Gregg whispered something to Pat who nodded tersely. His eyes passed over mine as he surveyed the room, they didn’t linger and I wondered absently why he was so upset with me.
Jenny meanwhile, kept her gaze turned outwards. She was ill at ease and seemed convinced that someone had been following us. I didn’t question her as it meant she’d leave me be. Solitude was something I craved and doubtless something I wouldn’t get.
I exhaled a sigh and leant back against the wall as the horrible noise continued. Someone needed to silence her or I would not be responsible for my actions.
The bearded man was shaking his head as he argued with Gabby. She seemed certain that he’d understand the need for them to return with us to the island. Their mountain refuge, while relatively zombie free was also absent any significant supplies.
“No,” bearded man said loudly. “We’re safe here.”
“For now,” Gabby agreed. “What will you do for food? Water?”
“We’ll get by,” he said. “Those creatures will move on and we’ll go home.”
“Your home is gone,” Gabby said. She slapped her hand down on the low table that was set between her and the bearded fellow. “You have little food and no heat up here. Your village is overrun and they aren’t going anywhere.”
Round and round they go I thought as the cycle began anew. He would protest, she would insist, he would slowly give way as she made promises that she couldn’t possibly keep and we’d end up with thirty plus new mouths to feed.
It was pointless and just getting everyone down the mountain and back to the island would be a huge task. We’d made it to Coniston relatively unscathed because there were so few of us. We could move quietly in a way that a large group couldn’t.
Besides that, the old folks were clearly not up to the journey. They would slow us down and bring more risk to the rest of us. Perhaps I could arrange accidents I mused. Nothing that would outright break my promise, but perhaps something that would skirt the line a little.
The wailing had dropped down to a low sobbing and I rubbed at my temples in an attempt to stave off the headache that would do absolutely nothing for my mood. I’d had enough, it was time to get some fresh air.
I nodded to Gregg as he moved aside to let me past and I slipped out the door into the cool clean air. The obnoxious sounds were muted wonderfully by the door and I wandered a little way from the building.
My feet crunched on the gravel that surrounded the hotel as I walked. It wasn’t a displeasing sound. If nothing else I appreciated it for its usefulness as an impromptu alarm to warn me of someone approaching.
Behind the hotel, loose rocks mixed with the grass as the slope steepened, rising up to the rocky mountain peaks high above. If I chose to stand in front of the building though I had an incredible view that ended with the glistening waters of Coniston’s lake in the far distance. From where I stood, you couldn’t tell that the distant village had been overtaken by the undead.
I briefly wondered what had happened to the guests and staff of the hotel but soon dismissed it. Most of the hotels and facilities in the Lake District had been closed for the winter when everything had gone to hell. The Coppermine hotel was likely the same.
From what Becky had told us those many months ago after I’d just rescued her from the crashed plane, the zombies had been around for a while before they reached such numbers that they seemed to be everywhere.
That was when I’d first noticed them, when they were so many that they couldn’t be contained. Though apparently if I’d been watching the TV and monitoring the news, then I might have figured things out sooner. But no, I’d been busy with the killing of my latest victim.
It had only been when Lily arrived at my door that I’d realised something had changed. It wasn’t long before I knew that to survive I’d need others and I’d done that. I’d formed alliances, survived the beginning of the apocalypse and reached a place of safety.
Sometimes though I wondered if it would have been better if I’d never opened the door to her. If I hadn’t, I certainly wouldn’t be hampered by the promise I’d made to her. I wouldn’t be being consumed by a need that I was unable to fulfil.
But then I wouldn’t have found friends to survive with or someone who loved me for who I was. Loved me despite of who I was.
I let out a sigh as I picked up a loose stone and threw it down the hillside. No matter the struggle I faced now, I had to admit that my life was better for having her in it. I wasn’t particularly sure I could explain why, but it just was. I found myself almost at peace when I was with her and that was something I’d only ever found when killing people.
The gravel behind me crunched as someone approached and I spun round, my hand falling to grasp my knife hilt. I relaxed my grip as I saw Pat approaching, his face set and anger still in his eyes. I nodded a greeting that he reluctantly returned.
“They made a decision?” I asked with a tilt of my head towards the people inside the hotel.
“Not yet,” he said with a grunt.
I shrugged and threw another stone down the hillside before I pulled my collar up to protect my neck from the biting wind. By the look of the grey skies, it was due to start raining sooner rather than later which would mean either a night spent at the hotel or a long walk through poor weather.
Pat glanced at me and then away, his jaw clenched as though he had something to say but wasn’t sure how best to say it. I couldn’t help the smile that came, though his expression darkened as he saw it.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he snapped.
“How do you mean?”
“Last night. What was the point of that? Were you trying to get yourself killed?”
“No,” I said and sighed deeply. He stared at me expecting more of a response so I considered what to say before I spoke. “You know what I am yes?”
“You know I do.”
