Katherine's eyes grew large and he kissed her with a smile.
The servant's voice called out again.
Alexander sighed as he looked toward the door. "Och, someone has no romance in their soul." He rose, pulled on a pair of breeks and walked to the door. Opening it just a few inches, he asked, "What reason have you to wake me? 'Tis early yet."
"I beg yer pardon, m'lord, but ye have a visitor. Laird Drummond awaits ye in the great hall."
Damn. "Tell him I will join him shortly."
"Aye, my lord."
Shutting the door, he turned back to his bed. Katherine had already risen and pulled her bed gown over her shoulders. Sighing, he walked over and tied the laces at her neck. "I'm sorry, lass. 'Twould seem we'll have to wait to enjoy such privacy again." He pulled on his shirt, hose and boots and added, "I'll go greet Davey. Please join us after you've dressed." He brushed a lock of hair back from her forehead. "Take pity on my heart and do not tarry long."
Cupping her face in his hands, he whispered, "Remember this," and kissed her thoroughly. Then, with a wink and a smile, he left.
She grasped the bedpost to steady herself. With trembling fingers, she touched her lips. A smile tipped up the corners of her love-swollen mouth. Sighing happily, she hurried to her chamber.
By the time she joined Alexander and Laird Drummond they had finished breaking their fast and were in the middle of an animated conversation.
"I tell you," Drummond said, "Ne'er have I seen so fleet an animal before. I am on my way now to purchase a breeding mare. Come next year I hope to have another such fine mount in my stables."
He looked up as she entered. "Ah Lady Katherine, 'tis good to see you again. You look lovely this morn. I have been telling your husband of a new stallion I acquired. He tells me you are quite an accomplished horsewoman. Perhaps you would like to ride with us to put it through its paces?"
A warm glow settled in her stomach at the mention of Alexander's praise. She glanced at him lovingly before adjusting her gaze to their visitor. "Thank you. I would like that. Did you wish to leave now?"
Alexander pulled out her chair for her and shook his head. "No, love, we will wait until you have had time to eat."
She smiled up at him and her face grew hot remembering their passionate lovemaking. Suddenly food was far from her mind.
"Truly, I'm not hungry and 'tis too lovely a day to waste indoors. If you wish, I will have cook put together a basket of food. We can take it with us and eat our midday meal outdoors."
The two men nodded their approval and sat back sipping their watered wine as Katherine headed for the kitchen.
**
The afternoon sun shown down as the three riders approached a small glen. Stopping at the base of a grassy knoll, Laird Drummond dismounted and set the large basket of food on the ground.
Alexander helped Katherine from her mare.
Her laughter trilled across the area as he swung her up into his arms and whirled her about.
Carrying her over beside his friend, Alexander sat on the ground with her still cradled in his arms.
Drummond chuckled. "Och, I ne'er thought to see you two so smitten with each other. But 'tis glad I am to see it and to know you have forgiven my foolish friend for his misgivings, my lady."
Katherine smiled at him. "Ah, my lord, we both made mistakes, but making amends have made our love stronger."
Leaning against Alexander's massive chest, she sent him a radiant smile, reached for one of his hands and lifted it to her cheek.
Laird Drummond shook his head as if surprised. "Still, I dinna think I would have believed it if I hadna seen it with my own eyes. Since he sent for me to rescue him from the wedding with that hoax, I wouldna have thought—"
"Davey, no!" Alexander's urgent voice cut across his friend's words.
Katherine felt tension ripple through Alexander's embrace. Stunned, she sat up and fought for breath. Surely she hadn't heard right. Sweet Mary, no. Please, no!
Drummond's words pierced her heart like an arrow. She shot a frantic look at the man who held her heart and soul as easily as he did her body. "What? Alexander, tell me you didn't do that!"
The guilt in his gaze confirmed her fear without a word being spoken.
Drummond's voice floated in from a hazy distance. "God's blood, Alex. I'm sorry! I thought you had told her."
