by Suzy Turner
'Oh Eve. You're even called Eve and he's called Adam. How many coincidences do you want?
'How about his wife having my husband's baby?'
Lisa chuckled bitterly. 'Well, yes, that's a cruel twist of fate, that is.'
'You can say that again. Especially on account of my ovaries and womb being cut out of me ten years ago.' I snorted.
'Oh really? Honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't know about that. That's awful.'
'It's all so fucked up,' I added, looking into the fake fire, my eyes getting heavy.
'You can say that again.'
'What now?' I asked. 'What happens now?'
Lisa looked puzzled. 'Isn't it obvious?'
'Should it be?'
'You and Adam live happily ever after.'
I shook my head. 'I don't think so.'
'Why ever not, Eve?'
'Everything's too fucked up for us to be happy. How can we possibly be happy after all this shit? It's like one of those crazy movies, for God's sake.'
'You're right about that,' Lisa said, leaning back in her seat before asking, 'but you love him, don't you?'
'That's not important anymore.'
'Of course it is.'
I shook my head. 'Lisa, you really are sweet, but life isn't all buttercups and fairies. I can't live with myself like this, not at the moment.'
'Christ, Eve. Don't do anything crazy, woman.'
I laughed and turned to look up at her from where I was hugging my knees to my chest on the floor. 'Don't worry, I wasn't thinking about hanging myself or anything. I just think I need some time on my own, you know? Maybe I need a break away from everyone. To get my head together. Think about what I want for myself. Think about my future, you know?'
'Yes, I do. I understand perfectly, and I think that's actually quite a good idea. But for now, I think you and Adam need to talk. Actually, I think you and Adam need to do more than talk.' She winked.
'God, this is just so bizarre,' I said.
'What's that?'
'You suggesting I need to have a hot and steamy sex session with your ex-husband.'
Lisa threw her head backwards and laughed a long throaty laugh. 'Eve, I do like you, and personally, I think you and Adam are perfect for each other.'
A deep sigh escaped from my lips, and I smiled before it turned into a grimace, recalling the look on Matt's face as he turned around to reveal he'd become a father with another woman.
This time it was a sob that escaped my lips and tears began to fall again.
'It's okay, honey. Just let it all out. Let me pour you another drink. You can stay here, tonight. I'll stay too, if you like. Or I can leave you alone, if you prefer?'
'Stay, please stay,' I sobbed.
She nodded and gently squeezed my shoulder.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Lisa held my hair back as I puked into the toilet bowl for the fourth time the following morning. I was no longer embarrassed. We'd stayed up drinking for much of the night, but finally called it a night at about three, or so she told me. I’d had way too much to drink; I felt dismal. I would have preferred to stay in bed and hide myself under the covers for the rest of the day, but Lisa insisted I face the world. She was right, of course. I had to do it. I had to start making changes to my life so that I could continue it on my own. Become my own independent woman.
I'd been too drunk to think about it all last night, and too hungover this morning, but I knew I had to go home. Sooner rather than later.
Lisa was an absolute angel. She really cared. I had other friends, of course but none that I could talk to the way we had talked the night before. Overnight, she'd become my new best friend.
I hugged her at the door and thanked her profusely for everything.
'Will you be alright?' she asked, as she locked the front door.
'Probably not,' I said, holding my stomach.
'You gonna be sick again?' she asked.
I shook my head. 'No, I don't think so.'
'Well, you've got my number and email now, so if you need to talk, any time, just call me. And I wrote down my address and put it in your pocket, so you can pop by any time. Remember that, Eve. We're going to be good pals, from now on, and I don't want you to have to go through any more shit on your own, you got it?' she asked, like only a mum would. Probably because she'd raised two really good kids of her own.
I nodded. 'Lisa, thank you for everything. Well, I'd better go and face the music.'
'You'll be okay. Call me later, okay?'
I nodded as I walked back down the driveway to my car. Shivering, I climbed in. It was freezing, so I whacked up the heating and slowly reversed back down the rest of the driveway, turning around at the bottom, before I drove back onto the main road and headed home.
