by Tia Wylder
“There’s a lot of explanation that I owe you, honestly. We’ll discuss it over dinner. No offense, but you could use a shower,” she said, somewhat teasingly. Paul managed a smile, brushing a hand through his greasy hair.
“James did suggest that we might be a bit… pungent,” he retorted. Kelly laughed aloud, and for a moment, I felt as if things might return to normal. That troubled look remained in her eyes, however, and something told him that things would never quite be normal again.
“It seems our sons have a bit more sense than us. Jeffrey tried to explain that James was comforting him over his… lack of a paternal figure. I couldn’t understand why it would concern your son, but I’ve come to realize how much they mean to each other. They truly are like brothers, aren’t they…?” She trailed off, her eyes watering. She averted her gaze, wrapping her arms around herself.
“We care about both of you, Kelly. No matter what happens, I’ll always… care about you,” Paul said, haltingly. She smiled a bit, glancing towards the door as James and Jeff emerged from the house. She quirked a brow at Jeff, as if asking him a silent question. He subtly shook his head, grabbing the taller and older boy in a tight hug before taking a step back.
“Will we be seeing you guys at dinner?” Jeffrey inquired, glancing towards Paul with concern in his eyes. The man nodded, rising to his feet and taking James by the hand. James smiled up at his father, though it was clear everyone involved was still troubled to some extent.
“We’re going to get cleaned up, and we’ll be over at five,” Paul replied, gently. James cheered a bit, forcing himself to calm down immediately as all eyes were upon him. He smiled at Kelly and Jeffrey, grabbing Paul by the hand and dragging his father back towards their house. Paul could feel Kelly’s eyes upon him until he stepped back into his home. He leaned back against the door once they were inside, exhaling a weary sigh. James quickly tugged off his dirty and stained t-shirt, rushing towards the downstairs bathroom.
“Get ready, Dad! We don’t want to be late. Jeffrey said that his mom had some stuff to talk to us about. It can only get better from here, right?” James smiled, lingering outside the bathroom door for a moment before disappearing inside. Paul smiled a bit, wishing he could believe that things would be so easily resolved. In spite of the smiles exchanged, he couldn’t help but feel as if the dinner invitation were going to be an excuse to cut all ties. He mused that it would likely be his last chance to tell Kelly how he truly felt. In spite of it being too little, too late, he knew he couldn’t go on without telling the woman how much he loved her.
Chapter Nine
The preparations for dinner were excruciating, and it was all Paul could do to keep himself and James contained. The man could only wonder what Kelly intended to tell him at dinner, though his hopes weren’t particularly high. The lingering thought that she intended to cut all ties remained as prevalent as ever, but James seemed much more hopeful about the intentions behind the meeting. The boy insisted that his father dress as impeccably as possible, while he wore a little suit of his own. Paul couldn’t deny that he was somewhat amused by his son’s excitement, but he could only hope that no one came out of this situation entirely heartbroken.
Taking a moment to examine his exhausted reflection in the mirror, he decided that he would be well served by shaving the stubble off of his chin. He managed to keep from inflicting any minor wounds upon himself, slapping aftershave on his face and enjoying the slight sting more than he cared to admit. This was a pain he could control, he wasn’t sure what he would do if faced with an agony he had no control over. He pressed his palm to the mirror, staring at himself for a long moment. He looked weak, weaker than he had perhaps ever seen himself. He tilted his head, drawing his lip thoughtfully between his teeth. Curling his fingers, his nails grazed the glass of the mirror, and he shifted himself upright as he drew his hand away. He scrutinized himself, brushing a hand through his just washed hair and forcing a smile at the reflected image of himself. There was no sense in moping and sulking now. Whether or not he could resolve the issues that he had caused between himself and the woman he loved, he knew he would have to resolve himself to remain strong. It was too late to turn his back, tail tucked as he made what could only be called a coward’s retreat.
