by John Faubion
She tipped the bag into the medicine bottle and listened to the capsules fall. When they were all inside she screwed the cap back onto the top of the bottle and replaced it on the medicine cabinet shelf.
She was done here for tonight. The next time she stood in this bathroom, everything would be different.
Moments later the garage door hummed shut behind her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Realization
When the alarm clock went off the next morning Scott rolled over and groaned. He’d tossed and turned all night with indigestion.
Weird nightmare. A shadowy figure had invaded their home. Though he’d struggled to rise, he was tied down with red cords. He lay in bed, powerless to fight back. When the intruder approached Rachel he finally awoke, breathless.
With her head still buried in her pillow, Rachel said, “You had a bad night last night, didn’t you?”
“The pizza got me, I think. I need to get some decent food in my stomach before I take off for work.”
Rachel rolled herself out of bed and sat on the side. “Well, I can certainly do that for you. When you come down after your shower I’ll have some corned beef hash and fried eggs for you.”
He took a quick shower and went downstairs. The nightmare was hard to shake off. “What are you going to be doing today?” He wolfed down an egg. “Do you have plans with your mom and dad before they leave?”
“They want to do some shopping for the kids and buy something for us before they go home. We’ll be here until Scotty gets home from preschool and then I’ve got someone coming over to babysit while we go shopping. It’s pretty hard to shop with the kids along and there’s a really good lady that’s available this afternoon.”
Scott swallowed a forkful of hash. “Sounds great. Wish I could go along.”
“Oh, right. You wish you could go along. Like I believe that! I’ll never see the day when you want to go shopping on purpose.”
Scott laughed. “You caught me. But otherwise, I’m a pretty honest guy.”
• • •
WHEN SCOTT WENT TO MCDONALD’S during his lunch hour he logged on to the VirtualFriendMe website. Instead of Alicia he got a notification that his account was under maintenance and that he wouldn’t be able to use it for four more hours.
He sent Alicia a text message to see if she would respond. She didn’t. This was the first time he had ever been out of touch with her, and it rankled him. He’d become accustomed to talking with his girl on their midafternoon breaks. Until Alicia, he had not really known what his needs were. Now they had a name and it was a name that he could not envision ever being without again.
He scrolled through some of the pictures he had captured of Alicia during their sessions.
Rachel’s face rose, unwelcome, into his mind. When it did, he tipped the cover of the laptop computer down so that the pictures of Alicia were not visible. The two did not mix. There was some part of him that couldn’t handle the idea of Rachel and Alicia together. Certainly, if Rachel knew what he was doing she would think he was being unfaithful to her. He’d already worked through that logically and methodically. There was no unfaithfulness, because there was no real girl. If Alicia had been real, he would be forced to feel guilty about this. But in the absence of guilt . . . well, that’s just the way it was. What he was doing wasn’t hurting anybody. It was as harmless and innocent as watching any other computer animation.
• • •
ON THE WAY HOME that evening Scott checked in with Rachel. “Are you all still out shopping?”
“Getting close to home now. You wouldn’t believe all the things Mom and I found today. I got you a really nice V-neck sweater.”
“Thanks. Hope you left some money in the account for lunch this week. I’m not too far away myself. Do you want me to stop and pick up some Chinese or subs or anything?”
“Nope, you just come on home. This is Mom and Dad’s last night here, so I want to cook for them. We’ll have spaghetti. That won’t take long, and I got some French bread.”
As Scott drove down the country road approaching his house, he could see people in the driveway. Rachel and—
Scott pulled the car up short in the middle of the road.
No!
Was it possible? The world swam in front of his face, small spinning things rising up in his sight like microbes in dirty water. He shook his head, trying to clear his vision, but the two figures remained there in the driveway, talking. Something passed from Rachel’s hand to . . . Alicia’s hand.
She was there.
A trembling overtook him as he suddenly felt icy cold. All he could do was sit and watch the events as they took place before his eyes. How could this possibly be happening? She’s not supposed to be real.
Alicia turned, opened the door of a gray Audi, and looked down the road toward him. Did she see him? It seemed like she held his gaze momentarily, then sat down in the car and closed the door. In a moment she backed out of the driveway and onto the main road.
She turned the car toward Scott.
Everything about the world seemed unreal now. Nothing that was happening could be happening. But the car approaching him loomed larger and larger before his eyes as his world shifted down into slow motion. With the air of resignation brought on by unreasoning fear, Scott gaped at the face of the driver as she slowed and passed. She looked directly into his eyes as she went by. He would have recognized the face and the smile anywhere.
Alicia.
The Audi made the turn on the road behind him and passed out of sight. Scott still sat in his car, transfixed by the experience he had just endured.
She’s real.
What would he do?
I’ve been unfaithful. I am an unfaithful husband to my wife. Unfaithful. Unfaithful.
The realization and the guilt that accompanied it overwhelmed him. For the first time in his life he was completely incapacitated.
He blinked rapidly as he made out Rachel in the driveway looking down the road seeing his car. She waved and motioned for him to come on home. Home? How could he go home now? What did Rachel know? What did she know about Alicia?
