours on his... you moaning underneath him, screaming his name..."
He looked away from her to push that picture out of his head, missing the little frown that formed on her face. Before, that image had constantly broken his heart. Now, it just made him so angry. No one had a right to touch his Rae. Not even her boyfriend.
"Like I said," he said, looking into her eyes again. "It's what I want that counts. And. I. Want. You."
Rae gasped, bringing her hands to her mouth. Was she shocked? Was she thinking what a fucking nightmare this was all turning into? Was she thinking how awkward he was making things for her and Nate? Good.
He chuckled again as he turned his head to look at the man in question; who, oddly, was now just lying back with a beer in his hand like he was watching a movie. The fuck!? Had he no balls whatsoever? Taking Rae from him was going to be easier than he'd thought!
He turned his attention back to Rae. Her eyes were glistening now, like she was about to cry. Yeah, he'd cry too if he was her and had a boyfriend like Nate. Pathetic pussy!
"I spent day after day, night after night just longing for you; and knowing u were so close wrenched my heart out. I thought I was dying, Rae. I'm not going through that again. So go ahead. Choose that freak. He's still not coming anywhere near u while I've got a breath in my body," he hissed.
"I don't... I don't understand. I thought..."
Her voice trailed off as this time a tear escaped her eye. He couldn't help himself; he had to wipe it away. Her tears always made him weak. If she stood there right now with tear tracks down her face, telling him she wanted them to have a threesome with Nate, he'd probably say, 'Anything for you, sweetheart.' But that shit wasn't happening. Not today, not ever!
"No? Well, picture this. You open your eyes in the morning... I'm there, my head on the pillow right next to yours. At the breakfast table... I'm right there. You decide to go shopping, maybe, or catch a movie... I'm right there. I'm going to fucking stalk you; haunt you till that pretty boy is no longer on your mind. I'm not going anywhere sweetheart. I refuse to be without u any longer. So if you care about your boyfriend at all, you'll tell him to get the fuck out of here while he still can. Tell him to back the fuck off because I'm never letting you go. And if I have to lay him down to make him understand then I will."
Of course he wouldn't go that far. But when he was angry things just came out of his mouth. Irving was listening to every word, it was a wonder he hadn't thrown him out already. If he, along with all the other men that were there, were to do that then there would be nothing else he could do to get Rae back. His life would be over.
Shit! His life would be over.
His anger dissolved immediately.
He turned away from her, finally releasing her from her imprisonment as he started pacing in front of her, running his hands through his hair as he thought of the damage he had probably done to his life. He should have just gone home. He should have just waited until he knew Nate was gone then come back to 'woo' her. Now all he'd done was probably scare her off by acting like a possessive, obsessive fucking psycho. Fuck!!
"I bought you fucking flowers. I had a whole week planned of things I was going to do for you, things I was going to buy for you. Little things, you know, like that picnic by the creek we never got to take. Watching the sunset together. Having breakfast on the roof of some hotel while we wait to watch the sun rise. Things I know you love doing," he muttered, still pacing.
He was rambling now, but it didn't matter. He was fucked anyway.
"I was going to take you out to dinner. Lunch. Everything. I was going to go dancing with you, all night like we usually do. Anything you wanted. I bought a ring..."
He took the box with the offending object - a slim gold ring with a small diamond, just the way he knew she liked them – out of his pocket and opened it. It had cost him an arm and a leg but when he'd bought it that morning he'd thought it was worth it. Now it was just a symbol of his broken dreams.
"I was going to find the right time...maybe over dinner, maybe on a beach somewhere while the sun set behind us. I even spent a terrifying half hour with a Crusher’s, begging for your hand; which, by the way, did not come cheap. You need to have a word with your dad and tell him he's not cool. Not cool at all."
He stopped pacing and muttering to look over at the Crusher’s. Irving just smiled and raised his beer to him again. He was probably not throwing him out because he was doing a better job of digging his own grave all by himself. He looked over at John and saw him sitting forward in his chair like he didn't want to miss anything, a bag of chips in his hands as he munched away. The man who'd always had his back was now just watching him fall flat on his ass and enjoying it.
He sighed and turned back to Rae, not even daring to look her in the eye. He was afraid of what he'd see there. He was afraid to see the monster he'd become in her eyes.
"I'm sorry. If you want to be with Nate I won't stand in your way. I love you Rae. More than anything. I always will. And I want you to be happy. If being with Nate makes you happy... then I'll be happy for you."
So this was how his story ended? From being on such a high to going to the lowest of lows? He had just officially lost the one thing that kept him alive. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.
But then the most amazing thing happened. Instead of trying to get away from him, instead of running to Nate to laugh about how much of a psycho he'd turned out to be, her shaky hand came up to palm his cheek. And she was smiling. Her face was full of tears now, but she was smiling.
He didn't get it. Had she not heard him threaten her boyfriend? Had she not heard his little psychotic rant? Was she feeling sorry for him? He didn't want her pity.
"I... I can't be your friend anymore, Rae," he whispered, trying not to lean into her hand. "It'll kill me. I have to move... to be away from you."
"Corey... Nate and I haven't been together since my birthday," she whispered, holding his eyes.
"I know, but... Wait. What?"
Chapter Eighteen
Had he just heard her right? She hadn't been with Nate since her birthday? But that was impossible!
He paused, frowning as he looked into her eyes. For the first time in a long time, he could actually read what they held. She was telling the truth! Well, son of a... Nate hadn't even touched her; he'd been a dick for nothing! That completely explained why Nate wasn't trying to beat him down.
"I... I don't understand. I t
hought... I heard you... saw you," he stuttered, a million thoughts and questions whirling in his head.
Rae shook her head before he could get anything out.
"He's my friend. I haven't wanted to be with anyone other than you," she whispered.
"But... you only got with me because we thought you were dying," he whispered.
"I thought that was the reason you got with me," Rae stated. "I thought you didn't love me like that, that you'd only felt sorry for me. I felt like I'd pushed you away by loving you..."
Then full understanding dawned on him and weakened his limbs. His strength was literally sapped from his body as he slowly lowered to the ground, taking in the sheer extent of his stupidity. All the pain... all the tears... for nothing? Instead of celebrating the second chance they'd been given when they'd got the news of her real diagnosis, he'd just let his insecurities eat him up. Fuck!
And now, through his behaviour, Rae probably wouldn't look at him the same again.
He could only look at her, look at the perfection in front of him as he felt like the biggest dick to ever walk the earth. He'd said some very unforgivable things... he'd made her cry... Fuck, she'd probably been crying over him, last night. Running that conversation in his head now, with her apology and her defeated attitude, it all made sense. They'd been talking about the same thing, only it had been so, so different.
"Fuck me!" he whispered.
He heard a round of applause and turned his head to see John on his feet, mock clapping. He'd forgotten they were being watched. And was Shane recording this? Shit, the boy had his phone pointed at him, chuckling.
"Finally, he gets it!" John said. "Someone give him a medal!"
"John!" Mandy hissed, pulling John to sit back down.
He swallowed, ignoring everyone else as he looked back up at Rae. How would he even begin to make up for this? Would she still want to be with him after he'd showed her this very unreliable, untrusting and unrelenting side of him?
"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. "I am so sorry."
Rae silently offered him her hand, which he gladly took as he let himself up.
"Let's go inside," she said. "We have a lot to talk about."