by Victor Kloss
“I reckon it's about ten minutes to nine,” Charlie said, as they entered the courtyard. “We should buy watches today, as I really don't want to be late for one of Ms. Borovich's musters.”
Charlie's time estimation proved spot on. They entered the Institute, stopping for a second to admire the magnificent entrance, then headed up one flight of stairs to the Department of Apprentices, where they joined a group of boys and girls filing into the muster room. Ben was glad to see many other apprentices dressed in rough clothes, and they all had fewer than four diamonds above their shoulders.
They spotted Natalie near the centre of the room, talking to a couple of older boys. She waved at them, but there was no time to talk, as Dagmar came striding in. The room quietened down and everyone found their square in double-quick time.
“Good morning,” Dagmar said, with a face that clearly didn't care if the morning was good or not. Muster was rattled off quickly with military precision.
“Announcements,” Dagmar said, putting her hands behind her back. “For this morning's chores, you will be working up top. For those of you not informed, everyone except the senior apprentices helps keep the Institute clean. Each day you are assigned a different task. Tuesday is animal care. Mr. Greenwood and Mr. Hornberger, if you stick with your fellow one star apprentices, or Ones, as you will now be called, you will be told what to do. Dismissed.”
Everyone except the Fours and Fives made their way along the hallway and up the stairs. Ben counted about a dozen apprentices with only one diamond, them included. Natalie was a little way ahead, with her group of Twos, and the staircase was too busy to barge their way past.
Charlie was fidgeting nervously as they climbed. “Did you notice the subtle groans the other Ones made when Dagmar made the announcement?” He was staring at the other apprentices, oblivious to the looks he was getting. Charlie did have a point. Many of the Ones wore resigned expressions.
“This can't be good,” Charlie said.
“We'll soon find out.”
Ben's curiosity increased with every flight of stairs they climbed, until they reached the top gallery. Looking over the railing, Ben could just make out the Queen Elizabeth statue far below. Ben and Charlie followed the crowd through the door that led out to the roof.
“Oh man, I forgot about the smell.”
Charlie had one hand squeezing his nose and the other making a futile attempt at wafting away the smell of manure. But Ben barely noticed the smell. Surrounding the glass gable that towered over them was a series of paddocks, filled with animals that made Ben's body tingle. There were huge eagles, pegasus, griffins, wyverns and even small dragons. Between them they created a cacophony of roars, squawks and growls. Ben spotted apprentices already hard at work. Some were cleaning the beasts; others were attempting to feed them with varying degrees of success. The lucky ones got to relax while the animals they were charged with dozed in the morning sun.
“This way, gang.”
The voice came from an older boy near the front of the group. He led them round the corner and into a small paddock that was empty except for a large, shallow storage tank. From it came a smell that almost made Ben gag. The tank was filled with pooh.
“Alright, people, it's time for everyone's favourite chore. Let's grab a shovel and get started. Remember, those who slack off make it harder for the rest of us. Yes, I'm talking to you, Billy and Hans. If I catch you sword fighting with your shovels again, I'm going to report your arses.”
There was some laughter, mainly aimed at two small, skinny boys who looked ready to sulk. They, along with the rest, picked shovels resting next to the storage tank, and headed off in different directions. Ben and Charlie watched, uncertain what they were supposed to be doing.
“Guys, over here.”
It was the boy who had given the orders. He looked considerably older than them; Ben guessed around eighteen. He was well built, with biceps indicating regular gym work. His head was shaved and he had small studs in each ear.
“My name is William – or Will,” he said, offering his hand. Will gave them a friendly smile and Ben found himself warming to the boy. “I am the Chief One; the title is less impressive than it sounds. I get lumped with things like getting people to work, making sure nobody bunks off, and occasionally helping if I can. I'm guessing you're wondering what on earth you've gotten yourselves into?”
“Not at all.”
“I am,” Charlie said. “Shovels, and pooh? I really hope it's not what I think.”
