She frowned and turned to her laptop. “Never mind.”
“Sorry.”
“Whatever. Didn’t mean to bother you.”
Toby—Professor Foley—cleared his throat and told everyone to open their text books. Some people pulled out physical books, while others turned on their tablets. I’d forgotten both. Great.
He scanned the class as he spoke, skipping over me. He held Grace’s gaze for a few moments before moving onto the next student.
I felt the sting of… what? Rejection? Disappointment?
Why did I care? I was probably just imagining that we had a past together. It was ridiculous. He was older than me—a professor, for heaven’s sake! I was just a freshman who couldn’t remember anything.
I was grasping for straws—embarrassingly too eager to find things that weren’t there. He was hot, and I just wanted to smell and feel his hair. Which was ridiculous, especially considering what I was building with Carter. He was gorgeous, too—and I knew what he smelled and tasted like. Purely wonderful. Plus, he’d gone out of his way to bring me to the club and even get me a job.
He was who I needed to focus on. Not an out-of-reach professor who already had gobs of girls clamoring for his attention. What was I, besides some girl who couldn’t even keep her credit cards up to date? That was probably why he wouldn’t look at me. He might even regret having helped me with lunch. As soon as I received my first paycheck, the first thing I was going to do was to repay him. Then hopefully we could just be a normal student and instructor.
Grace poked me.
I looked up. Professor Foley and the entire class was looking at me.
My face burned.
“Answer him,” Grace muttered.
“Can you repeat the question?” I cleared my throat.
He smiled, instantly relaxing me. “I asked if you have any questions about the syllabus.”
Oh, good. An easy question. I shook my head. “It was perfectly clear. My favorite, actually.”
A few people snickered around me.
My face warmed again.
Toby’s smiled widened and the kindness in his eyes nearly melted me into a puddle. “I’m glad to hear it.” He turned and asked another kid something about the syllabus.
I slumped down in the seat, my heart thundering against my chest.
“Maybe you need more coffee,” Grace whispered.
Or a cold shower.
Toby moved to the white board and started writing numbers with a red pen. He turned around. “Statistics is my favorite math course, and I hope to help you all enjoy it as much as I do.”
Some people groaned and others giggled.
I didn’t know how I’d learn a single thing with him teaching. Looking at that gorgeous face was too much of a distraction, especially when our gazes met. Somehow I needed to find a way to break my attraction to him. It would be the only way I could survive with a decent grade.
He started speaking about the real-world uses for statistics, and it piqued my interest. I followed along, typing notes, finally able to concentrate as I stared at the screen.
It seemed like time sped by, and before I knew it, the class was over.
“Can I ride with you to the other side of campus?” Grace asked. “I promise not to annoy you. Well, I’ll try not to.”
“Yeah, sure.” I slid my laptop into my bag.
“Sorry about earlier.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it was me. I gotta get more sleep.”
“Yeah, don’t you know coffee’s bad for you?”
I held my latte close. “No, it’s liquid heaven.”
She laughed and then we headed for the door.
“Victoria,” Toby said.
I froze and then turned to him, unable to find my voice.
He smiled sweetly. “It seems like you might be having trouble, is there anything I can help with?”
My mouth gaped and the room heated by at least ten degrees. Or was that me?
“Since we eat lunch at the same time, why don’t we talk then?”
A group of girls stared at me, jealousy covering all of their faces. If looks could kill, I’d be dead on the floor.
I glanced back at Toby. “Okay. Thanks.”
He grinned, seeming genuinely happy. “Perfect, I’ll see you then.”
A curvy brunette with too much makeup stepped forward. “Can we make it a study group, Professor Foley?” She batted her eyelashes.
“Shoot me an email, and we’ll set up a meeting in my office.”
Her face fell, and she left the room, muttering. The other girls followed, consoling her.
Toby didn’t seem to notice. He turned back to me. “Maybe we can find somewhere to eat outside. The weather’s so nice this time of year, it would be a shame not to take advantage of it.”
I nodded, unable to stop looking into his beautiful eyes. I could get lost in them if I let myself.
“Perfect. See you in an hour.”
Grace tugged on my arm. “We gotta go, or we’ll be late.”
“See you then,” I whispered to Toby and then pulled my gaze from him.
Geography proved to be a good distraction, and by the time I made it to the cafeteria—paying with cash that Carter had given me—I felt more grounded when Toby found me at the soda fountains.
“Are you ready to discuss statistics?” His eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled at me.
“As ready as I’m ever going to be.” I cringed, hoping that everything coming from my mouth over lunch wouldn’t sound so stupid. “Thanks for helping me out.”
“My pleasure. I saw a shaded bench outside. Hopefully it’s still free.”
I followed him outside, balancing my tray. He led me to a picnic bench that had a couple squirrels fighting over a nut. Toby shooed them away and brushed off the table.
