by Tia Wylder
“You’re not foolish… you’re a good friend. You’re being a great friend, at least, an amazing friend to a scummy guy who doesn’t even deserve it. I just… I didn’t think you thought that about me. I thought it about myself in the past maybe, but you... I just can’t believe you think I’m that much of a dirtbag,” Jackson muttered, his erection having lost its steam. His entire being had lost its steam, and he could only swallow his pain at how little his tragically beautiful assistant thought of him.
“You’re not a dirtbag, Jackson. It’s just your way of life. I wouldn’t ask you to change that for anyone’s sake. We’ve come to know each other pretty well over the course of this, and I’m proud to call you my friend. I would never think you were a dirtbag,” she assured him, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. “God, I didn’t mean for this to get all depressing. I’m sure Lina is still waiting for you,” she joked with a watery smile, giving him a little nudge. He glanced toward his office, weighing his options. It seemed that Svetlana was entirely content to help him carry on this farce of a relationship, even if he screwed around with the very woman he was trying to avoid marrying. She was willing to help him even if he screwed everything up. If he dug a hole, it seemed she would have the rope to pull him out. She was a saint. She was a wonderful friend and a beautiful woman, and he had no doubt in his heart that he had done nothing in this world to deserve her.
If any other woman had offered him the opportunity, he would have taken it. The chance to have his way with any woman he wanted, while still carrying on a fake relationship to keep his parents off his back? He couldn’t have asked for it to work out any better. Hell, mere days prior, he would have accepted her offer. But something within Jackson would not allow him to turn his back on Svetlana. Something within him told him that there was more to life than simply spreading Lina across his desk, to making love to any woman that would throw herself at him. There was more to life than being a playboy. There was something he had never thought he could feel before, but he was beginning to realize that there was no other way to explain it. He couldn’t simply betray the woman he was beginning to fall for.
“I’m not that kind of guy, Svetlana,” he began carefully, reaching out to gently caress her cheek. She stiffened, her eyes wide as she took him in. She looked much like a deer in the headlights. There was a glimmer of hope in her eyes, but it was mostly fear- heart stopping, bone shaking fear. For his part, for the first time in his life, Jackson felt something other than lust for a woman. He felt something so much deeper. His gaze was earnest, his heart was on his sleeve, and it felt like the biggest risk he had ever taken. “Not anymore,” he reassured her. His beautiful and beloved assistant took a step back, looking bewildered by his assertion. He felt somewhat confused himself, not entirely knowing what could have changed so much during a couple of weeks. But, then, that wasn’t really the truth. He knew what had changed. He just hadn’t expected to try and give voice to it so soon. He stepped forward, reaching out to Svetlana.
“You can’t… you don’t mean that, Jackson. You’re just swept up in the moment, you’re just swept up… in this whole act,” she sputtered helplessly.
“I know how I feel, Svetlana. I don’t want to be the type of guy who uses and abuses women, anymore. No woman, but especially not you. You have to believe me-,” he began, only to be cut off by his office door slamming open. He wheeled around, eyes narrowed as the last person he wanted to see drew near the two of them.
Lina.
Chapter Four
Lina considered the two of them with a cocky grin, not bothering to obscure her nearly nude body. Svetlana shifted uncomfortably, glancing between her boss and the other woman with trepidation. Lina stepped up beside Jackson, resting a hand on his arm and smiling cheekily at his blonde-haired assistant. Jackson’s gut reaction was to jerk away from the latina, but before he had a chance, she was running her mouth again.
“God, you’ve not taken the hint to leave yet? How dull can one be?” Lina hummed, rubbing her hand up and down Jackson’s arm. Svetlana offered Jackson a vaguely apologetic look, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.
“You’re right. I should be taking my leave. You two… enjoy yourselves,” the blonde-haired assistant murmured. She turned her back on the two, shuffling off in the opposite direction. Jackson stared after her, feeling as if his heart would shatter within his chest. He longed to chase after her, but first he had a problem to deal with. He narrowed his eyes upon Lina, irritation brewing in his gut at the self-assured expression she turned upon him.
