by Tonya Kappes
“A friend I would help. You, not so much.” Suddenly my mouth dried up. The tea looked awfully wet and appetizing. I picked up the glass and ripped off the plastic.
“Don’t you dare.” Out of nowhere, Jade’s hand came flying across the seat and the glass flew out of my hands into the back of the hearse. “Do you know how many calories are in Zula Fae’s sweet tea? My daddy always said he’d stay in business as long as Zula Fae came in and bought all those bags of sugar. And if you stole my sweet Jack Henry from me, then you need to count your calories and dress a little better. Oh!” She stuck her finger up in the air. “You need to get rid of those granny panties. If you can’t find some acceptable thongs around here, then just don’t wear any.”
“What are you? The fashion police of the ever after?” I spat, a little embarrassed she, of all people, knew about my undergarments. It was hard enough for me to dress myself for Jack Henry, but downright disgraceful for my number one enemy to be giving me advice from the Great Beyond.
“You are talking to me,” Jade singsonged to me.
“Okay.” I gripped the wheel. My knuckles turned white and my fingers tingled as they started to go numb. “Let’s get one thing straight. I have no respect for you. I tried so many times to be your friend in high school and all you did was call me Creepy Funeral Home Girl.” My eyes lowered. “Do you know how much that hurt me? Do you?”
She drew back. Suddenly she didn’t look so big and bad. More like weak and wilted, so I took the opportunity.
“As for Jack”—I pointed at her—“he is mine. Fair and square. He tells me he loves me. He tells me I’m pretty the way I am and we have sex!”
The peck on the window made me jump out of my skin.
“Emma Lee,” Doc Clyde asked through the glass. “Are you okay?”
I waved my hand at him. There was no way I was rolling down the window. The damage had been done. He’d seen me talking to Jade Lee, which made it look like I was talking to myself and as sure as I was sitting in this hearse, he was going to run and tell Granny no matter what I said.
“I’m fine.” I put the hearse in gear and peeled out of the driveway.
Chapter 12
“So I was right.” Jade looked even prettier in death. It made me sick. “You are the creepy funeral home girl who can see dead people. Kinda cool, especially now that you seem to be my new best friend.”
“No and no.” I wagged my finger at her and continued to drive to the police station. “I’m the only one that can help you get to the other side. I’m not in the market for a new best friend. Especially you.”
Just like Jade Lee Peel, she ignored my comment about not wanting her to be my best friend. She never took no for an answer, which was probably how she got to be so popular, yet so disliked.
“Why would I want to go to the other side?” she asked. “I’ve got this great tiara and they didn’t force me to walk down the gold walkway. Though it was tempting because I love anything gold.” Her voice rose an octave.
“Don’t you want your dad to have some sort of closure or bring your murderer to justice?” I slammed on the brakes after I had a sudden realization. “Fluggie Callahan didn’t kill you.”
“Kill me? Murder?” Her face squished up. “The newspaper lady?”
“If you are still here, then your murderer is still at large.” I pushed on the gas. I couldn’t wait to get to Jack Henry and get Fluggie out of jail. “And someone used Fluggie’s scarf to kill you.”
That was how this Betweener gig worked. My client wasn’t able to cross over until their murder was solved and their killer was in police custody. If Fluggie Callahan was Jade’s killer, Jade wouldn’t be here with me.
Good thing for Fluggie. Bad thing for me. I had a feeling I was going to be spending a lot of time with Jade. Jack Henry was the only living person who knew about my secret, which meant I was going to have to tell him about Jade’s ghost.
My stomach churned. I felt sick and a little light-headed. Jack Henry and I worked closely on solving a Betweener client’s murder with the ghost, which meant Jade Lee was going to be a third-wheel in my relationship.
My heart pounded. The sudden burst of urgency to solve her murder was now more important than ever. We were going to have to mend fences and I could see I was going to have to talk her into crossing over once we did find her killer.
