“I want you,” I clarified. My body was so ready for him I thought I’d melt onto the seat. “I don’t need you.”
He startled me by reaching across the table to put his hand over mine, waking my body to even more reckless excitement. “I want you, Jill,” he said, his grin wiped away by utter sincerely. “I want you in my bed making me crazy. I want you in my house spilling wine on my carpet. And I want you making babies with me so we’ll have someone we can both love together.”
I stared at him for the longest time, seeing hope shining in his eyes. Then I swallowed back the lump in my throat. No wonder Fritha wanted me to marry him, despite what she’d told him about Doug. And maybe she’d only done that to make Finn jealous, so we’d get married, so we’d have babies. I’d never met anyone I’d thought would be a wonderful father before. But Finn… I could see it all so clearly—the two of us with a passel of noisy little minimes underfoot. He’d be so patient, so gentle, reminding me that a crayon drawing on the carpet wasn’t a good reason for infanticide. He’d make me laugh when I just wanted to cry.
Like I did now.
Only, “What if you decide you don’t want me anymore? Like you don’t want Katinka now.” He must have loved her once. What if we had babies and he left me, like he’d just left her?
My question caught him off-guard and the light in his eyes dimmed. I could see he was reassessing all the ground he’d imagined we’d made in the last ten minutes. I took the time to remind myself of Missy Lou’s situation and how important it was not to get lured into bad decisions. She was stuck with a terrible life. I didn’t want to emulate that.
Luckily, our meals arrived to break the tension and we ate in silence broken only by polite conversation about the beautiful ocean and our pleasant surrounds. I was grateful that he wasn’t pushing me any further. When we were finished eating, I asked if I could leave, pleading a headache which wasn’t a lie.
I was growing sadder by the minute and I just wanted to be alone. He insisted on walking me back to my room and when I reached my door and got out my room key, he said from behind me, “I’ll help you achieve your financial goals, Jill. I’m sincere about that. I care about you as a friend, beyond the fact that I’m in love with you. I want you to be happy.”
I couldn’t look at him. I just knew I’d cry. So I nodded with my back to him. “Too bad we fell in love cheating on your wife. That’s not the best template for a faithful relationship.”
He grasped my shoulders and gently turned me to face him, his expression solemn. “Even when you’re pushing me away, I love everything about you. And I’m happy to have any part of you in my life that you’re comfortable sharing.”
“I’m not comfortable with this,” I said, glancing at his hand on my shoulder. He was so close I could smell his light aftershave, and it made me think of moonlit walks and skinny-dips in the ocean and steamy, sweaty sex with those large hands sliding over my body. My emotions were all over the place and the desire between us just confused me more.
He removed his hands and stepped back a pace. “Sure. I’m sorry. We’ll stick with business. So how’s this for a proposition?” With his hands in his pockets and his head tilted back he looked every inch the successful businessman he clearly was. “What if you come and live with me, and I pay ten thousand dollars a week—”
“No. Just no.” I wanted to shudder. The last thing I wanted was to be Finn’s personal prostitute. I’d rather fuck a hundred other men than feel demeaned like that.
“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “That was a bad idea.”
“It was.”
“But jealousy isn’t an easy thing to live with. Just so you know.”
I shook my head. “You weren’t jealous of Katinka. Is this because I’m fucking men?”
“It’s you,” he said quietly. “I’d be jealous of you patting a cat. I’d want it to be me.”
Despite my angst, that made me smile. “Now that the dreadlocks are gone, I can stop worrying about you shedding.”
He smiled back, and we had a brief moment of peace between us. “I’ll look into the tea house idea.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “And thanks for dinner. It was…fraught, but tasty.”
His smile was slow to come. “Just like you. You’re certainly a unique individual Jill Wilson. And for the record, I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.” He was clearly trying to combat my you left her, you’d leave me line.
