by Shawn Lane
He’d gone to see the play three more times but had left after each performance. If Jack jeopardized Tyler’s acting career in any way he knew Tyler would never forgive him. He wasn’t sure Tyler would forgive him now, but fucking up his acting career, Jack knew for sure, would be the end.
Two weekends later, Jack decided it was time to go see Lawrence. The truth was it wasn’t working for him anymore and Jack was pretty sure it wasn’t working for Lawrence either. Jack intended to build his medical career in Los Angeles and Lawrence needed to be in Sacramento and even Washington DC. Jack hated politics.
And the truth was, though he cared about Lawrence, he hadn’t really been in love with Lawrence for a long time. Maybe never. He’d never realized it, though, until he had fallen in love with Tyler. Hopefully—someday maybe—he could convince Tyler of that.
But no matter what happened with Tyler, Jack owed this to both himself and Lawrence. Jack had called Lawrence to tell him he was coming up but Lawrence hadn’t answered, so he left him a voice mail. When he landed in Sacramento, he had texted Lawrence, too.
I’m here. Going to get a cab. Be there soon. I’ll let myself in if you aren’t home yet.
By the time the cab dropped him off in front of Lawrence’s condo complex it was almost six. He went straight up the stairs to the second floor and knocked. When there was no answer after two attempts, Jack used the key Lawrence had given him months ago.
The condo was quiet as Jack figured it would be if Lawrence wasn’t home. He’d only brought a small fabric grocery store bag with him since he expected to be heading home later that night, so he set that down on the nearest chair in Lawrence’s living room and headed down the hallway to use the bathroom.
That’s when he heard moans. Two different masculine moans. And they were not of pain that was for fucking sure. And the moans were coming from Lawrence’s bedroom farther down the hall.
Unfuckingbelievable.
Only really, somehow, Jack wasn’t all that surprised and he definitely didn’t feel that upset. He made his way to the doorway and sure enough Lawrence was naked on all fours while Senator Freely, Jack recognized him, pounded into him.
Jack almost interrupted them right then. Made a big scene and a jackass out of himself. But really, Lawrence didn’t deserve that. He hadn’t done anything worse, really, than Jack had done. He turned and went back down the hall to the living room and decided the best thing to do was make a lot of noise.
“Hey, Lawrence, I’m here!” he yelled out, opening and closing the front door with a loud bang. Then he waited by his bag.
Lawrence, his blond hair sticking up every which way, came out from the bedroom, his mouth grim. He’d wrapped the sheet from the bed around himself.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Lawrence said.
“I called you and left you a message.”
“I didn’t get it.”
Jack smirked. “Yeah, I gathered that. I guess now I know why you weren’t answering your phone.”
“You, uh, saw?”
Jack nodded. “Yeah.” Really there wasn’t much funny about this. Maybe ironic, though.
“Look, I…uh…I’m sorry,” Lawrence said, gripping the sheet tighter.
“I’m sorry, too.”
“What?”
Jack sighed. He sat on the edge of an easy chair. “The truth is, I came here to breakup with you.”
Lawrence stared at him, his eyes wide. “You…you did?”
He nodded. “I found someone else I really want to be with. And…the truth is, I’ve already been with him. I made some stupid mistakes and I think, maybe, I fucked it up for good, but I hope not. Either way, this isn’t working for either of us. I thought that before and now that I see you today with him, I know it for sure.”
Lawrence didn’t reply for a long time, just sort of stared at the carpet at his feet. Finally his gaze rose to Jack’s. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, Jack. I should have said something before. Should have ended it before when…when me and Tom—”
“Yeah, you should have. And so should have I. But we both made mistakes. I take it you and Freely have been at this for a while?”
Lawrence’s cheeks were red but he nodded. “Three months.”
“Ah, that makes sense.” It was about three months ago that Lawrence had started finding more and more reasons to avoid being together on the weekends. Now he knew why. “You love him?”
He didn’t know why he asked that. It didn’t matter for them. It was over one way or another. But Jack supposed it might be nice to imagine Lawrence happy.