“Whoa!” Jade put her hands up in the air. Her fingernails were painted with sparkly polish and twinkled like the tiara on her head. “I was murdered? As in someone actually wanted to kill me? Me?” She planted her hand on her chest and arranged the look of disbelief on her face.
“Sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time.” I knew it was an awful thing to say and that I should’ve felt bad she was dead, but I still said it.
“Well, I never.” She pulled back, her jaw dropped. “I didn’t deserve to die and that was an awful thing to say, even if you did say it in those silly terms.”
“And you have to go to the other side. End of story!” I smacked the steering wheel.
I glanced over and she was gone.
“Good.” I huffed. There was no way I was going to let her ghost linger around. I was on a mission. I had to find her killer and get them behind bars. My relationship with Jack depended on it.
Media vans and the white van I had seen Jade’s personal camera crew emerge from had taken up the few parking spaces at the police station.
“My goodness.” Jade reappeared. “All of this for little ole me?” Her Southern accent dripped with charm. Fake charm. “How do I look?”
“Dead.”
“Oh, go on.” She smiled and touched the tiara. “How do I look, Emma Lee?”
“It doesn’t matter. They can’t see you.” I reminded her she was a ghost.
Her smile faded. Her face drooped. Her chin dropped.
“What about all those ghost photos with orbs and stuff?” She asked a good question. Her eyes twinkled, her teeth sparkled. “I mean, my tiara is so bright and beautiful, I bet I’m a glowing, marvelous orb.”
I let out a long sigh and shut off the hearse. She’d already ghosted herself out of the car and paraded in front of the cameras like she was on a runway. The cameras were rolling and flashes were clicking, only they were on me and the hearse.
With my head down, I hurried into the Sleepy Hollow Police Station. Questions hurled at me. I felt like I was dodging bullets. Once I was safe inside the door, I glanced back to see what the beauty queen was doing.
I shook my head. Her face was stuck inside one of the lenses of the camera and she waved and talked like they could see and hear her.
“Bless her heart,” I whispered, feeling a little sorry that she felt her worth was only in the eyes of a camera.
“Bless whose heart?” Familiar arms curled around my waist and pulled me close. The sweet voice of Jack Henry Ross sent chills down my body.
“No one.” I turned around and gave him a nice hug in return since everyone in the station was looking at us, including Fluggie Callahan, who was gripping the bars of the jail cell.
“Where’s my tea?” Jack asked.
“Oh. That.” I groaned. I was going to have to tell him sooner or later. Sooner was best because I had no intention of being in a relationship with Jack and a lusty ghost who used to date him as our third wheel. “We need to talk.”
I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the corner of the station.
“You aren’t going to believe who didn’t register as a contestant for the big pageant in the sky.” I pinched my lips and held my breath.
“No.” Jack’s eyes popped open.
Slowly I nodded my head up and down. Nervously he ran his hands through his hair while he looked around to see if anyone had been staring at us. Of course they were. All of their eyes were trained on us.
“I’ll be right back,” Jack said to the deputy and grabbed my hand.
He dragged me into the storage closet and shut the door behind us.
“Are y’
all neckin’?” Jade Lee appeared and asked in a twang. She pursed her lips and made kissy noises.
“No we are not,” I said, and sucked in a deep breath.
“Jade?” Jack Henry asked.
“He knows you can see me?” A big smile crossed her lips as she curled up to him. She pushed her hair over her shoulders and took a long whiff of his hair. “Yummy. He always smelled so good.”
“Stop it right now,” I said through gritted teeth.
“What is she doing?” Jack glanced around the small space.
“Nothing.” I shook my head. I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of telling Jack Henry her crazy antics.
“Tell him that I love him in death too.” She winked. Her finger dragged across his shoulder.
“We have to solve her murder. Now.” I stomped. I could feel all the blood in my body rush to my face.
“She really has you flustered.” A wry smile caught his lips. “And you are so cute flustered.”
