by T. Styles
Donald was about to kill him.
Seconds later, gunfire blasted into the car in all directions, moving the car with small thuds. Shards of glass bounced off the back of Rasim’s neck as Donald’s grip lessened.
Tires screeched and an engine revved up and Rasim knew what happened. His best friend was just murdered.
Slowly Rasim raised his head and Donald’s hand slid off of him. Broken glass clinked as it poured off of his body and bounced against the floor. He looked out ahead of him, through the shattered windshield, afraid of facing Donald just yet.
Donald had pushed Rasim down to save his life and because of it, he still breathed. He was a real nigga to the end.
His neck muscles tensed as he forced himself to rotate his head in Donald’s direction. It was more catastrophic than he thought. Rasim’s hands shook as he saw the condition they left the homie in. His skull was blasted open, which exposed the frontal lobe of his brain. His face was shredded and not one of his features remained.
If he hadn’t jumped inside of his car, he would’ve sworn the corpse to his left was not his man.
Heartbroken yet again, Rasim dragged his fingers down the sides of his face and howled.
****
Rasim spent an hour at the hospital saying the same thing repeatedly to the officers. That he had no clue who killed Donald Guzman. Of course it was bullshit and the detectives knew it too. But it was a street matter and was not in their department.
Eventually the interrogation ceased.
During that time, Rasim learned that Donald’s wife perished in the Pentagon attack. A large piece of debris struck her over the head, stealing her from her family in the process.
It was at that time that Rasim remembered that Donald’s twin daughters would probably be alone. So he picked them up from school.
As he drove down the road, he glanced at them in the backseat. He was amazed that with all of the calamity happening around them, they were totally unaware. Their pink book bags sat in their laps and he asked himself, where would he take the children?
He went to Donald’s parents’ house and told them about their son and daughter-in-law’s death. They were upset at the loss of their only child and shed two tears apiece. But they refused to accept their grandchildren. So with nothing left to do, he took them to his house.
After he made them hot dogs with no bread and French fries, he watched them play with their dolls on the sofa. He was delaying the inevitable. He had to tell the children that their parents were gone forever.
Rasim stuffed his hands into his pocket and looked down at Amber and Cassie with pity. He reduced his height and stood on his knees. At first they felt Uncle Rasim was being strange because he was silent and real close to them. They hoped he wouldn’t try to touch their private parts that their father told them to protect. But after awhile, he told them how their lives would be changed.
They cried long and hard and wrapped their little arms around his neck. Rasim held them tightly, one in each bicep and kissed their wet cheeks. When he was done, he called the cousin of the one person he knew could help.
Mute Candy got there in thirty minutes flat. The moment she laid eyes on the girls, who were as sweet as sugar cane, she knew she would do whatever she could to help them. Mute Candy had a place of her own and no children inside so she didn’t mind keeping them until they had a more suitable home. This made Rasim adore her even more.
He didn’t bother asking about Snow because it was the wrong place and time. Instead, he jumped in his car and drove to his parents’ house next.
Despite the terrorist attack, he wasn’t concerned that his father was involved because he called his mother earlier in the day and, although clearly upset, she said Kamran didn’t go and was at home. Apparently Kamran felt as if he betrayed his nation and Rasim felt worse when he discovered that it was due to the letter he had written.
Devastated, Rasim pulled up to the house and took a moment to slap the Kufi on his head. It seemed a bit ridiculous, all things considered, but it was a habit he couldn’t break.
When he tried to enter his parents’ house with the key, he was surprised to find it wasn’t working. Kamran changed the locks shortly after he forbade Rasim to come over and it was the first time he tried.
He approached the window in the back of the house. Hoping to enter from the basement, he was shocked to see Umar on her knees next to her husband who was hunched over. She was weeping and Rasim was trying to figure out what was happening. So he pressed his face against the window and Rasim saw his father’s head covered in blood.
What the fuck was going on?
His eyes widened and he banged on the window forcefully when he saw Umar pick up the gun that rested next to Kamran’s head. She looked at the window, smiled and said I love you before placing the barrel to her temple and tugging the trigger.
There was no way she was living in this world without her dear husband. So she bid the universe a goodbye.
It seemed like everything was in slow motion as he banged on the window so hard it fractured against his blows and his hand bled. Everything he loved about life died in that moment.
And he could never be the same if he tried.
****
The Next Day
Rasim stood in front of the mirror without a shirt. His body was scrawnier than it was before. You could clearly see his skeleton beneath his skin. With the death of his father and mother yesterday, he was starting to hate the people of his country even more. He blamed them for his father’s suicide and he hadn’t gotten a moment’s sleep.
As he reviewed his reflection in the mirror, he raised the large gray rock in his hand. Gripping it tightly, he slammed it against his right eye. The pain rippled from the front of his head and rushed to the back but he wasn’t done.
Blood sprayed from his upper and lower eyelid and splashed against the mirror. He slammed the rock into his head so many times his face was crimson.
Trying to dissociate himself from his own people, he was hoping to alter his appearance.
