by Vivian Wood
If I decide that I don’t want it, there is considerable embarrassment in having people know that I had an abortion.
I stiffen, resisting her pulling me out the door. “No, it's better if I do this properly and actually go see the doctor. In fact, I think I will just make that appointment right now. Rather than go through all this melodrama, I should just get right down to the source. Don't you agree?”
Manon stops in her tracks, turning and looking at me. “Are you sure?”
“Yep.” I nod, waving at my face. “Totally sure. Also, I'm might be PMSing right now, so…”
Manon rolls her eyes. “Okay. I won't force you. But if this story finds its way back to Lucas's ears, I would like him to hear that I did everything I could to help you in your time of need.”
“You can help me walk down to the doctor's office and leave a note on his door. And then maybe you can teach me that combination I saw you doing the other day… The one that ends with a grand jeté and two super-fast pirouettes?”
Manon smirks and jerks her head toward the doctor's office at the end of the hallway. “Let's go do this and then we can talk about whether or not you can even handle that combination.”
I smirk, composing my face into a careful mask. “I can handle anything you can, Manon.”
She snorts and starts walking. I follow her, my heart pounding and my thoughts scattered.
21
I come in from a long run to find Kaia on the kitchen floor, playing with her cat and a ball of paper. She looks up, smiling at me. I slow my pace, unable to bear how happy she looks right now. It's almost too much for my heavy heart.
“Hey stranger,” she jokes. “You were gone for a few hours. I was starting to worry about you.”
“I was just blowing off some steam,” I say. “Besides, it looks like you found someone to entertain you.”
I nod at her cat, reaching out a hand and rubbing his soft scruff. She smiles at the way that her cat sniffs my hand, suspicion warring with wanting to be petted.
“This is the first time that he has actually ventured into your apartment. I didn't want to make a big production about bringing him over here, but I was starting to worry. Luckily, I walked into the kitchen here and he was staring at me from the countertop.”
After getting a couple of strokes in, the cat decides that he’s had enough and wanders off.
I sigh and walk to the fridge, pulling it open and grabbing a bottle of water. The sound of the fridge closing sends her cat skittering across the kitchen floor.
She stretches her hands over her head and yawns a little. “I think he just needs a little more time before he is affectionate toward you.”
I uncap the water and take a long pull. I toss the plastic cap onto the counter and Kaia’s cat bounds onto the counter as well, following the little piece of plastic. He proceeds to hunt that piece of plastic down and swipes it off the countertop, quickly following it to the floor.
My lips lift a bit as I watch him. “Okay, I'll admit it. That is pretty funny.”
Her lips curved upward as she watches the cat. “You might not love him yet, but he is a part of the family. Where I go, he goes.”
“The family?” I roll my eyes. “What family?”
Kaia shoots me a look. “You know what I mean.”
For some reason, I can’t help but find her words antagonizing. I shoot her a tiny glare.
“No, it's obvious I don't. Why don’t you spell it out? Be very explicit for me because otherwise I might not understand,” I reply sarcastically.
She frowns a little at my tone. Standing up, Kaia scoops up Exupéry and rocks him in her arms.
Seeing her being so affectionate towards another living creature makes my stomach curl. I open my mouth, intending to crack a joke. But instead, the words that pour out sound pointed and sniping.
“What is it with you and that three legged cat? You know he is damaged permanently, right?”
She glares at me, a little hurt seeping into her expression. “I told you. I collect broken things.”
I chug a little more water, leveling the with a glare. “That explains so much about why you’re with me, I guess. You need a little project and I am the biggest, most obvious walking wounded you could find.”
Kaia’s eyebrows shoot up. “What is your problem? I know that you are upset because Anita passed away…”
I cut her off. “I’m not upset about it,” I snap. “I’m just saying that you are probably wasting your time trying to fix that cat. Or fix any of the other damaged things in your life.” I screw up my face. “I should probably include myself. I'm the biggest waste of time in all of your collection.”
She pushes her cheek out with her tongue, looking very aggravated. “Calum, seriously. Don’t talk about yourself that way. It’s hurtful to you… but also kind of hurtful to me. Like it makes me seem like I’m stupid for even trying to be with you. Be serious for a minute.”
My cheeks warm. “I am being serious. I am the most broken person that you know. I am always going to be damaged. I can never have my own kids because I know that I am already fucked up. I'm telling you Kaia, I am a dead end.”
I slam the water bottle down on the kitchen counter and turn on my heel, stalking off toward the bedroom. A thundercloud grows over my head as I strip off my running clothes and I turn on the shower.
The whole time I'm in the shower, I'm thinking of the worst case scenario, of where my life could end up. Hell, I could screw things up even more with Kaia to the point that she leaves me. I could be alone. It doesn't seem very far-fetched as of late.
By the time I get out of the shower and wrap myself in thick white towel, I have worked myself into quite a lather over the fact that I might eventually drive her away.
When I step out of the bathroom, she is standing in the doorway that leads to the hall. Her arms are crossed and she has a look on her face that tells me she is mad.