She shoved Alexander's hands away and struggled to her feet, gasping to draw enough air into her tortured body to speak. Pain seared her soul and shattered her heart. "How could you do such a thing? And then you tell me you love me! How many other lies have you sworn to me?"
For a moment, no one moved. Even the air seemed to still. She watched his features harden at her words, but he said nothing. Hot salty tears coursed down her cheeks and ran into her mouth, mingling with the bitter taste of blood where she'd bit her lip.
With trembling fingers, she dashed the tears away. Her rings glistened from the moisture; evidence of her heartbreak. Never again would she let her foolish heart believe his lies! Yanking the false symbols of love from her finger, she threw them at him and ran to her horse.
He caught up to her before she could mount. His hands reached out as if in supplication. "Katherine, if you'll let me explain—"
She struck his outstretched arm and backed up toward her horse. "No! Leave me be. Have you not hurt me enough?"
As he tried to wrap his hands about her waist, she struggled, causing the horse to rear up dangerously close.
His voice called out above the whinny of her startled mare. "For God's sake, come away from your horse before you're harmed."
"Harmed? Nothing in this world could ever hurt me as much as you have."
He froze. A look of emptiness settled in his eyes and his lips came together in a hard thin line. When he spoke, his voice was gruff. "If you are intent on riding, at least let me help you to mount safely."
She shuddered, swallowed against the burning lump in her throat and shook her head. She couldn't bear his touch now. Ice formed in her veins in an attempt to block the pain in her heart as she stared at him through her tears. "No. Allow me some dignity. If you ever cared anything for me, let me leave now without your touch." She bit her lip harder, and forced back a sob as he bowed his head and backed away. Silently, she swung up into the saddle. For a moment, she looked at him through her tears, watching the sunlight gleam on the small silver lies he held in his hand. Then she turned her horse toward home. No, not home, Ironwood. 'Twas nothing left to make it a home.
Chapter Nineteen
Alexander would have given everything he owned to erase the look he saw on her face. But 'twas too late. He let her go.
He couldn't hold her captive while he tried to explain. Cursing himself for the pain he'd brought her, he mounted Tursachan and turned to follow his wife.
Drummond rode up beside him. "Alex, I'm sorry. On my honor, I ne'er meant to cause this. I hope in time you will forgive me and our friendship can continue."
Alexander gazed at Katherine's retreating figure. He nodded silently, but refused to look at his friend, even as he rode away. An overwhelming urge to rage at Davey flared through him. He drew a ragged breath then shook his head. No, to do so, would only add to his shame. He should have found the courage to confess to Katherine long ago.
Guilt lay heavy upon him, like a millstone about his heart. The blame was his. His selfish actions had destroyed the only love he would ever know. He stared down at her wedding and betrothal rings and a feeling of desolation left him shaking. God, he must do something. He couldn't give up. He'd go after her. Give her time and then explain.
Aye, whatever it took, he would win back her trust and her love. For without her, he had nothing.
**
He paced across his room once more and glanced out the window. It had been hours since they'd returned in silence. Katherine had gone to her chamber without even a backward glance. How could he win back her trust if she wouldn't even look at him? His pati
ence battled for control with little success. The longer he put it off, the worse it would be, but if he rushed her now, she might never listen.
And she must listen. He must have a chance to explain, to apologize.
Finally, he could stand the delay no longer. He strode to her chamber, knocked on the door and waited. When she didn't respond, he called softly to her through the closed entrance. "Katherine, I swear, I never meant to hurt you. There were reasons… Please, I beg you to forgive me. I vow I will spend the rest of my days making things right between us, if you will give me the chance."
He grasped the door handle and waited, hoping. The sounds of her heart wrenching sobs were his answer. He dropped his arms to his sides then turned and walked slowly back to his chamber.
**
The early morning light drifted across the land as Alexander rode alone among the hills surrounding the valley of Ironwood. His sleepless night and pent up frustration left him weary. When Tursachan pulled at the reins as if to lead the way, he let the stallion have his head.
