by Amy Brent
If anything, I felt worse knowing that Aspen was now my head doctor. I had seen the compassion in her eyes and heard the sincerity of how much she wanted to help me in her voice. I was fighting it every step of the way and kept going back to our night together to watch her blush the way she did. It was sexy, and she looked like a hot mess in those professional clothes with that sweaty red skin. I got some perverse pleasure in tormenting her, but I wasn't easy on myself either. It was making me want her just as much as she apparently wanted me.
What a mess.
I headed home when it was starting to get darker and pulled into a gas station by my house to get some gas for the week. I was parked as far away from the building as possible when I glanced up to see a familiar blue car parked by the pumps. It was Roger’s and I watched as Emma got out and said something into the car as she leaned down to work with her tire.
Roger’s wife was always a beautiful woman, blonde and very much the girl next door. Tonight, she looked tired and frustrated as she looked at the car again with broken eyes. Her hair was in a messy bun and falling down her face. I had never seen her look this way.
I could hear the kids crying and screaming, and his son Bryce opened the door and ran to his mom with tears running down his face. He looked so much like my friend that it tore at my heart. I remembered making the promise that I would take care of his family if anything happened and I had meant that. I had just lost myself along the way after I lost him and I stared at the ground as guilt filled my stomach in a sickening lump.
I heard her raise her voice and stepped back on my bike to leave. I didn’t even offer to help her.
I headed to the liquor store for a fresh bottle of liquor and continued home. Once there, I locked my door and ran some hot water into my jetted tub before I stripped and sank into it. Tears slid down my face and pain stuck in my throat as I opened the bourbon and took a long sip to push it back down. Emma was struggling more than anyone and I hadn’t been there a single time since the funeral. I felt like such an asshole, but I couldn’t find the strength to face her and the kids, to tell them I had failed at keeping their daddy alive. I couldn’t face the truth.
I drank myself into a coma that night, drying off only enough to drop naked onto my mattress before I passed out for the evening.
I woke up the next day numb and cold to everything, which I liked better than feeling my emotions. I decided to do the few things that I was allowed to enjoy, so I made a point of hitting the range to keep my aim on point. The sound of the guns still reminded me of that night but I pushed through it steadfastly as I prepared myself for the day I returned to work. It was an honor to be a sniper in the Seals, and I wasn’t going to lose the one thing that meant anything to me.
I also went on a lot of rides. I traveled all over Maryland and even into some other states, getting hotel rooms and drinking myself to sleep. It didn’t bring me the relief that I was looking for, but it kept me away from home.
I also went to the gym when I was in town. I was in the best of shape, and that wasn’t going to fade because I needed that on the job. The exercise was good for me, and it helped a little bit before I would go home and drink some more.
I found myself looking forward to seeing Aspen again. I wasn’t ready to talk yet, but something about her comforted me and made me feel alive. Ever since I had seen Emma and reminded what Roger left behind, I was feeling unsettled and bored. Roger had been such a good man, a loving family man and there were days that I felt like a useless failure. Maybe this visit I could talk Aspen into letting me take her the way I had that night and relieve some of my pain. That was the night that I had felt a spark, and I hadn’t forgotten it.
The days started to blend with the nights, having no semblance of a schedule, a life. I felt like I was just wasting away in between trying to find a part of who I was and drinking myself to sleep. I saw some of the guys here and there, but we were all still messed up from what had happened. Most of them had girlfriends or families, and I was one of the few single guys in my pack it had never bothered me before, but it was starting to feel lonely now.
CHAPTER 6
Aspen
I tried to focus on my career and my new patients. Ever since Blake had left me a mess in my office, I had tried so damn hard. This was what I had worked so hard for but I finally gave in and took his file home in my briefcase to read it. I sipped my wine and marveled at his military career. It reminded me of my father and who my brother would have become as I curled my feet under me on my couch and sighed.
Blake had a highly decorated special forces career that I read about as I nibbled on popcorn and drank my wine. He had several honors, including two purple hearts, two Bronze Stars with Valor and several others. Blake was thirty-two years old, but I thought he looked considerably younger, though Blake took good care of his body.
Boy did he. I could still feel his muscles under my hands as I pressed my lips together and focused on the task at hand. I kept reading about the man that I could not get out of my mind, and I came to the report about what had happened to him out there. Blake had been one of the few survivors of the ambush that had killed his friend and several other guys. They had been searching for a missing soldier and came upon a group of men looking to kill and catching them off guard.
It sounded like it had been sudden and brutal. The report claimed that all of the Seals went down for cover but not before some had been hit and killed. They had successfully returned fire and managed to get out of there, but my eyes rested on one critical part of the report.
Blake had recounted things the way that she had read it and done nothing wrong but protect himself and his men. Another person had indicated that he started the shooting and was to blame for all of the deaths, though that victim had later died.
Blake was allowed to shoot anyone to save his life within reason, but this man claimed that he killed one of his own and started the firestorm that caused all of this. With all of his honors, would Blake snap like that and kill another Seal? He had passed all of the tests to get into the Navy and then the difficult challenge of becoming a Seal. I knew from my father and brother how hard that was, seeing it firsthand in their eyes and their face when they were going through it. They also glowed with pride through it all and I could tell that Blake did as well. He took so much pride in his job, and he loved it, apparently wanting it all back.
