by Tonya Kappes
“You did?” I put the saucer on the table and looked at Jade. It was a minor detail she’d left out. I leaned back into the couch and folded my arms.
“That camera crew was here. It was after she’d gotten her hair ruined by Mary Anna.” She dragged her fingers through her hair. “Which reminds me that I need to get a new hairdresser.”
“That was a big mistake on the manufacturer’s part, not Mary Anna.” I really didn’t want to say anything about Artie and what he’d done. “In fact, Artie did ask Mary Anna to do Jade’s hair for the funeral.”
“Oh my God! I want Patricia to do it.” Jade Lee stomped around like a bratty kid. I rolled my eyes. “And my tiara better be on my head too.”
“Oh. In that case.” Beulah let out a sigh of relief. “It’s just so hard to find a good hairstylist.” She looked off into the distance.
“What were you saying about the camera crew?” I asked, bringing her back to our conversation.
“Oh.” She leaned over from her waist real far and whispered, “I went into the kitchen to get some more food because that Tina eats like a hog.”
“She does. I told her she was going to blow up like a balloon if she didn’t stop eating so much.” Jade nodded.
“Jade didn’t want them to film everything so I fixed them their own plate of snacks in the kitchen while we girls had our own little time together. They talked about her like a dog and how stupid she was. They even said that if she acted up one time the producers were pulling the show.”
“Pulling the show?” I gulped.
“Yes.” Beulah eased back. She neatly folded her hands in her lap. “I didn’t tell no one because when he noticed me looking at him with my shocked face, he followed up with a ‘just joking.’”
“Really?” I asked.
“That’s not all.” She leaned over again. “One of the other cameramen laughed and said that there was no way it was going to get canceled because Jade was sleeping with the producer. And he’s married.”
“No way.” I shook my head. That bit of information was just like Hollywood gossip. “I couldn’t imagine her sleeping with a married man.”
“You know what they say.” She held her pinky out to the side. Her ankles crossed. “Every dog has a few fleas.”
Chapter 22
“Why on earth didn’t you tell me about going to Beulah’s after your hair appointment?” I smacked the steering wheel of the hearse.
Jade had decided to join me and I was going to let her have it.
“I mean if you were having an affair and the cameraman knew, don’t you think the wife would know.” There were plenty of reasons for motives now. “Unfortunately, Granny said the cameramen and your people”—I referred to Patricia and Keisha—“went to explore the caves with Sandford, so we know all your people are clear.”
I checked the time. Sandford lived across the street from Dottie Kramer, plus they’d started to date, maybe I could stop by his house to see what he had heard, if anything, from Jade’s people. Surely they were back from the caves by now.
“I didn’t tell you because I don’t want anyone to know about it. It was one time.” Little Miss High-And-Mighty had just been knocked down a rung or two off her ladder. “There is no way his wife knows.”
“Jade . . .” My jaw dropped. “You aren’t that dumb.”
“I would know. My agent would’ve told me. Producers have loud mouths.” Jade might be right. I had no idea how this whole Hollywood stuff was.
“Don’t you think Jack Henry will get to the bottom of all this?” I asked. “If there was an affair, Jack will uncover it.”
The hearse hugged the curves as I drove mock eighty. Jade gripped the door as if she feared for her life. I had news for her—she couldn’t die twice.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“I have to see Dottie Kramer about a horse and I want to talk to Sandford to see if your people said anything to anyone while they were bonding while kerplunking.” I glanced over at her. Her tiara was starting to tarnish. “Are you okay?”
“I’m not sure.” Her face was a wee bit whitish. “I’m starting to think that I’m never going to find peace. All of this is a bit overwhelming.”
“So you do want to cross over?” I asked. She’d been so wishy-washy about what she wanted in the afterlife.
She nodded. The tiara fell off into her lap. She looked at it.
“Even my tiara looks a little puny.” A weak smile crossed her lips. “And I’d never stay in this kimono for more than a couple of hours, much less forty-eight hours.”
“If you’re ready, then you need to stick around and help me.” This was a big turning point for my client.
“Here is what I know.” She blew a couple of hot breaths on her tiara and rubbed it on her dress, trying to polish it. “I made the deal with the producer after our little . . . ahem.” She cleared her throat and continued, “You know. I’m not very proud of it. In fact”—she harrumphed and stared out the window—“it was kinda like that casting couch call. We talked about the show, he invited me to have a drink in his office and the next thing I know, I woke up with my panties on the floor and he was asleep next to me.” Her voice cracked. “The reality show contract was on the table with his signature. I’m not very proud of it.”
“You think he slipped you something?” I asked. I had heard about those date rape drugs.
“More than likely. There’s no way to prove it.” She shrugged. “Anyways, I had been in rehab working on my self-esteem.” She looked over at me. “Don’t judge me.”
“I’m not judging you. I’m trying to help you.” I wanted to blurt out “Karma” because of how she treated me, but it wasn’t necessary. “Trust me—if anyone had issues with their self-esteem, it was me. I mean, come on. I live in a funeral home.” I made a joke and winked at her.
