Blurred Lines

by Tamsyn Bester

  “I couldn’t sleep,” I said, clutching the ultrasound picture close to me. “You walked out earlier, and I realize I should have stopped you.”

  “You looked upset, and I thought it was best I left.”

  I nodded, suddenly feeling like a girl talking to her crush for the first time. I chalked it down to how easily my moods changed lately, and reasoned that most women had to feel some kind of attraction to the father of their children.

  “I wanted to give you this.” I handed him the photo, and held my breath as he stared down at it.

  “This blob,” he muttered. “Is our baby?”

  “It is.” I half-smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I was sixteen weeks when I had my first scan, after I got back from Cabo.”

  “You only found out two weeks ago?”

  I shrugged. “I had no idea until then. It didn’t even cross my mind because I wasn’t sick, and I was still getting my period.”

  I wasn’t sure if that was too much information or not, but I thought he deserved the same explanation I got from Dr. Burke.

  “I’m due around the eighteenth of August, which means the baby was conceived - ”

  “Over Thanksgiving,” he finished, looking down at the picture in awe. The way he breathed it out put any worry I had over whether he not he questioned the paternity at ease, and there was no way he could doubt that he was the father.

  My chin tipped down, and he continued to rub the picture of our baby with reverence.

  “We’ll find out what the sex is at the next appointment,” I told him. “But I have a feeling it’s a girl. At least I hope it is. Not that I would mind a boy, but I just - ”

  “Jade.” Reid covered my hand with his. “You’re rambling.”

  “Sorry,” I huffed, trying to dispel the anxious energy coursing its’ way through my body. “I’m nervous.”

  He yawned, and I suddenly felt contrite for waking him at – I glanced at his bedside clock – two a.m.

  “I should go. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  I stood up, and as I turned my back I felt his hand wrap around my wrist.

  “Wait.” His voice was soft, and rough, strong, and vulnerable. “Stay. I don’t want you to go back outside in the cold.”

  “I’m right next door Reid,” I argued half-heartedly. “And I don’t think Stella would appreciate it if I stayed the night, even if I slept on the sofa.”

  Reid’s brows drew in. “I thought you knew...” He trailed off, and I turned to face him, leaving my wrist in his hand. If I was being completely honest with myself I didn’t want him to let go just yet. The small touch had reminded me of how much I’d missed the feel of his hands, and his fingers on my skin. His thumb skirted over my pulse, over and over again, and I was certain he could feel the erratic rhythm of my pulse.

  “Knew what?” I asked.

  “I broke up with Stella.”

  My eyes widened in surprise. “When?”

  He shook his head, his eyes downcast. “Doesn’t matter. I just couldn’t be with her anymore.”

  As badly as I wanted to ask why, I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. I also had no desire to recap the conversation we’d had about how he would try to love her if it meant getting over me. So what exactly did it mean then? If they were over did that mean he still had feelings for me?

  Of course he did, I reminded myself. He said he was going to fight for you.

  I shoved those thoughts aside with more mental force than necessary. I had to adjust to us being a constant in each other’s lives again, and more importantly to us being parents. The rest would have to wait.

  “I would say I’m sorry,” I laughed awkwardly, “but we both know I wouldn’t mean it. I would have had a hard time letting her anywhere near our baby if you’d stayed together.”

  “Yeah, look, there’s something else I should have mentioned.” He let go of my wrist, and leaned against his brown leather headboard. “Stella was the one who told me you were pregnant.”

  Until he mentioned it, the thought of how he’d come to know I was pregnant hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was too busy being upset with him that I’d never stopped to wonder who’d told him.

  I frowned, and my body involuntarily took a weary step backwards. “How did she know?”

  “She said her friend works as a receptionist at the doctor’s consulting rooms, and she was the one you spoke to the day you rescheduled your ultrasound.”

  I was going to have to talk to Dr. Burke about that. Stella’s friend was going to lose her job thanks to that little stunt, but I didn’t want Stella to be a problem.

  “Hey.” Reid moved from the bed and came to stand in front of me. He tipped my chin back, and forced me to look into his eyes. The light from the lamp cast shadows over his face, accentuating the cut of his jaw, and the roundness of his lips. My heart did that stuttering thing again, and I felt my body wanting to sway towards him. In spite of the cold temperature, his hard body radiated heat. A warmth I was all too familiar with. And apparently so was my body.

  “Don’t worry about her,” he told me softly. “She won’t be a problem.”

  “And if she becomes one? If she decides she wants you back?”

  His stoic expression gave nothing away, but I could see he understood the underlying meaning to my question. I wanted his reassurance – albeit over and over again – that our child would be put above all else.

  “She never really had me, Jade. I know it, and she shows it. But the question is,” – he leaned closer, until we were inhaling the same breaths – “do you know it?”

  I pinched my eyes closed, and fought the pull between us. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was pregnant with his baby, and everything to do with the raw physical and emotional connection we shared. On some deeper level, my soul still yearned for his, and it brought back the familiar ache of having lost my missing piece. I wanted us to find our way back to that place, but not under the guise of our impending parenthood. I wanted him to want me because he couldn’t live without me, and not because he felt an obligation towards me as the mother of his unborn baby.

