by L. A. Witt
I sucked in a breath, not entirely sure if the gasp was a result of his hand or his voice. “Jesus…”
“I felt you come,” he whispered. “I tasted it.” He kissed his way along my jaw. Just before he reached my mouth, he said, “But I didn’t get to see your face, and I’ve been kicking myself ever since.”
I closed my eyes, shuddering as his hand moved a little faster. “If you keep doing that-” Another shudder cut me off.
“Tell me, Zach.” The deep growl fell somewhere between playful and pleading.
I looked at him, trying to hold his gaze. “Fuck, Nathan, you’re-” I trailed off into a moan, pressing my palms against the wall for balance as my spine threatened to turn into pure electricity.
“Fuck yes,” he said. “I knew I missed something hot. I knew you would look incredible when you were this close.”
I wasn’t just close, I was a heartbeat away. I was on the edge, not quite there, not quite, almost… “Oh, God…” My mouth couldn’t form the words to beg him to stroke faster, but my hips said what I couldn’t, and he must have understood, because he stroked harder, faster, and just before the ache became unbearable, I felt my own throat vibrate with a groan I didn’t hear, and came.
An arm around my waist kept me upright and the hot panting against my throat kept me breathing, every exhalation reminding my lungs of their own need to release a breath. He raised his head and looked at me. There was no need for words now. We both knew what we wanted and we both knew where we needed to go to get it.
The bedroom was only a few steps away and, in spite of my shaking knees, I made it across that distance without stumbling too badly. I couldn’t be sure if Nathan’s arm around my waist made it easier or more difficult, but one way or another, I made it.
Without speaking, we separated and got rid of the last of our clothes, dropping everything in haphazard heaps around our feet. Every sound-clothes brushing over skin, muffled whispers of fabric hitting the floor, his unsteady breaths-made this more real and more unbelievable. The Zippo lighter clanked onto the nightstand and a second later, his belt buckle jingled. With a dull thud, his jeans joined mine on the floor.
In no time at all-though it felt like much too long-we’d shed the last of our clothes, leaving nothing between us but space. We didn’t touch immediately. Instead, we simply looked at each other. I hadn’t had a chance to look at him like this that first night, to really see him, but now that I could, I did.
And Jesus Christ, the man was beautiful.
Virtually hairless except for the dark vertical line below his navel and the thin shadow of hair on his forearms. Toned, like he spent a few hours a week at the gym but didn’t devote his life to it. A hint of bronze that was likely borne of leisure in the sun, not vanity in a tanning bed.
For a moment, I envied the artist that had tattooed the intricate eagle on Nathan’s left arm and the elaborate tribal band circling his right. They must have taken hours. Hours during which some lucky bastard had his hands on Nathan’s body, even if it was just his arm.
But the envy disappeared as the grin on his face broadened and he put his arms around me, kissing me again. That artist had had a hold on Nathan’s arm for a few hours.
Nathan’s arms would have a hold on me all damned night.
Chapter Eleven
Maybe anticipation had heightened my senses. Maybe it was because we’d shed the cool barrier of clothing that dulled the sensations of contact. Whatever it was, when we came together this time, I swore everything was amplified: Skin so hot it was almost feverish. The nearly inaudible growl that thrummed against my lips when he kissed me. Cologne and the muskiness of him making my head spin while the coolness of mint and the warmth of his breath turned my knees to water.
It was overwhelming and not nearly enough. I wanted more.
With my hands on his hips, I guided him to the bed. At first, he tried to resist, tried to turn me toward it, but when I stroked his cock the same way he had mine, he didn’t put up a fight. He held the edge of the bed, growling into my kiss as his cock twitched in my hand.
He closed his eyes and exhaled. “God, I want-” A gasp cut him off. He bit his lower lip and let his head fall back for a moment before finally whispering, “I want to fuck you.”
I didn’t argue with him, but I didn’t give him what he wanted just yet. I wanted his cock inside me, but first-
I dropped to my knees.