“I’m sorry for that. I know I told you before but I really mean that I am sorry for all the pain I caused you in high school.” The ghost Jade was way nicer than the heart-beating Jade. “You have such natural beauty. Do you know how long it took me to get ready in the morning for school?”
“No clue.” I didn’t care either. I wanted to get to the details of her life up until someone strangled her, but if she felt this little confession was going to make her feel better, I would let her.
“Two hours.” She laughed. “I swear, if I had to do it all over.”
“You would?” I asked.
“Heck no!” She threw her head back and cackled so loud I couldn’t help but laugh along with her. “Seriously, I’ve never met with the producer since. The details were left up to Mookie and him. I thought it was a great idea to come back to Sleepy Hollow for the first one. You know”—she lifted her hands in the air like what she was saying was in Broadway lights—“small town girl makes it big.”
She blushed. I guess her hearing herself say those words to me embarrassed her a bit.
“It wasn’t like I was going to really make fun of anyone.” She glanced out the window. The scenery passed quickly by.
“You had a list of people to stay away from and you gave it to the cameraman,” I told her what Keisha had told me.
“She has such a big mouth. I swear.” Jade’s lips pinched. Her eyes flinched a couple of times. “If I could fire her I would’ve a long time ago.”
“Why? She seemed like she took good care of you.” There was no way I would’ve let Jade talk to me like that even if the pay was good.
“She is a tattletale. She told Mookie everything. If Daddy hadn’t confessed to sending Mookie the video of me when I went a little cuckoo outside of Girl’s Best Friend, then I would’ve said Keisha had done it. She was always trying to sabotage me,” Jade said.
“Like what?” I questioned, wondering if Keisha was the killer. Jealousy was a major player when it came to motive.
“She wanted to play a major part as my big assistant in the reality show and I don’t, didn’t, want to share the limelight. It was my id
ea and I wanted it to be about me. You don’t see other famous reality shows focus on the people behind the scenes.” Jade had a point.
“Did she ever threaten you?” I asked, hoping there was more to go on than just jealousy.
“No.” She shook her head. “But I do know that she was the only one who knew about the affair.”
“You mean you never told anyone?” I asked.
“Nope.” Her voice was steady. “She was it. So I had no idea anyone knew about the affair until Beulah told you.”
Now this was a piece of information I could use.
Chapter 23
“Some things never change.” Jade nodded toward Dottie Kramer.
She was bent over jerking up carrots by their long leafy green tops. She always wore the exact same thing: a housecoat, hairnet and white nurse’s shoes.
“That is what is so special about Sleepy Hollow.” I wanted Jade to see the beauty around her. “Everyone has their own special quirk, but we all take care of each other. Look how this community turned out for you when you came to town. If there was a big red carpet to cover the town, they would’ve rolled it out.”
“Mornin’.” Dottie stood up when she heard me walking closer. She used her hand to shield her eyes from the sun. “Not a good day when the undertaker shows up.” She let out a nervous laugh.
Undertakers and Jehovah Witnesses were two things Southerners didn’t like to see come calling.
“I am here on official business.” I looked down at her bushel of carrots. I could taste the juicy orange stick now. Dottie had the best vegetables in Kentucky. She made a good living selling them at Artie’s. “I’m hosting Jade Lee Peel’s funeral.”
“Is that so?” Dottie asked, and went back to plucking up the carrots.
“And I was wanting to know if I could rent a horse from you.” I watched as her hand curled around the carrot top and jerked up in one fluid motion.
“Daddy always said Dottie Kramer had a special touch and that was what made her vegetables so good.” Jade strolled up and down the garden.
“Is that right?” Her face squished up as she tried to bring herself up to standing. She put her hands on her lower back and eased up more. “I’m getting too old for this. What does one of my horses have to do with Artie’s girl?”
“Artie would like her to have a funeral fit for a princess. I was thinking along the lines of Cinderella and a carriage.” I watched as Dottie picked up the bushel of fresh carrots.
“Well, come on.” She gestured for me to follow her.
We headed to the small shed just a few yards away from the garden. Jade stayed in the garden looking at all of Dottie’s hard labor. Something Jade knew nothing about.
Dottie put the basket on the wooden counter and handed me a knife.
“If you want one of my horses, you have to work for it.” She opened and closed her hand several times. “I’ve got carpal tunnel and I’m having a hard time cutting off the carrot tops.”
“I don’t really have a lot of time.” Was she serious? “I’ll pay you to borrow a horse.”
“I’m not interested in money. I’ve got plenty of it.” She reached onto the floating shelf where there were some glass plates stacked high. She took a couple of the plates and laid them out in front of me. She opened a drawer and took out a bag of marbles.
Curious, I watched her and tried to cut off the carrot tops at the same time. She used the water pitcher and filled each plate with marbles and enough water in each plate to barely cover the tops of the glass balls.
She grabbed a handful of the chopped-off carrot tops and placed them cut side down on the marbles, going down the line.
“What are you doing?” I finally asked.
“This is how I have different types of carrots to sell. I have the root kind.” She pointed to the ones I was chopping. “When you remove the root, as you have done, it’s not a taproot carrot that will regrow in a glass plate.”
