by Eva Luxe
I didn’t have to be the man that Marisa had made me, no matter how badly she’d fucked me over.
“Again!” Coach shouted.
I took a deep breath, pushed away the anger, the frustration, the feeling of complete inadequacy, and ran the play again.
Even though Markus skipped me another three times. Even though Brian caught the ball every time like the play worked exactly the way they had already been playing it. Without me.
Even though Coach Rudi didn’t say anything either.
I put my head down and pushed through, doing what I knew how to do, no matter how hard it got. Because that was what football was. That was what my life was. I wasn’t going to give up just because it was getting hard.
Hell, it had been hard for a long time. But football was all I had left. I couldn’t give it up.
When we walked back to the locker room, Brian jogged up next to me.
“Sorry about that, earlier,” he said. “The plays. That had nothing to do with me.”
I nodded. “No sweat,” I said.
I felt like he should have said something or dropped the ball, but who was I do decide how he had to handle Markus?
“No,” Brian said. “I want you to know that it wasn’t my idea. Markus is just being a dick. And don’t worry. He’s like that to everyone, so don’t take it personally.”
I nodded. I appreciated Brian’s effort but I didn’t want to go into it. I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Thanks for taking the time to let me know, Brian,” I said.
He clapped me on the back and walked to the locker rooms ahead of me. I followed, feeling despondent. There was no anger anymore. I had pushed it down far enough not to feel it anymore, and all that was left in the wake of it was a big gaping hole of nothingness.
I was tired.
Tired of being ignored, tired of being hated, tired of being the odd one out.
After I got dressed, I fished for my phone. I had a voicemail on my phone. When I listened to it, Kina’s voice was clear over the speakers.
“Jacob, hi,” she said. Her voice was a little husky, and it was a point of light in an otherwise dark day. “I was hoping we could meet for dinner tonight to talk about a couple of things. Let me know.”
I smiled. Dinner with Kina was the best thing I could think of right now. Everything was going in the wrong direction, and she could help me. Hell, she could just smile at me and it would feel good. I’d never admit that to anyone but myself, though.
When I dialed her number, I got voicemail, too. I left her a message, confirming.
She let me know later that afternoon to meet her at BurgerFi. I hadn’t been there before. Casual, she said in her text.
For the first time in a long time, I was excited. I knew I wasn’t supposed to fuck Kina again. She was off limits. But little things like that had never stopped me, and I wasn’t about to let them start.
Chapter 8 – Jacob
BurgerFi turned out to be a very casual burger joint on the North Beach. Kina was already at a table when I arrived, waving to me. I smiled at her when I saw her and walked towards her. She stood up and held out her hand.
I took it. Her hand was soft, just like it had been in her office. She wore a summer dress. It had a large floral print on beige material and it hit her just above the knee. She wore it with a jean jacket and cork wedges.
I loved how her outfit made her look so innocent, when I knew differently. This girl could get down and dirty with me, and I loved it.
She had done up her blonde hair, and it curled over her shoulders, hanging down past her elbows. Everything about her was different in a fantastical way.
“I’m glad you could make it,” she said when we sat down.
It sounded as if she was trying on purpose to be professional, so I followed her lead.
“Of course,” I said.
I looked around. The place was very laid back. Waiters carried plates with burgers and fries and beer to the people sitting at the wooden tables.
I appreciated that she’d gone to so much trouble to make it as casual as it was. It was almost as if she understood I didn’t want it to be formal or uptight. That wasn’t my fucking style.
“What’s good here?” I asked, looking at the menu.
She shrugged. “All their burgers are delicious. I love this place.”
She grinned at me. It was a bright smile. I couldn’t help but smile back at her.
We ordered burgers and fries. She ordered wine, I ordered beer. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Her eyes were a light blue, a baby-blue, and when she smiled, she rearranged the smattering of freckles on her cheeks.
I couldn’t think of her as anything other than my PR manager, I reminded myself. Sure, we had had the hottest sex of my life and it was natural for me to fantasize about us doing it again. But this was professional, nothing more.
She was too good for me, anyway. We may have shared a wild night together but our lives were very different. I was a player, and she … well, she took care of her brother, whom I’d heard was slipping.
She wore summer dresses and worked as a PR manager, fixing people’s mistakes and improving their images. People like me, who messed up their reputation to the point of needing a PR manager appointed to help them clean it up. We weren’t the same kind of people.
“So,” she said when our drinks arrived. “How are you enjoying Miami?”
I shrugged. “I thought coming back would be different. It’s not as welcoming as I thought it would be. I was traded to the Sharks due to some of this drama going on. I didn’t expect it to be a picnic, but, it’s even worse than I thought it would be.”
That was the first time I’d confessed that thought to anyone: how out of place I’d been feeling, how difficult everything has been. Sure, I’d said something along those lines to Hanson and Brian, but I wasn’t this open or honest.
Kina nodded slowly, running a finger along her wine glass like she could make it sing the way crystal glasses did. This one wasn’t crystal, of course.
