by Calista Skye
Ava nodded and started to put her clothes back on. Her mind was numb. She had no idea what to feel.
Her baby would be the first Earthling/Acerex child born on Earth. Maybe it would give him an easier start, make him a half-celebrity before he could even walk. Or maybe he would be an outsider, ostracized and different among the normal Earth kids.
If he or she would grow up at all. If the Kunuru could just turn a whole planet extinct in a few seconds, then there was a good chance Earth didn't have much longer to live. And Acerex probably wasn't much better.
Heming halted the spinning hologram and made it rotate a quarter revolution back. “And ... this looks a lot like twins.”
Ava froze with her utility suit halfway on. “Twins?”
“See this? The beginnings of a small head and a spine. And here is another. Too soon to say for sure. But I thought you'd want to know about the possibility.”
“Right. Thanks.” Ava couldn't see anything like a head or a spine on the hologram, but for some reason the news perked her up. Twins. Two new kids. At least they'd have each other.
“And you say you will be going back to Earth very soon?”
“I will. I've done everything I can here. There's not much left for me. Time to pick my own life back up.”
Ava had come straight to his office that morning, before she'd go to see Harper, but after she'd spent a good forty-five minutes throwing up and then cramping with dry heaves.
Doctor Heming nodded in understanding, although he didn't know the details of her decision. “Of course all the other half-Acerex babies have been born here on the Friendship. Well, except for that last one, who was born on the Fire Planet. I would not be doing my duty if I didn't advise you to stay here until the child – or the children – are born. We have more experience with these pregnancies than anyone else.”
“Is there a risk if I go to Earth and give birth there?”
The doctor scratched his head. “I honestly don't think so. These mixed babies seem unusually robust. I understand the father is not ... um ... in the picture?”
“I don't think so,” Ava said tightly and finished getting dressed.
“No? Then I have to ask: you're not his Mahan?”
“That's right.”
“Ah. All the previous babies have been the product of a union where the mother was the alien father's Mahan. I don't know if it's important. Probably not. But there's so much we don't know about the Acerex.”
“Tell me about it. Any risk with space travel? Say, the trip back to Earth?”
“Nah.” Heming didn't have the most talkative manner, but he was by far the best doctor in Space Expansion or he wouldn't be on the Friendship.
“All right. I'll come and see you again before I leave.”
“That's probably a good idea.”
30
- Ava -
Harper went pale. “He did what?!”
“That was my reaction, too. I couldn't believe it. But yeah. Stone dead. Cut into three pieces.”
Ava had given Harper the short version of the report, just so the queen of Acerex could know what to expect.
Then she told her the entire story that she had sent off to Space Expansion the evening before.
When she was done, Harper was still pale. “I'm not supposed to get mad when I'm this pregnant. But this is ... I don't know. It's too big to even get angry about. I just feel numb.”
Ava looked out of the huge window in Harper's and Vrax'ton's suite on the day side of Acerex. The planet hung outside, huge and quiet and unspeakably beautiful. “You and me both.”
“You had no idea he was going to do that? I mean, you know him pretty well ...”
“I don't know how well I knew him. I think now that he hitched on to me so I'd lead him to the guy who killed his friend. Groti'ax. And I did, deluded that there was more between us. He was only thinking of revenge. I was only thinking ... well, that he loved me, I guess.”
Ava couldn't quite keep some of the soreness she felt from coming through in her voice.
Harper scooted her pregnant body closer on the couch and grabbed her hand. “And then he goes and betrays you like that. That makes me even madder. Fuck!”
“It hurts a little,” Ava admitted, fighting tears again like she had done since the night before. “But I have only myself to blame. I wanted it to be true, and I fell for it. No, the major issue is the Kunuru. This will not endear us to them.”
“The Kunuru can wait,” Harper said with a decisive tone that she'd only acquired after she became queen. “Ava first. For a change. Tell me about you and him. Please.”