We sat and ate quietly for a few minutes. After I’d finished my chicken salad, I glanced up and found him looking at me. As we stared into each other’s eyes, I couldn’t help noticing how at ease I felt. Like I was home.
Or crazy. He was my professor.
I pulled my gaze away and picked at some fruit.
Something inside of me urged me to ask him if we’d met before. I told it to be quiet. It said no, that I needed to talk with him.
My theory about going crazy was looking more like a possibility than ever before. Except that crazy people didn’t know they were crazy, did they?
I sighed.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
“I’m just tired. You know, trying to get used to college life.”
“It’s pretty different from high school, isn’t it?” He tapped the table. The look on his face made me think he knew something about what I couldn’t remember.
That only proved I was losing it.
“What was high school like for you?” he asked.
I shrugged. “You know.”
Toby shook his head. “Tell me.”
“I thought we were here to discuss statistics.”
He straightened his back. “I’m just trying to get a feel for your background. Were you good at math?”
I bit my lower lip. “Maybe.”
“You don’t know?” His eyes were kind. Concerned.
The world seemed to spin around, out of control.
“Is something the matter?”
I studied his face. The urge to pull him close and make everything better was strong. My arms wanted to reach out for him. But it was ridiculous. I was crazy.
He cleared his throat and leaned a little closer. “If it’s stressing you out too much, we can change the subject. What do you want to talk about?”
My pulse picked up speed. “I don’t know.” I looked down at my food, but I’d lost whatever appetite had remained.
What was wrong with me?
Something inside me nudged me to tell him.
Now I was hearing voices, to top everything off. Tears misted my eyes. I tried blinking them away.
“Victoria?”
I glanced up at him. A single teardrop clung to an eyelash.
His mouth dropped. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, fine.” I wiped my eye, brushing away the tear. “Everything’s great.”
Toby frowned and put his hand on top of mine. His skin was so soft… his touch, so familiar.
The voice inside of me screamed to tell him everything.
I swallowed, ready to burst into tears. I couldn’t lose it in the middle of the bustling campus. In a matter of minutes, people would pour out from the cafeteria and the surrounding buildings. But somehow, crying in front of the man in front of me seemed infinitely worse.
He removed his hand from mine and cleared his throat. “Just know that if you need to talk about anything, I’m here. Not just as a math instructor or faculty adviser.” He pulled out a business card. “This is my personal cell phone number. Call anytime you need something, okay?”
I nodded and stuck the card in my bag. The voice inside urged me to talk about what was going on. I rose and picked up my tray. “Thanks, Toby. The—” I froze, realizing I’d just called him by his first name.
Our gazes locked. His eyes widened and his pupils dilated. Something else registered on his face. Surprise? Hope? It was hard to tell, though it had to be shock. He’d never told our class his first name.
“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I don’t know where that came from, Professor Foley. I meant no disrespect. I’m sorry.”
I grabbed my tray and ran into the cafeteria.
Chapter 16
Victoria
I slumped into the seat and closed my eyes. Around me, everyone discussed how mean Massaro was for making us write the papers at exactly three thousand words. At least I wasn’t the only one annoyed, but at this point, it was the least of my concerns.
Someone sat next to me.
“Are you okay?” Carter asked.
“Yeah.” I didn’t open my eyes.
“You emailed in your paper, right?” he asked.
“This morning, before my first class.”
“What’s the matter, then?”
“I’m just tired.”
He patted my hand—the same one Toby had touched.
My eyes flew open, and I gasped for air.
Carter studied me. “Maybe I should tell Yurika you need to work a little earlier.”
I shrugged. “I don’t want to be a pain. I’ll work around her schedule.”
“What would help you get more sleep? Studying earlier?”
“Not having to write a paper with an exact word count,” I mumbled.
He chuckled. “Let me rephrase that. Is there anything I have any control over that I can help with?”
“I wish. No, I probably just need to get used to college life.”
Carter leaned close and whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my skin. “I’m sure it would be a lot easier if you could remember your life, right?”
I nodded and rested against him. “That would definitely help.”
He kissed my cheek. “We’ll see what we can do about that.”
“How?”
“Maybe we’ll find the answers in this class. It is psychology.”
“I’m not going to hold my breath.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve never heard of an intro psych course solving anyone’s problems.”
His lips curved into a smile. “There’s always a first time for everything. And besides, it’s not like your memory is the best.”
That comment hit me like a slap to the face. I scooted away from him.
“Wait, I didn’t mean—”
“Someone didn’t send me their assignment,” Massaro bellowed as he entered the classroom. “Which one of you bold souls dared to defy me? You’d best admit it now since I already know who you are.”
Silence hung in the air. Despite all my problems, I pitied the person who hadn’t turned in the assignment.
“Nobody wants to take responsibility?” He dropped his bag onto the table. The sound echoed all around.
He narrowed his eyes and glanced around the room. “It would be better for the person to stand up now and admit her shortcoming.”
Massaro paced the room, taking the time to make eye contact with each student individually.
