‘The patient was stable when I arrived, which means that you’d had ample time to clear everything away.’ He held up his hand when she started to protest. ‘Don’t bother, Natalie. I’m not interested in your excuses. If you aren’t up to the job then you should go back to London as well. You wouldn’t have to worry about the problems of cross-infection once you were safely back in your office.’
He spun round, not giving her a chance to reply. He knew he’d overstepped the mark by saying that, but it was done now and that was the end of it, just as it was the end of all the hopes he’d harboured once for their future together. It wouldn’t be him spending his life with Natalie now but some other guy far more suited to the role of her husband and the father of her kids.
It would be a picture-perfect life, too, he thought grimly. Just like those advertisements they showed on television—a beautiful mother, a handsome father and a clutch of happy kids. Throw in a cute little puppy and the result would be the ideal nuclear family. Oh, hell!
Rafferty cursed roundly as he let himself into the theatre tent. There was a list of patients a yard long scheduled for surgery that day and he desperately needed to get his brain into gear. The number of casualties had been boosted that morning when several dozen people had been recovered from the sacristy of the local church. Despite all the odds stacked against them, they had survived thus far and he didn’t intend to let them down by not being properly focused.
‘Oh, hi! I was wondering where you’d got to. I’m taking a break now so Theatre’s all yours.’
Rafferty summoned a smile as Joanna came into the changing area because he didn’t want everyone knowing what had gone on. So far they seemed to have avoided any gossip—at least, nobody had said anything to him about him and Natalie splitting up. He could only assume that she was as keen as he was to keep their private life private and hadn’t told anyone the news. Or maybe the truth was that she hadn’t thought it worth mentioning they’d split up for good. After all, their relationship had been on the rocks for ages so nobody would be shocked to hear that they had called it a day.
The thought stung and he had to make a conscious effort to put it out of his mind. ‘How’s it gone so far?’
‘Not too bad, considering.’ Joanna stripped off her gown and dropped it into the hamper. ‘I was expecting a lot more problems because I’d assumed that everyone would be very dehydrated. It’s four days since the church collapsed and that’s a long time for people to go without water. However, it turned out that they’d been drinking the Communion wine that had been stored in the sacristy. Fortunately, the local priest waters it down so there was very little alcohol in it and it kept everyone going until the rescue team found them.’
‘It appears miracles can and do happen,’ Rafferty observed wryly.
Joanna laughed. ‘So it seems. Anyway, I’ve got down to here on the list…’ she handed him the clipboard and pointed to a spot midway down the long list of names ‘…so the rest are all yours. Is Natalie going to assist you?’
‘It’s Patsy’s turn in Theatre today,’ he replied flatly, because he didn’t want to think about Natalie and what had just happened…
He sighed as Joanna bade him goodbye and left. There was no way that he could stop thinking about Natalie. Her name was constantly on his mind, like a tune that kept playing over and over inside his head. He longed to tell her that he’d made a mistake and that he didn’t want them to split up, but how could he do that when it would start the whole process all over again? He had to accept that they weren’t right for each other and that she would be better off without him. OK, so it hurt like hell to admit it, but what choice did he have? Did he really want to go on making her life miserable?
The answer to that question was all too clear. Rafferty knew that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he went on upsetting her the way he had been doing. Stripping off his T-shirt, he grabbed a towel and headed for the shower. He was just drying himself off when he heard someone coming into the tent. He poked his head round the curtain, expecting it to be Patsy. He knew that he’d been much too hard on her and he wanted to apologise before they went into Theatre. However, it wasn’t Patsy standing by the bench, getting undressed, but Natalie herself.
‘What are you doing here?’ he barked, ill-temper providing the easiest outlet for all the emotions that were rioting around inside him. On the one hand he was determined to behave sensibly, but on the other hand the sight of her standing there in a skimpy little T-shirt and a pair of cotton panties had driven any sensible thoughts from his head. All he could do was react, and he did.
