“Well, I’ll be damned,” she said when the man turned around. “I never thought I’d see you again. Having fun?”
“Not as much as you’re having,” the man replied. “I think I should move to your table.”
It was Alan’s turn to choke and sputter. “That’s not the guy you—”
“Oh, no,” she said. “This is Reece, not Stephen.”
Reece held out his hand. Alan shook it automatically and introduced himself, debating the wisdom of turning the handshake into a wrestling match. Reece was a pretty big guy. However, if her scowl was any indication, the blonde sitting next to him probably would’ve taken Alan’s side in a fight. She obviously didn’t appreciate the “lack of fun” comment.
“I danced with him once,” Emily said. “He’s a pretty good dancer. Not as exciting as some, but—”
“Nothing like Stephen,” Reece agreed. “And speaking of Stephen, did you two ever get together?”
“Nah.” She gestured at Alan. “I found this guy, and, trust me, Stephen can’t begin to compare.” She paused, taking another sip of her wine. “I told him what Stephen did, and he wants to do it too, but he wants me to take off my clothes.”
“So did we,” Reece said. “I didn’t think it was too much to ask of you, myself.”
“Well, it was,” she reiterated. “Way too much.”
“You might be more persuadable if I got you drunk first,” Alan said. “I’ll have to remember to feed you a three-star Thai dinner with nothing but wine to wash it down.”
Emily frowned. “Reece, did they have anything that hot at The Mouse’s Tail? Hot wings, maybe, but I don’t think—”
“You went there?” This was from Reece’s lady-friend.
Emily winced. “Sorry, Reece. Didn’t mean to get you in trouble.” She held out a hand to the other woman. “Hi, I’m Emily. And in case you were wondering, Reece didn’t do any nude dancing at Stephen’s party.”
“I’m Alicia,” the blonde said. She turned to Reece. “Could we go to that club together sometime?”
Reece’s jaw dropped. “You mean you’d actually want to go there?”
“And strip? You’d better believe it,” Alicia said eagerly. “I wouldn’t go by myself, of course, but if you went with me—I mean, what woman wouldn’t want a crowd of horny men drooling over her?”
Emily stared at Alicia with her mouth agape. Obviously, Alan was never going to get that kind of show unless it was behind closed doors. Not that he minded. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn’t want anyone else watching Emily dance naked. After all, she was his girl now, and he wasn’t sharing her with anyone.
Reece, however, seem positively delighted at the prospect of watching Alicia dance nude on stage. The sexual tension between the two of them snapped like a downed power line.
“Looks like you’re all set.” Emily gave Reece another nudge. “Let me know how it turns out.”
The waitress brought the tea, effectively ending the conversation between the two tables.
“Damn,” Emily whispered after downing a full glass. “I’m beginning to feel like a sex therapist. If I could patch up my sister’s marriage and find a boyfriend for Stephen, I might consider hanging out a shingle. Sure would beat going to the office every day.”
“You don’t like your job?”
She shrugged. “It isn’t what you’d call exciting—or particularly satisfying. Just endless memos and data and reports and meetings and general bullshit. I have friends there, of course, but it wouldn’t break my heart to do something else for a living.”
“Hmm…considering your lack of hobbies—aside from picking up strange men in parking lots—what would you do?”
She sat quietly for a moment, idly pushing a bamboo shoot around on her plate. “I think I’d like to make something. You know, like that soap you sell at the store? I think that would be fun. I have no idea how to make soap, but I’d like to learn.”
“Handmade soaps are very popular. Get good at it and you might eventually be able to give up the day job.”
“You really think so? It’s a thought—sure beats being a stripper.”
Alan laughed. “That was your other option?”
“No, but I know some girls who’ve tried it. They make pretty good money.”
Alan didn’t quite know how to word it, but he didn’t even want her to think about it. He didn’t want to go all—how had she put it? Possessive Neanderthal?—on her, but suddenly, the whole public sex thing had lost every shred of its appeal.
What the hell is wrong with me?
“I can’t say I didn’t enjoy dancing on stage, because I did—kinda.”
“But you said you didn’t want to dance nude. Have you changed your mind?”
“Not really. Do you still want me to do it?”
“Actually, I’d rather you didn’t.” The words were out before he could stop them.
Just call me Possessive Neanderthal.
“You surprise me, Alan.” She leaned forward, chin in hand, her elbow propped on the table. “And why is that? Because I’m not sexy enough?”
“Oh, no,” he replied quickly. “It’s not that. Trust me, you’re plenty sexy. It’s just that I— Oh, hell, I don’t know.”
“My, how enlightening.” She arched a brow. “What’s the matter? Pad Prik got your tongue?”
Alan ran a nervous hand through his hair, knowing he’d backed himself into a corner.
“Come on, Alan,” she prompted. “A little while ago you were all for it. Why not now?”
“I’ve had time to think, and I don’t think I’d want—”
“—to be seen out and about with such a slut? Is that it?”
“I don’t think you’re a slut.” He at least had his wits about him enough to keep his voice down—although Reece and Alicia were so wrapped up in each other, they probably wouldn’t have noticed if Alan really had nailed Emily on the table. “I–I know you’d be uncomfortable, and I wouldn’t want that.” It sounded pretty lame, but it was the best he could do without coming across as a jealous asshole.