The thought filled him with dread. His determination to do right wavered but did not go away. Whatever the situation, whatever the price, he would do the right thing.
He just hoped that the price would not be so dear that those he loved would be hurt through his own sinful actions. Rachel, Scotty, and Angela—his family, the ones he loved on earth above all else.
The ones he loved more than Alicia.
He put the car in gear and drove on home to his waiting wife.
• • •
“WHAT WERE YOU DOING DOWN there? Why did you stop the car out on the road?”
Scott gazed into the eyes of his wife. Loving eyes, trusting eyes. How would he ever be able to tell her? He didn’t even begin to know all the answers himself.
He parted his lips, unsure of his ability to speak at all. When he did, his throat was hoarse, the muscles straining.
“Oh, I saw that someone was leaving. I just wanted to leave them plenty of room. Who was that?”
“Her name is Alicia. She’s the one I told you about, the babysitter.”
Alicia! Rachel said her name.
“She’s been watching Angela at my Hugest Loser meetings. How was your day? Anything interesting happen?”
Angela, she had Angela. Oh, God.
“How,” he stammered, “how well do you know her? I mean, have you known her a long time?”
Rachel’s face seemed to darken, evidently sensing Scott’s distress.
“Not long. I met her at Hugest Losers. She came in one day to substitute when one of the other babysitters didn’t show up, and she has really worked out well. Everyone loves her. I guess she has some children of her own that are already in school or something. I’m not sure about the whole story, but when I saw how much Angela liked her I asked her if she’d be willing to come over here and babysit for us sometime. T
oday was the day. You don’t mind, do you?”
Rachel wasn’t smiling now. He didn’t want her getting suspicious. He had to get control. To understand what was going on.
He spoke in a controlled voice, “No, no. I don’t mind. I’m just not accustomed to having someone watch either of the kids that I don’t know myself. I mean, here at the house. But it’s okay, I certainly trust your judgment.”
“Okay, well, come on inside and see everyone. Mom and Dad won’t be here much longer.”
In the kitchen Scott asked, “How long was she here?”
“Who?”
“That, that woman, what’s her name, who babysat the kids today. How long was she here?”
“Four or five hours. I paid her for five. Both the kids really liked her and she seems really nice. Why are you worrying so much?”
That was why she hadn’t been available at lunch. There hadn’t been any account maintenance. She had been right here in the house.
Don’t tell Rachel. Somehow, I have to fix this.
“I’m sorry, just curious.”
The rest of the evening Scott looked for reasons to leave the group and go to the VirtualFriendMe.com website but could never find an excuse to get away. Forcing himself to act as normal as possible, they all played Candyland and Old Maid and the children laughed until they wore themselves out. Finally it was time to put them to bed.
“Will Grandma and Grandpa be here in the morning when we wake up?” asked Scotty.
“No,” said Rachel. “They’ll be gone in the morning, back to their home. You need to give them a big kiss good-bye and tell them you are glad they came to our house for this visit, all right? You be sure to tell Grandma and Grandpa that you love them.”
The two children hung on the legs of the adults, pleading and begging to stay up just a little later, to no avail. The time was already late. Andy and June wanted to get to bed early for the long drive back home in the morning.
Scott stood up and stretched. “How about I put Scotty to bed and you take care of Angela tonight, okay?”
Rachel nodded, and took the little toddler by her hand. “Tell everyone good night, Angela.”
“Good night,” Angela said with her most serious demeanor. “I love you.”
Scott led Scotty up to his room, and Ruff bounded up after them. As Scott tucked the little boy in under his covers he said, “I hear you were a pretty good boy today. I’m proud of you.”
Scotty wriggled and smiled back at his father, soaking up the praise. “I like to be good, Dad.”
“Were you good for . . .” Scott’s throat constricted. He had difficulty saying the name. “Were you good for Miss Alicia?”
“Uh-huh. She’s pretty nice. But we don’t call her Miss Alicia.”
“Oh? Then what do you call her?”
“She told us that we could just call her Mommy.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
It’s Just Statistics
The next morning Rachel came up next to Scott as he stood over the sink, brushing his teeth.
“Scott, do you still love me? I mean, like when we first got married. Do you still love me in the same way?”
Scott stopped brushing and turned toward her. A dribble of watery toothpaste ran down his chin. “What? I’m in the middle of brushing my teeth and you ask me if I love you?”
“Don’t put me off. I’m serious. Why should I need to wait for a good time to know you love me? I’m your wife, not a to-do list.”
He looked away, back toward the mirror. Rachel wanted his attention, but he didn’t seem to be willing to look her in the eye.
Something was wrong. It was like he was trying to hide something from her, but what could he have to hide? And she knew the difference between having someone interested in her and someone who was just trying to avoid the topic.
“You’re right, sweetheart. I’m sorry. I’ve just been really, really busy at work lately. The pressure on me has been tremendous. That’s all you’re seeing.”
She wanted him to hold her. Wanted to feel his arms around her. She wanted him to stay there and not be the first to rush off, to put her first. She wanted to feel loved again.