Before long, he felt lightheaded due to losing so much blood and he plummeted to the floor.
CHAPTER 12
SNOW
When Snow walked into the home she used to share with Rasim, she was about to leave back out, believing she entered the wrong place. Instead she paused at the doorway and glanced at the jumble. It was a complete disaster but even that would be an understatement. Clothes, dirty dishes and trash littered the floor and it was possessed by the rank odor of decaying food.
What was Rasim doing with his life?
What was he thinking?
When Snow bounced on him months earlier, she never meant for him to tumble so hard in her absence. She didn’t even do it on purpose. She just made a decision that she would no longer allow him to hurt her feelings and dipped.
Whether he knew it or not, he succeeded in breaking her down so well that it hurt more to be with him than without him. She quickly made moves to allow for her new resolve too, which was why she also dropped out of school.
The last thing she needed was to be dancing her heart out only for Rasim to show up begging. She would’ve relented. She was certain. And this time had to be different. So she continued dancing at her new place.
The moment she left, after he licked her clean and hit the block, she didn’t even bother to shower. Instead she rose from that pissy smelling floor, grabbed her clothes and moved on.
As the days smoothed by, she developed a pocket of hate on the left side of her heart. She used it as fuel to advance each day without him. If he wanted Selena, they could have each other. After awhile, although she still loved him and thought of him a lot, she learned that she could live without him.
And then 9/11 happened.
When Snow met up with her best friend after the tragedy facing their nation, she was surprised to see her with Donald’s twins. Mute Candy tried to act normal, as if she got them all the time but Snow was no longer naive. So Mute Ca
ndy was forced to tell her the entire ordeal. How Donald was murdered in front of Rasim. How she got word from Brooklyn and Chance that Rasim’s parents were killed the same day. Snow knew that but for the sake of God, who Rasim did not respect, he would die without her help.
Snow was many things but a brute was not one of them. She could never abandon Rasim in his hour of need and she decided that it was time to reach out and pull him from the bowels of hell. If not, he would be lost forever.
Taking a deep breath first, she tossed her purse in the area that used to be the sofa and the mess swallowed it whole. From where she stood, she couldn’t see the strap of her Gucci anymore.
“Rasim,” she whispered stepping over the rubbish. “Rasim, where are you?” Her footsteps were short and deliberate and if she was being honest, she was petrified.
Although she wanted to hear him respond, something felt off. Her sixth sense was activated and she knew something dark was brewing in the home that was once brimming with love. It felt like an evil spirit, or a man who was so distressed that he no longer maintained custody of his soul. Both were equally dangerous.
With bravery on her side, Snow bent corner after corner until she happened upon the bathroom. What she saw next caused her heart to stutter. Her eyes spread and she gripped at the doorframe to prevent from crashing down.
Rasim, her precious Rasim, was lying on the bathroom floor, halfway under the sink with blood pouring out of the gash on his face.
“Oh my God, what have you done?” she proclaimed clutching her chest.
Pure panic snatched her body and she descended to her knees. Suddenly she realized that although she was there to help Rasim, if this man was dead, who on God’s green planet would save her?
Slowly she crawled toward him, creating a trail of blood in the process. Huge tears trickled down her face and splashed against the floor. When she finally reached him, she gripped him with all of her strength and placed his head into the center of her lap. Tear after tear slapped against his face as she caressed his bloodied cheek.
With him in her arms, she glanced over at the red rock.
What had he done to his beautiful face?
Why had he altered what was always perfect in her eyes?
“Rasim,” she said in a squeaky voice. “Oh my God, Rasim, please talk to me, baby. Please don’t do this shit unless you want me to die too. I’m begging you! Have mercy on me. Don’t fucking leave me! Not like this!”
Although she pleaded, he still wouldn’t open his eyes.
And then it happened. A movement so slight that at first she thought her mind was playing games. She leaned closer to his face and then she was certain. Rasim Nami was attempting to open his left eye. He would’ve attempted to do both but the right was pasted shut with coagulated blood.
When he finally looked up at his angel, he thought he was dreaming. Figuring it would only be in death that he would meet her again, he asked, “Am I dead?”
She shook her head rapidly. Her face was so red it looked as if she were holding her breath. A vein she never knew existed protruded down the middle of her forehead and pulsed. “You’re alive, baby. You’re alive!”
Rasim rose up and wrapped his arms around Snow’s neck. He held her so tight Snow could barely breathe. The smell from his underarms wafted in the air and resembled the odor of bad marijuana. But Snow didn’t care. He was her man.
He was her Rasim.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he declared, doing all he could to prevent from crying. “I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you and I will never do it again, Snow. Thank you for coming back to me. Thank you so much.”
Snow wanted to rejoice too but she heard it all before. He would make promises as high as the moon that graced the sky. As high as the heavens where she believed God roamed. And when it was all said and done, in the end, he would hurt her again.
“I can’t take it anymore, Rasim,” she wept gripping him tightly as her nose nestled in the pit of his neck. She was astonished at how her arms were able to wrap around his body due to him losing so much weight. “If you hurt me again, I’ll be forced to attack. You would leave me no other choice.”