“Oh, Jesus,” he breathed as I slowly took his cock into my mouth. “Fucking…oh, God…”
I ran my tongue over every inch of his cock, memorizing each ridge and contour. Maybe it was just desperation, maybe I was just that horny, but I couldn’t remember ever enjoying the way another man tasted like I did now. I’d always loved sucking cock, but Nathan’s-the salt of his skin, the faint sweetness that told me he was getting closer, along with the heat of his body and the thrum of his horny, whimpering groans-was too fucking hot to pass up.
His fingers were in my hair, grasping as best he could with an unsteady hand. From the frustrated moans and the occasional twitch of his hand, I knew he wanted me to go faster, to take more of him into my mouth, but I didn’t yet. I never imagined I’d have this opportunity, and there was a good possibility I’d never have it again, so I wasn’t about to rush it.
“Oh, God, Zach, I’m-” He shuddered. His fingers tightened their grasp on my hair and I swore he was a tremor away from trying to push himself deeper into my mouth, but he held back. Stayed in control. Barely.
His grip relaxed, then tightened. This time, it wasn’t an attempt to get closer. Instead, he stopped me and drew back as much as the bed behind him would allow.
“I need to get a condom on,” he said in a hoarse whisper. It was a good thing I was already on my knees, or the sheer need in his voice would have knocked them out from under me.
I released him and stood, holding the edge of the bed for balance. As he reached for the nightstand drawer, flashes of our last time together flickered through my mind and I shuddered. I’d never experienced anything as hot as that uncontrolled, violent desperation. It didn’t seem possible that what we were about to do would beat what we had done, but somehow I knew it would.
I just knew.
Whatever had steadied Nathan’s hands earlier wasn’t helping now. They shook as he tore the condom wrapper with his teeth. Trembled even more as he rolled the condom on. It took three tries to get the lube bottle open, but he managed. When he looked at me, his lips parted with a ragged breath and his eyes were on fire with lust.
He nodded toward the bed, biting his lip.
“Knees?” I asked.
He shook his head, stroking his cock as he put some lube on it. “On your back. I want to see you this time.”
His lips were against mine before my head hit the pillow. As his tongue parted my lips, his hand moved between us, the telltale down-up shift of elbow and shoulder making me shiver with anticipation a second before his cock touched me. Even as he teased me with the head of his cock-sliding in just a little before pulling back, then again-he kept kissing me. His mouth, much like his hands earlier, was steady and calm. Instead of devouring my mouth, his tongue tasted mine with all the skilled finesse of a wine connoisseur. It was only his sharp, uneven gasps for breath that gave him away as the desperate, horny man that he was.
A low growl vibrated against my lips as he pushed his cock all the way in. Every stroke was long, smooth, letting me feel every ridge and contour of his cock just as I had done with my mouth. The slowness, the gentleness, took my breath away. This was nothing like our first time together. In fact, as far as I could tell in that moment, this was our first time together, because this wasn’t the same Nathan I’d been with before. This wasn’t someone I’d ever touched. Everything about this-him, me, us, now-was different.
The anger from the other night had long since quieted, but the intensity was still there. In fact, this was more intense, this sex that was about us, not him. Whatever had drawn u
s together this time was hotter, stronger, more powerful, than all the reasons we should have stayed apart.
If his cock were any bigger, it would have been painful no matter how slow he moved, but he was the perfect size. My body may as well have been made for the sole purpose of being fucked by Nathan Forrester, because he knew, found and touched every last sensitive place. He kissed my neck and shoulder like he’d mapped out all the erogenous zones himself. His cock hit every nerve like it was there specifically for him to find. Even the sharp hisses of cool breath-coming in more rapid succession as he thrust faster-touched my skin and nearly set me on fire.