As I eventually turned into my own driveway, I noticed Adam's bedroom blinds were still closed. He'd probably be sleeping off his own hangover.
Matt's car was parked, badly, just off the kerb and I cursed under my breath. I didn't want to see him. I hated him so much at that moment, and I would have preferred to rid myself of the feeling before I confronted him. But that wasn't going to happen. I got out of the car and walked up to the front door. Pushing it open, I found Matt sitting on the floor by the bottom of the stairs. My hatred fell away the second I laid eyes on him.
His face was filled with so much remorse; he was racked with guilt. How could I be so angry with him when I had been fighting my own feelings about Adam?
'Eve,' he cried, standing up. 'I didn't know if you'd come back. I was worried sick. I called you so many times.'
I dropped my handbag onto the hallway floor. 'I know. I threw the phone in the back of the car. I couldn't talk to you, Matt.'
'Evie, babe,' he said, carefully lifting his hand to move a stray hair out of my eye. 'I'm sorry. I should have told you everything. I should have come clean. We both know things haven't been right between us for so long, but this... this was... unforgivable. I'm so sorry. Charlie hates herself right now, too.'
'Yeah, I know how that feels,' I said pushing his hand away and walking into the kitchen. I went towards the kettle but Matt carefully pushed me aside and made me sit down.
'Let me do it. Tea with a little milk, right? I should make it sweet, yeah?' he said kindly.
I nodded. 'Not too sweet. I've spent the past couple of hours hugging the toilet bowl.'
'Oh, babe.'
I held my hand up. 'Please don't call be babe anymore, Matt. It just seems wrong.'
'Yeah, okay. I get it.'
'So how long has it been going on?' I asked, not really wanting to know, but needing to nonetheless.
He stiffened and turned to face me. 'You don't want to know, Eve. You're better off not knowing all the details.'
I shook my head. 'I need to, Matt. I don't want to, I just need to know. Just tell me and get it over with.'
He slowly nodded. 'It was instant between us. The moment she came over that night, when they came to introduce themselves. It was like I'd been hit by a bus or something. It was the same for her.'
I nodded; I knew what that was like.
'But we tried to fight it, ba... Eve. We did try, but it was just so strong...'
'Or you were too weak?'
'Yeah, probably a bit of that, too. I'm so sorry. I hope one day you'll forgive us both. We didn't mean for this to happen. And then, then she...'
'Got pregnant?'
He stiffened again and nodded.
'Why didn't you tell us then, Matt? It was cruel to let Adam think the baby was his. Cruel.'
'I know, but we didn't know. We didn't know if it was mine or Adam's.'
'Well, we certainly don't need a DNA test to prove paternity, do we? I saw the baby, Matt. It looks exactly like you.'
'Yes, she does,' he whispered.
'She? It's a girl?' I asked, as a lone tear began to bulge out of the inner corner of my eye and dropped suddenly down the side of my nose.
'Yes, a little girl.' He smiled.<
br />
'Does she have a name?' I asked.
'Charlie has an idea, but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. We wanted to run it by you first.'
'Why me?'
'Charlie knows that you can't have children so she wants to call her... Evelyn.'
'Oh Matt that's kind of twisted, don't you think? But kind of sweet too, I guess. God, this is so fucked up.'
'I know.'
'What are we going to do?' I asked, not really thinking.
Matt shrugged. 'What do you want to do?'
'Well, we'll have to start divorce proceedings, naturally,' I said matter-of-factly. 'And we'll have to sell the house.'
'Yes, yes,' he said.
'I'm so confused at the moment, Matt. I'd really like it if you could leave the house for a while. Actually, no. I'm going to leave,' I said, thinking about Adam right next door. I needed to get away from everyone.
'No, you don't need to. I'll pack my things and go. Give you some time.'
I held my hand up, 'No, I'll go and stay with Mum and Dad for a while. Perhaps, while I'm there, you can put the house on the market. It shouldn't take long to sell. I'll give the lawyer Power of Attorney so you can sell to the first person who shows any interest. I'll pack my things before I go,' I said, speaking more to myself than to Matt. I was hiding my emotion, thinking solely on a practical level. 'You'll have to have the cat. She can't come with me.'