She opened up a mini refrigerator underneath the counter we were working on and pulled out two Ziploc baggies. She opened each of them and took out a carrot.
“Here, you can tell the difference.” She popped one in her mouth. She closed her eyes and crunched down on the crispy vegetable.
I took one from each bag and took my time between them.
“They are good.” I was surprised. I had seen the different packages in Artie’s Meat and Deli, but never took the time to check out the difference.
“I’ve got just the horse for the funeral.” Dottie had decided to let me off the hook and agree to the horse. “When do you need him, because I need to give him a good bath since my horses live in the pasture.”
“Tomorrow afternoon around noon if that’s good.” I picked up another carrot and popped it in my mouth. The only thing I needed now was a Cinderella carriage. Where on earth was I going to find that? Charlotte Rae.
“Do you believe in the afterlife?” Dottie asked me the most peculiar question.
I gulped down the last bit of chewed carrot. I looked at Jade, who was still traipsing through the garden.
“Do I.” I groaned, “More than you know.” I sighed.
“According to Pastor Brown, our deeds on earth open the pearly gates.” Dottie arranged the plates in the sunny part of the shed. “I’m worried for Artie that his little princess didn’t make it to the pearly gates.”
“Oh I’m sure she did.” I knew she did.
“I’m not so sure. I saw how she treated people.” Dottie never missed church and she took every word Pastor Brown spouted out from the pulpit for God’s truth. “I was at the Buy-N-Fly getting some gas and them three girls were there. Artie’s girl was giving some guy in a green car the business. He was getting gas and he said something to me about Jade thinking her you-know-what doesn’t stink. I kept to myself. He said it loud enough for her to hear when she came out of the store. I told that boy not to let his mouth override his tail because she’d have the last word, but he didn’t listen and I was right.” She shook her head. “Poor guy didn’t know what hit him.”
“He was Jaded.” My voice was almost an affront to silence. Everyone that had been Jaded had been a suspect in her murder.
“He was what?” Dottie asked.
“Nothing.” I played it off. “Did you know the guy?”
“Not from here. He had plates from Ohio on an old Cutlass. Hadn’t seen one of them in years.” She grabbed the bushel basket. “Gotta keep going.”
“What did they say to each other?” I asked, acting as if I was just prying.
“Her friends were in the Buy-N-Fly and she was running her mouth about his old car and how he was making her look bad when she rolled into town. He stepped away from his car and they had a fight between the pumps.” Dottie shook her head. “He told her she was a selfish brat and that all she did was take up space and breathe good air. She was so mad. Then she smacked him.”
“She what?” My jaw dropped. Shock and awe spread over me.
“Yep. The old flat palm across the face.” Dottie laughed. “He reared up to come back at her but got his composure. He said he’d let her have it when she least expected it.”
I followed her out of the shed. I needed to text Jack Henry. I didn’t have much, but I did know that the guy was not from here. I had a state and a Cutlass. He could definitely put out an all-points bulletin, APB.
Chapter 24
After we left, I drove right across the street to see Sandford. Before we got out of the car, I called Jack Henry.
“Green Cutlass.” I was sure Jack was writing down what I was saying because he had a habit of repeating me when he did to make sure he was hearing me right. “Older model.”
“Jade had an affair with the producer of the reality show.” It was an awful thing to tell him, but he needed to know all the facts.
“Oh my God, Emma! Why would you tell him that?” she cried from the passenger side. “That makes me look like a slut and I’m not.”
“It doesn’t mak
e you look like a slut. If you want to help us bring your killer to justice, Jack Henry has to know the details too.” Thank God the phone was up to my ear because Sandford was outside the fence feeding his goat herd and if I was talking to the air beside me, he’d call Granny just as fast as Doc Clyde had.
“She also said Keisha was the only one who knew it. I dropped by to see Beulah an hour or so ago and she told me that she overheard the cameraman telling the crew that Jade had an affair.” I glanced over at Jade. She was gone.
“Who is the producer?” Jack asked.
“I would ask her, but she’s gone.” I was really getting sick of her not listening to me. “I told her that if she really wanted to find her killer, then she had to stay around and help me.”
“At least you got me the Cutlass lead.” Jack seemed happy with it. “Not that he is a suspect, but it’s twice that he had a confrontation with her in public.”
“Well, I’m at Sandford’s and he’s staring at me.” I gave Sanford a slight wave when he walked toward the car. “I was at Dottie Kramer’s getting a horse for Jade’s funeral and I figured I’d stop over at Sandford’s and see if he overheard any of Jade’s people while he was taking them on the night tour.”
“Good thinking.” Jack sighed, “If you find out anything, do not go investigating. You tell me. Understand?”
“Got it.” I heard him. After we said good-bye, I slipped my phone back in my pocket and got out of the car.
“Hey, Emma Lee.” Sandford had a funny look on his face. The undertaker look was how I liked to refer to it. “What can I do you for?”
“I’m working on the eulogy for Jade Lee Peel and her assistant told me about them going on the flashlight tour the other night.” A little white lie never hurt anyone. At least I told myself that. Though Granny would tell me that a lie was a lie no matter how big or small. Either way, I figured it was for the good of the community. I was helping get a murderer off the streets.