by Amy Brent
At least I hoped so. I trusted Landon enough not to talk about us, because he told me he wouldn’t. I thought he cared about me enough to keep his word.
Jasmine and I were finishing our third round of drinks when I looked up to see Landon passing the window with his friends. He was also with a woman, and his arm kept her close to his side as he laughed at something someone said. I watched for a long moment, and Jasmine caught on to what I was doing. She looked and then frowned as she smiled at me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I can’t be with him no matter how I look at it. I must accept that, and it isn’t like Brian is a bad guy. He has been trying hard with me and being what I wanted him to be back then, which is originally what led me to Landon. Right? Women cheat when they don’t get what they need at home…or men, for that matter.” I never did deal with the fact that I had cheated, and I felt a wave of emotion hit me. “Why did I do that to him? I am not that person, Jasmine. I never considered it before and I didn’t then. It just happened.” Tears flooded my eyes, and I was surprised by the strength of my guilt and sadness. “What did I do?”
“Oh, sweetie.” Jasmine came around to my side of the table and hugged me as I let the wall of grief finally break. I cried for a few minutes, knowing people were staring at me but letting them go with the emotional-girl theory. Fuck them. I needed this after the tumultuous last few months, since the guilt and pain affected every part of my soul. I need to let it lift so I could see clearly what I had in front of me and appreciate it. Like the good friend she was, Jasmine stroked my hair and assured me that life just happened. It wasn’t always pretty or easy, quite the opposite. It was hard and fucked up, and we learned something from all of it.
When I was calm, she remained by my side and we toasted to the future.
We left around an hour later, and I felt lighter somehow. I felt like I could tackle things as I grabbed a cab and rode home to my apartment . . . our apartment. It was set up for us as a team and a couple, with the second bedroom turned into an office and something of a reading room. My apartment wasn’t big, but I did live in New York, so that was typical and everyone just made it work. Brian and I had a plan to get something else down the line once he got a couple of promotions and we could afford something bigger.
I gave the driver a large bill with a smile as I got out of the back and hurried into my building and up the flight of stairs. I unlocked the door to our second story apartment, pushing it open as I glanced inside. The light was on in the kitchen, and I closed and locked the door. “Bri?”
“Hi, babe. I’m just watching TV. How was dinner?” he asked as I dropped my purse on the bistro table and went into the living room, where he was on the couch watching a movie.
“Dinner was good and the drinks were even better.” I’d cleaned up my face before I left, and the cold water I’d splashed around my eyes had helped with the redness. I thought I might pass as being happy, though I really did feel a lot better now.
“You cabbed it home, right?” he asked as he looked at me, and I nodded with a smile. I snuggled close to him and he wrapped his arm around me. “Good.” Brian kissed my hair. “I love you too much to lose you.”
“How do you know that?” I asked him dreamily as I draped my arm over his bare stomach.
“I started realizing it toward the end when things were falling apart. I knew I fucked up when I lost you, and that was when I decided to woo you. I’m glad it worked.” He grinned as I looked at him. I remembered meeting him at a party eight months ago and being taken by him immediately as we talked closely all night. He had been funny and easy to talk to, and we’d started dating right away. I had been looking for a job at the time so I could start paying for my apartment with a paycheck instead of grants and the money left to me by my parents. Looking back, I knew I’d been stressed out from the pressure, and maybe that contributed to our ending and, consequently, the affair. Tonight made me wonder more than ever if I should tell Brian about it. I was somewhat certain it was over with Landon, that I wouldn’t fall for his charms again, so I just didn’t see any reason to reveal the truth to Brian right now, not when we were working through everything. I liked my job and the experience it was giving me, and I didn’t want to give it up.
It had nothing to do with the fact that, in some twisted fashion, I enjoyed seeing Landon every day.
I distracted myself from my thoughts by leaning forward and kissing Brian tenderly, knowing he’d respond. I was right; Brian kissed me with a growing passion as our tongues danced together.
Landon
Once we shared the night together after meeting at a bar, I found myself seeing Candy regularly. It had a lot to do with the fact that she was a little young and clingy but great in bed. I just went with it, enjoying the feel of a regular warm body in my bed even if it wasn’t Lily’s. She was obviously moving on even though I had determined she was not wearing a ring on her left hand. If I’d seen one, I might have asked her if she had a fucking clue what she was doing.
She had said yes to something, but I didn’t know what that something was. I just knew that flowers appeared on her desk periodically, so I didn’t feel bad when Candy came in for lunch one day, inadvertently meeting Lily.
Lily looked bothered by it. A sick part of me was glad that pain flashed across her face when I closed my door and led Candy to the elevator. It had been three months since I’d touched her, and I was pleased that Lily missed me, making me turn around to look at her again. She was looking down at her desk, sadness sprawled across her face, and something tugged inside me as I forced myself to listen to some idea Candy had for the night. We boarded the elevator car and I watched Lily as she looked up when the door slid closed.
She looked miserable.