  He trailed his hands down my arms until he held my hands in his. “C’mon, let’s get some sleep.”

  “I should go next door,” I said, my voice unconvincing. I opened my eyes, and found Reid regarding me with a frustrated intensity. Maybe now he understood just how crazy he made me because I’d give him that very look many times.

  “Stop being so damn stubborn, and do as you’re told.”

  When I didn’t move, he started unbuttoning my light grey cardigan, and a shiver worked its way up my spine when his fingers brushed my skin. I hated how my body reacted to him, to his touch, and I hated all the confusion that had me fumbling when I was around him. I might have been angry with him every time we had anything to do with each other now, but there was one thing I couldn’t deny. I missed him.

  He led me back to his gigantic bed, switched the bedside lamp off, and pulled back the covers before sliding in and turning on his side. I removed my knitted Ugg boots, and climbed in, turning away from him. He covered me with his thick comforter, and I closed my eyes thinking that was it, but he surprised me when he wrapped his arm around me waist and pulled me into his chest.

  “Sleep,” he muttered into my hair, as if he knew I was overthinking it. He splayed his hand over my stomach, and my heart leapt into my throat. He might not have intended it that way, but I saw it as his silent way of claiming our child, and that alone was enough. For now, it was enough.

  I threaded our fingers together, resting over and protecting our little Peanut, and fell asleep with no trouble at all.

  ** ** ** ** **

  Reid and I seemed to slip into a pattern after that. For the past three days he’d been at my side constantly, always checking up on me, walking me to class, carrying my bags, and making sure I was eating and drinking enough. When he looked at me, I could see the possessive gleam in his eye, a new kind of prot
ectiveness that made me equally possessive. Although we hadn’t spoken about the exact status of our relationship, something had shifted and we now moved in synch. Everything we did centered around our Peanut, and for once, it felt easy. Right.

  “Can I grab you some lunch?” Asked Reid. He leaned in close, trying to be heard above the noise in the cafeteria. His nose brushed my neck, and my skin broke out in goosebumps. I wasn’t sure if he’d done it intentionally or not, but either way I was acutely aware of everything he did, every point of contact, and the exact position of his body in relation to mine.

  I turned my head, aware of how intimate the position looked, and smiled. “Please. I’m starving.”

  He nodded once, and signaled for Dane to follow him. Kennedy shifted at my side, and we both sighed as we watched Dane and Reid walk away. Reid and I weren’t together, but hell if I didn’t ogle him. My hormones were in fact in overdrive, and the sight of him always made me rub my thighs together.

  “Sorry I’m late, bitches.” We all smiled when Grady sat down at the table, and laughed when he gave Ashley and Chase the evil eye. They were hunched closely together in conversation, and because we all knew they were kind of together, they didn’t bother hiding it.

  “I swear Ash, if you start making out with my brother right now, I may have to knock you unconscious with that fabulous next-season Chanel purse.”

  I snickered behind my hand, but stopped short when everyone around our table stiffened. Their eyes were trained behind me, and when I twisted in my seat, I saw why.

  Stella was walking towards our table with Amy and their friend Desiree at her flanks. I straightened, and the hair at my nape rose at the vicious expression on Stella’s face.

  “You’re pathetic,” she said with a sneer, stepping up to our table. “What lie did you tell Reid to get him to stick around when you’re pregnant with someone else’s baby?”

  Kennedy stood up, followed by Ashley and Grady and they walked around the table until they were side-by-side with Kennedy. I stayed seated, hoping that Stella would say whatever she came over to say before I got myself worked up.

  Kennedy folded her arms over chest, and straightened her stance. “Stella, get real. Jade didn’t have to lie about anything. You and Reid are over, and the only one who looks pathetic here his you.”

  Stella bristled. “That may be the case now, but he’s been texting me for two days saying he wants us to get back together.”

  My head shot up at that, and the look on my face caused Stella’s eyes to flash with sickening satisfaction. She’d hit me where she knew it would bother me, and I hated to acknowledge that it was working.

  I slowly rose from my chair, and turned to face the smug bitch. “Your relationship with Reid is none of my concern, but this baby is his, and he knows it - ”

  Stella’s maniacal laugh had my words tripping in my mouth. “You’ve reached new levels of desperation, Jade. Were you so threatened by me that you had to get yourself knocked up just to keep Reid to yourself?”

  I stayed calm, keeping a firm grip on the tempest of feelings threatening to spill over. I couldn’t allow Stella a glimpse of the doubt fighting its way to the surface.

  “I’m obviously not as desperate as you are, if you have to lie in an attempt to make me jealous. Are you that insecure?”

  “Or maybe you’re just delusional for thinking that Reid would ever pick you over the mother of his child,” remarked Kennedy.

  Stella’s face had started to redden, and she let out a shrill scream before her hands shot out and landed on my chest, giving me a hard shove. I stumbled backwards, and landed against Grady, who looked ready to rip Stella’s hair extensions out.

  “You liar!” Screamed Stella. “You’ve been trying to break us up from the moment we started dating! You took him from me!”