“Well, she did say for us to enjoy ourselves,” she grinned, looping her fingers in the belt loops of his slacks. She tried to draw him towards his office, but he slapped her hands away, leveling a critical glare upon her. She smiled innocently, as if she had no idea why he could be angry.
“The only person whose body I want to enjoy is my girlfriend. Not you, Lina. Never you,” he gritted out. She quirked a brow, looking all too pleased with herself.
“Oh, please, Jackson. We both know you’re not the sort of man to limit himself to one woman,” she said dismissively. He drew his lip between his teeth, cursing both Lina and himself for how true that was. Or, how true it had been in the past. He found himself beginning to change his outlook, though that was never a thought he would give voice to. He didn’t want to push Svetlana into anything she wasn’t ready for, but at least under the guise of this facade they could grow closer. Then, perhaps she would consider giving him a chance. He knew he had done nothing in his life to deserve such a thing, but he couldn’t stop himself from hoping. He could not do much more than dream at that point.
Shaking off his thoughts, he pushed away from Lina and turned in the direction Svetlana had disappeared off to.
“In the past, you may have been right. But I’ve changed. God knows it wasn’t a change I was ready for, but here it is,” he blurted, casting another lingering glance at Lina before shaking his head and bolting after Svetlana. He could hear the vivacious latina cursing his name as he left her in the dust, and found himself smiling at how foolish she must look shouting after him in a nightie that left very little to the imagination. He chuckled to himself, musing that he hoped Svetlana would come to find it as amusing as he did. As much as he wanted to deny his growing feelings, he couldn’t swallow the faintest feeling of warmth at the thought of seeing his beautiful assistant smiling once more. To have that smile aimed at him? He could think of no better remedy for the sense of melancholy that had befallen them after this… misstep.
He found himself outside Svetlana’s office, rapping on her door anxiously. Lina’s shouts had faded into the distance, to the farthest recesses of his mind, and all he could consider was how badly he wanted to bare himself to his charming assistant. In the more figurative sense, but perhaps more literally down the road.
Jackson found himself waiting outside the door to Svetlana’s for a bit longer than he would normally feel inclined to wait, and he rapped on the door once more to get her attention. He could only hope she was not as crushed as he had felt upon her seeing him in such a disarrayed state. He lingered for a moment longer, breathing a sigh and trying the doorknob. To his surprise and relief, it turned obligingly in his hand. He pulled the door open eagerly, trying to swallow his trepidation.
“Svetlana, please, let me explain,” he blurted, only to find her office completely devoid of life. Well, devoid of life save for the potted plant she kept in her window. He stepped inside, looking for any hint of where she may have gone. Suddenly, his phone jingled pleasantly in his pocket, playing the tone he had assigned to his gorgeous assistant. Jackson rummaged in his pockets, fumbling with the phone to the point that he nearly dropped it. He recovered, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that no one had seen him lose his composure in such a way. He chillaxed, swiping his phone to unlock it and seeing that he had three unread messages. How had he missed those? He worried his lip with his teeth, bringing the messages up on his screen.
> They were all from Svetlana, sent in the span of a short few minutes. He read them aloud to himself, muttering softly under his breath. “Jackson, taking a personal day. Please text if anything urgent comes up,” he frowned, scrolling to the next message. “I apologize for what happened in the office. I didn’t mean to interrupt your obviously private moment. The personal day, however, is entirely unrelated. Please do not worry about me,” he read. He huffed under his breath, scrolling to the next message. Not worrying about her was challenging, but there was no reason for him to shove that in his already upset assistant’s face. The final message was a simple one, two words. “I’m sorry,” he murmured to himself. He growled, shoving his phone back into his pocket so he didn’t end up sending an entirely unprofessional reply. He could only wonder what she thought she had done so wrong, what on earth she was apologizing for. It wasn’t as if she had done him some great disservice by breaking up that moment with Lina. It would have been one of the greatest mistakes of his life to sleep with the admittedly attractive, but more so obnoxious and bratty woman. He wanted to tell her as much via message, to tell her how grateful he was to have her; not only in that one moment, but in his life altogether. Pulling himself together, he grabbed his phone once more, bringing up the text screen to type out a reply. He hesitated, his fingers resting on the keys for a moment before he found himself typing out a long response.