“Well you may not know that the… need that is inside of me, well, it gets harder and harder to ignore.”
“What do you mean?”
“He means he needs to kill someone,” Gregg said softly from behind us.
We both whirled around in alarm at the sound of his voice and he laughed, a short guffaw of pure amusement at our expressions. He sauntered over to us, inordinately pleased with himself for sneaking up on us.
“Prat,” Pat muttered to his friend who just grinned in response.
“I’m right though aren’t I?” he asked. His smile faded as I nodded sharply once. It was time to lay all my cards on the table.
“So that’s why you went out on your own?” Pat asked.
“Killing the zombies isn’t very hard,” I said. “If they won’t provide me with a challenge the least they can do is be a distraction.”
“Does Lily know about this?” he asked.
“You really think she wouldn’t?” Gregg replied before I could.
“So what’s your plan?” Pat asked as he looked at me, his gaze was thoughtful and not full of condemnation. “Find someone no one will miss and kill them? How long will that last before you need to do it again? What do you plan to do long term?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Truth be told I never considered this particular problem.”
“You have a deal with Lily don’t you?” Pat asked and I nodded once again. “Thought so. That deal means you leave some people alone is that right?”
“I promised to only kill those who deserved it,” I said. “Though to be fair I didn’t foresee being stuck on an island with a community of people I couldn’t kill.”
“That’s a problem,” he agreed. “One you need to deal with and fast.”
“It’s not that easy,” I said.
“Bullshit,” Pat snapped. “You managed before this all began.”
“Different times,” I said. “Many more people to choose from and since this began I’ve… overindulged. My need is greater now than it was before.”
“You need to get a grip,” he said. “You think this is easy for any of us?”
His hands had curled into fists and I wondered if he was going to strike me again and if he did, if I would even bother stopping him. Being pounded into unconsciousness would at least give me the blessed release from my need.
“Survival is bloody hard,” Pat said. “The easy part’s over and it will only get harder. We survived the beginning but we have to keep on going, to outlast the damn zombies and rebuild something resembling a society that we can live in.”
“It’s a burden on each and every one of us,” he continued. “You think the rest of us don’t have something inside of us that we have to fight against?”
“You do?”
“Damn right we do,” he said. “You think Lily isn’t consumed by a need of her own? A need to save as many people as she can.”
“She is?”
“Of course she is and if you weren’t so consumed with self-pity you’d have seen that it’s crushing her.”
“Be easy mate,” Gregg said softly as he laid a hand on his burly friends shoulder but Pat shrugged him off.
“We all have our own needs. Mine was to survive and keep Cass safe but now, now I’m going to be a dad and all I can think of is hiding away somewhere where my kid will grow up safe.”
He ran one large hand over the stubble on his scalp as he trembled. I couldn’t tell if it was rage or fear but some strong emotion gripped him.
“All I want is to find someone to share my life with,” Gregg said softly. “It was hard enough before this as a queer black guy but I’ve not met another gay man yet, let alone one I could love.”
“You aren’t alone,” Pat said to me with a nod of acknowledgment to Gregg. “But like the rest of us, you need to control that feeling, focus it.”
“Really?” I asked with a sly smile. “You can all work towards fulfilling your need. I can only feed my need by killing.”
“Focus it on the undead then,” Gregg said.
“That would be like me telling you to focus all your need for a partner into loving yourself,” I said with a snort of laughter. “The death of those zombies fills my need as little as your self-pleasure would fill your desire for a partner.”
“Then leave,” Gregg said with anger lacing his voice.
“What?”
“Your promise is what holds you back,” he said. “Lily wants to save everyone and you want to kill them. While you’re together one of you will be bloody miserable so just leave.”
Stunned, I stared at him. He was right, they both were. If I wanted to be able to freely feed my need then I’d have to leave. But just the thought of doing so, of leaving Lily and my few friends raised uncomfortable feelings that I wasn’t at all familiar with.
Killing someone, anyone, would be just a quick fix. The need would return and it would keep doing so until I met my end. If I didn’t find some way to control and channel it then I’d have to leave, it was as simple as that.
Behind us the door opened and Jenny called out for our attention. The others looked back and waved as I considered my options.
“Looks like a decisions been made,” Pat said gently as he patted my shoulder. “Let’s head back inside.”
Chapter 18
Lily
We all knelt in the wet grass and mud in front of the round house with our hands clasped behind our heads as our conquerors judged us. They’d positioned us in long lines several rows deep with enough space for them to walk along as though it were an inspection.
One more of them had come out of the trees as I’d opened the doors to the roundhouse to offer our surrender. He was slim, in his thirties and wore a smug smile as he saw the blood spatter on the side of my face. His long rifle was carried over one shoulder as he joined the others.
No need to keep it aimed at us, they knew they’d won. The terror of the zombie attack followed so closely by the death of Jim and the threat of killing us all. My people had readily accepted the need for surrender.