“It’s hard creating an image for yourself when everyone is telling you who you are and who you should be,” she said.
I looked up at her. She said it like she knew what I was thinking, what I was feeling. She glanced at me before turning her eyes to the other diners, as if making eye contact was too intimate.
“I guess you do this a lot,” I said. “With it being your job and all.”
Kina shrugged. “I guess so. I don’t often get a client like you, though.”
It felt like she punched me in the gut. Why would she get clients that were so full of shit, so difficult?
“Clients who are so famous,” she said as if she knew what I was thinking. Maybe it showed on my face. “It’s a privilege for me after how hard I’ve worked.”
When I looked at her again, her face was gentle, her eyes smiling, and the tightness in my chest eased up a little. She wasn’t being rude or judging or condescending. She was being honest.
“It was just all so different before I left,” I said.
I didn’t know why I was telling her everything, but it was easy to talk to her. And she made me feel like she was listening, really listening.
“Everything feels different when you’re just starting out and life is still ahead of you, lying at your feet.”
I nodded. That was what it was.
“I’m worried my career will come to an end, that my image will be the last of what they see of me,” I said, and only once the words left my mouth did I realize it was what I’d been feeling. “I don’t want to be remembered as the guy that got sued and suspended for assault.”
She shook her head. “We’ll take care of that,” she said.
She looked determined, and it was a sexy look on her. Her eyes were serious, her lips pursed lightly together. A breeze that came through the dining area ruffled her curls, and she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
Her lips were full but not too plump. Perfect
. I remembered what it felt like to kiss her. I didn’t kiss women anymore if I could help it. I preferred fucking them without getting intimate in any way that mattered, but I had kissed Kina. In a bar bathroom, no less. I hadn’t felt like this since I’d decided to give up dating and just go for satisfying my carnal needs. She made me feel different… attached. It wasn’t a feeling I liked to give into, but it didn’t seem to want to leave any time soon.
“Tell me about you,” I said. “Your career as a PR manager is really taking off, I gather? I mean, it has to if you got someone like me.”
She chuckled, and it was a beautiful sound. I smiled back at her. I knew I was a cocky son of a bitch. I couldn’t help it.
“You are on a new level for me,” she said. Then she blushed, and it was the cutest thing ever. “Career wise, I mean. I’ve yet to find out if it’s a good or bad thing.”
“Touché,” I said, laughing. “I guess we’re both still wondering about that. I know I’m the most attractive client.”
She hesitated, obviously unsure of what to say. I shook my head before she could answer.
“It wasn’t a question; I was just saying.”
She laughed. “You’re something else, you know that?”
I nodded, glad that the ice was broken and we were moving away from the things that made me feel uncomfortable, like the kind of person she wouldn’t want to be with for good. Of course, it could never get that far.
I didn’t “get with” people like that anymore. I was done with relationships, with commitment. Besides, even if I wasn’t, she was my PR manager, and I was the guy on the team who needed someone to fix his image. She was not someone I should fuck again. We had the one time and that was it.
It would have to be strictly professional now, and that was how I was going to keep it. I was going to behave. Surely, I fucking remembered how to do that?
Chapter 9 – Kina
Everything about Jacob was hot, and it was hard to stay focused on the purpose of our meeting. We kept going into our personal lives even though it was a business meeting. But he was easy to talk to, and he was so different from my previous clients. He was a mixture of vulnerable and arrogant, and the combination kept me on my toes.
It made me want to know more about him. What had happened to make him so suspicious of life? And what had made him so sure of himself? It took a lot of man to be that confident, but at the same time, he seemed like something big had almost succeeded in breaking him.
Of course, it wasn’t in my job description to get to know him that intimately. All I had to know was that he wanted to keep trying to fix his image and that whatever had happened in his past wouldn’t come around and bite us in the ass.
Who he was now outside of his football image didn’t matter.
Except, it did. When he smiled at me with those cornflower blue eyes and that cocky grin, I wanted to know more. I wanted to know who was behind that arrogant mask, that attitude.
We ate our burgers, talking about college days, about hopes and dreams and what the future looked like as opposed to the lives we were living, now. Everything had been so shiny back then, the dreams I’d built. Now? Life was never as perfect as we’d dreamed it could be, but it was real the way a fantasy could never be.
I hadn’t met anyone who saw it the way I did, but Jacob seemed to understand.
And the fact that I knew that meant we had gone far off topic.
When I had had more than enough wine and our plates had been cleared for a while, I had to wrap up the meeting. I could only keep going for so long before it would go over into a personal meeting and not a professional one. I could not fuck Jacob again. That would not be good. I seemed to have to keep reminding myself of these things, though, because I kept quickly forgetting.
“Let’s call for the check,” I said and waved at the waitress.
She brought it, putting it in the middle of the table.
I reached for it the same time Jacob did, and our hands touched in the middle. I looked up at Jacob, and his eyes found mine. A current ran from his hand to mine, and I swore he could feel it, too. My breath hitched in my throat and something passed between us, something almost palpable.