Lawrence’s eyes got all soft. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
Jack smiled a little. “Have you told him?”
“No.” Lawrence came close to Jack, still gripping the sheet, and he gave Jack a one armed hug. “I will now though.”
Jack hugged him back. “You should. I’m going to get going.”
Lawrence nodded. “I hope it works out for you with the guy you want to be with.”
Jack had his doubts, and he would deserve it if Tyler really meant he never wanted to see him again. But he forced a smile and ignored the tightness in his chest.
“Have a good life, Lawrence.”
“You, too, Jack.”
He grabbed his bag and walked out, pulling his cell phone out to call a cab.
* * * *
Though he was tempted to rush right back to Tyler and tell him he’d really ended it with Lawrence, Jack didn’t think it would win him any points. Actually Jack wasn’t sure what would. But he thought, maybe, he needed to spend some time without any attachments and get his head on right.
It was damn hard, though, to ignore the ache when he thought of Tyler. Jack really wanted to see him. He went to one more performance of Tyler’s play in Beverly Hills, but he made sure to get a seat way in the back. Before he left he saw some guy he didn’t know come up to Tyler and give him a great big hug and Tyler seemed thrilled to see him. Jack felt like he’d been punched in the gut, but really what could he say or do about it if Tyler had found someone else?
Jack went home to his empty house and tried not to kick his own ass too much.
“You look like shit,” Geoffrey Spencer said to him in the hospital cafeteria the next morning. Sitting next to him was Steve Monroe.
Jack sat with his weak cup of tepid tea, teabag still dangling from the paper cup, and eyed Geoff. “Did you change your hair again?”
Geoff blushed. “Yeah. I kind of like this nurse and well, he also works part-time doing hair.”
Jack snorted. “So you let him experiment on your hair hoping you’ll get into his pants that way?”
Geoff shrugged. “It might work. Gotta try something. And he’s super cute.”
He rolled his eyes and turned to his other friend. “How are you doing, Steve?” Jack asked.
“I’m fine,” Steve said. “And Geoff’s right. You look like hell. Bad night?”
“More like a bad month,” he muttered.
“You should go see Lawrence,” Steve suggested.
“We broke up.”
Geoff frowned. “When did that happen?”
“Couple of weeks ago.”
“You don’t seem too upset about it.” Steve sipped his coffee.
“Well, I’ve done a lot of thinking lately,” Jack admitted. Like he had anything else to do. “And I realized I never thought Lawrence was it. You know? If there is an it, that is.”
Geoff gave him an assessing look. “What about Tyler?”
Jack stiffened. “What about him?”
“Who’s Tyler?” Steve asked.
Geoff shrugged. “I just remember the way you looked at him. Hell, the way you talked about him. You said you were just friends, but damn, you were totally devouring him with your eyes.”
Jack scowled. “Was not.”
“Who’s Tyler?” Steve asked again.
“Worked at the diner.”
“That little twink?”
“He
’s not a twink,” Jack said defensively.
“Okay.” Steve nodded. “Didn’t know he was your type though.”
Hell, yeah he was Jack’s type.
He muttered, “Forget it.”
“Well, you don’t need my advice, obviously,” Geoff said, rising from his seat. “But I’d totally go for it if I were you. He was totally into you, too.”
“Into me?”
Geoff nodded. “Why do you think I didn’t even bother getting interested when we went to see him in his play? See you around.”
Steve gave Jack a sympathetic smile. “I gotta go, too. Lunch later?”
Jack nodded. “Sure.”
When they left, Jack took out his cell phone. He’d taken a picture of Tyler one night when they’d gone for ice cream after the movies. Tyler had a bit of chocolate ice cream smudged on his face. He’d used that picture for Tyler’s number on his phone. He just stared at it now, his finger hovering over the number. Jack sighed. He was seriously fucked.
Chapter 7
Six months later
Tyler was dog-tired when he got home from a full shift at Aunt Ruby’s diner and a rehearsal for the new musical opening next month at the Ahmanson.