'Absolutely. Anything, Eve. Anything. Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it.'
I want you to rewind time and not have a baby with the fucking neighbour, screamed the devil on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off and just smiled sadly. 'Yes, yes.'
'I'll leave for a few days while you pack. Just call me and let me know when your flight is. I could take you to the airport, if you like?'
I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. 'No, I want to leave now. Right now. Let me throw a few things together and you can drive me straight to the airport.'
Matt looked at me, his eyes wide with surprise, 'Are you sure?' he asked.
I nodded, I wasn't sure about anything, anymore. All I knew is that I wanted to leave. I wanted to get out of that house, away from them, away from their baby, away from my life as I knew it.
oOo
'Hey, Lisa, it's me.'
'Hey, babe. How are you feeling?'
'Not great. I just wanted to ring you and let you know what I'm doing. I've decided to go and see my parents for a while. I need to get away, you know?'
'I know, hon. I understand. When are you leaving?'
'I'm at the airport right now.'
Lisa chuckled on the other end of the phone. 'You don't mess about, do you?'
'If I gave it too much thought, I'd probably just carry on as normal, and I don't want that.'
'Of course not, and you shouldn't just plod on, either. You deserve a life, Eve. Happiness.'
'Happiness? What is that? I've forgotten what it feels like.'
'Oh babe. You'll feel it again. You just need some time, I guess.'
'Time on my own, yeah. I think it'll do me good.'
'Absolutely. Have you seen Matt yet?' she asked.
I nodded. 'Yeah, he was waiting for me at the house.'
'And?'
'He was distraught.'
'He was distraught? What about you, Eve?'
'I just don't know, Lisa. I don't know anything, anymore. You should have seen the look in his eyes. He's devastated about what he's done to me. I could see that.'
'Well, he bloody well should be, that asshole,' she said, and I chuckled. 'Hey, are you sure you're going to be okay?'
'No, not really, but I'll figure this out. Look, I'd better go, my flight's boarding already.'
'Okay, honey. Ring me in a few days and let me know how you are, okay?'
'I will, and Lisa?'
'Yeah, hon?'
'Thanks for being such a great friend.'
'Always here you for you, babe. Try and get some rest. Speak soon.'
I hung up the phone and smiled before I headed towards my departure gate.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Standing on the cliff top at Sagres, I took a lungful of oxygen and sighed it out slowly through my lips. Blue was all I could see. The sea was green-blue up close but deepened in colour the further out I looked, and the sky just went on forever, not a single cloud to be seen.
Turning, I watched as my parents huddled together out of the wind. I knew they were confused, but I'd insisted I wouldn't say another thing on the matter when they'd pressed me a week before at the airport...
'But, my love. What about Adam? He's the one you...'
I'd held up my hand and shook my head. 'Mum, not a word. Don't you get it? I don't want to talk about it. Not with you, not with anyone. Just let me have some peace while I figure out what I'm going to do, okay?'
She'd sighed and reluctantly nodded, rubbing my shoulders. 'Whatever you want. You can stay as long as you need to. I've set up the spare bedroom upstairs, alright? It's yours for as long as you need it.'
Unable to stop the tears, I had nodded and she'd hugged me close. It was the first time she'd done that for years; it felt good. Dad, a little lost, had stepped forward and hugged us both. People stared as the three of us, stood there in the middle of Faro airport, holding each other as tears flowed down my cheeks.
'Now, stop those tears, sweetheart,' Mum said, as she pulled away and wiped my cheeks with her handkerchief. 'Come on, George. Grab her bag and let's go. Let's go home. Okay?' she asked, turning to me.
I didn't say a word, I just nodded. We didn't always see eye to eye, but I was so lucky that Joyce and George Baggin were my parents.
That had been a week ago, and after spending a few days in my pyjamas watching daytime television, Dad insisted we get out of the house for a few hours. Trying to include me in life, they insisted I chose where to go.
