by Greg Herren
“Oh-oh-oh-oh Tuh-tuh-tuh-Tony,” she managed to say before starting to sob.
“Candy, what’s wrong?” I was wide awake now. “Calm down, and tell me what’s the matter, okay? It’ll be okay.”
It took her a few moments to compose herself, and when she finally did, she managed to get out, “Nuh-nuh-nuh-Noah’s d-d-dead.” She was breathing hard, trying not to start crying again.
I couldn’t have heard that right. “What? You’re not serious. Noah? Noah Greene?” I felt goose bumps coming up on my arms and legs. My scalp was prickling.
“Uh huh.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Noah Greene is dead, Tony. Last night, after the party—he rolled his truck after he dropped off Laney last night.”
“Oh my God.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Was he drunk?”
“I don’t know if he was drunk, but he’d been drinking.” Her voice started quivering again, but somehow she managed to not start sobbing again. “Oh God, Tony, I can’t believe it. Laney just called me…”
“Oh God.” I closed my eyes. I hadn’t even managed to think that far yet. Poor Laney, his poor family—I couldn’t even imagine how they were feeling. I swallowed and wiped tears away. I’d just seen him Friday—the last time I’d talked to him had been after the game. I couldn’t even remember what I’d said, or what he’d said—it hadn’t been anything, just small talk in passing. We’d gone to school together since kindergarten. I hadn’t liked how nasty he’d been to Glenn since the summer, but this? I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I pulled myself together enough to ask, “Do they know what happened?”
“They think he was driving too fast and lost control of his truck and it rolled, went off the road and rolled a couple of times. He was thrown out of the cab, and”—she took another breath, and continued, in a shaky little voice—“the truck rolled over on top of him. He was crushed.” She choked off another sob.
I felt nauseous, and there were these weird shadows crowding in on the corner of my vision. I felt sick, like I was going to throw up. “Oh dear God,” I somehow whispered. It was horrible. What a horrible way to die.
“It’s so awful.” Candy started to cry again.
“How—how is Laney holding up?”
“She sounded numb, like she didn’t believe it.” She blew her nose. “I don’t think—I don’t think it’s really sunk in for her yet? I guess? I don’t know. Oh, Tony, it’s so awful. I can’t believe this happened, it’s just too horrible, poor poor Noah.” She sighed. “I’ve got to go. My mom wants us to go over to the Greenes’, see if there’s anything we can do to help. Although what that might be…” She stifled another sob.
“I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Thanks, I’d like that. Bye.” She hung up.
I put my phone down on the nightstand and stared out the window. It was bright daylight outside. I got up and walked over to the window, not really sure why. I opened it and stuck my head outside, feeling the sun’s warmth and taking a few deep breaths of fresh air. The dark shadows around my vision began to clear and go away. I could hear my heart beating. I closed my eyes and took some more deep breaths.
No one I knew had ever died before. This was new. My grandparents were dead—but that had happened when I was too young to realize what was going on, and having never really known them, I didn’t miss them.
But Noah Greene was my age, in my class.
People our age just didn’t die. They weren’t supposed to.
Noah and I had never been friends. We hadn’t been enemies, either, for that matter. I’d never really known him all that well. He’d gone steady with Laura Pryce for years until her parents died.
But I hadn’t known Laura’s parents. I’d known her—and she’d stayed with the Nortons after her parents died, before she went to live in California. I’d liked Laura, had felt bad for her.
First her parents, now Noah.
But at least they’d broken up after she moved away.
I walked back over to my bed and sat down. I picked up my phone. Without thinking about what I was doing, I dialed Glenn’s number.
He answered on the second ring. “Hey, Tony, what’s up?”
The sound of his voice somehow made me relieved, like a part of me had been afraid he was dead, too. “Did you hear about Noah Greene?” I asked.
“No, why?”
“He was killed last night. He wrecked his truck.”
“Oh, jeez.” He was silent for a moment. “Was he drunk? Did he get drunk at Linda’s party? Is that what happened?”
“Yes,” I replied. “He’d been drinking at the party. They think he was going too fast and lost control of the truck. And it rolled.” I couldn’t say the rest—about him being thrown out and crushed when it rolled over his body.
I couldn’t even think about that.
“Was Laney with him? Is she all right?”
“No—it happened after he dropped her off.”
“Well, thank God for that, I suppose.” He paused, and went on in a cheerful voice, “Hey, I got to tell you, man, I had the best time with Sara last night! She’s really really cool.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Glenn, were you not listening to me? Noah is dead. One of our classmates was killed last night.”
“Yeah, and I feel bad for his family, and Laney, and his friends. But other than that, what am I supposed to feel?” Glenn replied, his voice testy. “Look, I’m sorry it happened, I’m not glad he’s dead or anything, but I didn’t like him, and he didn’t like me. I’m supposed to be sorry that some kid who went around calling me a faggot went and got himself killed? I’m not going to pretend to feel something I don’t feel, Tony.”