“Jesus, Nathan…” My fingers tried to hold on to his shoulders, but the slick sheen of perspiration kept him out of my grasp. I didn’t want to hinder his movements or break his perfect rhythm, I just needed to touch him. Feel him. Anchor myself in the here and now.
Everything about this was overwhelming, but I just couldn’t get enough. Too much, too little. This may very well kill me, but please, God, don’t let it kill me until it’s over.
“Fuck,” he whispered. He exhaled hard against my neck, his breath cooling my skin a heartbeat before his lips warmed it. “Fuck, you feel so-” He trailed off, moaning softly. Then, just before he kissed me, he finished his thought: “Right.”
My heart nearly stopped. I’d expected something along the usual lines-good, incredible, great-the same kinds of things I said in the heat of the moment. A moaned confirmation that he was enjoying himself.
“Right” was not what I expected.
“Right” resonated in my mind in ways that “good”, “incredible” and “great” wouldn’t have.
“Right” was exactly…right.
When his lips left mine long enough for me to speak, I whispered, “So do you.”
He started to say something, but stopped. Instead, he shuddered and groaned, closing his eyes as he threw his head back. “Oh, God…” Another shudder straightened his spine, and his lips tightened into a grimace, then parted with a soundless gasp. The cords on his neck stood out, sweaty skin catching the light with his every fluid, desperate thrust.
The next shudder was mine. Fucking hell, Nathan, do you know how beautiful you are when you’re this close?
Even though our bodies touched everywhere just then, the sight of him in the earliest breaths of an orgasm made me want-need-to touch him even more. Hot skin and coarse stubble met my fingertips, but the goose bumps came when his eyes flew open and met mine for that fleeting second before he screwed them shut, groaned and came.
Chapter Twelve
Nathan collapsed beside me, and we both struggled to catch our breath.
I closed my eyes as a knot formed in my gut. All day long, I’d tried to question it, but desire trumped doubt. Now that my desire for him had-against my better judgment-been sated, those doubts marched right back into the front of my mind.
What the hell am I doing? The sex is incredible, but this can’t be a good idea. It can’t be.
“Fuck,” I muttered to myself.
“Hmm?” He turned toward me, eyebrows lifting.
I cleared my throat and shook my head. “Nothing, nothing.”
He smiled and rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow. “You know, I wasn’t sure you’d show up tonight.” His smile was somewhere between shy and sly, as if he’d been uncertain, but still somehow knew I’d be here.
I probably shouldn’t have. “I had a feeling you’d make it worth my while,” I said.
“I hope I did.”
“Very much so.” Which doesn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t be here at all.
The silence lingered between us. He avoided my eyes. I avoided his. There were uncomfortable, unanswered questions in the air.
There was no sense dancing around the topic, so I went ahead and broke the ice. “So, now what?”
Exhaling, Nathan sat up and shrugged. “Fuck if I know. Though I think I could use a smoke.” He swung his legs over the bed and reached for his jeans, then the Zippo lighter on the nightstand.
I grabbed my own jeans off the floor and followed him downstairs. We went outside onto his patio.
He snapped the lighter open, held it to his cigarette, and from inside his cupped hand, the amber glow flickered across his stubbled jaw. With a single, quick motion, the flame was cut off and he put the lighter in his pocket as he took a long drag.
“I thought you were just a nervous smoker,” I said.
He turned his head slightly so that the smoke he exhaled didn’t blow in my face, but he still looked at me. “I am.”
“I’m not making you nervous, am I?”
He laughed and shook his head, pausing to take another drag. “But after sex that hot-” He gestured with the cigarette and winked.
“Can’t blame you,” I said, smiling. “I’m half-tempted to have one myself.” He held the pack of cigarettes out, but I waved it away. “Quit a few years ago.”
“Good man.” He took another drag and slid the pack into his back pocket. “I actually don’t smoke as much as I used to.” Turning his head again, he blew out a stream of smoke into the cool evening air. “Down from three packs a day to one or two packs a week, but…” He raised the cigarette to his lips again. “Just can’t quite let it go.”
