by Lori Wilde
What you resist, persists. Embrace the feelings. Happy, sad, weird, all of them. Don’t run from them. Let your eye twitch.
She didn’t know where the advice came from. Somewhere deep inside of her maybe? But it sounded a lot like something Noah would say. That wise, laid-back man.
Turning her attention to the white bakery box, she opened it to find a gigantic cookie. On the inside lid, written in red script, was the legend of the kismet cookie. Followed by:
Bake kismet cookies on Christmas Eve, put them under your pillow before you go to sleep and you will dream of your one true love. PS—don’t forget, the dream thing only works on Christmas Eve.
What cute, whimsical fun! Par for the course in Twilight.
Below the legend was the recipe, which included rolled oats, white chocolate chips, cranberries, and macadamia nuts. Yum!
Kelsey turned her attention to the cookie.
Inside the box, she found another card.
She was so excited, she didn’t even try to open the card delicately. Just ripped the envelope to get at the message.
Eat me.
She laughed. That Noah. What a scamp!
Kelsey didn’t need any more encouragement than that. She sat down at the counter barstool and broke off a piece of cookie. Closed her eyes to savor it. Chewed. How sweet this whole thing had been.
But of course, Noah had always been a romantic. She’d been the sensible one. Which was why she’d never tried to contact him after that night on the pier at Camp Hope when her mother ruined their night and took her away.
Suddenly the moist cookie turned dry in her mouth at the memory. She tried to swallow the mouthful, along with the past as her eye twitched again.
Don’t hide from it.
Feel it.
All of it.
The blazing shame. The abject grief. The trembling fear of her mother. The heartbreaking loss of never seeing Noah again.
Kelsey let the feelings wash over her.
All these years, she’d resisted examining that moment that had defined her life for the last ten years. Tamping it all down. Denying her feelings. Hiding behind a cool exterior and an unruffled smile. While deep down inside, there lived a throbbing ache, like a tooth gone bad.
She began to sob.
A frame-shaking, gut-wrenching silent sob that took hold of her and wouldn’t let go. Her insides twisted. Her heart clenched. Salty sorrow rose up past the taste of cookie.
Finally sound emerged.
A first a helpless mewling. A tiny cry against the past that she’d turned a blind eye to all these years. Her mother’s culpability in her sister’s death when Chelsea had decided to run away because Filomena threw her flute into the lake as punishment. Her mother’s cruelty that night on the dock at Camp Hope. Her mother’s hardness that chased away her father. Her mother’s meanness toward Noah. The recent kidnapping attempt.
And then the wail grew, keening and forlorn. Denial. For years she’d been in denial about her mother’s mental health. Filomena was so good at deflecting blame onto others, at gaslighting and making Kelsey feel like everything was her fault. Even as the realization hit her that her mother was not a well woman, the kindness in Kelsey would not let her hate Filomena. Her mother was a victim too. Something had twisted her. Whether genetics or environment or both, Kelsey could not say.
But how could she judge Filomena? She had flaws herself. And she loved her mother, no matter how broken the woman might be. She couldn’t hate her.
Instead, her heart was utterly broken with the sadness of it all.
The keening turned into one long, wretched howl. The sound seemed yanked from her throat by unseen forces.
She cried for her lost sister, for her damaged father, for her irrevocably broken mother. Grieved the normal mother-daughter relationship that she would never have.
The emotional storm she’d been running from her entire life coalesced there over the giant kismet cookie sent to her by a kind, fun-loving man. An emotional hurricane created by his tenderness. It was a riptide that threw her this way and that. She cried until there wasn’t a drop of moisture left inside her.
She grappled for tissues. Blew her nose. Wiped her eyes. Sighed. Straightened. Sighed again.
Felt empty.
And cleansed.
Oh so cleansed.
Her eye stopped twitching.
She took stock of herself. She smelled of massage oil. Her fingernails decorated with Christmas. Cookie crumbs scattered over the counter.