‘I’m the one who should be sorry. I appreciate you so much. Not only as an assistant, but as a friend and more. I know I must seem the same sleazeball I’ve always been. But I’m going to change that. I’m going to prove that I’ve changed. I love--’ he paused in the middle of his typing, eyes widening at his near misstep. He backspaced the last two words, drawing in a calming breathing before typing out a reply that was much more suitable.
‘Take care.’ He finished, pressing the send button before he could delete the entire message altogether. He could only hope he hadn’t seemed too whiny, or girly, or pushy. Anyway, it was too late to take the message back. Resolving to go through the rest of the day with as few worries as he could manage, he slipped out of Svetlana’s office and carried on with his daily duties. He felt somewhat empty without her presence in the office, and it was a feeling he did not want to grow accustomed to. Nonetheless, the rest of the day went by with no further incidents. He could at least take comfort in the fact that Lina had given up on her vile ways for the time being. A small comfort in the mess he’d made for himself, but a comfort all the same.
His sleep was restless that night.
Svetlana was gone for the next day, and the next. On the third day, when Jackson was becoming certain that she was not coming back, she stumbled into the office with red-rimmed eyes. Jackson rushed towards her immediately, and in a rather out of character act, Svetlana pressed herself into his arms. He hesitated for the briefest of moments before wrapping his arms firmly around her.
“I’m terribly sorry, Jackson. I didn’t expect to be kept away for so long,” she muttered, drawing away and rubbing her eyes wearily.
“It’s alright--” he began, but she didn’t seem to be finished with her explanation.
“I’ve never divulged this information to anyone outside of family, but I feel like you deserve to know why I’ve been absent. I will admit that it caught me off guard to catch you and Lina together, but I received a call that my sister’s health had worsened. I had to go check in on her and my nephew. She wanted to ensure that all the proper paperwork was filled out for me to receive parental rights if…,” she trailed off, tears gathering in her eyes.
“Svetlana, sweetheart, don’t you worry one bit. I would never come between you and your familial duties,” Jackson said gently, brushing a bit of hair away from the woman’s eyes. Her eyes widened significantly, and she began to giggle softly. She pressed her face against the older man’s shoulder, and he tensed slightly, no longer sure whether they were acting.
“You actually got my name right,” she murmured, and he could feel her lips quirk against him. “Have you been practicing?” She whispered, drawing away and smiling up at him. He smiled tentatively, shrugging a shoulder.
“Not practicing per se, I suppose we’ve just been spending so much time together,” he murmured. Svetlana chuckled, wiping away a stray tear that had trickled down her cheek.
“Jackson, we’ve spent every moment of work together for years now. What’s changed, so suddenly?” She inquired. He hesitated, meeting her gaze and holding it for a long moment. He longed to confess so many feelings and say so many things... It certainly wasn’t the time to burden his gorgeous assistant with his hidden feelings, however. Not when she was currently bearing her heart to him. It could call his motives into question, something he never wanted the woman before him to have to do. He forced an easy smile, though his insides churned with anxiety.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just becoming a better guy,” he replied carefully. Svetlana considered him for a long moment, drawing away and crossing her arms over her chest.
“You’ve always been a good guy. I just don’t think you’ve ever realized it,” she murmured. He felt his cheeks grow warm, and he averted his eyes to hide how flustered the woman was making him. Never had a woman set his insides alight in such a way before, to the very extents that he was the one flustered. He had always been the one to push women off their game, knock even the haughtiest off their metaphorical pedestals. Still, she wasn’t like any other woman he had met before. He cleared his throat, trying to change the subject off himself for once.