It was on my shoulders to decide whether or not he could return to duty. I had to figure out if he was unhinged or just dealing with a loss and I rested my head against my comfortable chair as I closed my eyes. I couldn’t get the man to stop talking about sex so how was I ever supposed to know?
I wished that he was anybody else as my personal and professional life blurred together in a torturous blur. Knowing that I was going into military PTSD as a specialty, I had avoided the men that represented that. I never dated military men, in part due to my career and also due to the loss of my family in their call of duty. I hated the idea of risking my own heart that way and every time I saw my mother, the sadness of her eyes reminded me of that. I swore to avoid the life, and the pain and I had been lucky until now.
Blake hadn’t left my mind since that night at the bar. The few one-night-stands that I’d had were nothing like him. I was sure that it didn’t help that I was seeing him once a week now. If I had never run into him again, he could have just remained one of the hottest memories I would ever have. I would have moved on and met a nice non-military man and settled down. Nothing would possibly match that night with Blake, but life wasn’t always like that. I could have forgotten all about him.
I could still see him across my desk that day, making every attempt to pull me away from the subject of his pain. He was seductive and drew me in with every word and those eyes…they Had a power over me. He was relentless with his words and I dreaded seeing him again and facing that. I needed to dig a little deeper with him but like many men, Blake was stubborn about acknowledging his emotions. I Knew going into
this field that I would face that but with him, it just seemed that much harder.
Blake was hurting inside. I had sensed that on my bike that night when he took me so roughly, but it didn’t matter then. I was just a girl behind a bar, but now I was his therapist and his future rested in my hands.
It was an awful feeling.
I needed to figure out a way to get through to him and force him, to be honest with me next session together. Maybe if I dressed in a potato sack, Blake would leave me alone. I laughed bitterly, knowing that wasn’t the case. He was a determined man, and he had already won me over once and was close to doing it all over again.
I didn’t know what to do, and I placed his file on the coffee table and took the last slow sip of my wine as I closed my eyes. I was in so much trouble, and I worried that I might give in to him and throw away all of my hard work to become a therapist to troubled military members, my dream since I had lost my father.
I needed to find my self-control and reset my priorities and sex was not one of them.
CHAPTER 7
Blake
I pulled into the garage and parked my bike as I prepared for another session with Aspen. I couldn’t think of her as Dr. Thomas. I didn’t know how today would go, but I still didn’t want to talk about anything that had happened. I had nothing to say. I just needed to get my mind off of her body and just convince her to release me so I could work again. That was all I had ever wanted before I met her but I couldn’t let that stop me.
I carried my helmet in my hand as I tightened my shoulders for the walk through the cold breeze to Aspen’s office. I wasn’t looking forward to the therapy part but seeing her made something inside of me heat up. I made my way easily to the office and greeted the receptionist only slightly warmer than I had on my last visit. She wasn’t the woman that I wanted to see even if she did give me that eyelash flutter that I had seen girls do. I took the clipboard from her this time, finding a small sheet of paper that asked the same mundane questions.
No, no and no. I still wasn’t crazy.
I dropped it onto the chair and lifted my eyes as the door opened and she looked out over the waiting room at me. Today, Aspen was dressed in a flowing red dress that hugged her curves with some black heels. It was professional but sexy enough to drive me crazy. Her hair looked good pulled into a low ponytail, and the red tint of her lips made me want to shove her against the wall and kiss her with abandon. “Good morning, Blake. Come on back.”
The dress didn’t hug her ass like the skirt had last week, but it swished around her thighs as she walked with my paper in her hand. I remembered how they had felt wrapped around my body as my body reacted to the sight in front of me and I knew that it would be all about sex today. I needed to see her be uncomfortable and weaken her defenses because I couldn’t stop thinking about her. “Come on in.” I followed her and took a seat in the chair as I leaned forward and watched her every movement.
“Hi, Aspen.” I greeted her as I watched irritation cross her forehead.
“Dr. Thomas,” she reminded me as I grinned at her and watched her shift in her seat. “How are you today?”
“I am thrilled to be here for my magical healing. Do think that you’ll release me after today?” I looked her over. “You look lovely in red. Your lips make me hard.”
“You’ll never get released until you open up to me.” She told me with a pleading look in her sensuous eyes
“There is nothing to open up about,” I leaned back in my seat and watched as she took a drink from her coffee cup. “You look tired, Aspen. Have you been thinking about me as much as I have been thinking of you?”
“Mr. Landon, please. We need to get somewhere today.” Aspen looked at me sternly, but I could still sense that I was getting to her. “I want to talk about that night.”
“I am a Seal. Those nights happen all of the time.” I told her as she rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her ponytail. “There’s nothing to say.”
“I read the file. I read what Mr. Jackson claims happened, but he is dead. You are the only one that can tell me what really happened, Blake.” She stared at me. “You’re one of the best, and everything I read tells me that about you. Tell me what happened that night.”