“I hear that. Took me almost four years before I finally managed to quit.”
“What can I say?” His smile faded slightly and he lowered his voice as he met my eyes. “I’ve never been great at giving up anything I should.”
I wondered if he meant the cigarettes, Jake, or me. Maybe all three. “So do you think this-” I gestured at him, then myself. “-is something you should give up?”
“Probably,” he said matter-of-factly and with no hesitation. Then he shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean I will. For the same reason that I haven’t let go of the smokes.”
I swallowed. “And that is?”
“Good or bad…” He took a long drag, then let out a breath. “I like it.”
Oh, you’re not alone there, Nathan. “So if you wanted to give it up, you could?”
“I can quit any time I want to.” He grinned and snuffed out his cigarette in an ashtray beside the sliding glass door. Then he put a hand on my waist and pulled me toward him. Kissing my neck, he whispered, “I just don’t want to.” His hand snaked around to my lower back. “That’s why I came to the theatre today.” He flicked his tongue across my collarbone, then growled, “For another taste of something I know I shouldn’t have.”
I shivered, but he wasn’t done yet.
“Ever since the other night, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” He kissed his way up my neck. “I know I should be losing my mind over Jake, but all I can think of is you.”
Then we have something in common, don’t we? I swallowed. “Really?”
He nodded, his lips brushing just below my jaw. “I don’t care if this is just sex, if it’s just a rebound thing,” he said. “But I needed to know what it was like to be with you because I wanted you, not because I was angry at him.”
On some level, I expected myself to get righteously indignant at his admission that last time was about anger and revenge, but wasn’t that exactly why I’d slept with him?
“And I don’t care,” he said just before he kissed me, “if this is a bad idea.”
Something sank in my gut. “But you think it is a bad idea?”
“I think it could get complicated,” he said. “I think we’re both in an odd position. I really don’t know if it’s a good idea.” He lifted his head and looked at me. “What do you think?”
I shrugged. “Fuck if I know. Everything about this is weird. Surreal.”
“I’ll give you that,” he said, grinning. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life, but I can honestly say that this is a first.”
“And I really don’t know if it’s something we should do.” Then I laughed. “But damn if you’re not fucking addictive.”
“Well,
not all addictions are a bad thing.” He smiled and slid a hand around my waist. “Maybe it’s what we both need. You know, a rebound thing.”
“It doesn’t bother you to have rebound sex with the man your boyfriend was cheating with?”
He shrugged. “It probably should, but I can’t get past the fact that you are one hot fuck.” His fingers drifted up my back, their gentle touch pulling me closer to him. “Hell, right or wrong, I can see why Jake was with you.”
I blinked. “What?”
He grinned and put his other hand on my face, drawing me into a long kiss. “He was a fucking bastard for cheating,” he whispered. “But I can definitely see the attraction.”
I smiled into his kiss. “Likewise.”
He let the kiss linger for a moment, then looked at me and ran his fingers through my hair. “Maybe we can get away with this.”
“Get away with it?”
He smiled and shrugged. “Why not? As long as we don’t have any illusions about what this is-a rebound, just a fling to get us both over him-then, hell, what’s the harm?”
“Good point.”
He kissed me gently. Then his smile fell a little, as did his voice. “I’ll be honest with you, though. Trust is not my strong point.” He paused, looking away for a second. “Especially given how we…” Another pause. He cleared his throat. “How this got started.”
“Nathan, you don’t really think-”
“I know, I know.” He sighed and nodded. “And I…” He took a long breath, but didn’t look at me. “I believe you. That you, you know, that you didn’t know about me.”
“Then you have no reason not to trust me.”
He hesitated, then nodded again. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” He chewed his lip for a second. “But I just figured I should give you fair warning. You know, in the interest of full disclosure.”
I grinned. “How did you know that talking to me in legalese turned me on?”