“Forget any of that.” I waved my hand in front of me. “There is no way her ghost is going to let us have our time alone. Just so you know.”
“Which means we need to start working on her murder.” Jack was talking my language.
“Exactly.” I snapped my fingers and pointed at him.
Jade Lee brought her hand up in front of her face and put her fingers together. “You know, I’ve never been able to snap.” Her hand bobbled up and down as she tried, her wrist loose.
“I’ll teach you later. Right now you need to focus.” I turned to her.
“Focus. Got it.” She gave the aye-aye-captain salute. “Focus on what?”
“Jack is going to ask you some questions.” I nodded toward Jack.
“Tell me about your entire day from the time you showed up in Sleepy Hollow until your last recollection before you were . . . um . . . murdered.”
“He is so cute. He always did that little lip thing when he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.” Her shoulders curled up around her ears, her nose squished.
“You’ve never done the lip thing for me when you hurt my feelings.” I pointed to his mouth.
“What lip thing?” The line between his brows creased.
“Nothing.” I shrugged it off. Why on earth was I fussing with a ghost when he, the real living and breathing man, was standing in front of me.
“Aw. He’s so cute.” Her voice rose an octave. “Here is a perfect example of how you could use my advice.” She huffed. She twirled around the small space we were standing in. “This is a perfect place to get in some good smooching time. It might seem childish, but men never leave their childish ways behind. They love spontaneity.”
“We can’t focus on spontaneity when you are dead and your murderer is out there.” I asked, “What happened to focus?”
“Focus. Right.” She pulled her hand up and tried to snap again. She looked disappointed, and said, “I got into town and saw you right off.”
“No you didn’t,” I corrected her.
“What? What did she say?” Jack asked.
I held a finger up.
“You didn’t see Jack Henry first,” I corrected her again. “You got into a fight with a person in a car because they were parking too close to your car.”
“Oh.” She blushed. “You saw that?”
“Not only did I see it, but I heard you clear across the town square while I was doing yoga class with the Auxiliary women in the gazebo.” I rolled my eyes. She had no idea how bad she treated people and she had no clue that people knew she treated others badly.
“Then you saw Jack and Beulah Paige had rushed over before the film crew got out of the van.” That was where she wanted to start the story.
“Yes.” She had totally erased the incident with the car out of her mind.
“What did the car look like?” Jack Henry asked.
“Red.” She smiled.
“No it was not red. It was green.” Frustrated, I sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out, mentally saying Granny’s motto. Breathe in Jesus, breathe out peace. I repeated it again. “I’m sure you can get the video footage from the courthouse to see the argument.”
“The driver could have motive.” Jack’s brows lifted.
“Yep. Angry. Embarrassed. And she had no qualms about her to even think she was wrong.” I watched as Jack jotted things down in the notepad he’d pulled from his jacket pocket.
“And don’t forget about Beulah Paige. She never forgets a thing. Especially something someone big and famous would do and say.”
Beulah Paige Bellefry was the CEO and gossip queen of Sleepy Hollow. No matter if it was all true or even a tiny flea bite true, she told it.
Jack wrote as fast as I could translate what my new Betweener client told me about her day. She told us about her spa experience and failure with Mary Anna up until her interview with Fluggie Callahan.
“Don’t forget about Keisha. Did you have any ill words with her?” I asked.
She shook her head side to side.
“Are you sure?” I asked, knowing deep down what Keisha thought about her. Not that I thought Keisha was the one to off Jade Lee, but no stone unturned had been the key to my Betweener job. Every lead was important, no matter how small or big and Keisha might have seen something or heard something.
And I felt it strange I hadn’t seen Keisha since Jade was found dead.
“Where is Keisha?” I asked Jack Henry.
“I have no idea who this person is.” Jack shrugged.
“She is Jade’s assistant.” I gave him a quick description and he vaguely remembered her. “What about Morticia Addams?” I couldn’t erase her from my mind if I had tried.