“Are you thinking that it's shovelling shit?”
“Yes.”
“Bingo,” William said, with a grin. He went over and picked up three shovels and three sets of gloves, lying next to them.
“It sounds worse than it is,” William said. Seeing Charlie's cringing look as he stared at the latex gloves, William added, “I'd put them on if I were you. You don't want the pooh going on your hands, and not just because of the smell. Dragon's pooh is red hot and the wyvern's burns like acid.”
“And yet you said it sounds worse than it is?”
“Yeah, it grows on you,” William said, giving Charlie another smile. “Plus, it works the body, especially the arms. You'll put some muscle on.”
“This just gets worse and worse,” Charlie said, as he fumbled with the gloves.
“You'll get used to it. Come on, I'll show you the ropes.”
William swung the shovel over his shoulder. Ben did likewise, while Charlie dragged his along, and they followed William onto one of the small dirt paths that ran between the paddocks. Ben supposed the animals must be confined by magic, because the wooden paddocks would surely be futile by themselves. They passed several winged animals, plus something that looked like a two-headed ostrich, before finally coming to a halt.
“There she blows,” William said, pointing proudly. “Your first job.”
Charlie dropped his shovel. “Please tell me you're joking.”
In a small enclosure sat two large chimpanzees. They looked ordinary enough, except for the bat-like wings protruding from their backs. They were staring at Ben, Charlie and William with an intelligent curiosity inherent in most apes. Ben's eyes went to the pooh; it was scattered across the enclosure, in some places mounds of it a foot high.
“As you can see, they have healthy bowel movements,” William said, leaning easily on his shovel.
“Why the climbing frame?” Charlie asked. He was referring to the wooden construction that spanned the paddock. “And what stops them flying away?”
“There are spells round each of the paddocks. Each spell is different, depending on the animal within. As for the climbing frame – they are still chimpanzees; they like to climb.”
As William spoke, one of the chimpanzees took off and flew towards them, landing right at the front of the paddock just a couple of feet away. The chimpanzee screeched and slapped his head so violently that Charlie fell over trying to backpedal. Ben was marginally less alarmed, but only showed it with a widening of the eyes.
“Relax,” William said, giving Charlie a hand and helping him up. “That's just their way of saying hi. They always get a bit excited when somebody new shows up. They're really quite friendly.”
“I'm not sure I'd count slapping my skull and screaming as friendly,” Charlie said. He glanced at an adjacent paddock. A large cat-like animal slept peacefully.
“Can't we start off with that cat over there?” Charlie asked. “I think I could handle that. It's even piled all its pooh up nicely in the corner.”
“That's a baby deema,” William said, his friendly face turning momentarily serious. “If you wake it up, it will most likely kill you.”
“A deema?” Ben had heard that word before. “That's the animal the dark elf was riding when he attacked the Croydon headquarters.”
William nodded. “So I heard, though that one was fully grown. The dark elves like to ride them. They're a right pain to train, and not at all loyal. But if you can handle them, they're e
xtremely useful. Fast, powerful, and they can run forever.”
“I guess it's back to the chimpanzees, then,” Charlie said reluctantly.
“Good idea. There are only a couple of things to look out for. Don't get any of the pooh on your skin, as it's acidic. And try not to look them in the eye. They will think you're trying to engage them, and they may try to play with you.”
“Play with us?” Charlie said. “How do they 'play'? I'm guessing they're not about to whip out a chess set.”
“No, they're not into chess,” William said, with another smile. Ben got the idea that he was enjoying Charlie's sense of humour. “They look at us as toy things. So they will most likely poke and prod you.”
“Does it hurt?” Charlie asked, subconsciously wrapping his arms around his body.
“It's not too bad. The throwing can hurt a bit, though.”
Even Ben reacted to this. “Throwing?”
“Yes. One of their games is to grab you by your arms or legs and throw you across the paddock. Sometimes they even like to play catch, with you as the ball.”