He parked his car in his assigned carport and exited the car to go to his front door. It was then he noticed the man sitting on the ground, knees bent, in front of his apartment. The man’s head rested on his knees. Tyler’s heart kicked up several beats but not out of fear.
“Jack?”
Jack looked up, straightened, and offered Tyler a smile. “Hey, Tyler.”
Tyler frowned. He was torn between wanting to throw things at Jack and wanting to hug him. He settled for a scowl. “What are you doing here, Jack? Are you stalking me?”
“No. I wanted to talk to you, though.” Jack got up from the ground and brushed at the dirt on his backside. “Can I come in? Please?”
“I don’t really think we have much to talk about.”
“Yeah, I know you think that. But…please?”
Tyler fished his key out of his front pocket and opened the door of his apartment. “Okay.”
Jack blinked and simply stared at Tyler.
Tyler lifted his eyebrows in question. “You gonna go in or just stand there gaping at me like a fish?”
“I just—didn’t think it would be that easy.”
“Oh, it’s not gonna be easy,” Tyler assured him. He entered his apartment himself. Finally Jack entered behind him and Tyler closed the door.
“Well, you blocked me. Hired guards at the diner. I mean you were pretty serious.”
Tyler smirked. “I’ve always been dramatic. I’d offer you a drink or coffee or something but right now I don’t think you’re going to stay long.”
Jack nodded. “Fair enough.” He headed toward the living room and perched himself on the edge of Tyler’s couch. He looked around the living room, his gaze surveying the packed boxes Tyler had stacked. “Going somewhere?”
“Moving actually,” Tyler said, taking the chair next to the couch in a deliberate move to put distance between them. “Getting a better apartment in a better neighborhood.”
“Yeah? Where?”
“Los Feliz.”
Jack whistled. “Your acting must be picking up.”
Tyler nodded. “It has, yeah. Did some commercials. Working on a new musical now. Got a role on one of the crime shows as the killer.” Which Tyler was really proud of. Some of his best work.
Jack smiled. “That’s awesome, Tyler. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks. But we both know you didn’t come here to catch up on how my career was going. What do you want, Jack?”
“I guess, you know, to say I’m sorry,” Jack said in a low voice. “It wasn’t my intention to deceive you.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“No, never. When I said we could be friends, Tyler, I completely meant it. I thought I could do it, but the more I got to know you, the more time I spent with you, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I got caught up in the moment of being with you that night, but it really was my plan to end things with Lawrence. I’d been thinking about it in the back of my mind for a while, you know? We’d been having lots of problems. But in that moment when I had a chance to be with you it all came to the surface and became so clear to me. I couldn’t do the long distance thing with him anymore, not when I wanted to be with you.”
“You lied though. You knew I thought you meant you had already ended it.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry about that. I shouldn’t have done anything until I broke it off with Lawrence. I couldn’t do it over the phone. It had to be in person. I owed him that much. I just wanted you so badly.”
Tyler shook his head, unmoved. “You made me a cheater. I don’t fuck other guys’ boyfriends.”
Jack visibly swallowed. “I know and you have every right to be pissed as hell. I ended it with him as soon as I was able to get up to see him. I had to do it in person. And I haven’t been with anyone since.”
“Is that supposed to move me, Jack?”
“I don’t know, Tyler. I just know I don’t deserve another chance with you but God I want one.”
“Jack—”
“Don’t shake your head at me. Please. Just listen. I know we didn’t start out well all those years ago. I was a jackass. I wanted you, hell, who wouldn’t, but I took off as soon as it was over because I think even then I realized you could be so much more and I didn’t want that. Not then.”
“The thing was, Jack, I didn’t expect you to become my instant boyfriend because we fucked then either. But yeah, I gotta say you taking off wasn’t your best moment.”
Jack nodded, bowing his head a little. “I know. I was pretty focused on being a doctor, my dream, and sometimes I sort of just ran over people.”
“Yeah. But okay, that’s the past. The long past.”