I swallowed. “It’s a business meeting. I’ll pay.”
He hesitated before he let go. I didn’t know if he hesitated because he was reluctant to let me pay, or if he didn’t want to let go of my hand. I hoped it was the latter and scolded myself for it almost right away. I was looking for trouble even thinking about him this way.
“Okay,” he mumbled. “But if this was a date, I would insist on paying.”
“Good thing it’s not a date then,” I told him. “I mean, for that reason, anyway.”
“Uh huh.”
He looked at me with a half grin, half thoughtful expression on his face. It was clear he didn’t want to say anything more, and neither did I.
Jacob was a client. Not only that, but he was one of the most famous clients our company has ever had. I couldn’t think of him as someone I would be interested in.
Plus, right now no one had found out about us, and it was likely no one ever would. If I did something else with him and it all came out, God, I could just imagine the bad publicity. And the poor man didn’t need any more of that. He was pretty torn up over what they were saying about him already. I could tell.
He was the kind of man who would pretend like everything was fine, but things got to him.
I didn’t know him all that well when he’d been friends with Kyle, because they were both always doing their own thing and rarely wanted me around. But it wasn’t hard to see that side of him now.
The waitress came back to our table with a card machine, and I swiped my card to pay for our meal. When that was done, Jacob got up. I got up, too, and took a deep breath.
“You can smell the sea,” I said when my lungs filled with the tangy, salty air that was so strong this close to the beach.
Jacob nodded. “I haven’t even been to the beach since I’ve been back.”
I blinked at him. “What?”
He shrugged and nodded, looking a little embarrassed about it. “I’ve had my hands full. You know, training and bad publicity and all that. It’s a full-time job.”
I chuckled. He was good at making light of a serious subject. It was good to know, to see how he handled things.
“I can’t believe you haven’t been,” I said. “You must be dying of withdrawal.”
He shrugged. “I’ve been in Texas for a good five years,” he said. “You get used to not being close to the ocean.”
I shook my head. “I can’t imagine being away from the ocean. I think I might die.”
Suddenly, he jerked his head up, as if a thought occurred to him that he couldn’t ignore. “We should go to the beach.”
I frowned at him.
“Now?”
He nodded, a devilish grin on his face.
Oh, how I wanted to agree. But I shouldn’t. Should I?
Stalling, I glanced at the time on my phone and then outside.
“It’s after nine. It’s dark already.”
“The ocean doesn’t go away when the sun sets.”
I rolled my eyes at him, but I was smiling.
“Okay,” I said. “Why not?”
“Why not indeed?” he said a bit sarcastically, but he was smiling, obviously happy that the night wasn’t over yet.
And so was I.
I couldn’t seem to resist this guy.
Chapter 10 – Kina
We left the BurgerFi and made our way down Collins Avenue, down Sixty-ninth Street, and then onto the walkway from where various little paths led to the beach. During the day, the beach was full of life, but at night, it was empty and quiet except for the constant rush of the ocean as the waves collapsed on the sand again and again.
We stopped just before we stepped onto the sand and removed our shoes. I held onto Jacob’s arm while I lifted one foot and then the other to get rid of my wedges.
His hard bicep was strong and muscular under my hand. I tried not to notice. I couldn’t help myself. I knew the tattoo that was on it, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was about to see it again. I just knew it, despite also knowing that I shouldn’t.
The sand was cold beneath my bare feet when we stepped onto the beach, our shoes in hand. We walked along the shore. The sound of the waves breaking was soothing, and the wind tugged at my hair and my dress. It wasn’t cold. Jacob walked close enough to me that I could feel his body heat radiate off him despite the wind, and we were silent for a while.
“I’ve forgotten how great it is to be out here,” he said after a while. “You carry on with life, and you don’t pay too much attention to it, but to be back … it’s really great.”
I nodded. I couldn’t imagine living somewhere far away from the ocean. I loved water, and I loved living somewhere I could be close to it every day.
We stopped walking. Trees grew along this side of the beach, blocking us from view of the houses on the other side of the walkways. Jacob sat down, and I sat down next to him. The wind wasn’t as strong there, so the sand wouldn’t kick up into our faces. The moon was somewhere behind us, and we sat in the dark shadows of the trees.
I was aware of how close Jacob was, of how warm his skin had been when he’d touched me at the restaurant and when I’d held onto his arm. Everything about him was strong and masculine. He screamed alpha male, and what woman didn’t fawn over that?
I turned my head toward him. His face was shrouded in darkness so I could only trace the outlines of his features, but it was as if he was a magnet and I was drawn to him. I had the sudden urge to kiss him. I tried to fight it—I had to.
Jacob must have been thinking the same thing and decided not to fight it the way that I was. He leaned into me and pressed his lips against mine without ceremony. Electricity leaped between us. My lips parted, allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth. I turned a little more toward him, flung my arms around his neck. Our kissing was intense almost immediately.