He wouldn’t allow his self-doubt to come between himself and the potential of a grand new future. While it was a small chance, a tiny sliver of a chance that Kelly had something good to say to him, he would cling to that possibility as tightly as he could bear. He would not let his son see his self-doubt, he would not let the woman he loved nor the son he had come to adore as his own see how weak he had become over this situation.
Treating the nice, button down shirt he wore as having strength akin to a bulletproof vest, he resolved that he would not give up. Not after they’d come so far. Not after it seemed he may have a sliver of a chance of making things right again. He smiled confidently at the face staring back at him from the mirror, offering his reflection a thumbs up before slipping away. He walked with a certain swagger in his step, a strength that he thought had been long drained from his body. He wouldn’t be the uncertain and nervous man that he had presented in the days prior. Those days were over. He intended to tell Kelly just how strongly he felt about her, how deeply his heart longed for her.
As he emerged from the bathroom, James smiled at him and gestured towards the door with the hand still covered in dinosaur bandages. Doubt crept up on Paul again, but only because he had foolishly managed to drag his son in the middle of the entire situation. He forced a confident smile, approaching his son and crouching in front of him.
“Listen. No matter what happens, my priority is seeing that you don’t lose your friend. I’ve been plenty selfish for plenty long enough. It’s time to put you boys first, and whatever Kelly and I may feel for each other is going to be secondary,” he said, boldly. The young boy tilted his head, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
“What? Dad, you’ve never been one to give up so easily. You focus on Miss Carpenter and making things right with her. I’m sure Jeffrey and I can resolve our own differences. He’s made it pretty clear that he’s willing to talk things out,” James asserted with a grin. Paul chuckled, shaking his head a bit incredulously.
“Funny how you two are the mature ones in this situation,” he mused, striding towards the front door. James moved quickly to keep up, and as they stepped into the evening sun, Paul breathed a calming breath. His son rested a hand on his arm, smiling up at the man he idolized.
“At least you don’t stink of liquor, anymore,” James mused aloud. Paul barked out a laugh, reaching out to muss up the boy’s hair.
“I’m sorry you had to see me in such poor shape. It won’t happen again,” the father said confidently, glancing across the lawn. In spite of what he may have expected, Jeffrey wasn’t lingering outside the house waiting for them. He could only wonder if this was a sign of things to come, but he refused to let his confidence drop again. The father and son duo stepped up to the front door, and Paul rapped his knuckles against the wood surface. There was a hushed murmuring inside, but moments later, Jeffrey opened the door with a broad grin. The younger boy looked up at Paul with a rather strange expression, but it didn’t seem to be one of disdain. He seemed rather happy to see the man he had idolized, and Paul couldn’t help reaching down to mess up the boy’s hair. Jeffrey laughed, glancing towards James with a glint in his eye.
“I’m glad you guys are here! Come on, dinner's almost ready,” he announced grandly, gesturing inside. He held the door open as Paul and James stepped inside. Paul noticed the lights were dimmed in the dining room, and as he stepped inside, he felt more like he was at some sort of high class restaurant, rather than his neighbor’s house. Jeffrey flitted from the front door, slipping past the two and grabbing James by the arm as he moved. “You can sit here,” he said excitedly, pulling out a chair for his brother figure. James raised a curious brow, but sat where he had been directed. Jeffrey then
returned to Paul, all but dragging him towards the chair that sat at the head of the table. It was where he’d expected Kelly to sit, a seat suggesting some power or respect that Paul was not quite sure he deserved.
“Doesn’t your mom want to sit here, son?” He asked carefully, and Jeffrey lit up with delight for a reason he couldn’t quite discern. The boy shook his head, confidently pulling the chair out for the navy seal. Paul hesitated for a moment before sitting down, glancing around the immediate area in an attempt to spot Kelly.