Finally, he stopped. “I’m almost impressed with this student’s brazenness. But I urge her to speak up now.”
The only sounds in the room were of people breathing.
“Who is Victoria Bernhardt?”
My throat closed up.
“I thought you said you sent it,” Carter whispered.
“Where is Miss Bernhardt?” Massaro demanded.
I raised my hand.
He came over to me, glowering. “Why didn’t you do your assignment?”
“I did.” It barely came out as more than a whisper.
“I don’t have it.” His eyes narrowed and walked over to my desk, towering over me.
“But I sent it.”
“When?”
My entire body shook. “This morning, around nine.”
“Sure you sent it to the right email?” He leaned down, closer to me.
“Y-yes. I double checked.”
He shook his head, making a tsk noise. “Yet four hours later, I still don’t have it.”
I sat up straight. “I can prove it. It’s in my sent folder.”
“You’d better hope so. Show me now.”
Carter met my gaze as I pulled out my laptop. My hands shook so bad, I nearly dropped it. Once my email was open, I was so nervous, I had to type my password four times before I got it right.
I scrolled over to my sent messages and showed him. “See? It’s right here. There’s your email address, and it shows I sent it at five after nine, exactly.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Open it.”
I did and then scrolled through my exactly three thousand word essay.
“Leta Hollingworth. Good choice, though I was looking for someone a little lesser known. Resend it, and if I don’t reply, print it out and hand it to me tomorrow. Got it?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
He turned around and opened his own laptop. “Turn to page twenty-two of your text books.”
I slunk down in the chair, still shaking. Somehow I made it through the class, but once Carter and I were outside the building, I couldn’t recall anything Massaro had said after humiliating me.
Carter turned to me. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”
“At least I could prove I’d sent it.”
“Still, that sucked a big one. I had to keep myself from punching that jerk in the throat.”
“It wasn’t his fault the email never showed.”
“Yeah, but he didn’t have to treat you like that.” Carter’s face pinched. “I still have half a mind to go back in there and—”
“Don’t. He has something to prove, and I don’t want him taking it out on you. If I have to print out my assignment, I will.”
He frowned. “If you’re sure, I’ll drop it.”
“Thank you.”
“I gotta get to my next class. Study at the Jag again?”
“Yeah, that would be great.”
He pulled me close, embraced me, and kissed the top of my head. “It’ll all be fine. Maybe take a nap. I’ll call you when I’m ready to head over.”
I stared into his eyes. “Thank you. You make me feel sane.”
Carter ran the back of his fingers along my jawline. “My pleasure, and you’re as sane as they come. I’m serious about that nap.” He brushed his lips across mine and walked away.
I watched him until he was out of sight. He really did make me feel normal, which given the circumstances of my life, was a miracle.
A group of four girls came over to me.
“Are you dating Carter Jag?” asked a girl with wavy auburn hair.
“You’re so lucky,” gushed a blonde. “He barely gives anyone
the time of day.”
“Have you been to the Jag?” asked the first girl.
My head spun. “Yeah and yeah.”
They all squealed.
“What’s it like?” asked a redhead, her eyes wide.
“It’s really nice,” I said. “Look, I have to get going.”
“Are you the one who had lunch with Professor Foley?” asked the fourth girl.
“Um, yeah. He was helping me with stats.”
The blonde stepped closer to me. “Can you rub some of your hot-guy magnet on me? Oh-em-gee. You’re, like, the luckiest girl on campus.”
“Right?” The redhead scowled at me. “Save some hotties for other people. So selfish.”
“Seriously, I have to go.” I adjusted the strap on my backpack and ran for the Waldensian.
Once I got to my room, I found Sasha sitting on her bed, blasting music and typing on her laptop. “Hey! How’s it going?”
“Worst day ever.” I kicked my shoes off and threw myself on my bed.
She turned the music down. “That bad?”
“Worse. The only good thing is that things can only get better from here.”
“Ouch. Can I help?”
“I just need a nap.”
“No problem. I can scram. I have a study group soon, anyway.”
“Thanks.” I pulled my covers back.
“Oh, your dad called not long ago.”
The blood drained from my head. “What?”
“Yeah, he called the landline. Nice guy.”
My mouth gaped.
“Have a nice nap.” Sasha smiled. “Don’t forget to call your dad later. Sounded like he really wanted to talk to you.”
“I… Did you get his number?”
Her brows came together. “I didn’t think I needed to. You don’t have it?”
“Uh, never mind. Sorry, like I said—bad day.”
She gave me a sympathetic glance. “Take that nap. Seems like you need it.”
“I will.”
Sasha gathered some things and left the room.
I flopped onto my pillow and pulled the covers up. My dad had called? And talked with Sasha? Why hadn’t he called the cell phone? Or was he expecting the service to be cut off?
I dug into my bag and checked my phone. Full service. Everything seemed fine—except for the lack of contacts.
Was there another phone somewhere with all my memories? Pictures of friends and family? Toby?
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