“Why, thank you, Alan,” she said with a touch of sarcasm. “That’s very kind of you.”
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
“Not really. Actually, I think any woman who could stand you for longer than one day would have to be oversexed at the very least, and an honest-to-God slut would probably be just the thing.”
“Maybe,” he conceded. “But that’s not the kind of woman I like. You aren’t...promiscuous. At least you don’t seem to be.”
“No,” she agreed. “No one who can count on one hand the number of men she’s dated could be called that. Although I was sort of deprived when you found me. No telling what will happen when I get caught up.”
Alan’s heart jumped like he’d taken a blow to the chest. “You won’t want me anymore, will you?”
“Alan, sex isn’t the only reason I like you. I mean, how many women can say they’ve had a naked man put up their Christmas tree? How many can say they have a guy who’ll rub their feet for them when they’ve had a hard day?”
“Gotta do that tonight.”
“Thanks, but you see what I mean, don’t you? You say the sweetest things. So far, you’ve always been on time, I enjoy your company, and your dick never goes limp on me. You’ve even fed me—oatmeal, and, okay, so this Thai stuff is a little too hot—but you’ve also given me all the love I could stand, just like you said you would.”
Having no idea what to say, Alan mumbled something completely inarticulate.
“I know I’ve asked you this before, but do you run people off because you’re afraid what might happen if they did stay with you? Are you afraid you’ll get tired of them and don’t want to be responsible for breaking someone’s heart?”
He shook his head. “I’m afraid once women get to know me, they’ll realize I’m not worth hanging around for.”
“You never give anyone a chance to find out, do you
?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Does anyone really know why they do what they do?”
“I doubt it,” she said frankly. “It’s probably all conjecture—even the stuff the shrinks tell you. Look, I may not know why I do what I do, but let’s get one thing straight. I like you, Alan, and I’d still like you even if you weren’t such a delightful little horn dog.”
“Delightful?”
“Absolutely. I liked you when I first met you, and if I’d been feeling more myself, I would never have left you that night—at least not without giving you my phone number. Sure, you were a little odd, but I liked that—at least, I did later when I was more in the mood to like anything. Honestly, I’ve never lost anything I was so desperate to find again. This is that second chance most people never get, and whether you like it or not—” She took a deep breath. “I really am falling in love with you.”
Chapter 18
Emily sat there, staring at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Damn the wine.
She hadn’t meant to tell him that, but it slipped out again. Truth be told, the wine wasn’t to blame, nor was the Pad Prik. She simply couldn’t stand the suspense any longer. Why did the idea of being loved upset Alan so much when it should have made him happy?
She had a right to ask. After all, he’d been the one to approach her at Bennie’s that night, not the other way around. He’d promised to give her all the love she could stand. If he didn’t want her to love him in return, he should’ve said so up front. It wasn’t Emily’s fault she was falling for him. In between the randy horn dog episodes, he was genuinely lovable. There was more to it than sex.
There was more to him than sex.
After what seemed like an eternity, Emily was about to lose her temper and storm out when he blinked. And blinked again.
“Say something, Alan,” she pleaded. “Say something before it’s too late.” Several seconds ticked by in silence. “You want to be loved, don’t you? It wouldn’t be the end of the world, would it?”
He shook his head. “No, not the end of the world—although it may be the end of the world as I know it.” Picking up his glass, he twirled the stem between his fingers, watching the dregs of the wine swirl around in the bottom. “I don’t know what to say.”
Emily swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. She had to explain—had to make him understand. “Love isn’t a bad thing, Alan. Not if it works. I know that with men, love and sex aren’t necessarily the same thing. Is that your problem? You only want the sex, not the love?”
He seemed completely bewildered. “I have no idea.”
“Oh, come on. You must have some idea how you feel.”
“I’ve never had the slightest clue. I have very strong sexual urges, but I don’t know what love feels like, Emily, and I’m pretty sure no one’s ever loved me.”
“I don’t believe that. Not for a second. You may be needy, but you’re still lovable.”
“But it’s never forever.” His eyes drooped at the corners, reminding her of a sad hound dog. “I always think maybe this time, but it never turns out that way.”
“That’s because you always shoot yourself in the foot. I should know because I do it myself.” She paused for a moment, mentally reviewing what she’d said. “Sorry. I wasn’t going to mention love again, but I did it anyway. My mistake.”
“So you don’t love me?”
“I didn’t say that.” She blew out a breath. “I tend to overanalyze things—and half the time I arrive at the wrong conclusion. Obviously, I’m not very smart when it comes to love or I’d have been happily married years ago and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” She shrugged. “But I’m not living that happily ever after, so here we are—the blind leading the blind and getting nowhere.”
Quite suddenly, Emily felt like giving up again. Depression began creeping into her soul like a damp chill. She didn’t want to run away. She wanted to lie down and forget it. Just give up and quit. She should have known better than to think this time would be any different. She should have left that napkin in her pocket and stumbled on through the rest of her life alone. This was what happened when The One turns out to be a man who wouldn’t know love if it hit him right between the eyes.