‘Scrubbing up to assist you,’ she replied shortly, stripping off her T-shirt and tossing it onto the pile of clothes.
Rafferty swallowed a groan because the sight of her beautiful body in the serviceable cotton underwear was more than enough to make him want to reconsider his decision. It took a massive effort of will not to haul her into the shower with him as she stalked past the stall to take a towel off the shelf.
‘I thought Patsy was rostered for Theatre this afternoon,’ he bit out, desperately trying to remember all the reasons why he mustn’t weaken.
‘She was. However, I decided she’d had enough of you for one day so I offered to trade places with her. Funnily enough, she didn’t object.’
Natalie wrapped the towel around herself and Rafferty sighed in dismay as he was suddenly deprived of the sight of her delectable body. It struck him all of a sudden just how long it had been since he’d held her naked in his arms, and just how much he wanted to do so again. The thought was enough to send his temper spiralling. He was supposed to be acting sensibly, not tormenting himself!
‘If Patsy has a complaint about my behaviour, she is perfectly entitled to raise it with me.’
‘And risk another bawling-out?’ Natalie’s delicate brows arched derisively. ‘I don’t think so. It’s bad enough that you saw fit to take her to task in the first place. Your quarrel is with me, Rafferty, not Patsy or anyone else on this team.’
‘Don’t flatter yourself!’ The rebuke had touched an already raw nerve and he glared at her. ‘What I said to Patsy had nothing whatsoever to do with what went on between us.’
‘No? Obviously, I’m mistaken, then. I apologise.’
She didn’t say anything else as she went into the neighbouring stall and swished the curtain across. Rafferty ground his teeth because he hated admitting that she was right. If he hadn’t been so screwed up about them splitting up, he would have handled things very differently that day, and it didn’t make him feel good to know that he’d treated one of the team so unfairly.
He grabbed a clean scrub suit off the pile and dragged it on then went through to the scrub area and finished getting ready, lathering his hands and forearms with antiseptic solution and scrubbing under his nails with even more vigour than usual. Natalie arrived just as he was finishing off, looking professional to a fault with her hair neatly tucked under a disposable cap. She took a fresh gown off the pile and held it out for him to slide his arms into the sleeves then stepped around him and fastened the ties up the back.
‘Thank you,’ Rafferty said curtly, waiting while she took a pair of extra-large gloves out of the box. She held them out so he could slip his hands into them then reached for a second pair and repeated the procedure before he was ready to go through to Theatre where Jack Huxley was waiting with his first patient already anaesthetised.
‘Everything OK?’ Rafferty asked, more as a matter of form because Jack would soon have told him if it wasn’t.
‘Ready when you are,’ Jack replied cheerfully, nodding to Natalie who had joined them.
Rafferty quickly read through the patient’s notes to remind himself about her injuries before he set to work. Dilia Meléndez was one of the people who’d been found in the sacristy. She had a fractured pelvis so his first job was to check if there was any soft-tissue damage. He set to work, grimacing when he quickly discovered a large tear in her bladder.<
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‘I’ll need to flush out the abdominal and pelvic cavities,’ he said, glancing at Natalie, who had taken up her usual position beside him.
‘I’ve got everything ready,’ she assured him, turning to fetch one of the bags of saline from the trolley.
Rafferty quickly flushed away the urine that had leaked from the young woman’s ruptured bladder, taking extra care in the hope that it might help to stave off any infection. He knew it was something of a vain hope because Dilia had been trapped in the ruins for several days and infection was almost certain to have set in by now. Once he was sure that he’d done all he could to clean the area, he stitched the tear in her bladder, repaired her pelvis and closed up, suturing the layers of muscle and skin with his usual care and attention to detail.
‘She’ll need broad-spectrum antibiotics,’ he told Natalie, who now held the clipboard containing Dilia’s notes. ‘Can you make a note on her chart to say that I want to know if there’s any sign of infection starting up? I may need to open her up and flush everything out again.’
‘Got that.’