“That's a joke, right? Tell me you're joking.”
“Afraid not,” William said. “Right, I think you're ready. Let's get cracking. I'll help for a bit, until you get the hang of things.”
William picked up his shovel, opened the gate, and went straight into the paddock. He walked past the chimpanzee without making eye contact and then stopped and turned around, beckoning to them.
“She's not interested in me, so it was easy to get past,” William said. “It may be a bit trickier for you. Just walk confidently and act disinterested. And don't be afraid. They can smell fear and it excites them.”
“I must reek, then,” Charlie said.
Ben put a hand on Charlie's shoulder. “Let's go together. Come on, no use drawing it out.”
He hauled his shovel over his shoulder. Charlie sighed and dragged his own shovel along.
Despite the folly of it, Ben was still tempted to look at the chimpanzee as they walked by. He could feel its eyes on them and couldn't help cringing a little, imagining those long hairy arms reaching out to touch him. He thought he caught a flicker of movement from the corner of his eye, but with three quick steps, they were past, and walking hurriedly to William in the middle of the paddock. Next to him was a small wooden cart with two wheels and a pair of handles.
“Good job,” William said. “Now, let's work from right to left. Concentrate on the darker pooh, if you can. That stuff has been sitting there longer. Transport it to this cart and we'll wheel it out when it gets full.”
“Shovel the dark pooh. Got it,” Ben said.
Aside from the horrible smell, Ben found it was a strangely satisfying experience. Sometimes the most basic manual chores with easily observable results can be quite fulfilling. The hardest part was keeping an eye on the chimpanzees, to make sure they kept their distance. William tackled the pooh closest to the animals. Ben felt a pleasant soreness in his arms as he worked, picking up the pooh and transporting it into the cart. Charlie could only lift a fraction of what Ben did, but there was a grim determination in his face as he worked.
They got into a nice rhythm, and Ben was just getting into his groove when William cursed.
“Charlie,” William said. His voice contained a note of caution.
Charlie stopped mid-shovel and looked round. “What— oh dear.”
Both chimpanzees were making their way over to him.
“Help! What should I do? Should I run?”
“No,” William said immediately. “Running is a very bad idea. Just keep working and ignore them. Make sure you don't look them in the eye.”
Charlie went back to shovelling, though Ben could see his spade shaking a little. The chimpanzees came right up to him, stepping in the pooh Charlie was trying to dig. With forced nonchalance, Charlie attempted to turn and find another pile to clear up.
The taller of the two chimpanzees reached out and grabbed Charlie's t-shirt. With surprising ease, he lifted Charlie up and placed him directly between him and his fellow chimpanzee. Charlie managed to remain quiet until they started pushing him back and forth.
“Help!” Charlie said.
Ben looked imploringly to William, who was now watching the scene, and looking around the paddock, as if searching for something.
“Prepare yourself, Charlie,” William shouted. He ran a little to the left, then adjusted his position. “Ben, stand ten feet to my right.”
“Prepare myself for what?” Charlie shouted back, with increasing panic.
The answer came before William could reply.
The chimpanzees began a tug-of-war with Charlie's body. The taller one was victorious. He grabbed Charlie's wrists and then, like a professional athlete, spun him around and around, releasing him at maximum velocity.
“Here he comes!” William shouted. Ben watched in astonishment as Charlie sailed through the air. The impact would have been horrible, but William was ready. He took a couple of steps back and clenched his teeth as Charlie crashed into him. They both hit the grass hard in a mass of arms and legs.
Ben ran over to help them up. “Are you guys okay?”
“I'm alright,” William said, getting to his feet. Charlie looked dazed, but managed to stumble to his feet with William's help.
“I've just been thrown fifty feet by a flying chimpanzee. I've felt better,” Charlie said, rubbing his backside.
“Something to tell your future kids about,” Ben said, with a grin.