I wanted to say Neither have I, but that didn’t fix anything, so I decided to focus on Fritha and the tea house. That was something I hopefully could fix, with Finn’s help. He was going to look at the proposal, and he seemed to know what he was doing, which made me ask, “What do you do for work?” My assumptions about him being some sort of programmer were probably all wrong.
“My company sells software plugins for websites. I’ve created some of them, but I’ve got a good team. We’ve done okay.”
I nodded, wondering what okay meant. “So… you don’t need to work all the time?”
“I don’t need to work at all,” he said. “My office in Surfers Paradise was purely to get me out of the house.” He shrugged. We both knew why. “The company is actually based here in Sydney and has a manager who runs it. She briefs me on anything I need to make decisions about, otherwise it’s her show.”
I felt my hackles rise. “She’s smart then. Is she pretty?”
He nodded.
“I hate her.”
“She’s happily married with a child on the way, does that help?”
“Okay, I just resent her now.”
He smiled that slow, sexy smile that completely undid me. “I really want to fuck you right now. Just letting you know.”
I was indecently turned on by his swearing. I knew he only did it for my benefit. “Suave.”
He shrugged again. “You bring out my best.”
“Goodnight Finn.”
He held out a hand before I could turn, and manners saw me shake it, trying very hard not to be turned on by those large, warm fingers. He raised an eyebrow. “I’ll be naked in the adjoining room. Just on the other side of that door. In case you change your mind.”
Bastard. He’d created that mind-picture deliberately, and of course, I couldn’t help visualizing his very large cock. Well, two could play at that game. “Sorry, but I’ll be catching up on sleep. I’ve had so little in the last fortnight.” While I’ve been fucking an athletic twenty-two year old, five times a night.
He nodded, several times, and looked like he had his jaw clenched, but in the end he only said, “Sleep well then.”
I smiled sweetly, released his hand and let myself into my room without looking back.
Snap! Take that Mr. Teaser.
I knew I shouldn’t be bantering with Finn, especially when he’d told me that jealousy hurt, but damn him, I was hurting too!
But I couldn’t walk away from the opportunity to make Fritha’s dream come true. Of course, I hoped there was another way that didn’t involve more husband sitting. But if I wasn’t going to get together with Finn, because I was worried he’d leave me like he left Katinka, it didn’t matter if I did another month or two. Uncomfortable though it was, it would be worth it to see Fritha happily running the business she’d always wanted. Maybe then she’d give up on the bridesmaid thing.
And maybe I didn’t have to break my heart over Finn. Even if I was confused about us, I only needed to be with him now—in a non-sexual way—long enough to see if the tea house idea was viable. There were ‘no strings attached’ to that offer.
Surely I could do that for another day?
At least I hoped I could. But as I showered away the nervous sweat of our dinner date—our first date, I suddenly realized—I had to admit it would be damn hard to stop thinking about bonking his brains out. Since I’d left his house in Surfers Paradise, I hadn’t had a moment in his presence that I didn’t want to rip his clothes off, even when I’d been furious with him. I hadn’t real
ized it was possible to desire someone so much.
And maybe it was because I’d decided he was off-limits. Or maybe it was because he was constantly surprising me. When we’d first met, I’d thought he was quiet and shy, but that was just one facet to his personality. Since then I’d seen so many more. Unfortunately for me, every new version of him was lovable, and the savvy, high-powered, business-owner version I’d seen tonight was particularly sexy.
I couldn’t help wondering if he had a boardroom with one of those long, polished wood tables. Unfortunately, that got me started fantasizing about him ushering me in there, locking the doors, stripping my clothes off and laying me on the table so he could show me just how good his skills at cunnilingus were.
While this fantasy was progressing, the jet of water from the shower head I’d been using somehow found its way toward my pussy and before I knew it, I was squirming against the shiny white tiles of the shower cubicle, trying very hard not to squeal as a short, sharp orgasm clutched me and exploded across my clit.