“How is your sister doing, now? Have they stabilized her?” He inquired softly, and Svetlana’s expression broke for the briefest of moments.
“She’s… stable, yes. I must admit, part of the reason I was so eager to accept this job as your… girlfriend of sorts was because I’m currently covering my sister’s hospital bills. She ran out of money to cover treatment some time ago, and since then I’ve taken over,” the woman admitted softly, wrapping her arms around herself. Jackson felt his eyes widen, his heart reaching out to his blonde assistant. Never had he met someone so generous, so pure of heart and genuine. Well, perhaps pure of heart was a bit of a stretch. He had caught her scrutinizing his erection during their little misstep, but… he was getting off track.
“I never knew you were paying for your sister’s treatment. Are they expecting her to make a recovery?” Jackson asked, reaching out to cup Svetlana’s cheek. If she objected to the tender touches, she didn’t say as much, pressing into his hand.
“She’s terminal. There’s zero chance of recovery at this point. I just… I want to give her as much time with her son as I’m able. She’s been sick for years, but it’s getting progressively worse. I know I’m simply delaying the inevitable at any rate, but I can’t find it within me to let her go. For my sake, but for her son’s sake as well,” she muttered. Tears began to pool in her eyes once more, and Jackson hesitated before drawing her firmly back into his arms once more. He rested his chin atop her head, and she simply relaxed in his grip, seeming content to receive his comfort for the time being.
“I’m so… sorry. What hospital is she being treated in?” He continued, rubbing a hand up and down his assistant’s back. She hummed, drawing away to consider him with a small smile.
“What, are you wanting to send get well balloons?” Svetlana teased. He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.
“No, miss smarty pants. I’d like to meet your sister. I’ve never had the honor of meeting any of your family, and I would hate to miss my chance,” Jackson explained, feeling his face redden once more as she scrutinized him with a curious expression.
“It’s not as if we’re really dating, Jackson. Why on earth would you want to meet my family?” She retorted. He balked at the question, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot as he considered how he would answer her question.
“Because I care about you,” he finally settled upon, intent to go into no deeper detail than that. Svetlana didn
’t seem content with the dismissal, however, stepping back and matching his tense posture.
“But… why? You’ve never cared before,” she riposted somewhat bitterly. Caught off guard by her tone, Jackson drew away, tempted to lash out defensively. However, he remained silent for a long moment, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. Svetlana swiftly deflated, and it was evident she was ready to apologize for her harsh words. Before she could get the apology out, however, Jackson cut her off.
“Isn’t it enough that I just… do? Does one need a reason to care about a coworker? A… a friend?” He breathed. Svetlana looked more than vaguely taken aback, her cheeks set alight this time.
“No, I suppose not,” she acquiesced. He smiled gently, to show there were no hard feelings. She returned the expression hesitantly, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “I should get to work. I’ll see you in a bit, Jackson,” she murmured, turning to slip away. He watched her go with a faint smile, and though he had not been able to weasel her sister’s hospital information out of her yet, he was a man on a mission. A man who would not be easily dissuaded.
With that thought firmly in mind, he returned to work.
Chapter Five
He did his share of research, though others may have been more inclined to call it snooping. He took comfort in the fact that he was at least trying to do a good deed, and he wasn’t going to use his assistant’s personal information against her. Truly, all he wanted to do was help. He didn’t even have the ulterior motive of trying to win Svetlana’s heart with his actions, though he supposed it would have been a good effort in that sense. He wondered where his sleazy intentions had gone, though he couldn’t complain about their absence. He supposed he truly was changing for Svetlana, even though he understood that was not his assistant’s intent. She had no way of knowing the effect she had on him, and at the rate things were going, it seemed unlikely he would ever reveal his feelings. He could only hope said feelings were as fleeting as his feelings for women tended to be. He’d never been one to ‘catch feelings’ as kids say, tending to treat women as little more than the play things he used on them. While he was caught in these feelings, however, he was determined to do some small bit of good.