Did Noah MacGregor have any earthly idea exactly what he’d done to her?
Chapter 22
The day of the Christmas Casino, Kelsey had spent most of the time holed up in her room, taking stock of her life.
Everything had changed.
Not just her hairstyle and clothing, makeup and nails, but her entire outlook. Finally, she understood the gnawing self-doubt that had ridden with her for the past twenty-seven years. Understood where the anxiety came from and how to alleviate it.
Kelsey claimed her power.
Call her a late bloomer. Say she’d taken a damn long time to clip the apron strings. It didn’t matter. She’d gotten here. She was finally free. She no longer needed anything or anyone to validate her. She was done seeking her mother’s approval. Done seeking anyone’s approval. She was staking her claim to live her own life as she saw fit.
And to her own sexuality.
After the crying jag, she’d taken a trip into town, where she’d visited a tiny little boutique store off the town square that specialized in slinky lingerie. The store, which she and Tasha had stumbled into the day they’d gone shopping, was called—quirkily enough—She Sparkles.
The name fit her mood. She felt sparkly and bright. A brand-new person. From now on, she was putting her healing first.
And she intended to celebrate her emergence tonight. Beneath the sexy dress, Kelsey wore a G-string and a black lace bustier. She couldn’t wait for Noah to see her present to him.
His gifts had ripped her control to shreds. Now it was her turn to do the same to him.
Just as Kelsey finished getting ready, Tasha came bopping into the suite. She’d been gone all day, with only a single cryptic text telling Kelsey that she wouldn’t be able to meet her for lunch. Which in light of the crying spree, had turned out to be fortuitous.
“Get a load of you!” Tasha’s eyes widened as she took in Kelsey in her red velvet dress, upswept hairdo, and the stilettoes. “What the hell happened?”
“What?” Kelsey asked, tucking a final hairpin into her French twist. “You’ve seen me decked out before.”
“Nooo.” Tasha swiveled her head back and forth. “Not like this. Something is different.”
“What do you mean?”
“You look . . . different. Lighter . . . happier.” Tasha assessed Kelsey with a chin tilt. “Free. What happened? Did Filomena kick the bucket?”
It was a scandalous thing to say. Pure Tasha.
Kelsey offered a modest smile. “This has nothing to do with Filomena.”
Tasha’s grin widened. “You don’t say? I like the sound of that.”
“Enough about me,” Kelsey said. “You better hurry and get ready. The party starts in thirty minutes.”
“Oh.” Tasha made a humming noise and plunked down on the bed with so much enthusiasm the mattress jumped. “I’m not going.”
“What? You love casinos and it’s for charity.”
“Yeah, I think I’m just going to hang around the Rockabye.”
“You? What will you do? You don’t like to curl up by the fire and read. Especially when there’s a party going on.”
“Hey, wherever I go, that’s where the party is.”
A sound philosophy, but still, Tasha was not one to pass up a good time. “Wait a minute, does this have anything to do with Sean manning the front desk this evening?”
A coy expression crossed Tasha’s face and she was anything but coy.
“Wait, is S
ean the reason you canceled lunch with me?” Kelsey asked.
Tasha’s expression turned butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-her-mouth. “Maybe.”
“What’s changed? Did you win Sean over to the promise of casual sex?”
Tasha ducked her head. “We’re going to pop popcorn, make hot chocolate, and watch Christmas movies in the lobby. What do you think?”
“Ah!” Kelsey slapped a palm over her mouth. “He won you over?”
Tasha shrugged. “You’ve seen the guy shirtless. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to get next to that chest.”
“Well, okay then. Here’s to you and Sean.”
“Wish me luck in wearing him down altogether. He says we’re only going to hold hands. But I’ve got kissing planned.”
Kelsey gave her a thumbs-up. “You go girl.”
“If you want to make your party on time—” Tasha tapped the bedside clock. It was seven forty-five. “Better get a move on.”
“How do I look?” Kelsey twirled for her.