She made a note on the chart then wheeled Dilia out of Theatre. Lauren was in charge of Recovery that day and he could hear Natalie passing along his instructions. He sighed as he stripped off his gloves and went to scrub up again. He’d had no right to criticise her before. There was no one better at the job than Natalie and he would have to apologise for what he’d said to her, although he would need to be careful that he kept strictly to what he’d said about her work, of course. He didn’t dare apologise for upsetting her the other night, couldn’t take the risk of letting her think that he’d had a change of heart. He had made the right decision and had made it for the right reasons, too, no matter what she believed.
He turned off the water and his heart felt like lead because he knew there was no going back now. Once they left Honduras, he and Natalie would part for good.
Natalie was exhausted by the time she left Theatre several hours later. It had been a long and busy day but she knew that it wasn’t just the pressure of work that was making her feel so worn out. She’d barely slept since the other night and her body had reached exhaustion point. She kept going over and over what Rafferty had said to her, wondering if he’d meant it even though she knew in her heart that he had. He didn’t want her any more, and the thought was like red-hot pain constantly stabbing through her heart.
‘You’re looking very glum. What’s up?’
She glanced round when Joanna caught up with her and dredged up a weary smile. ‘Oh, I’m just tired, I expect.’
‘And that’s all it is?’ Joanna sighed when Natalie looked uncertainly at her. ‘Look, I’m not trying to pry but I heard you crying the other night when we were in bed.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.’
‘Don’t be silly. That wasn’t what I meant.’
Joanne touched her lightly on the shoulder, her face full of sympathy, and for some reason it just seemed to get past all Natalie’s defences. She’d tried so hard not to let the situation get her down but it was so awful that she didn’t know which way to turn. Rafferty didn’t want her any more and it felt as though her whole world had caved in on itself, so it was no wonder that tears immediately sprang to her eyes.
‘What you need is a nice hot cup of tea,’ Joanna said firmly, steering her towards the mess tent. She found them a table in the corner and sat Natalie down while she went to fetch their drinks.
Natalie blew her nose and dried her eyes, smiling gratefully when Joanna came back a few minutes later with two mugs of dark brown tea.
‘Thanks. I need this.’
‘There’s nothing like a cuppa to help put the world to rights,’ Joanna observed bracingly, sitting down.
‘The age-old panacea for all ills,’ she agreed, wishing it would work its magic in this instance.
‘Oh, that it were,’ Joanna observed drolly. She took a sip of the tannin-laden liquid and shuddered. ‘Oh, boy. That should put hair on our chests!’
Natalie chuckled despite her downbeat mood. ‘I’m sure your husband will appreciate that when you get back home.’
‘Knowing Dylan, he’d probably take it in his stride. The most wonderful thing about being married is that you no longer have to put up a front. You learn to love each other’s faults as well as their good points because it’s what makes them the person they are.’
‘You’re lucky to have found someone who loves you like that,’ she said wistfully.
‘I am. Very lucky indeed, and I know it, too.’ Joanna smiled at her. ‘It’s what marriage is all about, isn’t it? A willingness to compromise and accept one another, warts and all. I used to think that life couldn’t get any better than it was when I first met Dylan. There was an instant attraction between us, you see, a real spark that was both scary and exhilarating, so it was a marvellous time. But being married is even better. Knowing that you can rely totally on someone and that he’ll always be there for you, no matter what, gives you a kind of inner peace.’
‘I envy you,’ Natalie said honestly. ‘To find that kind of closeness is something really special. I thought that I…’
She broke off because she wasn’t sure if she should tell Joanna about the hopes she’d had once for Rafferty and herself.
‘You thought you’d found that same sort of closeness with Rafferty,’ Joanna finished for her, smiling when Natalie looked at her in surprise. ‘Please, don’t be embarrassed. It’s obvious that you two have something special between you.’
‘We do…or, rather, I thought we did.’ Natalie picked up her mug then put it down again when she realised that her hands were shaking.