“It’s not okay, but I agree it’s the past and I can’t change that. I can’t even change what happened between us again. But I want to. I should have known the minute you took my breakfast order that you were gonna be something else. I wanted to be your friend because I just had to have you in my life. You have so much energy and excitement and I’m drawn to you like a moth to a flame.”
Tyler smiled a little. “So what you’re saying is we should never have tried to be friends.”
“I don’t know. I do know that if I hadn’t been your friend I wouldn’t have found out what an amazing guy you are. If it had just been about fucking you again, I’d never know how great you are on stage, how much power and presence you have. You’re sweet and kind and, God, even now I can’t stop thinking about you,” Jack said. “I know I’m an ass, I know you owe me nothing, but please, can we start again? Try again?”
“As friends?”
“If that’s all you’re offering, yes. I want more though, Tyler, and I’m not going to lie. I’m crazy in love with you. If you only want me as a friend it’ll be hard, but I’ll fucking do it. Whatever you want. Whatever you need.”
Tyler stared at Jack for a long time. His dark eyes were fathomless. And Tyler couldn’t deny he was gorgeous. He’d always been gorgeous. He claimed to love Tyler. Maybe he even did. But what did Tyler feel for Jack? He’d been hurt by Jack’s actions, yeah. But Jack had broken up with Lawrence.
“And Lawrence?”
Jack frowned. “What about him? I told you it’s over. Completely.”
“You don’t love him?”
“No. I once thought I did, honestly, but I don’t. If I loved him I’d do anything to be with him. I wouldn’t let distance stop me. I’d move there, I’d get a job at a hospital up there. There are good ones there. It’s not even that far from my family. But I never wanted to do any of that. And finally near the end? It became such a chore to even go up there.”
Tyler didn’t know why but he’d gotten up from his chair and moved closer to Jack as he spoke, so he now sat beside him.
“But you? Tyler, I’d do anythi
ng. If you said to me right now that this musical you got was in New York? I’d go there.”
“Even if I said we’ll only ever be friends?”
Jack nodded. “Even then.”
“I don’t really know what to say.”
Jack’s dark eyes were intense as he stared into Tyler’s eyes. “Do you have someone else? I saw you once with someone at the play. I wondered.”
Tyler blinked in surprise. “Like a boyfriend?”
“Well, he was hugging you and you seemed really glad to see him.”
“That was my cousin. Ruby’s son. I don’t have a boyfriend, Jack.”
Jack smiled. “Thank God.”
Tyler touched Jack’s cheek, his fingers brushing down to the rough, bristled dark hair on Jack’s chin. “You really want to try this, huh?”
“Yeah, I really do. I know you don’t love me…yet, but maybe—”
Tyler stopped his words with fingers on Jack’s lips. “Who says?”
“Tyler—”
“Shut up and kiss me, Jack.”
He leaned forward just enough to place his mouth over Jack’s. He loved kissing Jack because his lips were warm, almost hot, and hard and soft at the same time. He loved the feeling of Jack’s dark sexy stubble. Yeah, he could get used to this. Used to Jack. Back in his life and like this.
“Take me to bed,” Tyler whispered, his tongue darting out to trace Jack’s lips.
“Are you sure?” Jack asked, his chocolate eyes turning warm.
“Yeah, I am,” Tyler whispered, though he was anything but. He was taking a chance that Jack would break his heart. Life was full of risks though. And he didn’t want to be afraid of it. Hopefully this would be worth it.
Jack stood and reached for Tyler’s hand. He curved his fingers around Jack’s palm and allowed himself to be led down the hallway to his bedroom.
Tyler pulled off his own shirt and tossed it in the general direction of the rattan hamper. By the time he had kicked off his shoes, removed his jeans, and sat on the bed to shimmy out of his tight briefs, Jack stood before him naked and very aroused.
Tyler grinned. “Condom and lube in the top dresser drawer.” He pointed.
Jack returned with the supplies in mere seconds. He tossed them on the bed and then pounced on Tyler. His lips found Tyler’s in a searing, toes curling kiss.