I came back from lunch to find her desk empty, and I assumed she was on her own lunch break. Lily preferred a later one, and I noticed that she often left after I was gone on mine. Did that make the time we were apart longer, something I was all too aware of? I went into my office and closed the door to start some research on a new company. It was more complicated than expected given the way my mind was racing with thoughts of Lily—mixed with the hand job I’d received at lunch today in a back booth. I knew what else I would be getting later tonight, after dinner and drinks with Candy.
I sighed. Candy was beautiful, but she was empty if I compared her to Lily. Any woman would be. I knew the interest would fade in time, just like it would with anyone other than Lily. I knew what I wanted, but Lily didn’t feel the same way.
After fighting with my futile efforts, I sent Lily a message asking her to come into the office. She walked inside and I looked her over, my eyes resting on the clingy material of her red dress that covered her breasts and waist as she blushed. “What did you need?”
“I want to compile something on a new company,” I said, watching her scowl slightly. We had been a great team regarding everything office related before the end of our relationship, but I could see the doubt on her face.
“Okay. Tell me about them.” She settled herself at the table where the laptop she used waited and turned it on. “Is there something difficult about them?”
“Not particularly. I think it’s me today,” I admitted, and she gave me a slow, curious look.
“Does the woman cloud up your mind?” she asked softly as she turned her gaze away and logged into her computer with loud taps of her fingers.
“A woman,” I responded as her shoulders slumped. “Have you looked into the quarterly meeting and all that comes along with it?”
“I have the information. I was going to make reservations soon. Do you want to attend all of the social events?” Lily asked as I took in her soft hair, highlighted with subtle caramel tones that shone in the light from the window.
“Yes. It’s required of me to begin with, though I think you’ll enjoy yourself as well.” I hoped her boyfriend either wouldn’t or couldn’t attend, though guests were mildly frowned upon anyway. This was all business, and any
of the fun events were for colleagues only, leaving spouses and significant others to feel left out.
“It looks like a nice long weekend. I can’t believe they have it in Belize,” Lily murmured as I smiled. It was always in a great place since we were so successful as a firm.
“It makes it a good mix of business and pleasure, as well as being a beautiful place. It’s one of my favorite travel destinations.” I had many memories of Belize, both as a married man as well as a single one. I preferred the latter ones, but this year I knew I was caught painfully between the two.
“I’ll have to start looking into that.” Lily sounded bored as she asked me again about the company in question. We jumped online on our respective computers and started our research, using our privileged resources to get the information we needed. It was an art supplies business that stocked well-known stores in the world and had a successful website, and they were having some issues with a few of the stores in regard to receiving payment. There were perks with the account, including a discount on supplies as well as complimentary admission to any art gallery any of us wanted to go to. I enjoyed observing art, but I had more of an analytical mind and didn’t do a lot of creative things like that. I looked up at Lily as she jotted something down and sipped from my water bottle as I took her in again.
She still wore that fucking scent.
“They are offering some great things with the contract. There are discounts on art supplies as well as free admittance to the gallery of your choosing as an employee of the company. Do you enjoy those things?” I asked as Lily rolled her neck back with a sigh.
“I dabble in art here and there for a hobby, but it’s just fun. It’s rare. I do love a good gallery though,” she said. I scowled; just another thing we had in common.
“There are some events at some of the galleries I’ve enjoyed a lot in the past,” I said. There was a part of me that, had we remained together, wanted to take her to such things, going out publicly as I showed her all of the world that I could. Hell, who was I kidding? That part of me was still very much present, and I felt my body responding to her incredible sensuality as I shifted in my seat. “We’ll be invited if they sign on with us.”
“Jasmine loves art. She’ll be excited about that,” Lily said, deflating my hope as I sat up straight in my seat.
“The boyfriend won’t?” My voice was shaking, and she stilled in her seat for several moments.
“That doesn’t need to be discussed.” Her voice was low, and I heard her pain in it. “It’s a private matter.”
“Are you any happier, Lily? Does he satisfy you?” I asked her as I stood and walked over to her, unable to stay away any longer. She was so beautiful. Her spirit and scent filled the room, and I breathed it in.
“Stop this, Landon. Please. We’re over.” Her voice was shaking now, and I reached out to touch her shoulder. She jumped when I felt the heat of her skin.
“Maybe in your mind we are,” I said as she turned her beautiful, tortured eyes to mine.
“Don’t make this harder than it already is,” Lily pleaded as I tightened my grip on her. “Would it be better for both of us if I considered a transfer, Landon?”
“Seeing you is still the best part of my day, Lily.” I stared at her as she frowned and looked away. “Please don’t do that.”
“Let me just be your employee, Landon. That is all that I want,” Lily said, and I heard the faltering tone of her voice.
I walked away, back to my desk, and she seemed to rush through the rest of the job. She assured me she would get something printed for me soon, in time for the lunch I had scheduled with them later this week, before she walked out and closed the door firmly behind her.
I considered blacklisting her at other firms for a moment, determined to keep her near me. I still loved Lily, and I needed to find a way to get her back to me.