‘So what’s gone wrong?’ Joanna prompted gently.
‘Rafferty has decided that we’re not suited and that we should split up for good.’ Her voice cracked and she bit her lip, not wanting to make a show of herself by breaking down in public.
‘And how do you feel about it?’
‘I don’t know. That’s the silly thing about it all. I’d got to the point of wondering if we should finish it rather than keep on making each other miserable, but now that it’s happened…’ She tailed off and shrugged.
‘And you can’t see any way around your problems?’
‘Not really. Our relationship has always been volatile but I thought we’d sort things out in the end if we both wanted it enough. Now there’s no point even trying, because if Rafferty had felt the same about me as I feel about him then he wouldn’t have given up on us, would he?’
‘Maybe he thought he was doing what was best for you,’ Joanna suggested slowly.
Natalie sighed. ‘I wish I could believe that. But why didn’t he tell me that was the reason he was ending our relationship, if that was true?’
‘Maybe he didn’t want you to talk him out of it.’ Joanna laughed wryly. ‘Men have some very funny ideas at times. They come over all noble and decide that they have to do the honourable thing, even if it isn’t really what they want to do.’
‘And you think that Rafferty might have done the same—decided that he should step aside because it was the honourable thing to do?’
‘I don’t know. But it’s a thought, isn’t it, and certainly worth considering? Maybe you should ask him straight out why he decided to end your relationship at this stage.’
‘And what if he tells me that he doesn’t want to be with me any more?’
‘Then at least you’ll know for certain rather than second-guessing, won’t you?’ Joanna patted her hand. ‘Anything has to be better than that, Natalie. Surely?’
Natalie knew that Joanna was right. She needed to know once and for all how Rafferty felt about her, because she couldn’t keep on torturing herself this way. Her spirits suddenly lifted. If Joanna was also right about his reasons for ending their relationship, she would make him see that his fears were groundless. She didn’t want him doing the honourable thing. She just wanted him to love her!
There was no oppo
rtunity to speak to Rafferty that night because the search-and-rescue teams discovered more survivors. The first of them began to arrive before they’d finished their tea, in fact, so she and Joanna went back to Theatre. Fifteen casualties in all were brought into the camp and twelve of them needed surgery so it was a case of wheeling one out and the next one in. It was three a.m. by the time they finished and they were all exhausted.
Natalie sent Patsy and Lauren off to bed because there was no point in them missing out on their sleep. She finished clearing up then took the instruments through to the sluice room to be cleaned and sterilised in readiness for the following day. Piers had been working between both theatres—helping out wherever he was needed—and he looked grey with tiredness when he came and propped his lanky frame against the sink.
‘I am shattered! I thought the hours were long as a junior house man but this beats it hands down. How on earth do you keep up this pace?’
‘It isn’t always as bad as this,’ Natalie assured him, closing the autoclave door. ‘It was just unfortunate that they happened to find those people when they did. If only casualties could be dug out between the hours of nine and five, our lives would be a lot easier,’ she added, her tongue very firmly in her cheek.
‘I wish!’ Piers grimaced as he pushed himself into an upright position. ‘OK, so which way is the exit? If you could point me in the right direction, I’ll be eternally grateful.’
‘Here you go.’ Natalie gave him a little shove towards the exit, grinning when he reeled across the tent. ‘Night-night, sleep tight. Mind the bugs don’t bite,’ she called after him.
‘They can bite all they like because I won’t feel them,’ he muttered as he staggered out through the flap.
Natalie chuckled to herself as she started to wipe down the trolley with disinfectant. Poor Piers would think twice the next time he was invited along on one of their missions!
‘That’s it, then. Everything present and accounted for?’
She glanced up when Rafferty appeared, feeling her heart welling with concern when she saw how exhausted he looked. If Piers had looked grey with fatigue, Rafferty’s skin bore the colourless appearance of total exhaustion. No wonder, too, because he must have clocked up almost twenty hours in Theatre that day and it was far too much for anyone.
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