'Sagres. I want to go to Sagres.'
Heading back towards them and pulling my woolly jumper close to my body, I could barely breathe, the wind was so strong. But it was exhilarating, feeling it biting into my face. My long hair was getting more and more tangled as it whipped about my head, but I just let it. I couldn't care less what I looked like.
Mum grimaced when I approached. 'Look at the state of you,' she tutted, smiling and rummaging around in her handbag. 'Here,' she handed me a hairbrush as I climbed into the back seat of their old Peugeot. 'You'd better brush your hair before we stop for a bite to eat.'
Dutifully, I tried to run the brush through my locks, but the knots were everywhere. I relaxed back and looked out the window, watching as the sea disappeared behind us.
'Wait!' I yelled, spotting something along the road.
'What?' Mum cried. 'What is it?'
'Dad, can you pull over?'
'Why ever do you want us to do that?' she asked as Dad stopped the car in a nearby parking space.
'There's a coffee shop over there. You and Dad go for a coffee. There's just something I need to do. I won't be long, I hope.'
'Wh..wh...' Mum muttered but Dad shushed her and nodded. 'Yes, dear.' Mum smiled at me. 'We'll go for a coffee in there.'
I grabbed my handbag and ran back down the street, walking into the salon I'd spotted.
'Hi. Do you speak English?' I asked the stylist who was sitting inside reading a Portuguese magazine.
She nodded and smiled. 'A little.'
'Great,' I immediately sat down. 'Cut it, please.'
'A trim?' she said, in near perfect English.
I shook my head. 'No. Cut it. All of it.'
She looked a little taken aback before grinning. 'Of course.'
oOo
'Evelyn? Evie? No, what have you done? Your beautiful hair!' Mum cried, standing up and rushing towards me, her hands covering her mouth as she shook her head. 'Your beautiful hair,' she cried again and again.
Feeling somewhat liberated, I grinned mischievously. 'Don't you like it?' I asked, knowing full well she hate
d it.
Dad approached us with a smile, 'Sweetheart, I think you look beautiful. It brings out your cheekbones,' he said, kissing me on the cheek. 'Shall we go?'
'Oh, Eve. Why? Why would you do something like that?' Mum kept saying in the car.
I just sat back, finding the hairbrush beneath my fingers.
'I won't be needing this anymore, Mum,' I laughed, handing it to her in the front.
'Oh, Evie,' she muttered under her breath.
'Where would you like to go for lunch?' Dad asked, trying to change the subject.
Mum just shrugged, so he looked at me through the rear view mirror. 'Honey?'
'Lagos somewhere? Or shall we just head back home?' I suggested.
'No, let's not go home just yet. Lagos it is,' he said, as he readjusted his sitting position, and we drove the next thirty minutes in silence.
Eventually pulling up into a large car park, we climbed out of the car and started walking towards the marina, where a multitude of restaurants and cafes were located. Rounding the corner, I smiled at the sight of all the boats. It'd been a while since I visited Lagos marina, but it was one of those places that relaxed me.
'Can you order something for me? I'd like to go for a little walk on my own, first. I need to stretch my legs.'
'We'll walk with you,' Mum said, before Dad pulled her away from me and shook his head.
I heard her tut and then, as I wandered away, they began to bicker.
Brushing my hand through my newly cropped hair, I smiled. A couple walking towards me, hand in hand, smiled at me. My heart ached at the sight of them but I continued to smile nonetheless.
Wondering what was happening at home, I sighed. Home. Where was home now? I no longer had one. I was homeless and alone. A single woman; a single woman approaching forty, no less. I hadn't been single since I was seventeen, and it was difficult to digest. What would I do? Where would I go?
Suddenly, my chest felt so constricted that I literally stopped, as if I'd been punched in the stomach. Holding my hand to my chest, a middle-aged woman who had been walking past stopped and moved closer.
'Are you alright, treasure?' she asked in a thick London accent.
'I...I think so,' I answered, looking a little lost.