“Noah ain’t gonna know what hit him.”
“There’s a giant cookie in the kitchenette. Grab it for your movie-watching party if you want.”
“Thanks. Now scoot!”
“I’m in your way, huh?”
“You better believe it.”
“Thrown out of my own room.” Laughing, Kelsey shook her head.
“You’ll thank me for it later.”
Kelsey picked up her clutch purse and headed for the door.
“Wait.”
She paused.
Tasha fished around in the pocket of her jeans, tossed something to Kelsey.
She caught it with one hand.
A condom.
“Stay safe.”
Blushing, Kelsey put the condom in her clutch. It never hurt to be prepared.
Her entire body blazed with sexual energy as she left the Rockabye and caught one of the water taxis waiting to ferry guests from Christmas Island over to the Brazos Queen. This trip was much shorter over the water than it would have been going via the bridge and catching an Uber to the other side of the lake.
Excited to see Noah again, she took a seat at the front of the ferry. She wanted to be the first one off. The other guests on the boat were staring at her. She shifted, pulling the slit of the dress closed to cover her exposed leg.
Lifted her chin. Grinned.
It took less than five minutes to reach the Brazos Queen. Men in tuxedoes and women in formal wear similar to hers were lining up on the gangplank to get in.
Head held high, Kelsey joined the queue. Music pulsed out over the water. A techno version of “Santa Baby” with the singer putting added emphasis on the words hurry down the chimney. Weird, but oddly sexy.
Setting the tone for the night?
Kelsey shifted her weight from foot to foot anxious to get in. To get to Noah. Her blood flowed hot as lava. Her heart thumped to the pulsing beat.
But her eye did not twitch. No telltale sign of her heightened emotional state.
Yay!
And there at the door, greeting the guests, were two tall, sexy twin brothers in tuxedoes. Her eyes met Noah’s and her heart swooned.
What a romantic figure he cut. Dashing, darling, daring, and dangerously hot. Oh, so many delightful d words.
It was her turn. She was at the door.
“Welcome,” Noah said as if she were just any other guest, but his dark eyes raked over her body and the smile he gave her was wickedly wonderful.
Her heart tumbled over itself.
He took her hand.
She forgot to breathe.
“The bar is open,” he said. The same line he’d given everyone else. But then he leaned down, pressed his mouth next to her ear and whispered, “I’ll come find you.”
She smirked. Nodded. He was going to come find her! A little game of hide-and-seek for when his hosting duties ebbed?
Feeling the heat of his gaze follow her as she headed to the bar. Kelsey did not look back. Let him feel the same level of anticipation churning inside of her.
“Hello,” the bartender greeted her and pushed the drink menu toward her. “Here’s what we’re serving and the prices, or you could have our complimentary cocktail.”
“What is it?’ she asked, intrigued.
“A white Christmas martini.” Just as he said that, the music shifted to “White Christmas.”
“I guess that’s a sign,” she laughed. “Give me the white Christmas.”
“Your wish is my command,” he said and rimmed a martini glass with honey and sanding sugar, then in a shaker mixed vanilla vodka, white chocolate liqueur, white crème de cacao and half-and-half. Shook it. Poured it into the glass and passed the martini to her.
“It’s too beautiful to drink,” she exclaimed, putting a tip into his jar.
“Take a sip. One taste and you won’t care about how beautiful it is.”
She sipped. It was freaking delicious and the liquor sent a nice warm tingling through her body. She smiled, nodded, and gave him a thumbs-up. She was too busy taking another drink to say anything.
He winked and turned to the next guest.
Kelsey stepped away from the bar and moved to one side so that she could study the room. Noah and Joel were still at the front door as a throng of guests moved inside.
In the center of the room was a buffet table loaded with hors d’oeuvres and a dessert table piled high with scrumptious cookies and pastries. Guests lined up at both sides to fill small plates. There were tables scattered about the room where people could sit and eat, but many just held their plates while they mingled around the room.