“I’m gonna go help mom finish cooking, and I’ll bring the food out! You two just relax,” Jeffrey smiled, slipping back towards the kitchen. As much as Paul wanted to trail behind the young boy, he refrained, glancing towards James with a bit of confusion. His son looked equally bewildered, but seemed not to dislike the circumstances either.
“It’s a bit weird, isn’t it? I figured he would be holding a bit of a grudge, at least…,” James said softly, and Paul shrugged his shoulders helplessly. It wasn’t as if being treated as a valued guest was the worst scenario in the world, though there was a certain intimacy to the situation as well.
“Well, we’ll just have to play it cool. At least he seems thrilled to see that you’re here,” Paul replied quietly, glancing up as Jeffrey came stumbling awkwardly back into the room. His arms were loaded down with a tray of food, and Kelly emerged moments later with a large platter of chicken parmesan held in her hands as well. Paul nearly salivated, both from the sight of his favorite dish and the sight of the woman he so adored. She was dressed in a black cocktail dress that hugged her curves, and Paul suddenly felt somewhat underdressed. Just as well, when their eyes met, she seemed to light up. She sat the larger platter of food on the table, beginning to serve up the dinner to her guests.
“You look nice. Both of you,” she began, amending the statement after glancing at James with a small smile.
“Thanks. You look… well, nice is certainly an understatement,” Paul said warmly, his heart aching as her cheek flared up a pleasant shade of red.
“Thank you, Paul. I fixed your favorite, I don’t know if you still like it, but it was your favorite dish when… well, you know,” she said carefully, giving him an extra-large portion. Paul chuckled, reaching out to touch her arm.
“It’s still my favorite. I haven’t changed that much,” he smiled. She returned the expression, plating herself a bit of the food as well before taking a seat to the left of Paul. “I asked Jeff if you would want to sit here, but he seemed rather assertive that I take the captain’s seat, so to speak,” he said, amusement dancing in his tones.
“Oh, I certainly don’t mind,” she deflected, though there was a somewhat odd look in her eye. It was as if she wanted to say more, but was simply afraid to. She glanced towards Jeffrey, who gave her a confident smile.
“Mom has something she’d like to discuss with you after dinner,” he said loudly, and Kelly reddened in embarrassment. Paul tilted his head curiously, glancing from mother to son, somewhat confusedly. She looked ready to bolt at any given moment, but the young boy kept his gaze fixed upon her with a somewhat pleading expression. Altogether, Paul had no idea what might be waiting for him after they enjoyed their meal. He could only hope it was good things.
“I have something I’d like to discuss with her, as well,” he said gently, and Kelly met his gaze with something akin to concern in her eyes. “Nothing awful, I assure you. It just… needs to be said,” he murmured. The young boys watched their parents with warm smiles, but James seemed just as confused as his father.
“Well, good! It seems like you guys will have a lot to talk about,” Jeffrey said loudly. Kelly rolled her eyes a bit, but couldn’t seem to contain a smile. The four of them dug into their dinner, with Paul eating his chicken ravenously. He hadn’t had food that good in what must have been years, and he couldn’t deny that it warmed his heart that Kelly had gone to such lengths to prepare a meal he would enjoy. He was beginning to doubt that the after dinner conversation would be as awful as he envisioned, but he couldn’t quite place what could be discussed.
Kelly glanced from Paul, to her son, to her plate, before repeating the cycle again. She was clearly nervous, and as much as Paul wanted to ask for a second helping, he pushed his plate away as soon as he was finished. Kelly followed suit, though it seemed her food had gone pretty much untouched. The boys chattered amongst themselves and Paul cleared his throat, catching their attention. Jeffrey smiled at the man with sheer adoration that he hadn’t received from anyone besides his own son.
“How about you boys give us a bit of privacy. Adult matters to discuss, after all,” Paul suggested, looking towards Kelly for backup. She seemed relieved, nodding her head and rising to her feet. She began to clean up the food, and Jeffrey watched her with a rather pensive expression before rising from the table and trailing behind her.
