"This has been so much fun," Tricia said, putting the lipstick away and quickly pulling a comb through her long hair. "I'm so glad I was able to come."
"I enjoyed meeting you," Robin said, determined to be polite if it killed her. ' 'You and Steve look really good together out on the dance floor. I'm very impressed."
Tricia laughed. "Oh, he can be such a show-off at times, but I love him, anyway."
Who can blame her?
"I should feel guilty for leaving Danny with Paul tonight, but when Steve called with the invitation, Paul insisted I deserved to get out for a few hours and have some fun. He offered to stay home with Danny so I wouldn't worry about him. That's the trouble with staying home all the time with a two-year-old, pretty soon you forget there's any other life out there."
Robin blinked. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand. You have a two-year-old?"
Tricia nodded, her eyes shining. "Yes. He's the light of our lives."
"You and Steve?'' she managed to say, unable to hide the quaver in her voice.
Tricia looked at her, obviously perplexed by the question. With a slight frown, she asked, "Are you serious? Didn't Steve tell you who I am?"
"Well, no. Ray just told me that Steve was bringing a date tonight."
Tricia burst into delighted laughter. "A date! Oh, wait until I tell Paul! He's going to laugh his fool head off. This is priceless." She reached over and patted Robin's hand. "I can't believe that nobody mentioned it to you. I'm married to Paul Anderson....
"Steve is my brother."
Twelve
"Steve Antonelli is your brother?" Her voice sounded shrill to Robin's ears, but she couldn't help it. After the evening she'd been through, she felt as though she'd gone into shock.
Tricia nodded slowly, obviously puzzled by Robin's reaction.
"I had no idea!"
"Well, he probably didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to think that he couldn't get a date or something."
"The thought would never occur to me."
"I probably shouldn't even mention this, and I want you to promise not to let on that I said anything, but Steve got hurt pretty badly a couple of years ago, and he's practically stopped dating entirely. That's one reason Paul insisted I go with him tonight. We were pleased that he was at least willing to get out and socialize a little."
Robin didn't know what to say. Too much information had been thrown at her too fast, and her head was spinning.
"I never did hear the details, but from snippets of various remarks I've heard in the family, Steve met this woman while he was on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. Family rumor has it he was prepared to chuck his job and move to wherever she was from. But she must have turned him down. It's too bad, because I think Steve would make the greatest husband and father. He's wonderful with Danny. Whatever happened, it changed him. He seems to have lost his drive. Of course, Dad thinks the change is for the better. He's not so obsessed with his job, and he spends much more time with the family." She laughed. "He's even taken up golf. But whenever I ask if he's dating anyone, he just shrugs and says he hasn't met anyone that interests him. It just breaks my heart."
"Yes," Robin replied slowly. "That is heartbreaking."
Tricia hopped up. "The guys are going to be wondering what happened to us."
They walked back into the club and found the men talking. Once again Steve gave Tricia a loving look, touching her hand with obvious affection. His sister. No wonder there was such an obvious bond between them and they danced so well together.
Oh, Steve. I hate it that you 've been hurting. I want so much to make it up to you if you'd only let me.
The couples said goodbye while they waited for their cars to be brought around by the valet service.
"It was nice seeing you again, Robin," Steve said without meeting her eyes. "Tell your family hello for me."
Ray took her arm, waved to Steve and Tricia and helped Robin into the car.
"You're awfully quiet," he said as they made their way through traffic.
"Just tired. Remember I'm still working on Central Standard Time, so it's two hours later to me than it is you."
"Ouch. Well, I'll forgive you this time. Now, about tomorrow—''
He paused and glanced over at her expectantly.
"I'll probably spend half the day asleep."
"I was serious about being your guide while you're in town, Robin. I would really like to get to know you better."
"That's very sweet of you, Ray, but I don't want to give you the wrong idea."
"There's somebody else," he said with comic woe.
She nodded.
"Of course there is. No one in his right mind would let you walk away. But a guy can dream."
"I had a great time tonight. I appreciate all that you've done."
"Hey, it was my pleasure. Every moment of it. And if you want a guide, I'm still available, no strings attached."
She reached over and touched his hand that rested against the steering wheel. "Thank you for that."
Robin had him leave her in front of the hotel, then went upstairs to her room. She had to decide what to do next. She hadn't lied, she really was tired, but she also knew that she was too keyed-up to be able to sleep.
She had no idea how long it would take Steve to get Tricia home, but after pacing the floor for several minutes, Robin changed out of her evening wear and into a pair of comfortable jeans and a sweater. The night air here was always cool, something she appreciated after spending so many summers in Texas.
She returned downstairs, went to her rental car and drove to the address she'd carried in her head for the past two years.
When she arrived, the place was dark. She pulled in across the street and parked. She would wait for him. She'd rather be here than tossing and turning in bed.