Ava took a deep breath and managed not to make it too trembling. “We had a relationship. I think. I asked him if I was his Mahan, and he said no. And I thought, okay, he can still feel the same thing any other man can. I mean, we don't expect Earth men to think we're their fated mates. He didn't care about the leg sleeve. He opened up to me. I opened up to him. Me, Ava. The ice queen made of iron. Opening up about something that's a little sore. Can you imagine? And I felt that he got me. You know? He got me. And he had this playful side. He was huge and so strong he could toss me around like a tennis ball. And so gentle, at the same time. And not the best with a sword, and you know, maybe that was the thing I liked the most about him. He was different. And I fell so fucking hard ...”
She couldn't keep it down anymore, and Harper got it, embracing her while she sobbed her heart out.
Finally Ava was able to cut it short. Harper was extremely pregnant, and that fetus just a few inches away might not appreciate hearing a woman weeping that close.
“The love we feel for these guys is special,” Harper said, stroking Ava's back. “I've talked to Charlotte and Lily about that many times. They do something to us that just totally fills us. I mean, loving an Earth man is fine. It fills your heart and your mind. But loving an Acerex warrior fills your liver and your elbow and your fingers, too. All of you. And you can feel it. He's in every damn part of you. Ava, I'm so sorry this happened. You deserved better.”
Ava wiped her eyes and straightened. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Meanwhile, Vrax'ton has to hear about this. He recommended Xark'ion, after all.”
“Yes, I'll tell him. Is he down there?” Ava pointed at Acerex outside the window.
“He's here, in fact,” a deep voice said behind them.
Vrax'ton strode into the room with a friendly smile in his lips. Ava hadn't seen him for a long time, but he looked as young as ever. “And I'm happy to see you, Ava. No one has done more to ensure a safe future for us.”
“Not as safe as we were hoping, Your Majesty.”
Vrax'ton laughed. “Always the diplomat. You know my name, Ava. You're a close friend of our family. What was it you wanted to tell me, my love?” He indicated a small device in his hand. Harper must have signalled him.
“Ava has bad news.”
Ava told Vrax'ton about the Kunuru, and the king's facial expression didn't change.
“I see,” he said when she finished. “That's serious.”
“Now I think there's reason to fear that the Kunuru will consider Earth their enemies,” Ava said.
“There is reason to fear that,” the king agreed. “Of course, they are already the enemy of Acerex.”
“But not directly,” Harper said. “They consider Acerex one of their weapons, the hammer they use to destroy lesser species. They've never actually tried to attack us directly with all their might.”
Vrax'ton walked over to the window and looked down on the planet he governed. “Remarkable. It never crossed my mind that we were just being used.”
“Did it cross your mind that the best warrior in your army would end up killing a Kunuru who was our best chance to secure peace?” Harper's voice was calm, but cold.
Vrax'ton kept staring at his planet. “Not really.”
“What exactly did you and Xark'ion talk about before he agreed to go with Ava?”
Vrax'ton crossed his
muscular arms across his chest. “We talked about many things. Old battles. His father and his uncle. His squad. The war. Warrior Groti'ax. Revenge. Our enemies.”
Harper cupped her huge belly with one hand. “You promised him revenge, I know that. Did you permit him to take his revenge at any cost? Was that his price for saying yes to the mission?”
Vrax'ton sighed. “Revenge is a difficult matter. Xark'ion had a claim on avenging Groti'ax. His tribesman and squad member and lifelong friend. Xark'ion didn't negotiate for that. He would have taken the mission anyway. But the topic came up, and I gave him permission to get his revenge if he were to come across that particular alien enemy on his travels. It never occurred to me that he actually would meet Groti'ax's killer. Nor to him, I think.”
“It was only a coincidence that he met Nur, the Kunuru who had killed his friend?”
“I believe so.”
The room fell silent.
Ava leaned back on the couch. Could it be a coincidence? Was it just an extremely unlucky throw of the dice that Groti'ax's murderer had turned out to be Nur? Had Xark'ion really not figured that out on his own, long before they met the Kunuru with the ammonia bath?