“As in the TV show?” Jack Henry asked. I was confusing him more than helping him.
I turned to Jade. “Who is the lady with all the black?”
“Patricia?” Jade cackled. She threw her head back and her tiara teetered. She quickly straightened it back up. “Morticia. You sure are a funny one. Who knew?” She shrugged, her hands in the air. “Patricia is my stylist. I forced her to come in to fix my hair that Mary Anna ruined.”
I told Jack the story about Patricia and who she was. No wonder she insisted that she have a room next to Jade. It was perfectly normal in Jade’s circle to request things.
“Tell Emma everything you remember up to waking as a ghost,” Jack Henry said into the air next to me.
“She’s right there.” I pointed next to him. “She’s kinda got a thing for you still.”
“Emma.” She gasped like I had completely embarrassed her. “I swear I have no idea how you captured Jack Henry Ross’s heart. I mean, you could use a little lipstick. It adds color to your face and you look like you could use all the color you can stand.”
“Can you please answer his questions so we can get this whole murder thing figured out?” I asked. It was one thing to get advice from a living beauty queen, but from a dead one? No thank you.
She put her finger in a loose wisp of hair that stuck out of the turban and twirled it around. Then she tapped her chin. She let out a little moan and a sigh. “Hmm.” Her lips puckered to the side. “Well, I had that interview with the Sleepy Hollow News.”
“And,” I encouraged her to continue.
“Patricia fixed my hair and I paid her a lot of money to do so.” She continued to play with the edges of her hair. “Then.” She stopped, her face contorted. “That’s it.”
“That’s it?” I questioned her. She nodded. “Are you sure? Because nothing seems out of sorts. You had a fight with Mary Anna and Marla Maria.”
“Marla Maria?” Jack asked.
“I forgot about Marla Maria,” I snapped. “She was madder than Lady Cluckington when she gets a bath.”
“She wanted me to do free service announcements for her pageant school.” Jade rolled her eyes. “For free!”
I filled Jack Henry in on all the facts and what I had seen earlier in the day.
“Not that I think Marla
killed Jade, but weirder things have happened.” I pinched my lips together.
“I need to interview Beulah, Mary Anna, Zula Fae, Keisha and Patricia to start with.” Jack read down the list of names he’d made while Jade told her day’s events. “I also need to add Marla Maria to the list.”
“I’ll help,” I said.
“No you won’t,” Jack said.
This was always the part during my Betweener gig where he said he had to take over because it was the police’s job and he had to be careful with the information the ghosts gave him or else people would think he was nuts like me. And they would question where he’d gotten his insider information.
“Leave it to the police.” He had to put that sweet spin on it. “What on earth would I do if you got in the cross fire?”
“Aww.” Jade smiled.
“It’s not like Beulah or anyone on your list is a hardened criminal—that we know of—and if I see them at an event or the café, I can slip in questions if it allows.” It sounded good, but that was not my intention. I was totally planning on making a conscious visit to each of them if time allowed.
“Only and only if you happen to have the right opportunity.” Jack’s voice held an unspoken warning.
“What about the scarf?” he asked.
“She left it there after the interview.” Even her ghost had a smug look. “What?” I must’ve made a nasty face at her because she was looking directly at me.
“And you just remember her leaving and that is where your memory ends?” Jack asked. She nodded. I told him her gesture. “You have no idea who killed you or wanted you dead?”
“No. I know it was someone who was jealous of me,” she spat. “Emma Lee, where were you when I was murdered?”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” I swear I wanted to punch her in her perfect face.
“What?” Jack Henry asked.
“She thinks I’m jealous of her. I swear if I didn’t think she’d bother me and you, I’d refuse to help her one little bit to cross over.”
“That just isn’t nice.” Jade had curled back up around Jack, making me fume.
There was a light rap on the door.
“I hate to disturb your ten minutes in the closet, but the press is practically beating down the doors of the station,” the deputy said.