“Hi there.” A man in an attention-grabbing white tuxedo glided up to her. The style told her that he’d probably worn it to his high school prom ten years ago. And he had a wedding-band tan line on his left hand as if he had recently stopped wearing it.
She gave him a cool, not-interested smile. “I’m waiting for someone.”
“Too bad.” He raked his gaze up the length of her to the top of the slit in her dress. “You look good enough to eat.”
“Shoo,” she said, without malice. “Go find someone else to pester.”
“I like you.” He laughed.
“It’s not going to work.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
He shrugged good-naturedly, giving up easily. “Your loss.”
“I’m sure I’ll pine about it for years to come.”
“I really do like you.”
“Bye.” She gave a beauty-pageant wave.
“Whoever he is, he’s a lucky man.”
“I’ll let him know you said so.” Kelsey turned and smiled at Noah, who was making his way through the crowd toward her.
“Wow, you’re with MacGregor?” the guy said. “No wonder I’m dirt beneath your feet.”
“You’re not dirt,” she said. “You just come on a little too strong. Go find someone else to sweep off their feet.”
The guy grinned and sauntered off.
Leaving Kelsey free to turn her full attention to the long-legged man coming toward her. His hair was just the right length. Neat and tidy, but with enough thick waves to run her fingers through. She couldn’t wait to muss him up. The tuxedo fit him like he’d been born to wear it, hugging his broad shoulders. He looked like he’d stepped right off the cover of GQ’s Man of the Year issue.
Tingles quivered up Kelsey’s spine one vertebra at a time.
Their gazes jammed into each other. Slam. Bam. Knocking the breath right out of her.
He pierced her with his eyes. A right solid puncture. She felt it to her core. He knew her. And it was as if the past ten years dissolved into nothing and they were right back where they’d been. Shiny and new at seventeen.
Kelsey felt it like a punch.
It was that visceral. That primal.
They still belonged together.
Her pupils widened of their own volition, expanding to take in more of hi
m. Her hands trembled, and her body flooded with warmth.
He came toward her like a heat-seeking missile. He glanced neither right nor left. Nothing was going to divert this man from her.
He stopped just short of Kelsey, held out his hand.
She accepted it.
He pulled her to him.
She gasped. Thrilled.
“Come with me,” he said.
Setting down her glass, she followed. There was nothing else she would rather do. He led her from the main room, where the food was being served, to a room with a big dance floor. Four decorated Christmas trees flanked every corner and couples waltzed to a live band playing George Strait’s “Christmas Cookies.”
Kelsey recognized the lead singer as country star Cash Colton and wondered how Noah and his brother managed to get such a big-name artist to play at their charity event. Colton might be a celebrity, but Kelsey’s eyes were on Noah.
Swinging and swaying his hips, Noah waltzed her out onto the dance floor. He moved with an Elvis-style swivel that set her pulse pounding. With his height, he cut a commanding figure and she saw many surreptitious glances following his moves.
Cash Colton sang about how much he liked Christmas cookies.
“How in the world did you get Cash Colton to sing at your event?” Kelsey asked as Noah pulled her close and waltzed her around the dance floor.
“Cash is my cousin-in-law. That’s his wife, my cousin Paige, over there.” He waved to a petite pregnant woman sitting in a chair to the left of the stage. Paige waved back with an enthusiastic smile.
“Lucky you, having a famous cousin-in-law.”
He peered deeply into her eyes, grinned. “I am a lucky, lucky man.”
Feeling powerless against his charms, Kelsey swallowed that grin hook, line, and sinker. He held her tightly against his body. She could feel his heat and the jut of his arousal. She lowered her lashes. Rested her head against his chest, let him guide her to the beat of the peppy tune.
“Kelsey,” he whispered.
She turned her face up to him.
He ducked his head, brushed her lips with his. Soft and gentle. But when the kiss ended and she met his gaze, the look in his eyes was anything but soft or gentle. His expression was lusty and wicked.