Within a few minutes, they arrived at a small burn at the foot of a grassy hillside, much like the one where he had found Katherine napping before they were wed.
As his horse ambled up to the water's edge and began to drink, he dismounted and walked over to sit beneath the shade of a nearby tree. A small patch of pink wild flowers bloomed near him. He idly picked a few then sat staring at them in silence.
A mild breeze fluttered the edge of his tartan. He remembered the day he'd walked in the garden with Katherine and his plaid had caught on a bush. He'd resented his father ordering him to seek her company, and even though their conversation had been pleasant, he'd not truly given Katherine a chance to get close to him, to his heart.
So much had happened since his betrothal. He'd made so many stupid mistakes. Frowning, he rubbed the side of his head. Och, but it ached. If only Katherine were there to soothe his pain.
Mentally, he cursed himself. You bloody fool. If you hadn't treated her so poorly, she would be with you.
Alexander looked down at the blossoms in his hand then glanced toward the burn where others grew in abundance. With a glimmer of hope, he walked to the water's edge. He gathered more flowers just as any young lad would do to give to his sweetheart. Katherine loved flowers. She'd told him so herself. He would take these to her and speak with her. Somehow he'd convince her of his feelings.
Hurrying back to Castle Ironwood, he once again waited with longing for her to answer his knock. Hope swelled in his heart as the door swung open. He gripped the fragile stems in eagerness.
No golden glow of hair or crystal blue eyes met his gaze, 'twas only her maid. Disappointment hit him like an opponent's blow.
"Oh, uh… good day, lass. Please give these flowers to Lady Katherine. Tell her I wish to have her join me to break my fast. I will await her in the great hall."
Over the rim of his water goblet, a few minutes later, he saw the maid approach the dais. Hope sputtered and died like a candle flame drowning in a pool of wax.
"M'lord, yer lady says she… she doesna wish to eat and desires to remain in her chamber."
Nodding silently, he stared down at his plate as the girl hurried away. A rumble from his stomach reminded him 'twas past time to eat. He bit into a bannock, but it was dry and tasteless. Even the wine held no interest for him. Tossing the half-eaten piece of bread to one of the hounds near the dais, he stomped out of the great hall toward the tiltyard.
**
The noise of shouting and battle training reverberated in Katherine's head until the pounding made it nigh impossible to think. It had been five days now since she'd learned the truth. It felt like an eternity in her lonely room without Alexander's warmth, his smile, his… No, she wouldn't think of him. He had deceived her in every way.
These last evenings alone had shown her she could exist nicely without him. Well… at least she had survived the time. Truth be told, she doubted she would ever again know a moment's joy, still wanting him as she did. But how long could her foolish heart keep hoping it wasn't so? He had admitted it. And yet, she longed for the brief happiness they'd shared.
"M'lady?"
She looked at the young maid who stood just inside the room. "Aye, what is it?"
The girl looked quickly over her shoulder and back again. "Ye bid me tell ye when the laird left so ye could go to the solar. I saw him ride out but moments ago. Do ye wish to have me bring yer meal there?"
"No. But tell me immediately when you see my husband return so I may go back to my chamber. I don't wish to be disturbed."
The sunlight streaming through the solar window did nothing to lift her spirits. Without Alexander, life was empty. Nothing interested her; not food, not the beauty of the solar, nothing.
She was bereft. Naught but a floating spirit, dead to the world and those around her. Only at night, when she tried to sleep alone in her cold narrow bed, did she feel the painful proof of her existence. No dead spirit would ache from loneliness like this.
Wiping another tear from her face, she slumped in her chair beside the fireplace and gazed into the flames. Perhaps if she stared long enough, she could forget everything. Forget how his green eyes sparkled as he laughed at the antics of her kitten. Forget the way her heart soared at the sound of his deep voice calling out her name. Forget how she felt when he touched her. Lord help her, she loved him still but she couldn't trust him.
"Quick, m'lady, the laird approaches."
"Aye, thank you."