  I wanted to open my mouth and respond, but I stopped when Reid appeared at my side. “Are you okay?” He asked softly.

  “She’s fine,” replied Grady, “But psycho Hobbit won’t be if Kennedy gets her hands on her.”

  Dane took Kennedy from Ashley’s grasp, and pulled her away, while Ashley kept Stella from getting closer to me. The tension was rolling off Reid’s body in waves, and he looked murderous.

  Reid turned, his back to me, and bellowed, “Stella!”

  Everyone stopped mid-action, but it was Stella who cowered on the spot. She swallowed, looking guilty.

  “Reid,” she pleaded, “baby, you don’t understand. I was just defending myself, your friends started.”

  I couldn’t help but stare incredulously. The entire cafeteria had seen her push me first, but that little seed of doubt over whether Reid would believe her or not wriggled around in my head. The last time Stella had attacked me, Reid took her side.

  Things are different now, I told myself.

  Surely he must’ve seen it?

  “They didn’t start anything,” he replied. “I saw the whole thing. You pushed Jade first.”

  “N-no, you don’t understand,” Stella stuttered, looking for her friends. They were smart enough to sneak away as soon as Reid had shown up. “She took you from me Reid.”

  “Enough!” Snapped Reid. “You are fucking crazy. We broke up before I found out Jade was pregnant, and for good reason. I saw you lay your hands on her Stella,” he leaned in close, and lowered his voice until it was grave, and threatening, “and that is the last time you ever touch her. Do you hear me?”

  She whimpered, and started crying. I had to hand it to her, the bitch could act. “But Reid - ”

  “Be quiet,” growled Reid. “Don’t ever come near Jade again, understand? You’re lucky she didn’t get hurt. We are over, Stella, move on.”

  I stepped forward, and wrapped my hands around his forearm. His head whipped to the side, his face marred by an irate frown.

  “It’s okay,” I said, conveying my meaning with a meaningful stare. We’re okay.

  With that he turned his back on Stella, pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. Everything else melted away.

  After another minute, he’d calmed down, his heart thumped steadily under my palm.

  “Sure you’re okay?” His hand rested on my hip, and his thumb discreetly brushed over the side of my stomach.

  “Never better,” I replied. “I kinda like it when you go all caveman.”

  The air filled with everything we weren’t saying, along with all the questions I continuously tried to answer.

  Were we more than friends?

  Could we do this?

  Were we ready?

  Did he still love me?

  Did he still want me?

  We turned back towards our friends, and everyone was quiet as we took our seats. Luckily – and rather awkwardly – the silence was broken by the sound of a grumble that came from my stomach. I looked around, and felt my cheeks warm, before the raucous laughter erupted. Reid looked down at me, a warm smile on his face, and all I could do to brush off the embarrassment was shrug. “It’s your kid,” I said, taking my seat at the table. Reid sat down next to me, a ludicrous grin on his face, and replied, “Damn straight it’s my kid.”

  Pride filled my chest and for the first time in weeks I felt like we were going to be okay.

  Chapter 12

  Reid

  “When are you going to realize that I don’t want to be just the father of your baby?”

  I was sat at my desk when Dane walked into my bedroom. He looked a little frazzled, and when he saw what I was reading his brows lifted quizzically.

  “What?” I asked, placing the book facedown so I didn’t lose my place.

  “’What To Expect When You’re Expecting’?” He chuckled.

  I gave him a half-grin, and swiveled in my chair to face him. I stretched my arms, and groaned when the tension from sitting for too long left my muscles.

  “Don’t laugh at me you fucker. When Kenny is pregnant with your first baby you’ll understand.”

  I’d decided to start read
ing about pregnancy, and what to expect in the coming months. I was constantly worried about Jade, and wanted to make sure she was taking care of herself. Some of the information I’d read had been scary, and some of it was downright traumatizing – like the birthing process. I’d nearly fainted when I read about what happens to a woman’s cervix when her body gets ready to deliver a baby – but for the most part it made me feel included, like it wasn’t just Jade’s pregnancy. It was ours.

  “Yeah, man, I’m just teasing.” Dane rubbed the back of his neck, and laughed nervously.

  “Everything okay?” I asked, motioning for him to sit down on my bed. He wiped his hands on his jean-clad thighs, and gave me a glance. His behavior was odd to say the least, and somewhat out of character.

  “There’s something I wanted to speak to you about,” he said, inhaling deeply.

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “I’ve asked Kennedy to consider moving in with me when the semester is over,” he cleared his throat, “but I realize now I should’ve spoken to you first. I’m not exactly sure what your plans are with Jade for after the baby comes.”

  I pursed my lips. “I haven’t even thought about that yet.”

  “I’m sorry, man, I know I should’ve spoken to you first.”

  I shook my head. “It’s cool, Dane. Things have changed, and I guess I need to be making plans of my own now. In fact, I think you and Kennedy should take our place.”

  An idea took root in my head, and the more I rolled it around, the more I liked it.

  “So you’ll live with Jade, and Ashley? With a baby?”

  He was right to look dubious because that idea was madness. But no, that was not the plan.

  “No, but I have something else in mind, and I think you might be just the person to help me.”