This is it. This is how it starts. I can feel it. I am going to drive her away sooner or later. No one can love me for very long because of who I am, because of my very essence.
Dropping my towel on the hardwood floor, I stalk into my closet. Kaia follows me, her footsteps all but silent on the floor. I scrounge for a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt to put on, feeling the black thundercloud over my head swelling in size. When I am dressed, I turn around and Kaia is still right there.
“Well?” I growl.
Her lips thin. “Calum, you are normally not exactly a people person. In fact, most people are afraid of you. And rightfully so. But lately, since we have returned from vacation, you've been even more…” She trails off, her face tightening. “Difficult.”
I barrel past her, almost pushing her out the doorway when I stalk into the bedroom once more.
“Are you making some point? Or do you just like taunting me when I'm already mad?”
She follows me, touching my inner elbow. Even though I am expecting her touch, it makes me jump. My teeth are set on edge.
I round on her, not even pretending to hold myself in check anymore.
“What do you want??” I demand. “I’ve given you everything I have to give. Can you not just leave me alone now??”
Kaia withdraws her touch, her gaze growing hard. “I know that you're going through something right now, Calum. I get that. But I can’t handle it when you're taking it out on me. Earlier you were taking it out on the cat. You are looking around and lashing out at anyone that’s around because you are hurting.”
I interrupt her. “And? It's my apartment. It's my life. If I want to yell at everybody, I'll damn well do it.”
She shoots me a glare. “It’s not fair to me. I think you should see someone about your grief. A professional. A therapist or a counselor.”
I give a surprise cough. “A shrink? No thank you. I'll just deal with it like I always have. Eventually, things will even out.”
“And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Huh? Just fade away and hope you don’t
notice my presence? Maybe check into a hotel for a couple of weeks?”
“If I’m so bad, maybe you should. Maybe you should just go. And if you return, please have a better attitude.”
Her eyes widen. “Me? My attitude is fine!” She presses her lips together and shakes her head. “That will not fly with me. You can't just go around yelling at people. You can’t yell at me. I didn't even do anything!”
I open my arms wide, gesturing all around me. “You're in my space! What do you expect?”
She is quiet for a quarter of a minute, clearly fighting her own rising anger. “You know what, you're right. I am in your space. So I think I will go to get my cat and head back into my apartment until you calm down. When you can talk to me without losing your shit, come find me. Until then I don't think I want to see you.”
Her final words fall like a hammer to my heart. I stare at her, surprised, as she stalks from the room. Less than a minute later, I hear the door between our apartments slam.
My temper erupts is just then.
“Fuck!” I scream. I punch the wall, putting a fist-shaped hole in it. “God dammit!”
That’s it. I’ve driven Kaia away. Somehow my greatest fear has suddenly reared its ugly head and become true.
22
It's been two days since I've seen Kaia. I took the majority of that time to sulk and generally be self-absorbed. But now I've hit my limit.
That is to say, I realize that I missed her smile and her funny little way of laughing after she hears a joke. Not to mention, I woke up earlier with a raging erection that has stuck with me throughout most of the day.
Now it's seven in the evening and I am ready to get my girlfriend back.
I finish getting dressed, wearing my new tuxedo and finish tying my bow tie. Then I stride into her apartment, a long white plastic garment bag in my hand. She looks up from her iPad when I strut into her bedroom, frowning a little. I toss the bag onto the bed and give her a hard look.
“Get dressed. I'm taking you out.”
She arches a brow. “Just like that? No apology? You must think that I've forgiven you already somehow.”
I shrug a shoulder. “It doesn't really matter whether or not you have forgiven me. Put the dress on. Get ready. I'm going to take you out and shower you with attention and admiration. You know, in lieu of an apology.”
She stands up and crosses her arms, looking irritated. “No.”
“No?”
“That's right. I want the apology first. Then we can talk about whether or not I will be seen out with you.”
I cross the room and grab her hand, pulling her snugly against my body. She looks up at me and I look dead into her eyes. “I’m sorry. Okay?”
Her eyes tighten. “What are you apologizing for, exactly?”
I sigh silently. “I’m sorry that I am a monumental fucking asshole. I shouldn't have taken my feelings out on you. I was wrong. I'm sorry.”
Her eyes scan my face. “What about all the things that you said about me being in your space? That's why I am still over here in my own apartment.”
I wince. “I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.”
Kaia’s expression softens just a bit. “If you regret asking me to move in, you can just say so. I can move my stuff back in here.”
I cradle her face in my big hands and heave a frustrated sigh. “Please don't do that. Okay? I overreacted. You obviously have as much right to the apartment as I do. I just… I lost it a little. Again, I am really sorry. And I am glad that you live with me.”
She stares up at me for a few more seconds before I see a gentle blush spreading across the apples of her cheeks. “Are you a hundred percent sure?”
I place a chaste kiss on her lips. “I’ve never been any more certain of anything in my life.”
She sighs quietly and nods. “Okay.”
I slide my hands down to her waist and press her soft body into mine. Although I didn't mean it to be sexual, the motion turns into grinding my cock against her belly.
