by Natalie Grey
He’d gone there to find out what had been done to me.
So he could undo it.
He was going to find out more about me, more quickly, than I could find it all out on my own, and he was going to … going to….
“We need to go.” I looked around myself desperately. I needed a shirt. And … a bag? The sheaf of memories. And a shirt.
I’d already thought of that. My mind was circling.
“Are you all right?” Daiman peered down into my face.
I shook my head. I was far from all right. “I have to find out what he knows. I have to find out what he learned from them.”
“And the child—” Tom began.
“Not now.” Daiman’s voice was uncompromising.
I was halfway to the bedroom already. I didn’t stop to look back, but I did feel a tiny ray of hope at the tone of his voice.
Maybe Daiman wasn’t with me despite the differences between us. Maybe, on some level, he understood the Monarchists.
Maybe he and I had a shot.
I bit my lip to call myself back to the present. I couldn’t be mooning around right now. I had to find the Monarchists and get them to safety.
Before Philip found the key to unlock the crazy bitch again.
Chapter 5
“You’re sure this is the right way?” Tom asked. He pushed aside a tree branch and hesitated at the edge of the stream bed.
I didn’t pause. I scrambled down the embankment and threw a look over my shoulder.
“You realize you’ve asked me that eight times in the last few hours, right?”
“I’m just worried—”
“Well, worry quietly or go home.” I leapt over the trickle of the stream without looking back. I wasn’t willing to answer this same question one. More. Time. “You thought they were dead. You weren’t going to be looking anywhere. So even if we’re going in the wrong direction, you’re not exactly any worse off than you were before, right?”
He opened his mouth, closed it again, and shot me a glare before heading off into the forest ahead of me.
I shrugged and continued along the path I was trying to piece together from memory. I wasn’t going to admit it to Tom, but I wasn’t entirely sure where this place was. I was working off of snippets of images.
Had I ever fled here, or had I just been shown how to get here in case something went wrong?
I couldn’t even remember that.
Daiman caught up with me. As always, he looked more himself when he was surrounded by trees. There was an ease he found in forests that he could find nowhere else, it seemed.
“Do you remember any of the people?” he asked me quietly.
He’d been reserved when it came to the obvious tension between me and Tom, talking to each of us only in an undertone, as if hoping not to offend the other.
But his eyes, when I looked over, were warm and worried, and I couldn’t summon any real annoyance at him.
“Why do you ask?”
“One part curiosity.” He shot me a grin and held up a branch for me to go underneath. “I admit it. I wish … I knew more about what had happened to you over the years. If this is the cell Philip picked, what does that mean?”
“I wish I knew.” I couldn’t make my voice sound light at all. I had been asking myself the same questions, on a constant loop, since we set out.
What had these people known? Had they kept me from Philip on purpose because they didn’t agree with his ideals?
Had he killed them all for that?
I didn’t realize my face had sunk into a twist of fear until Daiman spoke again, quietly.
“And I was asking because of this: because of how you’re feeling right this moment. You remember how I said you didn’t feel guilty about Venice? Well, it balances out—you still feel guilty about Sarah. You feel guilty about anyone who helps you. They helped you, Nicky … because they wanted to. Because they were sticking up for what they believed in. You can’t take responsibility for that.”
I stopped in my tracks, I was so surprised.
“What?” Daiman hunched his shoulders.
“’They were standing up for what they believed in,’” I quoted back at him.
“Well … they were.” He wasn’t quite sure where I was going with this.
“Daiman, are you starting to understand the Monarchists?”
I had wavered on whether or not I should ask the question … and it was a mistake. His face closed off at once.
“Sorry,” I said quietly. “Let’s just keep walking.” I set off through the brush, letting my breath out in a slow sigh.
What had I been hoping for?
“Nicky—”
“Nope.” I didn’t want to hear him argue this. I especially didn’t want to argue with him in front of Tom.
“It’s just—”
I stopped to look at him. “Don’t.”
His face was twisted with pain. “It’s just not that simple for me.”
“Well, it’s not that simple for me, either!” The words burst out of me. “Don’t you get it? I’m not just going back, I’m bringing you. You’re—you’re the bogeyman in the stories they tell their kids at night, Daiman, you specifically, and I’m bringing you back there.”
He jerked back as if I’d slapped him, and I looked away, squeezing my eyes shut.
“It’s not—I’m bringing you there because I believe you’re not a monster.” Well, that just wasn’t my most eloquent argument ever. I shook my head. “That’s not—listen. I know you. I know you’re not someone they need to fear in the way they think. But please, try to understand that for over six hundred years these people fed me, sheltered me, protected me. Try to understand that what I’ve seen of the Acadamh and the Separatists isn’t the same as what you’ve seen. Try to understand that this isn’t simple for me at all.”
He stared at me silently.
“And try to understand….” I swallowed. “The reason Sarah died is that she was running from the Acadamh.”
He opened his mouth and I shook my head desperately.