Stars, I wish that was true.
But wishful thinking had decided too many of her actions lately. Now she had to put her foot down for that childish nonsense. Hey, he'd said that she wasn't his Mahan. And still she had believed, deep down, that she just might be after all. Because she do desperately wanted to be.
Now she had to grow up and face the facts.
“I believe so, too,” Harper finally said. “But he still put both Earth and Acerex in terrible danger. Right when the alien attackers seemed to be backing off.”
“There have been no further reports of new attacks on us,” Vrax'ton said. “Possibly all he has done is kill one of the shadowy enemies for us. Reducing them to eighteen, if what the alien said was true.”
Harper wasn't happy. “Killing him during diplomatic talks, it should be added. Did you explain nothing to Xark'ion about the importance of this whole mission?”
“He needed no explanation. He understood the first briefing that you two gave him. He was fully aware of the importance.”
“And still he ruined everything. All of Ava's absolutely vital work for years. Maybe the future of our two worlds.”
“We don't know that, if I understand it correctly. But I agree that the consequences might be grave.”
“Do you? And that's fine? Xark'ion did nothing wrong in your eyes?”
Vrax'ton thought for a minute. “He did not disobey me, if that's what you mean. It is difficult for a warrior to suddenly find himself face to face with an enemy in a situation where he's not allowed to kill that enemy. I don't condone Xark'ion's actions. But I don't condemn them, either. I can only imagine the distress he must have felt.”
Harper took a deep breath, clearly trying to calm herself down. “Xark'ion agreed to undertake this mission. He agreed to do his best and to follow orders. He might not have disobeyed you, but he sure as hell let me down. He promised to do his best. At the most important moment, he ruins everything. And you will do nothing about him?”
“I would need to talk to him first, of course. He got revenge for Groti'ax. In the process, he sabotaged an important mission given to him by his queen. No warrior does that lightly. The way I know Captain Xark'ion, there's not much I can do to him that he's not doing to himself right now.”
Ava felt tears burning behind her eyes again. Shit, he was so great. Why did he have to trick her? She would have let him come along anyway, even if there was no spark between them.
Would I?
She cleared her voice. “During the battle on the Ysal homeworld, Why didn't Xark'ion fight his way through the Kunuru machines to save Groti'ax before he died?”
Vrax'ton turned around and lifted his eyebrows at the sudden change of topic. “He did.”
“He says he didn't, and he blames himself for it.”
“Then he remembers wrong,” Vrax'ton said mildly. “That happens in battle. The time aspect is confused and mangled. Especially when in extra distress. All the members of his squad say that he started fighting his way through the mass of enemy machines as soon as he saw that Groti'ax was isolated. Well before Groti'ax died. He almost made it, too. He was just a few seconds too late to save his friend. The enemy alien withdrew as fast as he had arrived because he saw Xark'ion coming for him. Swinging his sword clumsily, but with such ferocious energy that they were swept aside. 'Like a whirlwind through dry leaves,' one of the squad members said. At the time I thought that tells us everything we need to know about Captain Xark'ion.”
31
- Xark'ion -
The blade hit the piece of wood and chopped off a small corner of it.
“Let your eye travel right in front of the blade,” Truri'ton said. “The eye cuts first, then the sword.”
Xark'ion slashed at the wood again, missing completely.
“Relax the back muscles on the side away from the blade. Let the iron do the work.”
It was the kind of thing that the swordmaster would say to absolute beginners, little boys practicing with wooden swords.
Xark'ion felt the shame of it, but he obviously needed the instruction. Not only did he seem to not be getting any better with the sword, he was getting worse.
He couldn't concentrate. All that filled his mind was her. He saw her face everywhere, heard her voice in every sound around him. Even here, in the village where he had lived from birth, and she had only been once. The fireplace reminded him of her and her sore weeping and her thoughtful eyes. His tent reminded him only of their last time making love, when it had seemed more meaningful than ever because they finally knew each other.