I felt weak after that, and tired. On the upside, my headache was gone. There was something about the muscle relaxation post-orgasm that killed a tension headache in mid-thump. But I had no energy for hunting up jobs, so I smeared some body lotion on and had a big drink of water before I hit the sheets, which were cool and smooth. Half an hour later I realized the air-conditioning was keeping me awake. It was too cold and I didn’t want to muck around for an hour trying to find the right temperature, so I crawled out of bed, switched it off and opened the window to let in some warm sea air.
Immediately I could hear the soft swishing of waves on the shore below. A faint sound of traffic drifted up as well, but that was easily ignored. I bumbled back to bed and slid in, my limbs heavy. Maybe I hadn’t lied about that fortnight of fucking wearing me out. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this tired.
I had a fleeting thought about Finn next door, helping me start up a business, and I wished things were different between us—maybe that I’d met him at some point in the future when I could get into a relationship, when he’d already been divorce. Or if he was just a friend, I could hug him and say I love you for helping me because I felt so damned grateful in that moment. I’d never been brilliant with money and had never bothered to educate myself about investment. His mentorship might change my whole life. If I was clever about this, I might get to the stage—as he was—where I never needed to work again. That would be awesome!
And it would only be because Finn cared about me as a friend, not just a prospective fuck-buddy. That made me feel sentimental, and if I hadn’t been so exhausted, I might have cried. As it was, I fell asleep so fast I forgot to set an alarm.
Bad mistake.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: All Kinds Of Stupid
“Jill. Wake up.”
I felt a sting on my cheek and my bleary eyes wavered open.
Finn’s face loomed into view.
“Wha-th-fuck,” I slurred, and thrust out my hands to push him away. I looked around the room and daylight was streaming in. Not early morning daylight. This was full sun. “Wha-time?”
“It’s after ten-thirty.”
“Oh.” My arms flopped back onto the bed.
“Jesus, Jill.” He was frowning so much I thought his forehead might collapse on itself. “I tried texting and phoning. I even had reception phone you. They gave me a key.”
I swallowed down a furry taste in my mouth. “I’ll bet Melody was very helpful.” Smarmy bitch had probably fallen over herself to be accommodating.
“I thought you’d…” He looked away from me with some expression on his face that I couldn’t decipher. I was too sleepy.
“What?”
“I thought you’d overdosed on sleeping tablets or alcohol or something. I was going to ring an ambulance.”
“I…what?” I pushed my hair off my face and sat up in bed.
His gaze dropped immediately to my boobs and I looked down and saw that I was naked with the sheet at my waist. I pulled it up and tried not to be cranky. He looked genuinely worried.
“I sleep heavily. That’s all.” There’d been quite a few occasions at Simon’s house where we’d been mid-fuck before I’d woken up properly. And last night I’d been totally exhausted, both physically and emotionally.
Finn shook his head and walked over to the window, looking down at the ocean for the longest time. I stared at him, willing myself to wake up properly, to take control of the situation, but all I could think was I want that man in my bed. He was wearing lime board shorts and a white tank top over muscles that hadn’t been there when I’d seen him naked a month ago. His back was so beautiful I wanted to lick it all over.
Instead, I licked my lips and tried to talk without slurring. “Have you been going to the gym?”
He glanced back at me and nodded, his mouth held in a tight line.
“Why?”
“You’re fucking other men. I’ve got competition.”
I shook my head, unable to comprehend that he’d been trying to make himself more attractive to me. He was already the most fuckable man I’d ever met.
He turned to face me, and finally said, “I thought you were dead.”
“I’m not suicidal.”
“I know.” He was unnaturally still, and it was obvious he was trying to calm himself down. “I was scared and, because of the stomach pumping, I jumped to conclusions.”
“If you thought I was an alcoholic, why would you love me?”
He swallowed hard. I could see his Adam’s apple move from where I sat. “I don’t know. You’re a Husband Sitter, for chrissakes. All I know is that I’m past the point of no return.”