“No. You don’t get it. There wouldn’t be an Acadamh if it weren’t for me. Fordwin and Terric would never have gotten that power, they’d never have been allowed to track people down and execute them if I hadn’t done what I did. That’s not all of why Sarah died. I understand that people make their own choices. But it’s enough. Just like it’s enough of why this cell got attacked by Philip. Okay?”
He stared at me, pale-faced, and I saw that he was actually shaking.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered. His voice was strained. “Nicky, I don’t know how. I keep thinking I understand, it seems so clear, and then everything turns upside down.”
And all I could whisper back, uselessly, was, “I know.”
Because I did.
I knew all too well, in fact. I knew that the Acadamh had been everything the Monarchists feared and more … and that it had also saved lives. I knew that Daiman really was the monster in the bedtime stories they told one another … and so was I.
It was impossible to know which way was up anymore. We were lost.
We broke in the same moment, colliding with too much force, lips almost bruising, and for a moment there was only us.
Until someone cleared their throat pointedly.
Right. Tom. I’d managed to forget about him. I pulled away from Daiman, running my fingers over my swollen lips.
“Can we keep walking?” Tom asked pointedly.
“Yeah. Uh … we’re close. I think.” I shouldered my pack again without looking at Daiman—it would be far, far too easy to give in to distraction right now—and set off.
“You think?” Tom called after me.
Crap. Like I’d needed one more reason for him to mistrust me.
“Yeah. I think. Take it or leave it.”
I kind of hoped he would take the second option, but a moment later, I heard his footsteps crunching along next to Daiman’s.
Jus
t my luck.
Especially because now I had to lay down some rules.
“All right,” I called over my shoulder. “So we’re all agreed that the Acadamh isn’t necessarily a safe place for little kids right now, right?”
Stony silence was my answer, and I decided to just let the question hang.
Finally, Tom said quietly, “Right.” He came to walk beside me.
“So … you wouldn’t be taking this kid back to the Acadamh, anyway.” I raised my eyebrows in question.
A hint of stubbornness appeared in his face. “Not until everything’s settled.” But I will when this is all over. His meaning was clear.
“But not right now,” I pressed.
“No. Now right now. Happy?”
I considered. I had taken a hit job and was being stalked by a psycho ex who wanted me to commit genocide with him. “Not really.”
Daiman gave a laugh he hastily turned into a cough at Tom’s glare.
“Why does it matter, anyway?” Tom looked between us.
“It matters….” I stopped to look at him. “Because you aren’t coming in with us.”
“What?” He and Daiman spoke at the same time.
I stood my ground. “It’s going to be hard enough to get them to put up with Daiman, and if you’re not taking her, there’s no reason for you to see any of this.”
“Then why the hell did I come with you?” His eyes narrowed. “You were never going to let me take her.”
He was right, but that was neither here nor there. “You came with us for your protection and ours,” I said bluntly. “Terric can’t be trusted, Philip can’t be trusted, and either one of them might be out here and not best pleased to run into a Hunter.”
Daiman was looking at me like he wasn’t quite sure if I was telling the truth.
I ignored that and stared Tom down.
“These people were just hunted down,” I told him. I stressed the verb slightly. “They were betrayed by someone who should have been on their side. It’s going to freak them out that I’m bringing Daiman, but I can vouch for him. You, I’ve known for a few hours. So you’re staying here.”
Tom looked at Daiman in mute appeal.
Daiman said nothing.
So much for back-up. I let my hands clench. “We good? You stay here, we’ll be back.”
Tom said nothing as we left, but as soon as we were out of earshot, Daiman bent to mutter worriedly in my ear.
“Tom is a good Hunter, and a good man.”
I gave him a too-sweet smile. “He’s also someone who was planning to abduct a child from these people, and I don’t actually trust him not to, no matter what he says.”
“Not abduct,” Daiman said.
“She’s being raised by these people. They’re basically her family. What would you call it?”
He lapsed into silence, and I saw his jaw clench.
“Look.” I tried to keep my voice level. I didn’t really want to be getting into this right now. “Finding kids whose families don’t know what to do with them, giving them a home where they can be safe and be trained—that makes sense to me. I see why the Monarchists don’t like it, but I also get why you do it. This, though … it’s more complicated. And these people may just have lost friends and family members. I can’t bring someone there, now of all times, who might take another one of them. Can you understand that?”
“Yes,” he said at once. He sighed. “Yes. No? I mean, I can, but….” He sighed again.
I said nothing, trying to give him the space to say what he was going to say. I was curious, for one thing.
“I miss being sure of what I was doing,” he said finally.
I reached over to squeeze his hand briefly. “I get that. But … the only time I’ve been sure of what I was doing, I was killing a ton of people. Maybe being sure is overrated. Maybe it’s a bad sign, not a good one.”
“I hadn’t though of that.” He looked entirely blindsided by this idea. “Do you think—”
I held up a hand, stopping abruptly.
We were here. I recognized this arrangement of trees. I wasn’t entirely sure where the door to the hideout was, but I was sure we were close.