“Dude—”
“I’m not a hypocrite, Tony. I’m not going to shed any tears for Noah Greene. He was an asshole when he was alive, and dying doesn’t change that.”
I was floored. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. He was right—Noah had been kind of an asshole to him. But Glenn was the kind of guy who cried at happy endings in movies. “Glenn—”
He lowered his voice. “Don’t judge me, Tony, all right? You and I both know that if it hadn’t happened, he’d show up at football practice on Monday and be just as big a douchebag as he always was—and we wouldn’t like him any more than we did on Friday.”
Was he right? Was I being a hypocrite?
“Tony, I can tell you’re upset.” He went on when I didn’t say anything. “And you probably think I’m being cold, right?”
“Kind of.”
“You knew him your whole life, is the difference.” He lowered his voice again. “I know I seem like an insensitive jerk, but I’m not going to lie to you about how I feel.” He barked out a short laugh. “Around everyone else, I’ll pretend it’s a great tragedy, okay? But don’t ask me to lie to you, Tony.”
“Okay.” I closed my eyes. “So, what did you and Sara do last night?” Maybe he was right—maybe it was better to talk about other things, not think about Noah, not think about how—
—someone my age is dead now.
“She’s really cool, Tony—I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone like her before.” I could almost see the happy look on his face. “We went to see a movie, went to Vista afterward, and then went for a drive in the country. We just hung out, and you know, she doesn’t have a problem with me being gay or anything—she just thinks it’s a shame there aren’t any other gay kids around, you know, but she knows about this group for gay teenagers over in Wichita, and she said she’d go over there with me if I wanted her to—she knew some gay kids back where she’s from, you know, and it’s just so cool.”
I bit my lower lip as he went on babbling about how great Sara was.
To be honest, I felt like a bit of an asshole. It never occurred to me to try to find other gay teenagers or support groups for Glenn. Yeah, I knew that some of the kids had been dicks to him after he came out, but had I ever really thought about what he was going throug
h, how hard it was on him?
I just assumed everything was okay because he never really complained about anything.
I could feel my face getting hot.
What kind of person was I, anyway? This Sara girl had just met Glenn on Friday night, and already she was being a better friend to him than I was—and I was supposed to be his best friend.
It’s easier for a girl to deal with a gay guy than it is for a straight guy, though, I thought, and was immediately ashamed of myself.
“That sounds great,” I said lamely, not knowing what else to say and hating myself for it. “I’m glad.”
“Are you?”
“Of course I am,” I replied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Sometimes I get the feeling you aren’t—oh, never mind.” He laughed hollowly. “Look, I got to run. Sara and I are going to run into town—”
“Aren’t you going to call Laney?” I cut him off.
“Why?” He sounded genuinely surprised.
“Well, you two kind of used to date, and I would imagine she could use her friends right now, don’t you think?”
He sighed. “Look, Tony, I know what you’re trying to do here, and I get it, really. But Laney knows how Noah and I felt about each other, and trust me, she’s not stupid. If I called her saying how sorry I was about Noah and all that, she’d know it was all bullshit, you know?”
“You don’t feel bad for her at all?” I crossed my arms.
“Look, I gotta go,” he replied impatiently. “If I don’t get going now I’ll be late.”
“Have fun,” I said, but he had already hung up.
I put my phone down.
I got cleaned up and got dressed, and headed out the front door. Mom had left a note on the kitchen table—she’d gone into town to run errands—and so I left her a note letting her know where I was going.
I’d always thought, from the very beginning, that Laney had treated Glenn bad. She never seemed able to make up her mind as to whether she really liked him or not. I always got the impression she liked having him around, so she would always have a date for Homecoming or Prom or Valentine’s—if someone better didn’t come along. I’d grown up with Laney—had known her since we were kids, and she’d never been that way with anyone ever before. It never made any sense to me. She was a nice girl, always had been.
So why was she such a bitch to Glenn?
I got on my bike and started pedaling.
The bike was old and rusty—I’d gotten it when I was in junior high, and it had been used already. I hardly rode it anymore, but I didn’t feel like walking all the way over to Laney’s. She lived on the other side of town, and I wanted to get there as fast as I could.
The Nortons lived only a few blocks away from Glenn, actually. I wondered if I might see him drive by on his way into Kahola—but I didn’t.
Laney was sitting on the swing on their front porch when I rode up. Their driveway was full of cars, and there were cars parked on the road in front of their house. I was a little surprised that she was outside, but once I put my bike down in the grass I could hear the adults talking inside. I glanced in the living room windows as I climbed the steps to the porch—her parents were in there along with some others I didn’t recognize. She looked up at me, and I could tell that she had been crying. “Hi, Tony.” Her voice quivered a little bit. “Thanks for coming by.”
I put my arms around her and gave her a big hug. “I’m so sorry.”
“I told him not to drive home,” she said, her voice quiet. “He was drunk. After he dropped me off, I shouldn’t have let him drive home. I shouldn’t have let him drive me home. I shouldn’t have let him drive. If only—”
“If you’d gone with him you’d be dead, too.”