I felt my resistance soften, and I realized that beyond all the sex and love and drama, I actually cared about Finn as a friend. I’d upset my friend, and that made me feel bad. “I’m sorry I scared you. Do you want to go swimming before we talk business?” It might settle him down. Water always did that for me.
He took a deep breath. “Yes. That’s a good idea.”
“I’ll need to get into my bikini.”
“Can I watch?”
I’d hoped to distract him from his angst with talk of swimming and bikinis, but I hadn’t expected him to banter at me.
It made me smile. “No you can’t.”
“Then I’ll wait outside.”
“Five minutes.”
His eyebrows rose. “Wow. That’s fast. That’s good,” he added, as though worried he’d offended me.
I shrugged. “I don’t wear make-up to go swimming. I just have to brush my hair and pee.”
“I’ll treat you to a fine breakfast when we come back,” he promised. “We can talk shop then. And I’ve got towels organized already. You just need to bring your room key. Or…” He glanced down at the one in his hand.
“Or you could bring my room key, now that you have a convenient copy of it.” I smiled to take the sting out of my words.
“It will test my willpower, but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to keep it.”
I shrugged again. I didn’t imagine for a second that he’d break in without permission. Clearly, he’d only done it this once because he’d thought there was an emergency.
“Okay.” He nodded, frowning again, as though he hadn’t expected my easy acceptance. Then as he was turning away, he added, “I’d better ring Fritha back.”
I had one leg out of the bed, with the sheet still clutched to my chest, waiting for him to exit when his words registered, and suddenly every jealous fantasy I’d had about the two of them slammed back into my brain. “Fritha?”
“I was worried and—”
“Have you got her on fucking speed dial?” Hot jealousy surged through my veins and I had no hope of dampening it down. “Is she your go-to girl when you’ve got a problem now? Your confidante and best buddy?”
What was wrong with me? I almost added You’ll be fucking her next but somehow, even amid the madness of my jealousy, I realized I’d neve
r forgive myself if I said that about Fritha.
“No,” he said quietly, standing very still beside the door. “She’s your friend and I thought she might know what was happening. As you keep telling me, I don’t know you very well. She does.”
I glared at him, not wanting to acknowledge the logic in his actions. All I could think about was the two of them growing closer, sharing confidences, becoming friends, like Finn wanted us to be. But I knew that friends was a step away from sex. She already thought he was hot. Jesus, even their names went together—Fritha and Finn. It was like they were made for each other, and it suddenly occurred to me that if Finn was involved in setting up her tea shop, they’d probably spend even more time together. And I couldn’t bear that.
I just couldn’t.
“Jill,” he said quietly, forcing me to look at him. “I don’t understand what’s going on. But I want you to know I have zero sexual interest in Fritha. Nothing has ever happened between us. Nothing ever will. She’s not going to become my friend. She’s your friend. You are the only woman I’m sexually interest in.”
His quiet assurance in the face of my crazy jealousy should have infuriated me, but something about his measured breathing quieted me down. Slowly, rationality bled back in and I realized I’d look like a complete lunatic if I argued with his statement, so I nodded. And even pushed myself to say, “So for future reference, you wouldn’t bonk Angelina Jolie if she fell into your bed?”
His delicious smile returned. “She’s far too predictable. I like to be surprised.”
By hearing about what husband I’ve fucked lately? I don’t think so. But I acknowledged his banter with, “Touché.”
“Then I’ll meet you at the elevator.”
Still expecting us to swim.
He let himself out and when I was sure he wasn’t coming back, I got my naked butt out of bed and ran through my morning ablutions, telling myself I could do this. My hair was a mess so I brushed it into a ponytail and threw on my aqua tie-side bikini and matching aqua sandals, snatching up sunglasses on the way to the door, telling myself it was a business meeting, and that when our business was concluded, I might never see him again. I also told myself this was my holiday and I was damned well going to enjoy it.
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