“We're done here,” William said. He was looking at the chimpanzees again. They were chatting away to each other, and pointing their lanky arms in their direction. “They'll come over in a minute. The other chimpanzee will want to see if he can throw you further. It's a little competition they have going.”
The three of them ran to the cart, now laden with pooh and started pushing it to the gate. As soon as the chimpanzees saw them leaving, they bellowed their chests and took to the air.
“Faster,” William grunted, his biceps bulging.
Ben didn't need encouraging. Between the three of them, the cart almost flew across the paddock. They crossed the gate and made it out just in time. Ben, Charlie and even Will lay on their backs, panting.
“Is it always like that?” Ben asked, eventually finding his breath and sitting up.
“It's not normally that exciting,” William admitted, getting to his feet. “I'll give you guys a well-earned ten-minute break. Then come and find me and we'll tackle the next animal.”
“You want us to do that again?” Charlie asked incredulously.
“The next one will be easier, I promise.” He gave them a salute and started walking. “Enjoy your rest.”
— Chapter Twelve —
Prince Robert
“I'm thinking of quitting,” Charlie said.
“Oh, shut up.”
There was no comfortable place to rest, as getting away from the screeches and roars was impossible, but they found a little spot next to the glass gable and sat down on the grass.
Charlie's clothes reflected his mood. They had been stretched and even ripped in places thanks to the chimpanzees, but he did brighten a little when Natalie appeared, waving at them.
“Oh my, Charlie, you look terrible!” Natalie said, wrinkling her nose. “What happened?”
“I had an incident with a chimpanzee,” Charlie said.
Natalie couldn't help laughing after hearing the story. “You're not the first, I promise,” she said. “And you've got a great story to tell people.”
“So I've been told,” Charlie muttered, but Ben saw that Natalie's amusement was melting Charlie's foul mood.
“What are you up to? Not shovelling pooh, well, I hope,” Ben said.
“No, that job is just for Ones. Twos are responsible for feeding the beasts, which is sometimes fun and easy, and other times makes Charlie's chimpanzee ride look pleasant. Today we got to feed some baby schvolts, which was really nice.”
>
Ben was about to ask what a schvolt was when he heard a whistling noise and saw something flying right at him. A flash of brown. He ducked instinctively.
The pooh missile skimmed his hair and splattered right into Charlie's already filthy chest.
Coming towards them was Joshua, surrounded by the same five apprentices he saw at the lunch room. Joshua threw his head back and laughed, his white teeth gleaming in the sun. Unlike nearly everyone else, Joshua was still wearing fine clothes and they looked untouched.
Joshua cupped his hands round his mouth. “You shouldn't have ducked,” he said; his voice had a nasal tint to it and only just carried over the animals’ noise. “You let your little friend take the hit.”
Ben saw a spellshooter in Joshua's hand – none of the others had one. He pointed at another piece of pooh on the floor and fired. The pooh elevated and formed into a round ball, the size of a tennis ball. Ben watched it closely.
“Now, be a man and don't let your friend take this one for you,” Joshua said. He flicked his spellshooter and the ball of pooh came hurtling towards them. Ben dived to his left. A fraction of the ball of pooh caught his arm, leaving a small mark, but the rest whistled harmlessly by.
Joshua's smile was momentarily wiped from his face and replaced by a flash of anger. “Would you stop moving?” He brought his spellshooter forwards, searching for another piece of pooh to hurl. There now was only a few feet between them. Ben marched right up to Joshua, so they were almost nose to nose. Joshua had a good few inches on him, but Ben's steely gaze and complete lack of intimidation seemed to unsettle Joshua.
“What's your problem?” Ben asked, just about keeping a rein on his temper.
Joshua, despite being taller, took a small step backwards. He shrugged and smiled. His friends smiled too. “Relax, Ben. We're just having a bit of fun. It's normal to mess around with the new apprentices.”
“Really? Well, if you mess around with us again, I'm going to take one of the many piles of pooh lying around, and shove it down your throat. Got it?”