“I know.” She wiped her tears away. “But that doesn’t make me feel any better, you know? What’s really funny, though, is that Noah didn’t usually get drunk like that, Tony. He would have a few beers and maybe catch a light buzz, but he didn’t like getting sloppy like he did last night.”
“Huh.” I had no idea whether Noah drank a lot, so took her word for it.
“And he just kept talking about that bitchy girl with you guys on Friday night.” She went on like I hadn’t said anything, her face twisting angrily.
“What?” I looked at her. “Sara? He was talking about her all night?”
“If that’s the name of the girl who was with you guys at Vista on Friday night, yeah. The girl who was so nasty to us when we stopped by your table?”
“Yeah, her name is Sara. Sara Sterling.”
She rolled her eyes. “He wouldn’t shut up about her.”
“What did he say?”
She got off the swing and walked to the end of the porch. “He said awful things about her—it was weird, it was like he knew her. But she just moved here, right? How could he know her? When we were going out to the truck last night leaving the party, he just went on and on.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “We had a fight, and it wasn’t just about him being drunk.” Her voice quivered. “It’s all my fault, Tony, it’s all my fault.”
She started to cry again. What could I do? I walked over to her and put my arms around her and held her tight. She put her arms around me, and she cried. I didn’t know what to say to her. I’m lousy in those kinds of situations. I am always so afraid that I will say the wrong thing, so I just stood there and made little sympathetic noises that did absolutely no good whatsoever.
Finally she stopped crying. “I’m sorry, Tony.”
“It’s okay.”
“Maybe I should tell you about it.” She stopped herself. “No, maybe I won’t. I think this is something I need to deal with myself. I’m not ready to talk about it, though.” She pulled herself away from me. “I need to go get ready. We’re going over to the Greenes’.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks for coming, Tony. Where’s Glenn anyway?”
“He’s um—” Oh, the hell with it, I thought. “He’s out with Sara.”
Her face darkened. “Tell Glenn to be careful, Tony. He needs to be very careful.” Without another word she turned and walked into the house.
The screen door slammed behind her.
*
I dreamed about Sara again that night. This time, I was driving down a dark road, and someone was singing loudly along with the stereo. I looked over to see who was driving, and it was Noah. He had a beer in his hand, and the way his head was bobbing he was obviously drunk. “Slow down, man!” I shouted at him.
He turned and looked at me, and his face was covered in blood. “What do I care, man? I’m dead already.”
And I could hear that laughter again, that horrible laughter.
“She’s going to kill us all, man,” Noah said. “She ain’t gonna rest until it’s all over and we’re all dead.”
“Who?”
“Sara. Who did you think? She hates us all, and she’s going to kill us all. She hates, man. She really hates.”
“Why, Noah?”
He just looked at me like I was an idiot.
The laughter got louder.
He winced. “Make her stop, man, make her stop!”
It grew louder.
He covered his ears with his hands.
“Noah!” I screamed and grabbed for the wheel.
“Make her stop laughing!”
The truck went out of control.
It flipped, and my door came open, and I was flying through the air, rising higher and higher, and I opened my eyes and I could see the truck rolling over and over, and then Noah’s screaming, and then the truck exploded, and I was falling, and the ground was rushing up to meet me, and then I stopped falling a few feet from the ground.
“I saved you.”
I looked to my left, and she was standing there, dressed in black, her long hair blowing in the wind. She was beautiful, even more beautiful than I remembered.
I put my feet down and walked over to her. She didn’t move. She reached out to me and pulled me to her, an
d then she kissed me. She was cold, so cold, and when I pulled back away from her, her face was a skull.
I started to scream.
I could hear her laughing.
I sat up in bed, drenched in sweat and shivering. The moon was streaming in through the window…
“Tony—”
I turned my head and backed into the corner of my bed. “Stay away from me!”
Noah was standing there, and I knew I was still in my dream because I could see through him to the posters on the wall behind him. That didn’t make it any less real, though.
“Tony, be careful.” His voice sounded hollow, like what the wind would sound like if it could form words.
“Careful?”
“Of her.” He shuddered. “She hates, Tony, she hates.”
And then he was gone.
I sat up in my bed and took several deep breaths. I had had nightmares before, but never any so vivid as this. I got out of bed and noticed something shining on the floor in the moonlight. I bent over and picked it up.
It was a key ring, with the initials NG on the engraved silver circle that hung from it.
A chill went through me.
The key ring fell through my hand.
I stood in the darkness for a long time.
Chapter Five
I couldn’t fall back asleep the rest of the night. I just lay there in my bed, holding on to the key chain, staring at the ceiling, terrified that Noah’s ghost was going to come back—and not knowing what I would do if it did.
I’d been pretty sure it was a dream—until I found the key chain.
As a nightmare, the whole thing was bad enough.
But as the darkness began to lift and the sun started coming up in the east, the terror of the night began to fade away.
It had been a nightmare, nothing more—what else could it have been? I didn’t believe in ghosts—and even if I did, why the hell would Noah’s ghost come to me of all people? We weren’t friends before he died.