“I know,” he said holding the back of her head as he continued to hug her. His blood smeared against the side of her face. “I know.” He kissed her ear repeatedly because it was the first place he could reach.
“I love you, Rasim,” she proclaimed. “I love you so fucking much and all I’m asking is that you love me back. Is that too much?”
He placed his lips against her ear so that she could feel each word with the intensity of thunder. “Snow, I will put a bullet in my head before I hurt you again. I’m ready. I’m ready to fight for you. I’m ready to tell these bitches to kick rocks and protect our home. So much shit has happened in my life. But with you in my corner,” he thought about Donald and his parents and felt himself on the verge of crying so he paused, “but with you in my life, baby, I got a chance.”
And it was just like that.
Just like it was in the Strawberry Meadows days, if we’re being honest.
Snow Bradshaw, Rasim’s God sent angel, had made the decision to save his life.
Again.
So she eased on her feet and helped Rasim to the bedroom. She pushed piles of junk off the bed and sat him on the edge of it as if he were a stiff doll. She tended to his wound, placing gauze over his eye and wrapping an Ace bandage around his head to stop the bleeding. Now that he was safe, she whipped around their bedroom like the Tasmanian Devil cartoon character until all of the dirty clothing sat in white, colored and dark piles in the middle of the floor.
When she was done with that, she asked him to rest on a chair in the room against the wall while she placed new sheets that Rasim didn’t even know he owned on the bed. The man didn’t know shit. He didn’t take care of himself when she left and became a wreck.
When the sheets were changed, she took a bar of soap and a washcloth and grabbed a bucket and filled it with warm water. Standing in their bedroom, she removed his clothes and wiped his body down. The tub was too filthy to bathe him in so that would have to do.
Rasim wanted to weep as he looked down at her but she hadn’t given him a moment’s stare. She was on a mission to get him back in order. Loving Rasim properly was serious work.
Once he was clean, she tucked him in the bed, which smelled of fresh jasmine, and zipped out of the house to go to the store.
Since the house was in a horrible way, of course she had to call in reinforcements. And who better to save the day than her best good girlfriend Mute Candy?
Like a loyal soldier, Mute Candy stepped up without a moment’s delay. First she asked her favorite cousin to watch Donald’s girls and when Snow and Mute Candy returned from the store they cleaned the living room, bathroom and hallways from top to bottom, just like they did in the Strawberry Meadows days.
When the house was immaculate, they washed each piece of clothing and Mute Candy went into the kitchen to prepare a meal for Snow’s king.
Rasim low key preferred Mute Candy’s chicken to Snow’s anyway but she’d never let Snow know. The funniest thing is she didn’t have to. Snow knew everything about her man, including his love for her best friend’s chicken and it didn’t bother her in the least.
As long as he was happy, as long as he was safe, Snow was good.
While dinner was being prepped, Snow ran a tub full of warm water and helped Rasim inside. Now she could properly wash his troubles away. As she dipped the washcloth into the warm water and squeezed it over his skin, she could feel the demons trying to maintain power over his body.
She wanted them gone.
She wanted them away.
For this man did not belong to them.
The pain over losing his parents and best friend was written all over his face. So she placed her warm hand over his heart. “Let it out, Rasim,” she whispered in a compassionate tone. “Don’t be afraid to cry in front of me. I will never judge you.”
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Rasim wanted to release so badly his dick was hardening but not in front of Snow. He had to be strong. He had to save face. Besides, he didn’t want his woman, his love, looking at him in a pitiful way.
Instead his cheek bubbled on the left side of his face just like his father’s did the last time he saw him and he held back his tears from Rasim. Instead he sucked his troubles back in just as Kamran had done before he died. The problem was Rasim forgot what not releasing could do to a man’s soul in the long run, but for now Snow would let it ride.
She carefully removed the bandage from Rasim’s head and wiped the blood off of his face, revealing the true condition of the wound on his eye. She pleaded on bended knees for him to go to the hospital but he refused. He would allow the gash to heal, as it wanted, thereby being a constant reminder of the worst day of his life.
When he was loved up, clean and dry she moistened his skin with lotion. Of course she planted soft kisses over his body in the process but that was for free. That only occurred when the love in her heart was so strong that it boiled over to the surface and she had to kiss him because she couldn’t take it anymore.
With each kiss, he was recharged although when his battery was filled, he would be different from the man she fell in love with. This man, a much stronger one, no doubt, would love harder but to the world he would be both cold and hard.
After he was dressed, Snow escorted Rasim to the kitchen where he sat at the head of the table. Mute Candy placed a plate of food in front of him, bent down, kissed him on his left cheek and went back to work. She wanted him to know that she loved him and that she was truly happy that he was back in her best friend’s life.
When there was a soft knock at the door, Snow opened it. Chance and Brooklyn eased inside with somber looks on their faces. Snow called them earlier because she knew they were just as worried about their best friend as she was.
Rasim wasn’t some nigga they kicked it with when the mood or the money was right. He was their brother and they loved him harder than a can of old paint.