“I have to say, I do love making up with you…” I say, looking at her body lasciviously.
“Being in a fight with you stresses me the hell out. I can’t believe you are just over it all the sudden.”
I sweep my palm up her side and cup one of her breasts. “I’m thinking with my dick now. If I just always did what my body wanted me to, we would never fight.”
She rolls her eyes but I can see the hint of humor in her expression. “You have a one track mind. Should I get dressed or not?”
I wiggle my eyebrows at her. “Maybe you should let me watch while you change.”
“You are literally the worst,” she says with a laugh. “Give me a few minutes to wrap up what I am doing and then I'm all yours for the rest of the evening.”
I growl a little at her words and step in for another taste of her unbelievably sweet mouth. Then I release Kaia and move back, raising my hands.
“I’ll be waiting for you in the living room…” I start walking backwards and she giggles a little, shaking her head me.
When Kaia finally steps into the living room, my jaw drops. She's wearing a slinky black silk dress that shows off her cleavage and there's a slit up the side that gives me a sneak peek of her fantastically muscled thigh. My cock instantly goes hard as a rock. She is wearing a simple length of gold chain around her neck.
“Holy shit,” I utter. “Good God. You are absolutely radiant.”
Her smile dims just for a second but she soon recovers. “Thanks. I would guess that based on my outfit, we are going somewhere special for dinner?”
I am too busy ogling her to give her a proper answer. “Uh-huh,” I mumble. My fingers are itching with the need to touch her smooth skin through that silk.
After hustling her into a floor length midnight colored sable, I hurry us both down to the waiting limousine. As the driver takes off, I pull her coat aside and find the side slit in her dress, my fingers exploring and probing gently. Just teasing her skin, nothing more. She bites her lip and looks at me from beneath her long eyelashes, with a mixture of humor and a naughty bit of desire.
When we finally pull up outside the private New York peer, I watch her face as she climbs out of the limo. Her eyes widen as she takes in the site of the scene I have prepared just for us.
Thousands of string lights lead down toward the water line. There I have set up a table for two, laid with crisp white linen and sparkling glassware. Off to the right, a string quartet is set up and as I gather her hands in mine, they begin to play. She looks up at me with such surprise.
“Oh, Calum,” she whispers. “You did this for me?”
I nod. “Just for you, beauty. I hope that it will make my apology mean more.”
Her lips lifts at the corners. Her eyes glitter with what I can only hope is love. “Thank you. Your apology was already heard and accepted, but this pushes it over the top.”
I jerk my head towards the table. “Come on. Let's celebrate.”
I walk her over to her seat, carefully pulling her chair out for her. She lets me to seat her and smiles as I sit down across from her. I gesture with one hand and a waiter in full tie and tails sweeps in with the champagne bucket.
I smirk at her as the waiter fills our glasses to the brim. I notice that she frowns a little as she accepts the champagne flute he hands her.
I raise my glass and toast her. “To us.”
She looks vaguely uncomfortable as she puts the wine to her lips. Her sip is very quick and she soon puts the glass down and pushes it away.
I smack my lips and frown a little. “What's wrong? Is there something wrong with the wine?”
She gives me a small smile and reassures me. “No, I'm just not really in the mood for it. I have to dance early in the morning tomorrow.”
“Well, that's never stopped you before, but far be it for me to tell you when you should and should not drink.”
She smiles again and pulls the corners of her mink coat up higher. She changes
the subject, using a bright voice. I notice her awkward behavior but I let it pass.
Hell, hasn’t she done the same for me time and time again?
“What's for dinner?” she asks.
I raise my hand again and the waiter reappears with two silver dome-topped plates. When he removes the covers with a flourish, he bows.
“Lobster thermidor, filet mignon, freshly shelled peas, and asparagus with lump crab meat.”
Kaia brings her hand up to her lips. Her eyes are wide as she looks at the lavish meal before her. “Gosh,” she says. “You went all out. I don't think I've ever had lobster thermidor before.”
She shivers as she picks up her fork. I frown and turn around to the waiter. “Can we get some heaters set up for the lady? She’s shivering.”
The waiter bows and makes himself scarce for a moment. I look back at Kaia and see her giving me a knowing smile.
“Do you have to do that?”
I pick up my fork and shrug my shoulders. “I don’t have to do anything ever, really. But if it makes you more comfortable, why not?”
She graces me with another small smile and picks at her lobster. Heaters are brought out and pointed at Kaia.
We progress through the meal, making small talk. I can't help but notice the fact that her behavior is really subdued the entire time.
Not to mention the fact that she doesn't eat anything except for a few peas.
I set down my fork, trying not to get angry about it. “Please don't tell me that you are on a restrictive new diet, I say.”
She looks up at me, a little surprised. “What? No? I'm just not that hungry. I… I ate right before you came into my apartment.”
I squint at her. I'm pretty sure that she's not being exactly truthful but I'm not willing to make a big deal out of it. After all, I am still trying to get back in her good graces.
I beckon to the waiter. “You can take these plates away.”
He clears the plates and we are left with a smooth expanse of linen stretching between us.
“I got you something.”