Lily
I was shaking when I went back to my desk, and I fell into my chair as I took a deep breath. I avoided going into his office for this reason. Landon was the most incredible man I’d ever met, and he still affected me in the same ways as before, if not more so. My body throbbed for him and I craved his lips and his touch, but I had to fight the addiction.
I’d been jealous when that beautiful woman had asked for him today. She was just old enough to be mature and yet still young, which made me feel awkward and useless. She and Landon had a sense of familiarity about them even though I hadn’t seen Landon with her in the past, making me realize that he had moved on. That pain was hard to take even if I’d done the same thing with Brian.
I couldn’t deny the attraction I still felt for him, nor that it still existed on his end. I’d wanted him in his office. I’d wanted him to throw me onto his desk and rip my dress off, taking me the way he used to.
I leaned back in my chair and pressed my lips together. I stood, went to the bathroom, and locked myself in a stall as I lifted my skirt. I slipped my hand down my panties, feeling the wet heat between my legs as I stroked myself slowly.
This was so dirty, but he just got to me in ways no other man did. Brian was a sweet man, a good man, but it wasn’t like this with him. I found my swollen nub and rubbed it hard and fast as I struggled to remain quiet. It was best to stay with Brian and just live the life he would provide me. It was safe and secure, not shocking to anybody in any way. We were told often how cute we were together. We were living together now and trying to make it work out, and I didn’t need to regress.
I dropped my head back and came, biting down on my lip as the sensations washed through me. It was intense and harsh, reminding me what I wanted and how he was mere feet away at this moment.
I fixed my dress and splashed some cold water on my face before I returned to my desk, noticing Landon’s closed door. I took a deep breath and started on a report as the getaway nudged my mind, making me sigh and open the brochure about it.
I knew it was an event for workers as well as their spouses or significant others, though Brian was already scheduled to work. In his sweet honesty, he’d admitted that the subject didn’t interest him a whole lot, though he encouraged me to learn as much as I could. I went to the link for the resort that was located on a private beach in a gorgeous part of Belize, relieved when I found I had enough time to get rooms. I found two cottages close together for Landon and me, admiring the beautiful rooms that offered generous living areas as well as breathtaking ocean views. I saved the page with the confirmation information into a document and sent Landon an email assuring him that he had a room that was perfect for him, a hint of sarcasm in the tone of the text. I also looked into the events, which varied from dinners to openings at galleries, as he’d mentioned earlier. I made reservations for both of us at every single one of them, knowing that plans changed sometimes. I knew I could ask Jasmine to come along, given the size of the room, but at the heat that burned between my thighs once again, I decided to make this a solo trip.
I had plans for the trip, plans that might forever change my life if I followed through with them.
The whole building started to talk about the trip as it got closer, and I was pleased to find out that Jasmine would be there with her boss. They were staying across the property from Landon and me, but I figured we’d see one another at the events, something that made me happy. Jasmine was my go-to when I was down, as she listened to me talk without judgment. She always made me feel better.
I kept my plans for the trip to myself, though.
Brian was as attentive as ever during the months approaching the trip, as he should have been. I never told him about Landon, so he had no reason to worry, even though my boss was getting further under my skin by the day.
The flirting had grown more intense since Landon knew he got to me now. He had me in his office nearly every day, helping him with something, and he’d always be too close. I always went to the bathroom afterward to get myself off, even at home when I was alone. When Brian was there, I’d drag him to bed to try to fuck the need f
or Landon out of my body and heart.
It was twisted, but Brian loved it, thinking it was about my feelings for him. I knew I was lying to him by not admitting the truth, but I couldn’t bring myself to break his heart.
He sent roses to me once a month, and I always noticed the look in Landon’s eyes. He looked angry and a little sad, and most of the time he dealt with it by having company in his office late in the afternoon or evening, and sometimes even at lunch. There was the woman I’d met before as well as others, and I knew Landon made it a point for me to see them. He was reminding me what I could have even as he flirted unrelentingly with me. He always found a way to touch me. He also always held my gaze a bit longer than needed when we were speaking, and I knew he could see my weakness for him in my gaze.
I started to lose myself the closer the trip got. I was obsessed with Landon even though I tried to focus on Brian. I was the perfect girlfriend on the surface, attentive and very physical with him, at least until he fell asleep. That was when I’d fall apart, in the bathroom or out on my cozy balcony. I knew I was sleeping less than I should have, but I blamed work for that, just in a different way than Brian would ever guess.
The week prior to leaving, I was late to work because I was in bed with Brian. I was on my knees and begging him to go harder, feeling him grip me as he drove himself deeper inside my body. I knew who was in my mind, but I was a professional at calling out the right name by now. I felt my body tighten as I remembered a moment with Landon, and then the slap of Brian’s hand against my ass shocked my orgasm into action. I screamed as I lurched forward, Brian thickening in me before he jerked and cried out my name.
It was perfectly rough but with the wrong man.
I cursed as I jumped into the shower and pulled my hair back into a low ponytail. I put on enough makeup to look decent and pulled on black slacks with a burgundy blouse and heels before rushing out of the apartment while Brian told me he loved me.