The glimpse of his face at the far end of the corridor started her yearning again. 'Twas all she could do to force her steps toward her lonely room. The pull on her heart was stronger than lodestone to iron. Aye, and how many times had his word proved false? Her heart had been shattered twice. She would never let it happen again.
His deep voice called out behind her. "Katherine! Wait, lass!"
No, she mustn't listen.
"Katherine!"
Be quick. Don't look back.
"Stop!"
If he got close enough to touch her, she would never be able to resist him. Make haste! Reaching her room, her trembling hands fumbled with the latch. Dashing inside, she closed the heavy door and leaned against it for support, her breath coming in short gasps.
That was too close. Sweet Heaven, she couldn't go on this way. She must leave. Better to depart than to remain here, watching him from a distance and longing for him. Perhaps one day, somewhere else, her heartache would ease. Aye, she must leave.
Shadows crept across her room as the day faded to gloaming. The tray of untouched food still sat where the maid had left it. Katherine smelled the rich scent of fresh bread and the smoky aroma of grilled meat. They mingled with the fading fragrance of wildflowers; supposed evidence of Alexander's affection. She shouldn't have kept them, but she couldn't force herself to throw them out.
A motion caught her eye. She watched as her kitten licked the last drop of milk from its dish. It scampered over to its basket beside the warm fire and curled up contentedly with a loud purr.
"Ah, little one, if only food and warmth could content me so. You don't know how lucky you are not to love someone who will deceive you at every turn."
**
The morning sun filtered through the window and warmed Katherine's face as she gazed at the scene below.
He was in the tiltyard practicing, just as he had every morn for the last sennight. And just as the day before, she swore to herself she wouldn't watch him, wouldn't long for him. She might as well vow never to breathe again. Her love for him was as much a part of her as breath itself.
She could see the bulge and ripple of his arm muscles as he swung at the quintain. She had found heaven in those arms once. And his face. How she wanted to caress his cheek and coax a smile to his lips. Even from so far away, she could see the frown that settled like a bitter mask over his handsome features. Did he think of her? Was he angry that she had refused to dine with him again? She sighed and watch
ed him move swift and sure against the wooden foe.
He didn't care as he claimed. Did he? No. 'Twas obvious only his pride suffered. If he truly loved her, he would have stormed her chamber days ago. He wouldn't have accepted her isolation from him no matter what she said.
She darted a look at the heavy iron studded door to her chamber. The stout bar to secure it from entry leaned against the wall. Just as it had since the day she had learned the truth. She'd told Alexander she wanted to be left alone, but even now, she couldn't bear the thought of locking him out.
He swore he loved her. Well, he'd shown her how much. No mere door should have kept them apart. Not if he truly loved her. Swallowing against the tight lump in her throat, she turned back to the window.
Almost as if he could feel her watching him, Alexander lowered his broadsword and slowly lifted his gaze.
Sweet Mary, those beautiful eyes. Would she never be able to look at him without her heart skipping a beat?
His expression seemed to cry out in a silent plea for forgiveness.
Her heart pounded in her throat and she drew a quick breath. She couldn't bear for him to look at her so. Stepping back into the shadow of the room, she dared another look. He was still there, watching.
Time stopped. The silence dragged on as she waited, hoping and praying. Tears blurred her vision and ran down her cheeks. As she wiped at them, she listened. Would he call out to her? Should she—
The clang of his sword gave her answer. Trembling, she looked at his broad back and watched him fight the quintain as if the devil rode him.
No. He wouldn't seek her. He was done with her. There was no use waiting any longer.
**
Alexander stirred up the embers in the fireplace in his chamber and added several logs. When the flames rose and crackled, he returned to his desk. Ah, that's better. Now he could concentrate. Aye, 'twas only the chill that had made him pace about so.
The castle accounts still lay spread out before him, untouched. Damn, 'twas the last thing he wanted to be doing. When he'd seen Katherine watching him train this morn, he'd hoped she would smile or call out to him. But she'd turned away when their eyes met, as if she could no longer abide his gaze.
Highlander's Bride (Heart of the Highlander Series Book 1) Page 24