“Can we go home now?” Her voice came out as dull and heavy as the weight on her spirit. “I’m kinda tired.”
“You’re tired of me, aren’t you?” He sounded as weary and defeated as she felt.
“No,” she replied. “I’m tired to trying to convince you that I’m not.”
She’d only been with him for a few days, and she was already exhausted. However, sex and the lack of sleep weren’t responsible for wearing her down. Alan’s own insecurity was the culprit.
Alan didn’t say another word, but got to his feet and tossed a tip on the table. Emily followed him to the cashier and waited silently while he paid the bill, then they left the restaurant and went out to his Jeep. The bitter wind howled like a pack of wolves, making her feel as bleak and desolate as mid-February, certainly not the crisp excitement one should feel three days before Christmas.
So much for Alan keeping me warm this winter.
She’d be lucky if she ever saw him again. She knew where to find him, of course, but if he were to see her in the store, he’d probably run out to unload the delivery truck rather than face her. If she knocked on his door, he might pretend he wasn’t home. And she, well, she’d have to give up chocolate because she’d never be able to taste it again without thinking of Alan.
Imagine…life without Alan and chocolate.
The very idea made her want to stop eating and breathing altogether. The years ahead stretched out before her like an endless array of boring, colorless vignettes—events to be endured, rather than enjoyed.
Neither of them said much during the drive, but Emily’s mind was far from silent. She’d known women who preferred to be alone and were glad when their husbands were out of town. Emily wasn’t like that. Solitude held no appeal for her, and there’d been days when the aching loneliness was almost too much to bear.
Since she’d met Alan, her craving for companionship had gone unnoticed for the most part, simply because he craved it even more than she did. She couldn’t let him go. She didn’t want to go back to the kind of men she’d known before. They belonged to those loners who didn’t care if their men were even in the same state, let alone the same bed.
Alan must have always been with the loner type as well, which would explain his insecurities. Teaming up with the wrong sort had left them both scarred and wary—lost and confused because they’d been with people whose needs didn’t complement theirs.
If he simply dropped her off at her car and didn’t follow her home, Emily wasn’t sure what she’d do. At that point, whether they loved each other didn’t matter. She wanted him anyway.
“What do you want, Alan? I mean really want? And don’t say what you think I’d like to hear, or what might be the right thing to say. I want to know the truth.”
It took him a minute or two to reply. “I want you to want me as much as I want you. And I want to know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.”
“You can’t just believe?”
“No. That takes faith, and I don’t have any left.”
If he was pulling punches, it certainly didn’t show. “That’s the problem, then. I can’t tell you I love you because you won’t believe it. I have to show you, don’t I?”
He nodded. “I can’t say it, either. A lot of guys can’t, and I’m worse than most. Women don’t seem to understand when I try to show them how I feel. I’m saying it the best way I can—the only way I can—and though I’m shouting it most of the time, nobody ever hears me. It’s... frustrating.”
“I know what you mean. I feel like no one’s ever heard me, either. Like I’m talking to a blank wall.”
“Same here.”
Squaring her shoulders, she turned to face him. “Okay, then. I’ve got it.”
&nbs
p; “Got what?”
“The message—if you’re still sending it, that is.” He hadn’t laid so much as a finger on her since they’d left the restaurant, so she couldn’t be sure. “I hear you. And while I can’t be absolutely certain, I will say this. If I don’t want you as much as you want me, I come damn close.”
He still seemed hesitant. “I don’t know… Seems like you’re usually trying to get me to stop or wear me down—like you want me, but not enough.”
“I was trying to set limits so you didn’t drive me away the way you have everyone else. Maybe that’s the wrong approach. Maybe given the opportunity to express yourself fully, you’ll be able to relax and that insatiable sex drive of yours will ease up on its own. Remember when I was being proactive and went after you?”
“Yeah.”
“It helped, didn’t it?”
He nodded. “Your point?”
“I’m thinking maybe I should stop setting limits and insist on more. I have no idea whether it’ll help or not, but I’m willing to experiment if you are.”
His eyes widened. “That’d be a first. No one’s ever complained they weren’t getting enough.”
“Well, listen up, big guy, ’cause I’m complaining. Give me twenty-four hours on antibiotics, and your dick is mine. In fact, I think I want it right now. I absolutely love your cock. It tastes and feels as good as it looks.”
“Think you could suck it now?” he asked.
“Can you keep the car on the road?”
“If I can’t, I’ll pull over. Deal?”
“Deal.”
* * * *
Alan wasn’t sure he could keep from running into a ditch, especially when she let out an orgasmic moan simply from looking at his naked cock. She leaned over and licked him, obviously not minding that his dick was still sticky with semen.
He threaded his fingers through her hair. “Do you remember when you said you wanted men to line up and cover you with cum?”
He felt her shudder as her warm breath hit his dick. “Oh, yeah.”
“I think that’s what we should do tonight.”
She sat up, gaping at him. “You’re not going to call up some friends, are you?”
Uninhibited (Unlikely Lovers) Page 17