“You’re going to tell him the truth, aren’t you?” He said in what was likely supposed to be hushed tones. Kelly flushed red, waving him off somewhat dismissively. “Mom, I’m serious,” he bleated, and she paused in her cleaning to turn and face him. Paul watched as she crouched to get on his level, taking his face into her hands.
“I’m going to tell the truth, Jeffrey. I can’t guarantee it will go as well as you hope, but I’ll tell Mr. Stalone everything that he deserves to know,” she muttered. Paul pretended not to overhear the conversation, refusing to acknowledge the strange look James was giving him. James rose from the table as well, shuffling towards his father and speaking quietly.
“You should tell her how you feel, too, Dad. I know you’ve been hesitant, but… you two owe this to each other,” James said, with all the wisdom of someone much older than himself. Paul nodded, and Jeffrey stepped up to the other males, taking James by the hand and offering him a warm smile.
“We can go play video games in my room. I’m sure they’ll call us down when things are… uhm, discussed or whatever,” he murmured. James nodded, allowing Jeffrey to tug him from the room. Not bothering to wait until he heard the boys ascend the stairs, Paul stood from his place at the table and stepped towards Kelly. She continued to busy herself with cleaning for several additional moments, as if oblivious to his presence. However, as he rested a hand on her shoulder, she turned to face him with fear in her eyes.
“Whatever it is you have to tell me, Kelly, if you’re worried I’ll be angry…,” he trailed off, averting his gaze for a moment. “No matter what happens, I’ll be here for you as long as you’ll have me. I have some confessions of my own, after all,” he smiled, meeting her gaze once more. Her expression was hesitant, and Paul moved to aid her as she finished cleaning the dining area. He frowned a bit as he watched the leftover chicken parmesan get tossed in the trash, his stomach making a soft sound of protest.
“I’ll make it again, soon,” Kelly chuckled, glancing towards the man once it seemed there was nothing else they could busy themselves with. No other distractions, only the two of them and the things that weighed heavily in the air, demanding to be told. “You should sit down. This is going to be a rather… difficult conversation,” she offered, and Paul felt his insides twist uncertainly. Maybe he was wrong, maybe this conversation would be as terrible as he expected. Maybe she would be telling him good riddance, for once and for all. All the same, he took a seat, remaining silent as she pulled her chair out to sit closer to him. She sat down, facing him with trepidation in her gaze. Her mouth worked silently for a moment, and it was obvious that she didn’t know quite what to say.
“Let me start,” Paul offered. She nodded, sitting back in her chair and folding her hands in her lap.
It was now or never.
Chapter Ten
Paul considered how to pose his confession, though it was clear that Kelly was beginning to grow impatient as he stammered out half confessions that made little sense. He brushed a hand nervously through his own hair, and though he expected her to get irritated at him, she simply reached out to take his hand in
her own.
“Take your time, Paul,” she murmured, brushing her thumb to the back of his knuckles. He found himself rather comforted by the motions of her hand, and managed to relax long enough to think things through from an objective point of view. The worst she could do is what he already suspected, which was send him away and demand to never see him again. At least if that were the case, he would have his own confession off his chest. It would hurt to be turned away, but it would hurt even more to miss the opportunity to confess his feelings altogether. He couldn’t bear to think about going through the rest of his life, wondering ‘what if?’ It was something of a distraction, how unbearably gorgeous she looked that night. He wanted nothing more than to draw her into his arms and never let go. He knew that wasn’t an option at that point, but it didn’t soothe his pining.
“I, uhm… I just really need to get this off my chest. I know any day could be my last opportunity to tell you how I truly feel, so I suppose it’s best that I go ahead and get to it,” he muttered, feeling a comforting squeeze of his hand. He raised his eyes from the floor, meeting her gaze and holding it confidently. It was with a confidence that she clearly didn’t possess herself, but he couldn’t let himself be dissuaded from telling his side of the story.