The bearded leader climbed to his feet and slowly walked along the first row, he looked each of us over and nodded to himself as he seemed to be making plans. Three of his group had gone inside to clear the house while the other three stood behind us, their automatic weapons aimed our way.
He stopped before me and looked down, his smile fixed in place. He smelt of stale sweat and cheap cologne that he’d obviously used to try and mask his odour.
“You’re one of the leaders,” he said. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. “Well stand up then my dear, no point lingering down there when you can be of use.”
I pushed myself to my feet and regarded him sullenly. I knew I should be attempting to be at least a little gracious in defeat, if only to ensure my safety but it wasn’t in me.
“These are all your people, yes?” he asked with a wave at the crowded rows.
“Yes,” I said.
He nodded thoughtfully before lashing out without warning, his fist hammered my stomach and I doubled over as I gasped for breath. He held me up with one arm as he waited for me to finish gasping before speaking in the same pleasant tones.
“We’ve been watching you. We know some of your people left here yesterday.”
I looked at him through tear filled eyes and coughed as I pressed my arms against my stomach.
“Where did they go?” he asked.
“Coniston,” I said.
“What on earth is a Coniston?” he asked with a smile. “One of these backward northern villages?”
“Village near Coniston waters,” I said.
“Why did they go there? Did you send them out scavenging for supplies?”
“They traded with us but we hadn’t seen them for a while. We were worried.”
“More survivors,” he said with a delighted smile. “How utterly marvellous.”
“What do you want?” I asked and his eyes narrowed.
“Now then,” he began as he ignored my question. “I am now in charge here.”
More than one of my people exchanged worried looks with their friends as he spoke. Their worry increased as he continued.
“Each of you will have a place here on the island if you are useful,” he said. “If you do as you are told then we’ll have no reason to harm you.”
The other three of his men came out of the house and signalled that they had found nothing worrisome. He smiled widely as they took up positions around my people.
“My lady friend,” he indicated the shotgun bearing woman with a wave. “She will speak with each of you in turn and then instruct you to stand to either the right of the door or the left. Do as she instructs.”
He turned back to me as his friend went about her task of speaking to the terrified people. His smile was perhaps meant to be charming but it revealed far too many teeth and put me in mind of a shark.
“What do you want with us?” I repeated.
“Why to rule you,” he said. “I am a king in need of a kingdom and subjects to do my bidding.”
I looked at him as though he were insane and he laughed, a rich sound full of mocking.
“We’ve come a long way,” he said after his laughter subsided. “We, like you want somewhere safe to live. You have such a place and we chose to take it.”
“Why not just ask to join us?”
“Because you’d likely say no,” he said. “Even if you did say yes, we’d still be on the bottom rung. This way, I’m in charge.”
“People died,” I snapped. “Good people.”
“Have you not noticed? They die every day,” he said. “It is nature’s way of removing the weak from the strong.”
“You’re one of the strong I take it,” I said with a sneer that seemed to amuse him even more.
“Oh my, yes.”
“Well fine, you’ve killed some of us and you’ve taken over. Now what?”
“Now you will go on about your business much as
you normally would,” he said. “The only difference is that I will be giving the orders.”
“I’ve met people like you before,” I told him. “Monsters taking advantage of others. You think you can take what you want.”
“We can,” he said.
His men were slowly sorting my people into two separate groups. The majority were being moved to the right but seven people had been moved to the left. Jonathan was one and some of the younger children too.
“Why are you separating them?” I asked.
“Some will stay, some won’t,” he replied absently as he watched his group work. “I have no need for those who cannot provide a useful task for me.”
“What do you mean? What will you do with those you consider not useful?”
“They will be asked to leave the island,” he said. “If they don’t go then we’ll shoot them.”
I stared at him in shock. It was absurd to even consider what he was saying as anything other than a joke. He seemed perfectly serious though which caused a sinking feeling in my stomach.
“You can’t…”
“No?” He asked. He looked at me with one eyebrow raised in query and I shook my head. “You can try and stop me but that will simply ensure your death too.”
“These are good people, they’ll not survive out there.”
“Exactly!” he said. “They have no real use to me.”
“But the children?”
“Even less use,” he said. “It will be years before we can support children.”
“How can you not care?”
“Easy,” he said with a smile.
“Marcus,” the woman called and he looked over to see her gesturing.
With his hand firmly on my arm I had no choice but to follow him to her. She was standing in front of Michelle who was being held up by Becky.
“What’s this?” Marcus asked.
“She’s been bitten,” the woman said.
“It’s okay,” I said as he frowned. “She’s immune.”
“Really?” he asked. “Are you sure?”
I nodded quickly, “She is.”
“Okay,” he said as he raised his handgun and fired.
Screams sounded around us and Michelle sagged in Becky’s arms as a small trail of blood leaked from the hole in her forehead. Commands to settle down were shouted by the armed men and weapons were raised. I wanted to weep.
Burden of Survival: Killing the Dead : Season Two Page 11