I spun slowly, looking up at the treetops and down at the ground. Trapdoors? Ladders? What was I even looking for.
It didn’t matter, as it happened, because what I had thought was an empty forest turned out not to be, and a few seconds later I found myself staring down the length of about fifteen knives, staves, and guns, every one of them pointed directly at my heart.
Chapter 6
There was the momentary urge to kill every last one of them—lash out, and end this. If they wanted to point weapons, my past self whispered, then they had better be prepared for the consequences.
I told my past self to fuck off, and put my hands up. Beside me, with a look that said he hoped I knew what I was doing, Daiman did the same.
“I’m … I’m Nicky.” I looked around myself at their faces, recognizing a few, but not most. “I don’t know when, but I was here once. You sheltered me.”
“We know.” The voice that spoke was older, male, very dry. Its owner kept his gun pointed down at the ground, but from the ease of his grip, I knew he could shoot me in a split-second.
Human, I judged—certainly, I’d never seen a sorcerer with white hair and a lined face. I frowned. Something about him seemed familiar, but….
“You don’t remember me, do you?” He gave a rueful smile. “I was sixteen when you were here. My name is—”
“Harry.” It came back to me in a rush, and I gave a little laugh. “I remember you. You were … ah….”
“Hopelessly in love with you,” he said. There was good humor in his voice; presumably, he was past the stage of being prickly about things like that. “For all the good it did me. I was warned off you. We didn’t have to know who you were to know what you might bring down on us.”
I blinked at him. “Wait. You didn’t know who I was?”
“No one knew.” A woman was leaning against one of the trees, looking at me speculatively. “We all thought you were dead, too, remember.”
I licked my lips nervously. Brown hair falling loose over her shoulders, a lopsided smile, delicate features that might have been carved from porcelain. The features didn’t look at all familiar to me, and I noticed that everyone swiveled to listen to her when she talked.
I should remember someone like that.
She saw my hesitation. “I wasn’t here when you were here,” she explained. “I got here … well. Just before it all went to hell.”
There was ripple of laughter, the sort of laugh you give when everything is hell and you don’t know what else to do other than laugh about it. She gave a rueful smile and shrugged.
“I’m Darcy.”
“Nicky.” I nodded awkwardly. “I’m really … I’m sorry about everything. I didn’t know, either.”
“We figured,” Harry said wryly. “And—” He broke off, and I saw his eyes resting on Daiman. “We should talk somewhere more … private.”
I met his gaze. “You can trust Daiman.”
There was another ripple of laughter, this one entirely disbelieving.
“You can.” I looked around at them.
“Nicky.” Daiman’s voice was quiet.
“No.” I shook my head at him, and looked back at them all. “I vouch for him, he’s not going to hurt you.”
“Don’t get us wrong.” Harry sounded almost amused. “We’re glad to see him here … in a way. Thought you might be back on Philip’s side now.”
“I am not on Philip’s side,” I snapped.
“Told you,” Darcy said to them.
I looked over at her with a frown, and she shrugged.
“There were all those rumors about something big happening in Venice. Then we heard you were back. Then nothing happened in Venice. Things aren’t going the way I’d expect if you and Philip were teaming up, at least.” She looked around at the rest. “An
d it’s far too complicated to have Philip attack us and pretend he’s not with Nicola, and then have her come back as well to trick us into trusting her once he’s already got Jo. It’s complicated for no reason.”
I spent a moment processing all of that.
“It is too complicated.” I nodded at her. “The truth is, I’m not on his side.”
“You don’t have to persuade us, girl—you’ve got Daiman Bradach with you.” Harry shook his head in wonder, looking over at Daiman. “Incorruptible, they say. Never takes a bribe.” His eyes narrowed. “Never gives up on a target.”
Now the menace was clear, and I held up my hands, desperate to stave off a fight. “Hey. Hey. Believe it or not, we’re all on the same side.”
“We can’t just believe that,” Harry said bluntly. “’Specially not him.”
“He’s right.” It was Daiman’s voice. “I’ll wait here. You go talk.”
“Wait.” I drew him aside, frowning up into his brown eyes. “This alliance—”
“Is it an alliance?” he asked me. His voice was soft, but in his own way, he was as blunt as Harry. “I thought you said you were just here to help them hide from Philip. You don’t need me for that. We don’t need to stay for that.” He raised an eyebrow. “…Do we?”
I stepped back before I thought, looking at the ground, my thoughts scrambling.
I hadn’t even thought about being here. I’d thought about my fears, about Philip learning where I was and how to manipulate me back into what I had been, but I hadn’t thought how it would feel to see these people.
“Daiman … I don’t remember most of what’s happened to me.” I shook my head at him. “And these people will be in danger until I take care of Philip. I can’t just walk away from them. I don’t know how long this is going to take.”
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
“What?” I crossed my arms. “Seriously. What?”
“Are you forgetting?” He looked at me like he wasn’t quite sure if I was just messing with him. “We were hired to take Terric out.”
“I was hired to take Terric out.”
“I’m not letting you face him alone,” Daiman said at once.