Again he hacked at the wooden block, and again he barely hit it and only cut off a small sliver that flew into the woods.
“Your mind isn't in it,” the sword master said. “Let's take a break.”
“I don't know, Truri'ton. I thought avenging Groti'ax would set me at ease and provide some kind of relief. But now I find things have only gotten worse.”
“Yes?” the older man said. “That's strange. Or perhaps you thought you could bring him back by avenging him. I mean, not consciously, of course. But a hidden part of you.”
“Perhaps.” He knew that wasn't it. Avenging Groti'ax had meant betraying his mission. And Ava. That look in her eyes ... he winced at the recollection and knew he would have nightmares about that. A long time from now. For the rest of his life.
He missed Groti'ax. But what he felt for Ava was far beyond that, what an ice cold avalanche was to a snowflake, so overwhelming that he had to concentrate to stay on his feet when her absence hit him with full force. Which it did with every breath he took.
“I can see the pain on your face,” Truri'ton said. “I've never seen you like this. Even just after Groti'ax had died. I think you finally realize that he's gone forever.”
“What shall I do?” Xark'ion said, as much to himself as to his friend.
“Why, throw yourself into battle again. Lead the squad. Groti'ax will always be with you in spirit. In the beginning, ask yourself 'what would Groti'ax do'. Soon you will think like him in certain situations. But Xark'ion must always be Xark'ion. Not Groti'ax.”
“I failed the mission I was on.”
“Ah. You failed? It happens.”
Xark'ion wanted to laugh at the absurdity. “No, not this way. When I avenged Groti'ax, it caused terrible damage to the mission and to ... to everything. I can't continue as captain of the squad. It would be a great disrespect to our queen.”
Truri'ton frowned. “Avenging Groti'ax, our tribesman and great friend, was a failure?”
“In the way it happened, it was. If I had had time to prepare, I would not have done it. If I'd had time to think. If I had realized who that alien really was before I was facing him. But the Kunuru suddenly ...”
He could taste the anger still, but it was only lukew
arm now. The fire had gone out of it. But when the terrible alien had taunted the dead Groti'ax and held up the weapon that killed him, still dark with his blood, Xark'ion had first been as shocked as if a tree had fallen on him in an open field. Then he'd felt a fury so intense with heat that everything in the alien room had disappeared. The smell, the cold temperature, even Ava had faded into the background. Only Groti'ax and revenge had filled his mind and his senses. Groti'ax calling for revenge, the honorless alien taunting him.
Even now he couldn't remember actually having slashed his sword at the alien. He only remembered the horrified look on Ava's face right after, when he came to his senses.
Truri'ton put his hand on Xark'ion's shoulder. “I can see that many things have happened since last we spoke. Let's postpone our exercises to a later time. Your mind isn't all here, I feel.”
“It's not,” Xark'ion agreed.
“Go back to your squad,” the swordmaster said, “and be an ordinary warrior for a while. You will constantly be asked to take over the captaincy again. Only do that after, say, six months. That should be penance enough to satisfy the queen. In my opinion, that's more than is warranted. You avenged Groti'ax! Any slight you may have committed pales in comparison to that.”
A slight. Again Xark'ion wanted to laugh out loud. What he had done to Ava wasn't a slight. It was a little larger than that. He had betrayed her trust, her principles, all her hard work. And her love.
He could live with having failed the queen, no matter what the mission was. He could live with never being the captain of a squad again. But betraying Ava, after the time they'd had together, the missions, the time in the secret garden in space ... could he live with that?
His head spun and he steadied himself on a tree trunk. He had betrayed her. After she had opened her heart for him and given him her trust. Trusted him to carry his sword to meet the Kunuru, even though it would be disastrous to use it.
Her trust in him, in his strength, had been wrongly placed. He had betrayed her trust. And ruined her purpose and her mission. Her mission that meant everything to her.