“It was a blur. I don’t remember.” I shot back, and she narrowed her eyes.
“I know all about your training and how brilliant you have to be to be a Seal. I know all about what you guys go through and the pain, but this needs to be cleared up, Blake. You will not get back out there until I clear you.” Aspen reminded me as I felt my hopes fade away.
“Do you know a lot of Seals, Aspen?” I lowered my voice, and she flushed. “Do you have a lot of experience with other men?”
“Blake…I…not too much. I focused on school and not dating.” She replied as I smiled and reached out for her hand. “I trained to help men like you, so let me do that. Please.”
“There is nothing to help. The only therapy I need is you on this desk spread open for me so I can finally taste you.” She yanked her hand back, and her eyes widened as she pressed her lips together.
“Damn it, Blake. You need to tell me something…anything. What happened that night?” She demanded as I raised one eyebrow at her. “Who is telling the truth in that report?”
“I don’t care about that report. It’s all bullshit.” I shot back as she sat up with interest.
“Which part?”
“I just want to work again, Aspen. That’s all I ever lived for before…fuck. The only thing I want is to be inside if you again.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice as he stared at me. “Spend the night with me.”
“I am your doctor, and that is so…wrong.” Her face twisted, but I could see how much she wanted to say yes. Like last time, she was flushed and sweating as she shifted in her chair. I knew that I was close to having her, and I stared into her eyes. “I can’t sleep with a patient. It would ruin things for both of us.”
“It would make everything better. It would make me feel alive again.” I told her as she stared at me with wide eyes.
“How do you not feel alive otherwise?” She pressed further, and I drew in a deep breath. “Tell me what is wearing you down, Blake.”
“I want to fuck you, Aspen. I need to be inside of you again, in my bed, on this desk…anywhere. I need you.” I meant every word as I spoke and locked gazes with her, smiling when I saw a moment of weakness in her beautiful face. “I have never felt that way with someone before, and it is all that I think about.”
“You can’t, Blake. You can’t think about any of that. I am only here to serve one purpose now.” She gave me a broken look and took a deep breath. “Just tell me something about that night, about Roger or about how you’re feeling.”
“Come to my place with me. I’ll make dinner, and we can spend the night in my bed.” I was hard, and I slipped a hand over my cock as she stared at me and finally rested her head in her hands. “I’ll go crazy until you’re mine again.”
Aspen threw her hands up in the air and then rested them on her desk. “This is going nowhere. Get the hell out of my office until you’re ready to get somewhere with this, Blake.” She gave me a defeated look that told me she felt done for now. “Just go. Come back next week and try to be serious about your life.”
I stood and stared down at her as I realized how serious she was. I had really fucked up today, and I walked out of the door with my shoulders dropped. I stopped to make an appointment when reminded and then walked out to my bike feeling dejected.
I had just pushed the button of the person that I needed most in the world right now. I had never felt this way about anyone before, and it scared me deep inside. I looked back at the building and saw someone standing in a window, and I stared back for a long moment.
I needed to get my shit together and figure out how to work this situation out before things got any worse.
CHAPTER 8
Aspen
I went home after a horribly long day
and went straight to the fridge for the bottle of wine that was waiting for me. I had several patients after Blake and had managed to hold myself together, but now I was done. I kicked my shoes across the kitchen and found my biggest wine glass that I could find before I opened the bottle and filled it to the brim.
Blake had thrown me for a loop today. I wanted to get to the bottom of things so badly with him, but he wouldn’t be serious about any of it. He just kept taunting me over and over, and I had to throw him out before I took him up on his offer. That would throw all of my work into the trash but damn it if I didn’t want him.
I headed to the bathroom located in my bedroom, which was spacious and luxurious. I had a small television on the far wall that I could watch while soaking in the bath when I really needed it, like today. I filled the round tub with hot water and lavender and vanilla bubble bath before I lit a few candles. I stripped off my dress and black lace bra and underwear, that matched just because I was seeing Blake. I was pathetic. I slipped into the water slowly and looked at the television that was playing whatever random show was on HBO.
Generally, this would soothe me but tonight, I still felt pent up. I took a long sip of my wine and let it slide down my throat as I breathed in the sweet scent of the water. This man was getting to me more than he should, more than anyone should when, they were a patient of mine. I glanced back at the television to see a rerun of True Blood and my eyes rested on the scene with Eric and Sickie where they were fucking in a bed hard and fast, one of their many scenes together. I imagined my bigger body and Blake in my king size bed in the other room as I watched the action on the screen with growing interest. I closed my eyes and pictured him between my legs as he kissed me hungrily and groped my body while he drove himself into me the way he did that night at the bar. His hands left heat everywhere they touched me, and I let my imagination wander more as I imagined that he was crouched on his knees and licking my center firmly and slow as I gripped his head in my hands. It felt so good in my mind, and I dropped my head back as my hand slipped under the water. I wanted to come every way possible for Blake, and I found my hard little nub ready as I slid my hand between my legs. The heat of the water and my own desire made my fingers slide over my folds and roughly on my clit as I sucked in my breath. I was so turned on, both by what was on TV and my naughty thoughts about Blake.