About twenty minutes later headlights appeared at the end of the street, coming toward her. The car slowed, then pulled into the condo unit where Steve lived. She watched as the garage door swung open, he pulled in and the door shut.
She waited a few minutes as various lights went on, signaling his path through the place. When she felt she'd given him enough time to settle in without getting ready for bed, Robin walked to the front door and rang the bell.
She couldn't help but wonder if he would open the door once he saw her through the security peephole. Her question was answered when she heard the door being unlocked.
"What in the world are you doing here at this time of night?'' he asked when he faced her.
"I was hoping to be able to speak with you."
"Now?" He stepped back and motioned for her to come inside.
He'd removed his sports jacket and shoes. His shirt was unbuttoned and hanging open. She'd almost waited too long.
He led her into a well-furnished living room and waved his arm. "Have a seat."
She sat on the sofa. He sat across the room from her in an overstuffed chair.
"You once called me a coward," she began.
"Did I? I don't recall."
"And you were right."
"And that's what you came to tell me?"
"Partly. Because the reason I took my vacation and came out here was to find you, to talk with you and to tell you some things. The problem was that once I got here I didn't have the courage to go through with it. I had made up my mind not to seek you out when we ran into each other today."
He shrugged. "Obviously kismet, right?"
She hated his bored expression and tone. But she understood it so much better than she had before. He'd been hurt very badly. His attitude was the best way he knew to defend himself from further hurt.
"It's hard for me to find the words to explain. There's so much I want to say. The most important thing is to tell you how sorry I am."
"For what?"
"For not honoring the strength of my feelings for you. For taking your feelings for me so lightly. Everything happened so fast between us.
I was totally unprepared."
"I believe that we've already had this conversation, Robin. It's really late, and I'm bushed." He'd rested his ankle on his knee and kept wiggling his foot as though keeping time to music only he could hear.
She was thankful that he hadn't turned on a light here in the living room. The hall light left the room in shadows. If she kept her voice steady enough, she hoped he wouldn't be able to see the tears that were trickling down her cheeks.
"I needed some time to grow up," she went on, as though he hadn't spoken. "To get my priorities straight.
To decide what and who I wanted to be when I grew up."
He stilled, as though suddenly frozen.
"I got the job I wanted. I gained the freedom from my family I wanted. In fact, everything I'd looked forward to once I graduated came to pass. I was very fortunate in that respect. That's when I realized that none of that was important to me anymore without you in my life."
"Why are you here?" Steve asked hoarsely, his face concealed by the shadows.
"I wanted to tell you that I never stopped loving you, Steve. Not fromfhe first time we met. I wasn't ready for the shock of meeting the love of my life at that time and I didn't handle it well. The depth of my feelings for you scared me to death. I've never felt so vulnerable, nor have I ever been so ill equipped to handle such an emotional situation. I can never take away the harsh words I spoke to you, the thoughtless cruelty of my actions. I couldn't truly comprehend that you might love me in the same way. That what we had was a once-in-a-lifetime thing that some people never find.
"I came out here because I wanted to find out if you'd found happiness since I last saw you. If you'd found the fulfillment you deserve, because that's what I wish for you—all the love, the joy and the fulfillment that you deserve."
He sat there without moving.
She waited, but he didn't say a word. The silence grew and stretched and eventually filled the room. There was nothing more to say. She didn't want him to hear how close she was to losing complete control. Another word and her voice would crack.
Without a word she got up and walked out of the room. The silence in the condo was excruciatingly painful, but she refused to be sorry for coming to him tonight. The relief of getting all of that off her chest was tremendously freeing.
Robin let herself out of the condo, walked to the car and drove away.
She had hoped that he might still have some feeling for her, some positive feeling, that is. She had hoped he would be able to forgive her for her lack of maturity when they first met.
Until now, she hadn't been aware how strong her expectations had been that he might accept her apology... until none of them were met.
Maybe it was because her family had been so open to her apologies and willing to forgive her, that she had hoped Steve might be willing to forgive her as well.
She had been so wrong. The knowledge was devastating. What had she done to this strong, independent, yet warm and loving man when she'd changed her mind about marrying him?
How could she have turned her back on the love he had offered her so freely? She'd been so caught up in her little girl hurt that she'd been unable to focus on anything other than her own pain. She'd never once given a thought to what her rejection had done to him.
Now she had to live with what she had done...to both of them. He'd made it clear tonight that he wanted nothing more to do with her.
She couldn't blame him in the slightest. No doubt it would have been easier to forgive herself if she had received some kind of absolution from him.
Too bad that life seldom worked out the way we hoped and planned.
Robin knew as she drove back to her hotel that she had gotten exactly what she deserved.
Somehow, some way, she would have to live with the knowledge for the rest of her life that she'd destroyed what could have been a strong and loving relationship with the man who would always hold her heart in his very capable hands.
By the time she reached the hotel garage, Robin was grateful she didn't have to go through the lobby. She found tissues in her purse, wiped her eyes and blew her nose, then went up to her room once again.