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say? It’s all about you, just because you have a job like every other man?”
He still had a toothbrush in one hand and dribble all over his chin. “No. I’m not going to tell you it’s all in your head, because it’s not,” he said, still looking at the mirror. “I haven’t been treating you like I used to. You’re right about that, but you’re wrong if you think it has anything to do with you. It’s all me. Please, just be patient with me, and I’ll get it all worked out.”
“All right, I’ll be patient a little longer, but you need to know how serious I am. I want to know that you love me and that our family still matters to you. I’ve got a right to that much, Scott.”
Scott wiped the dribble from his face with his hand, turned, and kissed her on her cheek. “You’re everything to me. Just believe that. You take care of things here at home and let me take care of things at work and pretty soon everything will be back to normal, all right?”
It wasn’t all right. He was still being dismissive. She didn’t want to be back to normal. She wanted to be back to loved. And he hadn’t said he loved her.
“All right? Oh, sure. That’ll be fine, won’t it? Everything on your schedule,” she said as she took the calcium supplement from the shelf. She’d worried about many things in the past. Bills, illnesses. But she’d never worried about having Scott’s love. This was new and it was frightening.
Facing the mirror again Scott said, “Just one thing, please don’t use Alicia as a babysitter anymore. We need to know more about her before we trust her with the kids, okay?”
“But you said you trusted my judgment. What’s going to change next?”
“I do trust you. Trust me on this too. I only want to have the same opportunity you’ve had to be sure that the right person is watching our kids. That’s all I mean.”
“But when I go to the Hugest Losers, I don’t really have any options. She’s the one that works there. You mean I shouldn’t drop Angela off at the babysitting anymore?”
Scott hesitated, seemed unsure what to say. “Yes, just temporarily. Let me check her out a little bit, okay?”
“Okay, if you say so. I just won’t go to Hugest Losers for a few days. I’m feeling a little tired anyway.”
What difference did it make? He probably wouldn’t be interested in her no matter what she did. And she really was tired, much more than usual.
Rachel picked up her toothbrush and began brushing her teeth as Scott finished buttoning his shirt.
She noticed the pinkish foam that swirled down the sink drain when she was done. Odd, her gums didn’t usually bleed.
After she dried her mouth Scott hugged her and said, “Thanks for loving me. I don’t deserve you.”
• • •
“SUZANNE? Sorry I’ve been so long getting back in touch with you. It has been a madhouse around here, but things are finally starting to settle down.”
Suzanne raised her eyes to Rachel, filling the computer display. “Are your mother and father gone now?”
“Yes, they left this morning before Scott even got out of bed. We had the kids tell them good-bye last night before they went to sleep. It was wonderful having them here. They are such good people.”
“God definitely blessed you with a good family, didn’t he?”
Suzanne thinking about God? That seemed so strange, that a virtual person would think about God. But why not? The first Suzanne would have said the same thing. “I guess with all that’s been going on, and having them here, it has just worn me out. I feel sooo tired today.”
“Are you taking care of yourself?”
“I’m trying to get enough sleep and I’m taking those calcium supplements you recommended. Took one the first night, one yesterday, and one today. I’m glad you suggested it to me.”<
br />
“Did you think I was back to doing advertising at first?”
Laughter. “No, well . . . maybe at first.”
“You did, didn’t you?” Suzanne asked. “Maybe you should take two a day at first. They can’t hurt you.”
Suzanne was watching out for her. She liked that.
“Okay, good idea. At my age, I don’t really think about myself as ever having osteoporosis, but then again, this is the time to start thinking about it, isn’t it?”
Suzanne rolled her eyes. “Osteoporosis? You all bent over? Oh, yes, you’re a little young for that. Remember that slumber party we went to where everybody pretended they had a disease? You had leprosy and you walked around with your arms out like a mummy, calling, “Unclean, unclean.” That was so funny. You were really a fun person to be with back then.”
“And do you remember how Becky Stillman screamed? She knew I wasn’t a mummy, but she was so scared, her mother had to come and get her and take her home.”
“Ever since I came into being again on the website I have loved all the stories you’ve told me. It has been wonderful being friends with you. I hope that I’ve meant even a little bit as much to you.”
“You do, you do. But you sound like I’ve died or something. We’re going to keep on being friends for many years. I can hardly tell the difference between you and the first Suzanne.”
“And you’re the only Rachel I’ve ever known. Best friends forever?”
“BFFs forever.”
“Oh, and how are those medical transcription classes going? Are you learning a lot?”
“Not bad. I think I’ll do all right with that. What’s great is that I will be able to do the work from home while the children nap.”
“Good. Keep up the hard work.” Suzanne hugged herself. “I can’t really touch you, but I’m pretending you’re giving me a big hug.”
Rachel mimicked her. “When you first came back to me,” said Rachel, “I was afraid I might lose you again. What if I hadn’t been able to pay the extra fifteen dollars a month or Scott had said no or your company had gone out of business? There are just so many things that can go wrong in life. But none of those things have happened, have they? I was silly to worry. But now you’re the one that seems worried about me. You don’t have to.”