It was almost three o'clock in the morning. Not only the lateness of the hour and the different time zone but the emotional trial she'd faced tonight...and lost...had taken their toll.
She fell into a deep sleep, too emotionally drained to think about what the rest of her life would be like without Steve as part of it.
Thirteen
The pounding in her head refused to go away.
Robin groaned and rolled over in bed. She hadn't drunk enough the night before to have this severe a hangover. She forced her eyes open to look at the clock. Six o'clock. She'd barely had three hours of sleep.
The pounding continued.
Only then did she realize it was someone monotonously rapping on her door. She fumbled for her robe and drew it around her, then went to the door and peered through the security viewer.
Hurriedly she unhooked the chain, twisted the lock and opened the door.
He looked awful—unshaven, his hair standing out in all directions, his shirt rumpled, his slacks hopelessly creased and a ferocious scowl on his face.
Silently she stepped back and motioned for him to come inside, then closed the door behind him. She turned and leaned against the door, watching him, waiting for she knew not what.
He swayed on his feet, whether from alcohol or exhaustion she did not know. But he had come to her. He was here...and her heart felt as though it wanted to leap out of her chest.
When he spoke, his voice was harsh and angry. "Damn you!"
Then he grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her as though he never intended to let go. She closed her eyes, buried her head in his shoulder and held him with equal strength.
They stood like that forever, it seemed. Robin couldn't get close enough to Jhim. She wanted to touch him everywhere, to love him in every way she knew how and to take away the hurt she'd unintentionally inflicted.
She had never loved anyone with this much intensity. She felt as though she might burst with the pressure of her feelings for him.
"I was over you," he said in that same guttural voice, as though he was forcing the words through a raw throat. "I'd gotten through the worst of it. I'd grown grateful for the fact that we lived too far from each other to ever accidentally see you. And then, there you were, as though you'd sprung into being from a figment of my imagination."
She held on to him/her arms aching with the tension of holding him so tightly. "I love you, Steve. I love you so much," she whispered.
"You put me through hell," he said, his words sounding like a groan.
"I didn't mean to. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe that."
"I vowed never to ask you to marry me again. Never! I will never put myself through that again."
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to absorb his pain. "It's okay," she whispered. "It's going to be okay. We'll work it out. I promise."
She felt his knees sag just as she got him to the bed. They tumbled onto the bed, their arms still around each other. "I'm so tired," he said. "I'm tired of fighting what I feel. So tired of denying it to myself. Tired of pretending everything is all right in my life when there's so little there."
"It will be different. I promise. I'll move out here. We'll see each other as often as you want. I'll get a job. This is the public relations Mecca of the world. I won't starve. We'll take our time and rebuild the trust. Just know I love you. I always will."
In moments he was asleep, clutching her to him. Robin relaxed and fell back to sleep, as exhausted as he was. She had no idea how long she slept, but when she awoke, she was alone.
Robin sat up in bed. Had she dreamed that Steve had come to her? She looked at the clock. It was after three in the afternoon and it was raining.
Only then did she register that there was bright sunlight peeking around her drawn drapes. The sound of rain she heard was
the shower.
She hurried across the room and opened the bathroom door. The room was steamy, the mirror misted. Robin pulled off her nightshirt and stepped into the shower, wrapping her arms around the naked man standing under the spray of water.
"Hi," she said, placing a kiss on his bristly chin.
He looked down at her with an expression of wonderment. "Hi, yourself."
He reached up and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "You're real. I keep thinking I'm just making all of this up."
"I know what you mean." She turned him around, then lathered his back, enjoying the feel of the muscles along his spine and shoulders. And that taut butt of his, the only part of him that was pale, tempted her to stroke and squeeze as well.
When he turned back to her, he was fully aroused.
"Well, hello there," she said, stroking his length. The reaction was immediate.
He soaped her body quickly, efficiently and with obvious intent not to prolong the process. When he turned off the water, she stepped out and grabbed a towel, tossed it to him and used another to dry herself.
She was trying to towel her hair dry when he opened the door and pulled her behind him back to the bed.
Their lovemaking was fierce, intense and shattering. No words were spoken, but their love for each other was revealed in so many ways. By the time he collapsed on top of her, they were both sobbing for breath and with emotion.
He held her to him, even after he shifted his weight to lie beside her. "Don't ever leave me," he whispered. "I couldn't stand it."
"Neither could I," she whispered in response.
She lost track of time. The next time she stirred it was because Steve muttered something obscene just under his breath.
"What is it?"
"I was supposed to be at work an hour ago."
"Oh, no. What are you going to do?"
He sat up and reached for the phone. "I'll have to tell them there was a family emergency that I had to handle."
He reached for her hand. "I'll say that something came up," he wrapped her fingers around his rapidly enlarging flesh, "and that a friend is helping me deal with it."
Marriage Prey Page 14